MadDoc

Our stories sound similar. I fist dosed in 1973, i was almost 14 years old and thought I knew everything. How drugs like LSD were available to a kid of 13 is beyond me. By the time I was 20, I figured it was time to hang it up. I struggled with hppd, and still do. I also have a remarkably "normal" life. I've been married for almost 40 years and have two great kids (kids in their mid-30s). I refer to myself as a "misplaced alien". My view of the world, reality, humor, etc. Is definitely strange. I'm certain the truck load of psychedelics i took had something to do with that. Over the years I've adopted tequniques to control my symptoms, but they're certainly not a cure. My visuals are still distracting. Thank you for posting!

My practice is best described as "mindful meditation" aka "mindfulness". You don't need no chant from nobody. If you can breathe, you can do it. Don't be discouraged if you don't see benefits early. Scheduling time daily can actually be stressful at first, but stick with it. It takes time, but it REALLY helps and improves the quality of life.

I meditate daily and have been practicing for many years. The key word is "practice". Just like learning to play a musical instrument, it's important to keep at it even if it doesn't "click" right away. At one point in my life I was storing too much stress, anxiety, and was struggling with bouts of depression. My doctor recommended that I take meditation training being taught at a local teaching hospital. It took me (memory is a bit fuzzy here) about six months before I realized how much better I was doing. For me the benefits are: I can shut of the chatter in my head. So often we can relive unpleasant memories. Meditation teaches you that you can choose to "unpack" a memory or not. Reduced stress. I think this is because you can learn to "be". I can put my mind into a "now". No past, no future, just now. Focus: Meditation is basically mental focus. It extends other areas where you need mental focus. My hallucinations are at their worst when my mind is unfocused. I could go on and on. I highly recommend getting started. In the past I've said that I think meditation saved me (that and sobriety). For me, my hppd symptoms are manageable because I meditate and because I've stayed clean. It most definitely does not make my symptoms worse! You don't need a guru or crystals. You just need a safe quiet place and a little time.

In my 20s I drank far more than I should to deal with my hppd symptoms. I rarely got out of control, but I definitely drank too much. Over time, I didn't have it in control, it had control over me. The day after made my symptoms worse, especially anxiety. Also, even on days I didn't have a hangover I noticed my anxiety was getting worse, not better. I stopped drinking and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself (and did for my wife and kids). I'm apologize if it sounds like I'm giving a temperance lecture. I'm not trying to tell you, or anybody, how to live their life. Some people can control their alcohol consumption. Others, like me, can't. Throw in the anxiety caused by hppd and alcohol becomes all too tempting. I don't have any advice to reduce "hangover hppd" except to not drink. Take care and be well.

@muzcore84 coming here to get help and to help others is what it's all about.. I suspect there are others out there who had a similar reaction to Salvia. Your experiences may provide some insight into what they're dealing with. When I first heard about Salvia I had been sober for quite some time, so I, thankfully, next tried it. With its availability, I wonder if there are a lot of people struggling with hppd symptoms after using Salvia. I heard at one time it was being sold in gas stations and convenience stores!

Yes, but when I do my visuals become very active. I try to keep my mind focused on a task, a problem, a memory, whatever. Anything to keep the visuals at bay.

Hi Ben. First off, congratulations for getting off of opiates. It's such a slippery slope and takes too many promising lives. Living with hppd makes us a unique group. For a very long time I was quite alone with this disorder. When I first had symptoms, there was no internet and there was such a stigma that explaining hppd to a doctor really wasn't an option. This forum helped me understand that I'm not alone and it has helped me shed the stigma. Dig around in the threads. Lots of bright people post here.

What Jay said. Staying clean for a while will give you a baseline as to where you stand. I'm not trying to minimize what you're dealing with, but you're symptoms don't sound too severe. I've also found that hppd doesn't limit my ability to think and reason. I got through college, graduate school and so forth (I hope I don't come off sounding like a bozo). Keep clean, stay focused, exercise and you have an excellent chance of leaving your symptoms behind. Take care, hang in there.

Be patient. Healing can take a long time and the severity of visuals can vary from day to day. You're not taking drugs now. That's the single most important thing you can do. As the last post suggests, focus on trying to get your anxiety under control. I realize that's easier said than done. I find that exercise is one of the best ways to deal with stress. I've also found meditation to be very helpful. Don't stress because a month has gone by with no improvement. It takes time. Hang in there.

Checking back. How are you doing? Any experiences you have helps others. We carry each other (is that a lyric? If so, I can't place it).

Primary visuals. That and the "alien thinking" that countless doses burned into my skull. Neil Young wrote a lyric that is appropriate. "Like visitors from space, it's hard to find a place, to blend in and go unrecognized".

I drink my daily cup of tea, and it doesn't make my visuals worse. I quit smoking 30 years ago and haven't touched nicotine since. The last thing I need in my life is to be controlled by an addiction.

I'm not qualified to determine if you have hppd. Some of your symptoms do sound "hppd like", but they sound mild. I'm sure they don't seem mild to you, and I'm not trying to downplay your symptoms. The advice most people will give you is "stay clean". Trust me, hppd can be truly debilitating. If you stay clean and give it some time your symptoms will probably improve. If you keep using chemicals MDMA, you're tempting fate. Hang in there.

Was your "bad trip" caused by psychedelics or weed? THC can cause extreme anxiety in some people. The weed that's available today is powerful! Anxiety can cause a whole host of issues. Don't assume that because you have serious anxiety, you will develop hppd. Stay clean, get some exercise, and find ways to deal with your anxiety. I'm not a doctor, or an expert on hppd. I've just lived with it for a very long time. That being said, I doubt hppd is in your future if you stay clean. Take care and hang in there.

You're asking some tough questions. I'm certainly not qualified to suggest what medications are best for you nor would I suggest you drop your meds outright. That's a conversation you need to have with medical professionals. What I can do is tell you what worked for me. I'd also suggest you dig in to some of the "medication" posts in this forum. I took a natural approach. When I first realized I had a problem even talking about taking psychedelics with a doctor was unthinkable. In addition I have never dealt with bipolar/OCD issues. During those early years, I got my degree and went into my first professional job as a software engineer (you mentioned that you were starting an engineering position). What I found difficult was dealing with people and office life. I took A LOT of psychedelics and it had made me strange to say the least. As for the technical end of it, I just threw myself into it giving the job total attention. I discovered that when I'm focused I don't, for the most part, notice my hppd symptoms. You might find that "total attention" helps you as well. As you can tell, I have no concrete answers, just life experiences. I hope it helps at least a little. Hang in, take care of yourself, and don't give up. Even with hppd there are many people in this forum that are living a happy and productive existence.

Welcome and thank you for posting. It's not always easy to open up about this disorder. It sounds that you're doing all the right things. Staying clean, exercise, and watching your diet. I took a "drug free" approach to dealing with hppd. When I realized I had a problem it was the 1970s and doctors weren't very receptive. That being said, some folks in this forum have had some success with medications. Something to consider. Over the years I found that I had to discover a set of behaviours that worked for me. I don't have any real answers, I just know what worked for me. A daily meditation practice has been life changing. It took me six months of daily practice to really notice the benefits, but it helps with mental focus and it helps to shut off the internal mental chatter that can feed depression. Staying focused and setting goals heled me get through the years. I think a positive attitude goes a long way as well. Don't give up, and never give up on yourself. Also, give yourself some time. Improvement often does come, but it takes time, so be patient. A lot of people in this forum have done some amazing things. This disability doesn't necessarily limit us. A happy and productive life is certainly possible. Hang in there, do the best you can, and take care of yourself.

Try to stay positive. If you can, get out for a walk. Brightens my mood. People around me are hording. It's nearly impossible to find basics like toilet paper. I learned how to cook dried beans because they're a great source of protein for us vegans. One thing you can find in abundance is dried beans! Good eats!

Floaters are very common. I had them when I was young before I discovered drugs. I'd check with an eye doctor. At the very least he/she can tell you if the floaters you're experiencing are caused by something physical.

@Stuie I'm not a doctor or any sort of hppd expert. I'm just an old guy who has had this disorder for a long time. Keep that in mind while reading this When I was dosing, like you, I dosed frequently and I tended to take high doses. Unfortunately, I kept dosing after I noticed my visuals weren't going away after I came down. What I ended up with is visuals for life. Some of my other symptoms subsided like CEVS and anxiety, but it took decades. It's interesting that your symptoms come in bursts. Is there anything that seems to trigger them? Stressful situations, is it random, something else? Do the visuals always come with the anxiety? When you don't notice anxiety/visuals, do you otherwise feel OK? As for suggestions, I can only tell you what I did. I don't take medications, but there are people in here who have had success with them. For me, I noticed that when my mind is focused, I don't notice my symptoms. I meditate daily which helps with mental focus, lessens anxiety, and helps me control that internal mental chatter. I stay as busy as possible which is basically being focused. Exercise helps me a lot as does eating a clean diet. That's me, everyone is different. Most importantly, stay away from psychoactive chemicals. If you keep dosing, it probably will get worse. Please understand that if you do have hppd, it's very possible to live a wonderful, happy, and productive life. Hang in there, and take care.

Wow. There is no excuse for being mean. If someone posts a link you don't agree with, perhaps you could help them understand why you disagree with the article. We don't want people to stop sharing information because it doesn't meet some intellectual hurdle. If you disagree, explain why instead of taking a virtual swipe at someone. We're here to help one another, cutting people down doesn't accomplish that.

I drank for a while after I quit dosing. I found that my hppd symptoms were much worse with a hangover, especially the anxiety. It sounds like you were getting mild visuals when you consumed weed. Perhaps the symptoms were "just under the surface" and consuming alcohol tipped the balance. It's so hard to say. That being said, that's really rough! To not dose for years only to have symptoms show up. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

Weed also puts me in a bad place. Rapid heartbeat, panic, and what's I describe a "alien thought patterns". If you're having good luck recovering from hppd, why start smoking weed again? Why risk it? I'm not trying to give a sobriety lecture, but I've been so much happier being clean. There's so much to do in life, and having a clear mind helped me do life my way (queue tacky Frank Sinatra song "My Way").

@hope1 I'm almost a senior citizen (60). I don't think I'll ever have everything figured out. Instead, I've found behaviours that help me get through the day while living with hppd. I hear what you're saying though, a major health problem or chronic pain could throw some of my coping mechanisms off the rails. Seeing as my visual symptoms are never going away, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to handle the inevitable heath issues combined with hppd as I start heading over the hill. Thank you for your post. It's got me really thinking. "When life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door" Robert Hunter

I fast from time to time, but I only for one day at a time. I've never noticed any change in my symptoms, but one day is probably not enough time to see any results. What I like so much about this forum is people are trying so many different approaches to healing. Some folks appear to have devoted their life to it. Please, share your findings. I would think a fast of that duration would require serious focus. I mean, when I fast thoughts of food start to creep into my mind during day one!

@JimmyinDetroit. if I read your original post correctly, you were dosed around Halloween, right? If that's the case, it's been less than four months. It can take quite a while to reset after an intense experience. Staying clean is key to the healing process (IMHO). For a while I fell into the trap of using alcohol to deal with my anxiety. Needless to say, it wasn't a long term solution. What helped me? Sobriety and focus. Be it learning something new, talking to someone, raising my kids, etc. I try to stay focused on that activity. When I'm focused, I don't notice my symptoms (visuals mostly). A daily meditation practice has helped with keeping my mind on task. Back when I was using psychedelics I was dosed without my knowledge. Somebody thought it would be funny to dose me with a quite large and very impure form of LSD that was just awful. Even though I was very experienced with psychedelics, it left me really shaken and paranoid. Dosing someone without their knowledge is assault. I'm sorry that it happened to you, it shouldn't happen to anyone. Hang in there and take care.