So i'm a 32 year old male who's been doing a bit of self diagnosing on the web recently. Guessing that's probably what brings most people to this forum. Anyways, here's my story if you wouldn't mind reading, and perhaps offering a bit of advice. Also, please believe that I don't suffer from any sort of psychosis and I'm not making any of this up:
When I was 15 I had a pretty terrible reaction to smoking weed. I realize that must seem pretty mild in comparison to what usually gets talked about on this board. I began smoking occasionally with some close friends during that time, and it wasn't until years later that I even found out that weed seemed to affect other people differently than me. This was mostly due to the fact that I was hanging out with older, "cooler" people than me- so i didn't really bother to ask them what their experience was like, or to tell them about mine. Whenever I would smoke, I would feel completely normal afterwards for a short time until something would trigger the "high". When it hit me, my vision would completely change and get kind of blurry, and distorted (it's very hard to explain and i've been trying to for years haha) and I would feel very tingly and extremely disconnected from reality. The last time I smoked it resulted in the worst experience of my life. I felt like i was on another planet, my vision was as I described before, and it felt like sounds were delayed. I went into a bathroom and began hitting a wall to try to feel something, but even my tactical sensations seemed to be dulled. I won't bother with telling every detail of the next few hours, but basically it was hell. I ended up going to my friends house who advised that I just take a nap and that i'd probably feel better. When I woke up it was dark outside, and the first thing that I noticed was that the anxiety and most of the feelings that i'd had earlier had gone- I felt much better. However, as I walked out of the dark room and saw the light in the hall- I noticed that my vision was still the same as it had been during my earlier experience. My first thought was that it might just take a while for the drugs to completely leave my system. That didn't happen. It's been about 17 years since that experience and my vision has been the same ever since.
Over the years, i've pretty much gotten used to it- and short of an anecdote that i'd tell occasionally when friend's asked me why I didn't smoke; I didn't really think about it all that much. Recently, my vision has begun to get a bit worse- and I've been developing what seems to be a case of DP/DR (Depersonalization/Derealization) that seems to be getting worse by the day. My vision combined with the dp/dr is beginning to make my life pretty scary. It's enough just to have a feeling that things "aren't real", but then to have the vision issue backing it up- it's a pretty nasty combo.
Anyways, as most modern people do when experiences medical or psychological issues- I started doing some research online and it eventually led me here. I'd like to know if THC can lead to HPPD. Am I way off base? And if so, does this sound like anything that anyone has had any experience with? Since I was a teenager, I've been trying to figure out what happened to me that day, and I'd pretty much given up hope that i'd ever find an answer. Now due to everything that's going on it seems like I don't have much of a choice. I'm pretty desperate to find answers.
--If anyone has made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to hear me out. If you can offer any words of wisdom it would really mean a lot to me.