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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

justhere

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  1. This has only been getting worse...I may need to try meds because I’m not sure what else to do...preferably a benzodiazepine that does not affect the 5ht2A receptor basic tasks are much harder than they should be... Ill be moving soon and working even a part time job without being a liability and a cognitive mess seems very unlikely... I want to believe it will get better as it has in the past...my brain oughtta know how to normalize...
  2. WhyOhWhy: so clonazepam made my depersonalization worse—like other reactions I’ve had to meds it just made me feel like I was “taken out” of my environment—all of the sudden whatever I was preoccupied with I didn’t care about. This is frustrating because I had been taking clonazepam on an as needed basis for about a year with no issue. My guess it that since it interacts with the 5ht2A receptor that caused an exacerbation.
  3. Thanks to all of your responses-lots of good advice and things to try. I’ve been away for a while because right around posting this I had just started to sleep again—things still felt worse but the sleeping gave me a little confidence—over the course of a week or so I started to feel better...I don’t know why and I try not to overanalyze but I just felt more attached to interests, people etc. The trouble is I’ve gotten myself into a really difficult cycle with this disorder. As I’ve said elsewhere, just thinking/worrying something is making it worse actually seems to make it worse...could be food or even seeing a pattern on a carpet for instance. I think I made my dp/dr worse a few days ago after that week or so of feeling better because a lizard had brushed up against me...it sounds pretty ridiculous but my mind has become very sensitized over the past month or so. Im avoiding all kinds of foods because they may make it worse even if they did not in the past. I need to somehow, try things within reason and distract myself or something. I do have OCD and understand that is playing a role yet as we all know HPPD can respond to all kinds of stuff. So there I am folks. One thing I remind myself is that though it does seem to get worse- I always feel better after about a week or two tops. Maybe my symptoms go down or I don’t know but those are the facts. Thanks
  4. I never thought I’d be writing one of these posts but, well, here I am. My symptoms got worse starting a little over a week ago, as some of you know I thought it was because of something I ate. I no longer believe that. I wish I never believed that. I spent last week full of anxiety and stress and went many nights with poor or absolutely no sleep—symptoms of course got worse. I’ve slept the last two nights thankfully but without any improvement...my increases always seem to normalize but functioning presently seems impossible. Certainly functioning with any dignity. this is the first time it’s gotten progressively worse over such a short time. My ability to read, comprehend and track information has been greatly compromised. My sensory and cognitive issues are at an all time high making the prospect of leaving my parents and working seem downright insane. My coordination and bodily distortion is exacerbated. I’ve spent the last 18 months comprising with this condition, first coming back to my folks in fall 2017 after getting dp from one 10 mg Paxil pill. I was just about to start my life. I took the Paxil as I had taken it before. I don’t know why it hurt me then. I would’ve just carried on if I knew how much worse it would it get. 09/2017-6/2018 I was scared and frustrated so I tried various meds—Some did nothing and three made it worse. I thought I was being responsible only taking 1/2 doses. This past March Clonazepam made it worse and it almost did me in. Yet I did what many of us have probably done—I found the smallest bit of light in my situation and told myself that this was enough for me right now and that I was grateful it wasn’t worse. I could still work, have a somewhat normal social life and pursue my hobbies...I wasn’t completely gone. Now as I was planning on moving this increase has happened and I’m just about through with this. No dignity or quality of life. The most damning thing is it didn’t even take a med to fuck me up—just worrying about the condition worsening and becoming hyper vigilant. My OCD actually made my HPPD worse. Now add sleep deprivation and anger, stress and no outlet. This thing wants me dead. Even being careful it has gotten worse. I get my hopes up—I’ve moved around the country while with this and have worked a few emotionally and cognitively challenging jobs—it felt good to have that confidence. Now I’m a vegetable. I know that’s a lot...and I thank you for lending your support and thanks to Jay and everyone else in the PMs who has kept me afloat and given me great advice in dark times. *ps I regret not posting when things were going better, you lucky bunch only ever got to hear me come on tell you how bad it recently got. Wasn’t always.
  5. No that’s all very valid stuff...unfortunately I’ve had diagnosed pure O OCD well before I even had HPPD and the hyper awareness and obsessiveness that’s taken over (specifically since I ate that turkey on Friday) is unbelievable The silver lining is I am learning how much my hyper focus and anxiety is affecting my symptoms...I never truly gave my mind/environment any credit in influencing hppd significantly... I mean I ate chicken and carbs Friday evening well after the turkey and my ignorance that chicken had any tryptophan kept me from worrying/thinking about it while eating...I did not have any reaction while meds have clearly made things worse in the past—I am not so sure about the food...and the not being sure part is killing me the constantly checking my symptoms and hating them and fearing them is a prescription for disaster... When I started this thread a few weeks ago my symptoms seemed/were worse (what’s the difference !?) and I chalked that up to my new environment and latent stress and anxiety...I even remember not being to not focus on my symptoms upon arrival...hyperawareness again I felt better within a week but now since I feel sensitized to eating food I feel like I can’t relax and let it die down like it just did before. If it was a med I would not take it again and it’s clear to me but with this I feel like I am monitoring everything I eat ugh..I know that’s a lot Thanks for bearing with me
  6. Thanks MadDoc, yeah Im still in a rough state generally but I find that my symptoms will peak for days or a couple weeks and then tend to stabilize (tho as of writing they have yet to return to my baseline) Unfortunately I can never tell (and I don’t think any of us can) if when I feel a bit better that’s because my symptoms did actually lower in intensity or if I just got used to it. What stuff sets you off and how long do these reactions tend to last? thanks!
  7. Hi all: just an update: my symptoms from before either went down or I don’t know what happened but “something” changed for the better (I even noted when i started to feel differently in my journal) Right now-as it were- I think I’m dealing with another increase in symptoms from tryptophan—-This sounds silly and I hope it’s just my hyper awareness and anxiety that’s lead to a flare up rather than the food actually messing with my serotonin levels enough to hurt me. To be sure I was thinking/worrying about my hppd being affected before eating but, at the same time, meat and carbs (taken together) do produce more serotonin in the brain either way I’m sure I’ll bounce back as my symptoms always get to a more manageable level over time.
  8. Great post KB—figured Id give it a bump—I wish I had adhered to this much much earlier on...not that I’m following it now though I’ve had my “super healthy” periods To be honest I’ve had this condition for so long I wonder if adopting any of these suggestions would have any benefit. I suppose if Keppra, for example, can still help even some long-termers then a concentrated effort at maintaining a healthy lifestyle could at least have some effect. anyways good post
  9. I think with my significant increase in symptoms over the past 18 months I’ve just grown very tired. this last increase tho, as said, didn’t seem to happen from anything I ingested but simply going back to live with my folks and perhaps a cold. Since it wasn’t a drug or med I am hoping it will normalize as I continue to move on and just throw myself into whatever is coming next
  10. Thanks Jay I really didn’t think I was going to cope well at my cousins’ and I did much better than I thought even with the increase—I think my subconscious has influenced my symptoms a lot as of late and possibly the little cold I am just about through with. Otherwise I don’t have much of an explanation for why my symptoms would be worse all of the sudden as I did not take anything. Subconscious stress, anxiety and being out of my daily routine (and I’m way more isolated so I am not forced to be “normal” out in the world etc.) I would imagine is the culprit here. Right now distraction is all I can do until I make my next move and unfortunately the dp at its worst cuts me off significantly from former interests/nostalgia to where it’s hard to get into anything but “faking it” and doing it anyway has always helped even just a little so I’m back to it. hope your collarbone’s healing up thanks as always
  11. I don’t know but I don’t think so if you look up Survey’s post on here from 2012- I believe they had the condition for 15 years or so before trying Keppra and found it to be quite effective regardless
  12. It’s hard, for me, to believe; but I guess pretty unsurprising, that a different environment, some added stress and anxiety and a little common cold could so profoundly increase symptoms. Usually there is a clear chemical trigger (like recently clonazepam) but not in this case (tho I understand all of these factors do influence brain chemistry) . I know many of you have had similar reactions and intellectually it makes sense but it’s still pretty debilitating at the moment. A few weeks ago I had an increase in symptoms from Klonopin that’s persisted. I ended up taking a whole week off of work and was very close to checking myself in to a mental hospital. For whatever reason I decided to forge ahead with my original plans to move in for a couple weeks with cousins (until heading out of the state to stay with my parents )and try to go to work. In doing so I began to feel some relief...as I think Jay has suggested maybe acting “normal”(essentially I was forced to) made me feel more normal regardless of what objectively was going on in my brain. There was simply a positive change in my experience. Fast forward to now: I arrived last week to my parents house (they are more uptight than my cousins) in a pretty isolated environment. I’m on the tail end of getting over a minor cold and allegedly I’ll be moving to a new city likely within a month or two. Almost like a switch upon arriving my dp has increased quite significantly...I suppose all these factors, subconscious etc. have really influenced the condition and I am hoping I will see a change when I get into a new more comfortable area with a routine again. Hope your all keeping on thanks
  13. I know some of you have these or variations but I still figured I’d post: Sometimes my thinking “inner” voice will start going about on its own-for example: I’ll think a word and that word may spark a chorus to a song to play in my head for a bit. The voice will also turn into gibberish usually upon going to sleep. Related to above: subvocalizing can be bizarre I cannot hold an image still in my head Images from the past and and flashes of dreams I’ve had will start popping up from time to time Pareidolia, I used to only get it upon waking up in the morning. Now I can see faces in damn near anything. Possibly related to above: objects, “stuff”, seem to be sentient or alive in some way. This one is hard to explain but if I look at a chair it feels almost like I’m looking at person.
  14. I mean stress or anxiety is always possible but it happened just as I took my dose and it’s been going on 6 days now. perhaps because clonazepam, I believe, has direct action on the serotonin system (which I thought could’ve been a good thing but for me perhaps any interaction there is not) otherwise I don’t know. My symptoms have definitely increased.
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