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Everything posted by TheMythos

  1. NAC

    Anyone tried it? Should I start with 600mg (one pill) a day? Mike Cernovich made a post on his blog claiming it cured his anxiety and depression. That'd be half the battle for me.
  2. I recently got with a new behavioral health provider and she sent off for a genetic test to see which meds might best work for me. It'll be interesting to see what comes up.
  3. We should come up with a list of the best supplements and foods to help alleviate the symptoms of HPPD. Right now I'm just starting a daily dose of 5000 UI Vitamin D, then I'll be adding NAC, brahmi, and folic acid. I might start adding flaxseed oil in there after a month or two. Diet: basic fruits and vegetables, not really going hardcore on specific foods just making my diet better from shit to decent. 20 minutes of aerobic exercise a day.
  4. Has anyone ever experienced a symptom reduction or feeling more "normal" on stimulants like Adderal or other dopaminergic drugs?
  5. Has anyone tried this? I know a lot of people have had success with keppra and this is supposed to be its successor. Except it has a 20 fold more affinity to the receptors it binds to compared to keppra.
  6. Duly noted.
  7. You have HPPD.
  8. Also get high grade fish oil. Your brain needs that shit and unless you're eating salmon and walnuts every day the modern western diet just doesnt provide enough.
  9. I moved to Florida to help a friend out with his business September 2015. He fucked me over, moved back home with nothing October 2. Smoked all day every day to cope. Had to move back in with my parents when I had been living on my own for a couple of years. Had to sleep on the floor, no bed. Grandma was living with us and she was up all night in pain waking me up whenever I finally fell asleep. Couldnt sleep, started staying up all night and sleeping through the day. Quit smoking the pot on November 1. Best friend and I got into an argument and he blocked me on Facebook November 2. Didn't hear from him for 6 months. Panic attack November 7. Thought I was having a heart attack, ended up being panic and they gave me a Valium and sent me on my way. Extreme anxiety, panic and hypchondria followed. It just didn't stop. I went to the ER like 5 times in this period because I thought I was dying. This went on for over a month and one day I realized my perception was altered in December. I was detached from my body and mind and was seeing random non stop images in my head like a picture show. My doctor prescribed hydroxyzine and trazodone to sleep. I couldn't drive and became agoraphobic. I checked myself into a mental hospital in early January 2016. I was prescribed Paxil and Abilify. I stopped taking the Paxil 2 months later in March and got on Abilify at the same time. The hyperarousal/hypervigilance was so bad I had an exaggerated startle response all day every day for the next year and a half. The extreme fear, panic, and startle slowly started going away in April 2017 after I got off Abilify. I keep "getting better" but then getting worse, like this thing fluctuates. There is a ton of stress in my life right now. The family business (counseling/treatment center) was shut down and everyone including my dad lost their jobs. My grandma is dying. Her birthday is tomorrow and they think she'll probably pass then. So I don't know where extreme stress and anxiety and HPPD begin, really. 90% of my symptoms could be psychosomatic anxiety. I know the images and perceptions are hppd but all of the perceptual disturbances were gone in mid-July to late August. They've gotten worse since the beginning of September when I tried to quit smoking and NoFap, and my sleep was also erratic and fucked up.
  10. Alright so here's my story: I first noticed the symptoms of HPPD after a mushroom trip in 2009. Nothing too bad, just some black static on stuff, visual snow, lines would move, grass and walls would breathe slightly, etc. This stuff kind of dissipated over time and would come back once in a while when I was really stressed or had too much coffee or lack of sleep. No big deal. I kept doing drugs, even psychedelics, for the next couple of years. Acid in 2010. Some RC in 2012. Weed almost daily. Everything changed November 7, 2015. I had a panic attack while I was driving with a friend. I've never experienced anything like it, and the sensations of what I was experiencing sent my mind into a state of extreme hypochondria. I thought I was dying. They rushed me to the hospital and checked my heart because I thought I was having a heart attack, everything ended up being fine so they gave me a 10mg Valium and sent me on my way. The panic didn't go away. It was all day, every day. It was relentless, and all this horrible stuff about dying was going through my mind. I thought death was imminent, that I was going to have a heart attack or stroke any minute. I guess I got into a state of hypervigilance. About a month later is when everything got way worse and what I've been experiencing every single day non-stop for about a year and a half. A month after the initial attack, in early December, I started to notice that I was seeing only what I can describe as closed-eye visuals with my eyes open. The perceptions in my head and mental state started to change. Anything I could think of I could see in very vivid detail, and thoughts and images were flooding into my mind on auto-piilot and non-stop. It was like I was tripping on a half-tab of acid 24/7 but it was all mental. Like I said, I've had HPPD since 2009 but have never experienced anything like this before December 2015 - like a mental picture show in my head that just wouldn't stop. I see clouds, birds, lights, and colors - anything that the mind can imagine, anything I can think of I see, with my eyes open, but in my mind. All the time. I feel like I'm between two realities, like there's another world inside my head all the time and I'm switching between them. There's a "space" in my mind's eye where all these images originate from, and it's this "space" that I think is the core of the problem. I haven't done drugs about a week before the panic attack, and don't plan on doing them ever again. Anyway, I couldn't sleep, became agoraphobic, and driving became impossible. Riding in the car was a nightmare and would send me into panic mode. The extreme anxiety/panic/hypervigilance lasted about 4 months straight and I slowly started driving with my dad in the car, and was able to start driving close to home around town on my own. I can now make it into the outskirts of the city but there's a certain distance I can get to and I can feel the panic start to envelope me. I started failing my classes and failed an entire semester because I just couldn't do it mentally anymore. The images and weird thought processes have not stopped for almost a year and a half straight. At first I thought I was going insane. I thought I was in the early stages of schizophrenia and I was about to have a massive psychotic breakdown. But I kept telling myself that I'm too logical and coherent for that. I had several tests ran over the course of a couple of months and even got an mRI done, but there was nothing substantial. I don't see things externally and don't hear things, no external hallucinations, I just see shit in my head. I feel like I fucked up my mind and my brain. I've been to about 5 different therapists and have been on about 12 different medications in this timespan ranging from Abilify to Depakote to SSRIs. Nothing has really abated the symptoms and the withdrawal from all these drugs left me in a worse state. My life is very stressful right now. I'm on disability and have maybe one friend I can hangout with in real life. No girlfriend. Live at home with my parents. Money's always an issue. I've contemplated suicide every day for the past year and a half. One thing gives me hope - a friend I met on an HPPD Facebook group who said he went through the same thing and said that what I'm experiencing is all DP/DR and hypervigilance. He said his lasted about a year and a half and then he made himself go out and do things and it started going away. Also, in January of this year, I had a really good month where the images/weird perceptions were down 0.1% (I measure their intensity on a percentage scale). It was a really good month. That gives me hope. But the past couple of months have been non-stop. There was even a period of about 3 months where I developed some kind of weird synesthesia where whenever I touched or saw metal like a fork or tin foil, I would feel it throughout my whole body and in my consciousness like my body was made of metal. That went away. If that can go away, can the images and the space in my head? I feel like every day is just a struggle to survive and all I want are my mind and life back. Can the intensity of all this go down, to where it's manageable or not even noticeable? I'm prescribed klonopin and it helps sometimes but I don't want to get addicted to it. If any of you have advice I'm all ears. Thank you for listening to my story. Please tell me that there's some ray of hope out there and I haven't completely fucked up my brain.
  11. It's worth a shot. I just ordered some ashwaghanda because it lowers cortisol and boosts BDNF. It's supposedly the best herb to take for anxiety. Try it and see if it works.
  12. You think it might be psychological?
  13. It was the tone of your post. Let's just keep it civil from now on.
  14. Yeah, look up DP and DR on wikipedia. Emotional blunting is a symptom. It's just your brain's strange way of protecting itself against further trauma.
  15. The weed didn't give me the panic attacks. The panic attack happened at least a week after stopping smoking. It spiraled out of control from there and became much worse over the following months. My HPPD was virtually gone or non-noticeable at that time. I had continued to use drugs from 2009-2015 with no real side effects or worsening of my HPPD. It just didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time. It wasn't the drugs anyway, there was a whole lot of stress during that period in my life that basically lead to a breakdown. I think it's pretty sad and fucked up that you find it funny though. I regret what I did, and I certainly don't need your condescending fucking judgments about it. Work out your own recovery. Don't worry about mine.
  16. It's all experimentation. Lowering cortisol can only be a good thing for us though, probably.
  17. Weed all day every day in October. The day of the panic attack my dad had given me a 5 mg Lortab.
  18. So this "feeling" has turned into aches and pains throughout my body. I don't know if I'm getting sucked into another OCD loop but I'm wondering if I might have Lyme...
  19. Anyone get a trippy feeling which is like having these weird trippy sensations in your body but they feel dysphoric instead of euphoric? This has been going on for a couple of weeks and it's so disturbing. I just want it to stop.
  20. Bacopa upregulates GABA receptors including Gaba a
  21. I don't have static that bad, no.
  22. I havent been consistently going downhill since 2015. Please check my thread for my story I dont feel like recounting it all here.
  23. Get a physical checkup. Doc will probably order some tests. DO NOT MENTION YOUR DRUG USE. Explain the tilting as something that just started happening inexplicably. Hopefully you can get an mRI, EEG, and an inner ear test. If those things come back negative though its probably the hppd. Trust me I've had some weird sensations from hppd and your consciousness tilting isnt abnormal.
  24. Psychedelics, 2012. Weed, October 2015.