MadDoc

I guess I'm lucky in one respect. The DP/DR was short lived. Well .. I still get moments but they're just moments that last no more than a minute or so. I think it's neurological. It comes out of nowhere. It's certainly not caused by attitude. The visuals on the other hand can wear me down if I let them. In the original post I liked the message that visuals are not the end of the world. They're not. They don't even exist. Just neuro chemicals playing in my coconut.

I spent six years taking drugs. Mostly psychedelics. After that I drank for about nine years. I was a moderately heavy drinked but managed to remain functional (or so I thought). I've been sober since. Once I got sober the world brightened. Drugs and alcohol, over time, can send people into a downward spiral of self loathing and despair. I'd take real steps to embrace sobriety because once you're sober for a while your brain can begin to rewire and you can start making rational decisions about your life. You can't change the past and you're not a bad person for contracting hppd. Use the lessons learned as you move forward. I've said this over and over in other posts and I'm going to say it again. Life, even with hppd, can be productive, interesting, and full of happiness but you need to stop taking drugs so you can focus and move forward. There is a lot of good advice in this forum. Take the time to read what people have written. Note, I'm not on an anti-drug mission. I've just found that being sober is a prerequisite to being well and feeling levelled. I realize that this is more of a testimonial and I'm talking about "me, me, me". That's all I have to go on because I'm still very isolated when it comes to this condition. This site was huge because I didn't even realize the condition I had for so many years had a name. I hope there's some value and hope in what I've said.

Very well stated!

It might have nothing to do with psychedelics and the dose you took may not be the cause. I'd get a thorough medical checkup because there are many medical conditions that can cause cronic fatigue. Something to consider anyway.

Anyone who has read my posts soon realize that I continually repeat myself. I'm going to do it again. Here goes. Meditation worked wonders for me. It literally allowed me to deal with anxiety and finally silence the negative mental chatter. That being said, it takes practice every day not unlike learning to play an instrument. Through the practice I've found peace and life leveled out. You don't need a guru, crystals, or anything. Each of us is born with this ability. It takes time and commitment but it works. Finding the courage to face the future is something everyone struggles with. Those of us with hppd have the added burden making our way because we have a disabling condition. However, people with challenges time and time again have successful and happy lives. We're all stonger than we give ourselves credit for. I think finding ones skills, getting focused, and moving forward is how we overcome the anxiety posed by an uncertain future. Step by step one day at a time. I hope some of that made sense. One more thing, I'll probably have elements of this condition for life but I was a psychonaut to the Nth degree for quite a while. That being said a lot of my symptoms cleared up. There are many people who recover. Don't get caught up in thinking this is a life sentence. For many it's not and for many it becomes quite manageable.

As for visuals, exercise doesn't seem to help. Anxiety and depression, it does a world of good. However, I think that's true for anyone with or without hppd.

For me, setting goals, pulling together as much focus as I could muster, and moving forward is what really helped. Also, my doctor sent me to a meditation program taught at a nearby hospital. That was a turning point because I discovered that the path to being well was inside me the whole time. Great doctor! The fact that you want to get past your anxiety is huge. Don't give up because a great life, even with hppd, is most definitely possible even for a goof like me.

Do I feel euphoria? Yeah, as euphoric as a sober old guy can feel. I'm happy, content, and satisfied i guess. Life is sweet. My anxiety is minimal. I think that comes with the mileage . As a friend of mine once said "life is strange stuff, you can't do a half the first time, you have to do the whole thing".

Orange glow? I'm holding my own for someone approaching 60. I mean, little children don't run away screaming when I walk by. I still climb mountains and jog. In my case hppd hasn't had an impact on my physical self. Perhaps some when I was still an anxious soul. Living healthy, exercising, and keeping busy are the key ... at least for this late middle aged human.

I don't think, in my case, it's anything like schizophrenia. I see visuals but my head is clear and my reasoning is sound. I also know nothing I see is real. That being said, at one point I wondered if I had developed a form of schizophrenia because why else would I have persistent visuals? It just didn't add up though because I didn't have any of the debilitating symptoms that accompany schizophrenia . Then I heard about hppd and the light bulb shined.

Not in the morning. However, if I take a nap I wake up to concentric circular patterns. It's almost like I'm seeing my brain boot up. It generally lasts about a minute. It's strange being human.

Excellent post. Couldn't agree more with items 1-3. Jay's point regarding self blame is excellent as well. One thing, even if you're symptoms don't seem bad at first and your life isn't hell, proceed with caution. When I stopped using I was kind of stumbling out of a long term psychedelic stupor. The symptoms (visuals) I had were initially kind of reassuring. It wasn't until the years started to go by that I realized it wasn't going away. Sobriety at the first sign, good or bad is important IMHO.

I've posted a number of times that I feel like a misplaced alien dropped onto a strange world. When I read your last post you said "I feel like some other entity/alien" I think know what you mean. I've felt that way since I was a kid. I don't trust doctors much. If I break a bone or get cancer, then sure I want a good doctor. However, in the US primary care physicians just come across as pill pushers. I'm very wary of any chemical that's prescribed. Then again, for some folks, medication is just what they need. I guess I just don't trust these alien doctors (: One of the things I like about this site is I can open up about this condition. I kept it bottled up for decades and it's very freeing to "talk" about it with other perople that won't just write me off as an old psychedelic casualty.

I've been put under a few times for routine "old guy" tests. I noticed no issues afterwards. My visuals were no worse afterwards.

There is some excellent advice in these replies. There are a lot of bright people who post here. I'm not counting myself as one of them (: Seriously though, anxiety is something that can magnify any underlying issues. Then the anxiety can make those issues worse causing a cycle that makes the anxiety worse and worse and making whatever issues you may have seem bigger than they are. Hppd is no joke, but by itself (at least for me) it's something I can live with. The anxiety was something I had to resolve or my blood pressure would have made me real sick by now. As the other replies say, deal with the anxiety. I couldn't do that until I was sober especially refraining from cannabis because, for whatever reason, it causes major anxiety in some people.

The fact that the trails and halos are better is a great sign! Also, reduced anxiety is a good indication that you're on the mend. Keep up the exercise and all the other positive things you're doing.

My hppd came on slowly over time. However, I noticed it after my first dose of acid. I think if I had stopped then it would have gone away. Instead I dosed almost continually for six years sometimes for weeks at a time. That's how my symptoms came about. I've had visuals for over 40 years. You know what though? Life has been wonderful. I have few regrets. The visuals I have are just part of me and I don't pay them a lot of attention. What helped? Getting focused and living my life. I was also lucky that some of my symptoms subsided and dissapeared over time. Sorry about my babbling post but if there's one thing I want people to hear is that hppd isn't the end. That being said, I don't want people to think hppd is no big deal and that dosing has no possible consequences. I hope your symptoms subside. Hang in and take care.

So, this is from one incident where you think the weed might have been "enhanced"? Give yourself some time because it's likely that your symptoms will subside. However, it might not be a bad idea to take it up with a medical professional just to eliminate any other possible causes. Granted, I didn't do that but my symptoms were clearly from psychedelic over exposure.

So are you saying the visual symptoms cleared up? If your main issue is anxiety there are a whole host of things that might cause that and it might not be related to psychedelics. Weed can cause visuals and, for some, anxiety and panic attacks. The weed that's around today is very strong and the CBD has largely been bred out of the plants. CBD makes it more mellow and relaxing. I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis but it sounds more like anxiety than full blown hppd. If I've misunderstood what you're going through I apologize.

Weed will do that especially the weed that's around these days which is why I don't touch it. For some, it's wonderful, for me, a disaster. You may have to set it aside at least for a while. Your choice though.

This is part of the "mindfulness" meditation I was taught. It was called the "body scan". Different names for an excellent practice. I focus on a single point in the center of my mind. Good medicine!

CEVs are Closed Eye Visuals. They were images that were indescribable. Just crazy. As soon as I closed my eyes they would start. For anxiety, meditation has been a huge help. It also helps in dealing with day to day stress. I think one of the biggest benefits is that it taught me how to control my mental chatter. The negative dialogue in my mind was one of the biggest causes of depression and anxiety. Having some control over that has been a huge relief.

You're going to be ok. I have visuals whenever my eyes are open and I used to have CEVS when they were closed. That being said, life has been good, no, life has been wonderful. Just because we have this "abnormality" doesn't mean we're less worthy than anyone else. You're doing all the right things to heal. The simple fact that you don't have visuals at the gym is a good sign! I'm not an expert on hppd and I'm not even saying you have it because I'm not qualified to do so. I do think the earlier in life you stop using the more likely to have moderating symptoms. Hang in and take care.

I think living these days being at the breaking point is a baseline condition. There is just so much stress. Jobs are competitive, traffic is crazy, all the machinery makes so much noise, we're treated like cattle, etc. What's that Dylan lyric? Something like "the heart attack macine". Throw in hppd and being at the tipping point isn't difficult to reach. However, life, even with hppd can be productive and a great joy. For me, it's all about staying focused and committed to things that I come by naturally and the things that make me happy. I'm also unapologetic about being a misfit space shot. When I start feeling like I'm at my breaking point I rely on my family and the great outdoors to keep the balance. I also babble a lot as is evident in my posts (:

I'm repeating myself. I say this over and over. I used to love weed. Smoked it every day, all day long. Then it started to give me panic attacks and it makes my visuals very intense. I didn't quit weed, it quit me. I don't know why it causes anxiety but I'm sure it's related to hppd. It sounds like you're making excellent lifestyle changes. Staying focused and productive is what helped me along.