kyneapples

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kyneapples last won the day on September 16

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About kyneapples

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  1. Appreciate the comment, first off I don't "hear voices" so to speak, it's just that certain syllables that people say sometimes seem off and other times voices just sound like they're going through a flanger pedal or something. I've heard doors creaking as screaming but that was mainly days after the drug experience and I don't have that anymore. Auditory distortions aren't as common as visual in HPPD but the possibility is still there; although I do agree with you there could be some element of PTSD caused by my traumatic experience. I worry constantly that I may have schizophrenia but every doctor I've talked to and all sources online say that in schizophrenia the part of the brain that realises something is wrong does not function, therefore patients with schizophrenia do not recognise hallucinations to be hallucinations. I have been given antipsychotics in the past to try to deal with these symptoms, most recently respirodone, and just like everything on HPPD says, it made the visuals MUCH worse. But like I said the PTSD thing you said I could agree with maybe along with HPPD.
  2. I get this feeling a lot too! it used to cause me to panic every time but I've come to accept it now, although it has left me feeling pretty negative about life most of the time.
  3. Have never experienced macropsia, that's gotta interfere with daily life some! I also have this thing where still images all look 3d, like if there's a picture of someone on a poster or something they have more depth than they should have.
  4. I get what you mean about the internal visions, I find that also if I have an image in my head it will always end up bending into different symmetrical fractal shapes, making in frustrating to try and visualize anything.
  5. Hey guys, I'm just curious to hear about any symptoms that you have which you don't see mentioned a lot on here, maybe it's just small things you notice? or maybe it's a symptom that you can't accurately pin on anything that's already defined, just out of curiosity? For me I see trails of smoke everywhere quite often, almost like the visual snow is moving in cohesive clouds and is obscuring my vision, this usually happens indoors. Also certain syllables that I hear sound sort of "squelchy" for lack of a better word, there's a self service kiosk at my local shop and it always sounds like it's saying "touch the sqween to start", it doesn't really bother me but it does make me giggle sometimes which makes me look crazy. Would be really interested in anything you guys have?
  6. If this turns out to be true it would be an absolute godsend. Let us know how it goes, fasting for three days shouldn't be too bad for you right?
  7. Dude I can totally relate to everything you just said, I sort of feel like looking out into the world now is like seeing reflections rather than anything made of flesh. The problem is that in my experience no amount of dwelling on the "realness" of everything helps, if anything it just pushes me further into myself and the more I project my irrational delusions about it all onto it. That being said I'm yet to find a way to stop thinking about the symptoms. I wish you all the best, you are not alone.
  8. Thanks I think separating the experience from my symptoms has really been difficult for me, it's like i'm my own worst enemy as I know that thinking about the experience makes my symptoms worse but I can't help but obsess with it. do you still have any anxiety attached to your visuals or is it something that fades away with time? also I've been suffering with this for just over a year, it's just that I've stopped smoking weed all together for the past 6 months. thanks for taking the time to reply, it's nice to be somewhere with people who have been through the same thing. Yeah for the past 6 months I've been free from all drugs, bar alcohol but I haven't drunk frequently; although every time I have ended up drunk I wake up with really bad visuals and the worst hangovers of my life so I've also decided to give up that over the past month or so, although I have had the odd beer. I have signed up for the gym but I haven't been going regularly because most days I worry that I might have a massive panic attack right there in the middle of everyone. I don't even smoke cigarettes anymore. is it true that caffeine can also be an antagonist to this disease? As I drink a lot of energy drinks and stuff I'm wondering if I need to give that stuff up as well. I really miss being able to just chill out with a joint but I just can't do it anymore it sends me crazy panicky
  9. Hey guys, I just signed up for this site as a bit of a last ditch effort to give me a reason to cling onto existence, I'll try and give you some back story so you can get into my headspace. last year I took some mushrooms for the first time, on my own in my dingy little basement room while I listened to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd for the first time (which was amazing by the way). I felt every pillar of my humanity get stripped away until I wasn't this particular "I" anymore, I was as much me as I was my bed or the trees outside or indeed the entire universe. This sudden shift in mental state changed my life forever, I had never felt like such an integral part of life before, never felt so much meaning in nothing. Unfortunately I could never seem to get back into that mode of being without the aid of psychedelics, I became absolutely obsessed with spirituality and spent most days listening to Alan Watts or Terrence McKenna and just meditating constantly, and although I could remember that feeling of oneness with the universe and although I understood all that I was reading about conceptually, I could never LIVE it. At this time I was smoking a lot of weed and drinking fairly heavily (i'm 25 by the way) but I never had anxiety or anything I was just that guy that constantly smoked weed but still went to work fine and all that. I became so obsessed with getting back to that space of inner peace that I started binging on psychedelics, which is a fucking stupid thing to do, I realise now. I locked myself in my room for a week and just kept eating mushrooms until it just became normal reality but after that week I sorted myself and carried on normally in life for a while (although still obsessed with attaining enlightenment). a couple of months later I found a website online where you could legally buy 1P-LSD (a prodrug to LSD, this was last summer when it was still legal to buy in the UK) and I bought 75 125ug tabs for like £100 or something. Me and some friends just spent the entire summer tripping every other day, until that fateful day... Me and my best friend Dylan took 5 tabs each along with some hawian baby woodrose seeds (which was the stupidest thing I've ever done). the trip started off fun until Dylan started saying "we've gone too far" and proceeded to run around the house looking for a way to kill himself as he was convinced that death was already on it's way and he didn't want to suffer anymore, the seeds be ate and restricted our breathing to a point that it was like we were breathing through straws, we ended up getting stuck in a "time loop" where right at the end we both felt the moment of death approaching. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Then what felt like years later, Dylan got it in his head that I was trying to kill him, So he pounced on me to kill me first so that I couldn't kill him. I managed to escape and run home through the dark streets, visuals still going crazy. as I was running home I had to accept to myself that my best friend was probably going to kill himself and that I had ran away from it to save myself. I woke up in the morning but something wasn't right, as my eyes focused I noticed that all the colours on my duvet had sort of like a glow around them, and they melted together. I heard a door creak and instead of sounding like a creak it sounded like people screaming (very unsettling) everything just looked off and wiggly. I messaged Dylan and thank fucking god he was still alive, I've never been so relieved in my life. Since that day I have gradually got worse and worse to be honest, I haven't smoked weed in 6 months (it's been a year since the incident) as it seems to make the visuals worse and I get panic attacks constantly. I'm sorry that this post is a bit of a mess there's so much that's happened in this last year but I'm not much of a writer. I have the worst anxiety ever now and I'm convinced i'm going schizophrenic because my brain just doesn't seem right anymore, all of my thoughts and feelings are connected in some paradoxical way with the visual aspect but I just can't explain it and when I talk to my friends about it they just don't get it at all. I've turned into the most negative person on the planet, I just hate everything and everyone, save a few things. I watch tv and everyones face looks all acidy and their eyes shrink and expand, everybody just looks like an alien to me now and I've never felt so disconnected from it all! I really don't know what to say but the past few months I've been really coincidering killing my self, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how I would do it, I want to think that I could eventually feel better, I just don't believe it. The thought that I will never see my mums actual face ever again makes me feel like such shit... i'll never see anything like the way it really is again. I really feel like i'm cursed, this doesn't feel like an illness it feels like a curse. I can't even work anymore I just spend my days shut in my room because when i'm outside everythings just too bright and loud and I've just given up. again i'm sorry that i'm not particularly eloquent with my writing I just need help guys....