MadDoc

Charlie, when you get these visuals do you feel like there is excess "electricity" in you body and/or mind? I'm curious because that's what happens to me at times. Just as a side note, I read one of your notes where you described having closed eye visuals. I used to have crazy CEVs. That's one symptom that has gone away amazingly enough. Not 100 percent but close. Hang in there!

No visual snow. The first place I heard about it was in this forum. A typical visual plays out as follows. If I look at a road surface or a sidewalk I immediately see little loop like patterns defined by the different colored pebbles. These start for morph into bigger loops and designs sort of like a paisley print. If I stare at it long enough (30 seconds roughly) more complex objects form. Oriental dragons is a common theme. Sometimes strange animals, sometimes something unexpected. It always happens and I can't make it stop. However, it's not tied into my thinking. My cognitive abilities are intact. Sometimes it's not so apparen't other times it's very distracting. The air in between what I'm seeing is usually clear but not always. At times the designs include lines that extend through the air. It's a hard thing to describe. There are moments when I'll stare at something just to see what will happen. Other times, I wish it would stop. Thanks for "listening". There aren't many places I can discuss this without being considered insane.

I realize my visuals aren't real and I've never been delusional. At times they're wearing and at times entertaining. It's just who I am and I don't worry about it much anymore. The strange thing is that when I'm focused (driving, working, etc) I don't notice any visuals. It's good to hear that your symptoms have subsided some. That's a really positive sign!

I had some visuals after my first trip but only when I smoked cannabis. At first they were "isolated". I'd see one or a group of strange shapes and then it would go away. I remember seeing them on speaker covers, my jeans, carpets, etc. So, to answer your question, It was before my heavy psychedelics consumption.

From what I've read here and from our discussions it sounds like you're internalizing a great deal of stress. That alone can have a negative reaction on the mind and body. Do you have access to any stress reduction classes? Years ago my doctor sent me to a 8 week meditation program at a nearby teaching hospital. I was skeptical but it turned out to be a miracle at reducing stress and anxiety. Something to consider.

"Looking at your jeans I can see ... " This was one of my first symptoms. I would see strange shapes and designs in my jeans. It graduated to everything with a fine grain (sand, tar, etc) all the time. I take that back, when I dream I don't hallucinate. Yes, be careful with supplements. I don't know why but this condition makes me very sensitive to them (or it's all in the head, not sure). Needles to say, sobriety, especially from hallucinogenic chemicals (including thc) ,would be my advice. I hope your symptoms subside. I really do.

I first had hppd symptoms when I was 14. I continued to dose until I was 20 quite heavily. I've had visual hallucinations since. My advice is don't take any psychedelics! I don't know if you have hppd but I have a question. Did you symptoms start after taking psychedelics? If so, then you might. Trust me, stop now!

Second hand smoke doesn't bother me at all as long as it's outdoors. I'm hyper sensitive to MJ and go to shows quite often where people indulge in ridiculous quantities. As long as I don't inhale from a "device" I'm fine. Red Rocks? Have you ever been? Amazing place!

No issue with pupil dilation with me. Back when I used to dose they would be as big as saucers except when I took DOM then they were like pinpoints.

Valerian just makes me sleepy. What's NAC?

I first noticed symptoms when I was 14. I'm now 57. My primary symptom is visuals. I gave a descriprion of the visuals I experience in the "introduction" forum. Many of my symptoms have gone away except for the visual patterns. I don't think I have more anxiety than most and I'm certainly not depressed though I used to struggle with both. My visuals really haven't reduced over the years but I'm so used to them that they're just a part of my reality. Have I been able to live with it? Yup, I'm still here. Has my life been "normal"? Yeah, I guess so. I went to college, got married, raised two amazing kids, and work in a profession (I hope I'm not coming off as a pompous bozo). Most importantly, I'm happy and feel fortunate for every day I'm here. Are there times when my visuals are distracting? Yes! Are there times I wish they would go away? Yes! But I suspect for as long as I'm alive I'll have them. All I can do is keep moving and enjoy life. I hope I answered your questions. You can't go back and you can't stand still, if the thunder don't get ya then the lightning will. Robert Hunter

Ok, I got zero points figuring DP DR out. I used to get symptoms that I'd describe as DP/DR. Those were the first symptoms that went away after I ceased using. I don't remember exactly but I'm guessing it lasted a few years off and on. I remember feeling like I wasn't really human. Instead I felt like a piece of furniture without any real thought. Other times I felt like my body wasn't my own. That was a long time ago so the memories are faded.

Mine never went away and I've been looking at them for 40 years. My closed eye visuals, for the most part, have gone away. I was a bit of an extreme case though because of the volume of psychedelics that passed through my coconut.

You haven't destroyed your life. I took psychedelics for 6 years and I ended up with visual hallucinations that, I'm assuming, will never go away. But you know what? Life is wonderful and I feel fortunate for every day I wake up on this planet. You experimented with drugs. Lots of people do. Give yourself a break. More importantly, give yourself some time. The healing process can be slow. A positive attitude can go a long way to helping you recover. I'm no big shot expert on hppd, far from it. But I have had it for a long time and I found getting focused and getting on with life was the best medicine. Hang in there and don't despair!

Ok, time to show my ignorance. Is DP depression? What's DR?

I agree with these replies. Don't panic and be calm. I've never taken MDMA so I'm not familiar with it. However, there are some folks in here who can describe the symptoms they've experienced. Give yourself some time to get well. These are powerful drugs that, in some people, can have short term and/or long term effects. Avoid any drug use for a while to see if your symptoms improve. Even if you find you have negative symptoms that linger you can still live a long, productive, and wonderful life. So, be calm and let it run its course. If you can find a doctor who isn't useless he/she may help as well if you're open about your drug use. On a side note, I lived in Stockholm when I was a kid. Great experience!

Ayahuasca contains DMT. I don't remember who said this but when it comes to DMT it's best to have heavy gauge wiring installed in your head (not the exact quote but you get the idea). I used to smoke it long ago and it's a POWERFUL psychedelic experience including total loss of your surroundings and body. There's no real way to ease into this substance. DMT can really leave you rattled and bug eyed. I remember some people experienced something spiritual but some swore they would never use it again and these were people who were very familiar with psychedelics. If you're prone to negative symptoms after using psychedelics I would stay clear of it. I don't know if it would cause long term hppd symptoms but I remember seeing tiny colored flash bulbs for a few days after use. My two cents for what it's worth.

I find that when I'm anxious my brain is more active but not in a focused way. All that misdirected and unfocused energy make my hallucinations worse. This also happens if I drink too much coffee. When I'm calm and focused on something I don't really notice the visuals. That being said, I don't have too much anxiety in my life anymore. Just riding the wave.

I've been thinking about this some. This morning I was looking out at the spring leaves as they morphed into faces, and designs. While I've gotten used to living with this condition it's very wearing. I sometimes long to see the world as it is. You really don't want to live with this disorder. Drugs can be a temporary lift and for many there's no lasting problems. However if you're in the minority prone to hppd drugs just aren't worth it. Just an old fool's opinion.

Over the years all of my symptoms have moderated. Anxiety hasn't been an issue for a long time. The "closed eye" visuals inside my skull are, for the most part, completely gone. Depression is also something that's in my past. The visuals however are always there and probably always will be. The brain is elastic and changed to handle how I perceive reality. I still feel like an alien who has been dropped into a strange world but I really don't mind. Life is good. Good luck with everything and hang in there.

We're all different so it's hard to say. I found that alcohol didn't make my symptoms worse but it made my life unmanageable. I stopped drinking almost 30 years ago. For me, MJ makes my visuals crazy so I can't touch it in any form. If you're going to drink or use MJ again, ease into it. Personally, I wouldn't take the chance. Then again I'm not 17. I'm an old guy who has lived with this condition for a long time. Hind sight is 20/20 or so they say. Be careful and be well.

Yes, you have a chance at recovering. Staying clear of psychedelics and MJ can increase those chances. There are no guarantees in life but if you've only tripped once and you have mild symptoms then your chances are good that your symptoms will fade. That being said, give it some time because it could take a while. Something to think about. I continued heavy psychedelic use for six years after I noticed my first symptoms of hppd though it was basically an unknown disorder in the 70s. What that did to me was it gave me constant visuals that will never go away. I can't stress enough, the best medicine is to stay clean. Also, exercise, staying focused, and a good diet can help. Sounds like you're doing these things already which is great! Hang in there.

I can take "over the counter" pain relievers with no problems. I have visual "anomalies" pretty much constantly and those medications don't make it worse. However, cold medications that contain pseudoephedrine makes it much much worse. I literally feel like I've taken speed and my visuals are really distracting. As for second hand MJ smoke, that has no noticeable effect on me. I go to lots a concerts still and MJ and vape pens are everywhere but fortunately it doesn't bother me. That being said I never smoke myself. Congratulations on your recent child birth. You're a brave soul for doing it naturally.

I describe the feeling I get from hppd as having too much electricity in my brain. Then there's the constant visuals. You're saying you feel like "sludge", do you think that's part of the hppd or something else? Forgive me for all the questions, I'm just trying to get a handle on what you're going through. I'm not questioning what you've written. It sounds like you've seen a bunch of doctors. Have they been able to eliminate other possible causes other than hppd?

I'm trying to fathom what you're going through. I have "episodes" that last a few minutes from time to time. It's hard to describe but this is what happened yesterday. I was working at home on the computer. Moring light was coming through the window. Just as I looked at the light I heard a crow call. The sound pulled at my thoughts and body, like an elastic. The pulling was in the shape of the light coming into the window sort of in the shape of a cone. Hanging in the air on the "surface" of the light were transparent designs in red and blue. The thought I had was that I was experiencing an artistic rendition of my mental being. It was like time froze and I was hypnotized unable to move. It wasn't totally an unpleasant experience but certainly not "normal". Is this the sort of thing you're experiencing or am I just describing my own weirdness?