holly

Last night right when i was in the middle of consciousness and unconsciousness i heard a loud knocking. The thing is though it sounded like i imagined it. Sounded like it was right next to me, like in my ears. I woke up abruptly obviously, i stayed awake for maybe 15 minutes being paranoid then i went back to sleep with no trouble. I've been having this problem for maybe a month and a half where i would imagine noises, random songs, words or things relevant to what i am thinking. This only happens when my mind is at ease and i'm about to fall asleep. They just sound so real, feel like i'm, becoming a schizo* or some shit.

When I'm tired I feel TIRED. Disconnected kinda, like I'm here but not really. It's something I can't control because I think about hppd maybe like 6-7 times a day and they stay in my mental For a minute or so. I don't dwell on the forum which is good. I told my sister what I have and what I've been doing, she said stop reading and live like you've been. She's right

Idk, I feel like having hppd makes you uncertain of your future. Thus anxiety manifests. And not being able to enjoy things like the way people used to makes them depressed. For me I'm on vacation and having imprints all the time while I'm outside is annoying. But manageable, at night my symptoms are worse. I smoked like a week and a half ago and the first few days I was terribly anxious. But now I don't feel anxious at all, mainly cause my symptoms are light work. Hppd on its own I feel as if let's loose anxiety and depression.

I feel as if the ssri is making things way worse for you, at this point I feel as if you should experiment. Are you exercising? Eating habit? Do you meditate or CBT?

Wise words from @K.B.Fante lol

I had bad anxiety for a bit after smoking some weed, been exercising and now I don't feel anxious whatsoever. My visuals are the same, but anxiety has dissipated

Trust me, it's not a life sentance. Or so I'm told. Many many many people have recovered. It's mind over matter, if you take the steps to get better you will. But if you go into a dispair of endless, "will I ever get better" it'll hinder your healing process. Obssessing over this and continually reading shit here will make you more obssessive and make things worse. Live your life, I've got mild symptoms so I'm not gonna pretend to know the world of emotional and psychological pain you dealt with. But you'll make it. Trust. Also, one outlook I've heard is that your dp/Dr is just anxiety. Conquer anxiety and make it your bitch, then your dp/Dr will fade. Hmu if you want to talk, I'm always an open ear.

I'm pretty sure your continued mdma use after finding out you got hppd made things worse for you. My sis is heavy on mdma, to the point where I'm surprised she doesn't have psychosis, unless she hides it well. She doesn't research anything on the drugs she does, knows nothing of serotonin receptor damage, serotonin syndrome, nothing. I'm worried about her but she doesn't care. Just take everything day by day and eliminate unecessary stress. Best of luck to you from a fellow hppd sufferer

Quick question about caffeine, I had a soda at the beach. Half way through I remembered it had caffeine. I stopped drinking it and things were more pronounced in a few minutes. More floaters than usual, more visuals and imprints lasted longer. I took a nap and it's been a few hours since then. Things have settled down and things are back to normal. How does caffeine or nicotine effect y'all?

Good part is I haven't felt anxious in a few days, just feeling neutral and happy. The visuals aren't distressing, just Fucking annoying. I live in md, me and my family drove to nc for a vacation. Currently in nc. Only slept like 3 hours. Looking at car lights and street lights on our way over were super annoying. Seeing halos and the lights are like 2x brighter. Things are more pronounced in the dark, same for you? The darkness factor anyway @Jay1

Quick question, what makes you certain? Rn when I don't have imprints I see nothing. I'll tell you what I have -lights are brighter, almost halo like but not bad. -Ghosting over text -imprints ranging from 1-3 sec to 30-1:00 if its the sun. -Slight trails -in the dark it's almost as if I have cevs but while my eyes are open, not intense whatsoever And VSS, barely noticeable. Only notice when I'm idling looking in a dark place Honestly when my symptoms slowly dissipate I probably won't notice them, even now they're mild. Since my highest lsd was 100ug. Input appreciated @Jay1

damn, 1100$ a month is nuts, but they'll definitely pay for it

being a human is suffering, as quoted from my favorite show, "Life gives you shit regularly, gotta take it up the ass and march on soldier" Far easier said than done, we're here for you my guy

Gonna comment on this now, 2-3 weeks in on hppd, you've read my story jay so you know what happened. My symptoms are slight, and if my hppd subsides within 3 months time i'll be sure to let you know the journey.

since i'm only maybe a few weeks in, (i don't know exactly when i noticed my symptoms) i'm not considering trying medication yet cause my visuals are slight, and i feel a little more sad than i did before. The feeling people describe as being sedated by these meds isn't appealing, sounds terrifying. Not being able to think, be creative or be human just isn't a road i want to go down. but it's weird how different every med is for people, some say they get better, some say they get worse. Life is suffering lol

do you think after a certain point people should try certain benzos? or other medications? Also do you regret taking abilify?

Update: things are good currently, symptom update: Imprints Shadow over texts with high contrast back grounds (W/B) Static in dark, looking at black in general I get slight static Trails of lights and my hands in the dark When I fall asleep, if I wake up in the night my symptoms are more pronounced, probably from fatigue. Feels like minor dp. Random floaters, discoloration, small circles appear in the dark. Honestly, I'm just so happy my symptoms are minor. Some people's symptoms sound like Fucking nightmares. Also some dude said Zoloft fucked him over, what are medications that could make your hppd worse? Forgot to put in CEVS

Does hppd randomly get worse even if you're doing everything right?

Do you guys think people like us are more likely to develop worse mental disorders in the future?

Current symptoms Static, barely noticeable Imprints of bright lights Cevs My vision seems shittier at long distance Minor dp sometimes Symptoms that have subsided Trails Halos Also the slight flashing in my peripheral Majority of my anxiety is gone, still get little episodes Things are better right now. Also @Cjb007 when I do that my hands heat up cause of the friction then they feel kinda tingly. Other than that I'm good.

I do think I have mild dp, feeling kinda down and not in the present. Hard to multitask at all.

Last night I was tired physically both cause I went to the gym and did cardio and it was late. I felt like I didn't know what I was doing, felt like I wasn't in the moment. And my visuals were more pronounced, probably because of the fatigue. I notice when I'm tired my visuals flare up a bit more. Life's been good so far though.

Thanks for the response Jay, the thing where I imagine noises is gone, I get slight static when I look at shadows and trees. Things do feel better, it's just my anxiety about it. But your words are encouragement, one weird thing though is I feel my memory, short term is way shittier than before. Also I feel less cognitive, idk. I can hold "intellectual" conversations with any individual but I feel disconnected, maybe minor dp. But thank you for the reply and I'll continue to see what happens @Jay1

Not for awhile, Forever. Too scared to touch drugs now. I'm just gonna try my best to have minor symptoms that I grow up with. I love smoking weed, I just can't anymore, especially if I want to be 90% recovered. Even now my symptoms are super minor, I noticed them but they're nothing strong.

Hey guys, gonna be going to the gym today. I smoked weed Friday after I came back from the gym, so after I smoked I had the whole 9 yards of visuals and anxiety. I'll see if my symptoms get worse at the gym. Well see how it goes.