Hey guys, just decided to finally join a forum which discuss HPPD.
3 years ago when I was heavy into my drug use I was out at a club and a friend I knew said he had mdma. I went to his car and had two caps worth, and he convinced me that doing both at once, which I snorted, would give me a better high. 20 minutes later I completely lost my mind and it turns out these mdma caps were actually synthetic and were mda/acid based caps. For the next 6-8 hours i was completely gone not knowing where or who I was. And my friends were worried for my mental state. I eventually came out of the horrible trip and came back to reality, but was still shocked and scared of the damage I had just done to my brain.
Over the next few months I started to realise that the reflection of light from cars for e.g would stay in my vision for longer then usual. And at this time I also came off my antidepressants, (not knowing the side affects of how hard it really is to come off), and over time I have noticed my HPPD has become worst. I am back on my anti depressants because I feel like they help me cope better from day to day. But a lot of the time suicide is on my mind because of this and I honoustly don't know what to do. I want to cure this but have very little hope there will ever be one. I feel either Valium or xanax help me aswell as it cures the anxiety of my illness.
I am still a regular drinker and I know this doesn't help the cause at all but I feel like it surpresses the pain. If there is anyone reading this with helpful knowledge I would love to hear it