Danny79

I like the sound of that mate =) Oh boy, I am one awkward bumbling mess at times! LOL. My experience has been the vast majority of people find it endearing.

By the way, I know I must sound like a real twonk for declaring my "purpose in life" is just to help people! I didn't mean for it to sound so grandiose and preachy, and just rereading I think it does.

hi MadDoc, I appreciate very much your input and words. As a newbie I'm not aware of the ettiquette, but I promise both you and Jay that no apologies are needed by me. I used to really believe I was the only one in the world with this affliction. I didn't even know HPPD was a "thing" until 2012. I just thought acid had f'ed me up. I was extremely happy to find out it was a recognised condition, and if I'm honest, that I wasn't alone (although I would not wish this upon anyone). I whole heartedly agree with importance of acceptance and taking responsibility, and realising that yes I did this to myself! I only have my own experiences to share and what has helped me, and at the risk of labouring my point I have to remind myself (alot!) that it could have been so much worse. For example, a friend who I grew up with has lived in a mental care facility since he was 18 years old, unable to look after himself, basically a zombie; he was a normal teenage kid before and now he is like this and will be until he dies, as a direct result of his drug use - would I swap places with him? I would not. But I bet he would swap places with me. There are so many stories like this, and worse - so yes, I am grateful for what I have.

I hear you Jay. I would certainly cut a limb or two off to not have HPPD. I have had cancer and survived (so far, touch wood!) My HPPD is severe. I experience all the symptons constantly. But you know what? The level of suffering I have experienced has brought me to some surrender and truths that perhaps I would never of known otherwise. Just for me, today, I know my brain is not that important, at least not as important as I thought it was. What I mean is I have still got more than my share of what I need, my basic functions; I can communicate; I can walk and talk; I can experience pleasure. I have everything I need in order to fulfill my purpose for being alive, which is to help others. And the amazing side effect of that is I get an inner peace and self-esteem - btw I am only speaking for myself here. I still get bad days when I am full of self-pity. And I can dwell on what I don't have. I don't have a wife or a career, or a family of my own; I've never been able to drive a car; I really struggle sometimes with social situations, etc - but what I do have is peace, the vast majority of the time, and I am grateful for what I have. I am not a shell of my former self, although I did think that for a long time. I am just different now. Limited in some areas? Sure! But are these areas in which I am limited really that important?? Wish you peace my friend.

hi there Jay, I guess the reality of HPPD is it can either destroy you, or it can make you into something better. I can't speak for everyone but for me personally this is a choice. I can allow it to destroy me, or I can grow into something stronger. Like the old saying goes, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." - I couldn't agree more about not wishing anyone to continue taking or start taking illegal drugs, again. I am an alcoholic/addict and am currently 4 years clean and sober, through the help of AA. A positive outlook is no longer a choice for me. If I allow myself to wallow in negativity then very quickly I can become overwhelmed with self-pity and suicidal. I avoid this by trying to focus on what I can do to improve myself and my situation, and where I can help others who are less fortunate than me; for I can think of numerous illnesses and conditions, where any kind of normal, peaceful, productive life, is completely impossible. Wish you well and thank you for this chat forum.

hi MadDoc, thanks a lot for your reply and kind words. I also believe the damage done was in large part down to the fact I was putting all these powerful, mind-bending chemicals into my system at such a young age, when as you say the mind and body is still developing, and I wasted a lot of time regretting and wondering "Why me?" and wishing I could turn back time and make different choices. For me acceptance is such a huge part in coming to terms with HPPD. I have thankfully now accepted the fact I will probably be this way for the rest of my life, and that is okay, there really are far worse things out there. You're so right a wonderful life is possible for those with HPPD, and it is a great comfort for me to know there are people, like yourself, and probably many many others, who have lived with HPPD for a long time, and have not only adapted and learned to cope, but have flourished in life. Thanks again. I hope to speak to yourself and other members of this community more in the future.

hi everyone, I just wanted to say hello and offer a bit of hope to all those who are struggling with this affliction. I have had constant HPPD since 1995. This all started for me when I took acid at 15 years old, I'm 38 now, and have read through some of the messages of younger people who have only just recently become struck, and are naturally panicking and scared, just as I was. I just wanted to say a decent life is possible. Maybe not the life you were planning or had hoped for, but a decent, contented, happy life, nonetheless: You will adapt. You will evolve. You will come to accept it. I don't want to go on and on now and give you all lots to read. If anyone would like to chat, I would like that. Thanks everyone.