• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. We change as we move through life. Sometimes we're up, sometimes we're down. At 21 a lot of things can change. New responsibilities, new stress, new adventures. What you're experiencing might simply be due to a healthier lifestyle. It can take a while for the brain to re-level. What helped me was getting sober, getting focused, setting goals, and moving forward with life. I still have visuals after all these years but I feel lucky for every day I have on this planet.
  2. Did you only dose that one time? If so it's possible that your symptoms will start to fade over time. Try not to focus on it too much if possible. Try to focus on your life, school, work, hobbies relationships, etc. In other words, keep focused. I can't stress enough that staying away from drugs including weed is a good idea. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
  3. I've been sober for a long time and I've never been happier. When I was using drugs I couldn’t imagine life without them. Now I can't imagine how I lived with them. I'm not trying to give a temperance lecture. I'm just saying a sober life can be a happy life. Happiness is what it's all about as we travel through whatever "this" is.
  4. My first symptoms were visuals. I would notice them when i smoked cannabis around the time i started dosing. Understand that cannabis back the was quite mild compared to what's available today. I've never had visual snow. Also, I didn't have extreme anxiety that many have described. What I'm trying to say is that hppd is a spectrum disorder. You may have some of the symptoms but they may not be what others experience. Advice, stay away from psychoactive substances including cannabis. Give it some time. Symptoms can fade but they fade slowly. Don't panic! If you have this disorder you can live a full and happy life. I can't stress enough though, no chemicals!
  5. I put blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, and a banana into a blender. Add a shot of hemp oil and some walnuts, top it off with almond milk, run the blender for a while and bingo, breakfast. Works for me.
  6. If he can remain sober for a while he might bounce back a bit. If you stay sober with him he might appreciate you being fully "there" for him. Weed does the same thing to me and I haven't dosed in a very long time. I didn't quit weed, it quit me.
  7. What you wrote was very clear. This is the advice that I, and others here give. Stop dosing and stop using psychoactive drugs including weed. I'm not qualified to say if you have hppd but having recurring psedeo trips sounds like a possible symptom. You haven't dosed too many times so your symptoms may just taper off if you stay sober. Remember, this disorder can get worse, much worse if you continue to dose. Also, don't panic. Even if you have hppd you can live a perfectly healthy, happy, and productive life.
  8. There's no right or wrong way to introduce yourself. You did just fine. My psychedelic use was what many would consider excessive. It went on for six years starting in my freshman year of high school. It sounds like you had a similar experience. After high school I continued my antics but really went off the deep end with acid. It seemed harmless at the time. The fact that you're sober now is very important. Many in this forum will say the same thing. I've seen significant improvement over the decades and I'm quit certain it's due to being sober, staying focused, and not giving up. If you've kicked heroin, you're a strong person. Hang in and keep posting if the spirit moves you. There are a lot of bright people who post here so it may be worthwhile discovering what they have to say. You're not a bad person for being cursed with hppd. You're just in the unlucky minority. Can't go back and can't stand still, if the thunder don't get ya then the lightning will. Robert Hunter
  9. My doctor suggested that I take a meditation class at the local teaching hospital. I was suffering from anxiety brought on by this disorder combined with a high stress career. To be blunt, it changed my life. It took about six months of daily practice to kick in, but when it did, it was such a huge relief. You don't need a prescription, refills, and you don't need a guru, or crystals, or any earthly device. It's just the power of the mind. We can train our brains (aka our reality interpretation devices) to experience now. Some say, living in the past causes depression, living in the future causes anxiety. I'm not sure if meditation is considered Chinese medicine but I'm so thankful I found a doctor who was a healer.
  10. I had Lyme disease. Fortunately it was caught early. It can cause a lot of problems but I doubt it would cause visual hallucinations like I have. I started to get joint pain but that's about it.
  11. I get a flu every year. Never a problem.
  12. I don't know what version of DMT Ac40dmt is but that family of chemicals are incredibly powerful. When I used DMT I remember this intense feeling best described as electrical overload running up my spine. For a few weeks or so after using DMT I would periodicall experience a similar sensation and it would really give me the "creeps". I would also see little blips of colored light but that would only last a few days if memory serves. I looked it up but I can't tell if it's DMT or some other analog. There are so many variations out there now. Things used to be a lot more simple. ... back in my day (insert Grandpa Simpson's voice)
  13. I don't know when I actually aquired hppd because once I started dosing there was rarely a week that went by that I didn't dose. I had some suspicious symptoms after my first dose so let's say it started there. That's roughly 45 years ago. However, I didn't realize it wasn't going away until I stopped dosing. That was roughly 39 years ago. I'm saying all this because I have a simple message. Even though I have this disability, life is wonderful and I feel like every day I get to live is a gift. I've always felt that checking out wasn't an option. Life with hppd can be difficult but we have this incredible opportunity to experience life. We're the matter that woke up to experience whatever "this" is. I realize I've said this before, but I thought it might be worth repeating.
  14. It's ok to be scared. But try not to focus on your symptoms too much. Doing so can make them seem worse than they are. The best thing to do is do not take any psychoactive drugs and that includes cannabis. For many with this disorder cannabis greatly amplifies the symptoms. It gives me panic attacks as well. You didn't mention how often or how many times you've dosed. A good rule of thumb is "the fewer the better". Don't panic, take care of yourself, stay sober, and stay focused. There's a good chance your symptoms will start to fade. Give it time.
  15. I refer to my meditation practice as "medicine for a modern world". Life can be really stressful at times. Relationships, jobs, money, desires, kids, politics, etc., etc. I think the gadgets we have make life more convenient while not allowing us to properly disconnect. Humans IMHO need this space to be well. Sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I lost my Grandfather 30 years ago and I still miss him. Tough being human.
  16. For me, pattern form on surfaces. It always happens. I also see faces, animals, among other things on seemingly random surfaces. Pattern, like on carpets, are never static. Always shifting and transforming. I used to feel like I was slightly dosed all the time. That either went away or I've had it so long that I no longer notice. I'd advise that you stay away from cannabis. It puts me in a strange state of mind and my hallucinations get tough to handle. It also gives me panic attacks. I never really got the extreme anxiety that you're describing. Though, I remember being at a job interview in a small office and the cork board behind the person interviewing me turned into an array of faces. Hard to focus with all of that going on. I guess what I'm getting at is you're not alone. Myself and others in here deal with what you're experiencing. I've never taken medication for this. However, there are quite a few people in this forum who have. I'm sure they'll chime in soon. Hang in there.
  17. It's not uncommon for really strong cannabis to give people panic attacks. From what I've seen and experienced that can come on quite suddenly. It's hard to say what's going on with the symptoms you've described. That being said, "black floaters" are pretty common especially as we age. You might want to have your eyes checked. The symptom of concern is seeing things like a person actually being a tree. Does this happen all the time or every once in a while? I'm curious, have you ever taken any drugs besides alcohol and cannabis? I've read in this forum about people getting hppd like symptoms from weed. For me, it was over use of psychedelics that gave me this disorder. My symptoms are quite different from what you're describing. So, I can't say if you have hppd or not. I'd refrain from any drug use and see if the symptoms start to moderate or go away. It sounds like you're already doing that which is great! Hang in there!
  18. I suspect if you're lucky enough to have your symptoms clear up, and you resume taking psychedelics, then the chances of it coming back are very high. For whatever reason some of us are predisposed to this disorder and I doubt that vulnerability just dissapears along with the original symptoms.
  19. Have you seen a doctor? The headaches and light sensitivity might be caused by a physical issue. It wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.
  20. I'm not a doctor of any kind and I have no formal medical training so take this with a grain of salt. I'm hyper-sensitive to THC. It makes my visuals run riot, my heart speeds up, and my mind falls into alien thinking "patterns" that are very difficult to describe. However, I do take concentrated CBD oil to help me sleep. I don't get any of the negative symptoms that I get from THC. CBD has worked wonder for insomnia, something I've had most of my adult life. As for the other medications, I have no idea if they may be the cause and I don't know if they would somehow interact with CBD.
  21. I've never taken medication for this disorder. This isn't because I'm a strong person. Instead I didn't have access to competent medical professionals who could help. In the 80s hppd just wasn't a thing. So what helped? Simply put, meditation. I realize I say this in every post. That being said, it helps. It not only helps I think it made life possible. It doesn't cost anything, you don't need crystals or a guru. It's something we can all do and it works. At least it did for me. We have the ability to control our reality. However, one must commit to it. Just like learning how to play an instrument or learning a new skill one has to work at it. Ok, I'll step off my soapbox once again. I agree with KB. taking care of your body is important. Diet is part of being well. Not sure if that helps, but it's the path I chose.
  22. Welcome. Agreed. Stay away drugs including weed. Because you haven't dosed too many times chances are good that you'll see improvement over time. For many the anxiety is the hardest thing to deal with. Address that sooner than later. Try to stay focused and keep moving with life. I don't know enough about your situation to answer your question about DP/DR. Nor am i really qualified. That being said, anxiety can do a lot of strange things both physical and mental. Good luck!
  23. Give yourself some time. Even a single dose of acid can change your perception for a while. My advice is to stay clean at least for a while. Chances are your symptoms will moderate over time. I'm no doctor but what you're describing when you look at the moon may be an eye condition. I'd get that checked out. Take care of yourself and hang in.
  24. I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis but what you're experiencing, especially the visual anomolies, is what I deal with. I too can't use cannabis. It amplifies the visuals and I lose the ability to communicate. In other words, it sends me into outer space. Staying clear of psychoactive substances is an excellent step to getting well. My advice is to give it hell. In other words don't let it win. Stay focused and work toward your goals. Over time, the symptoms will probably moderate. Some symptoms may totally disappear. For the stubborn issues, your brain will adapt. I've had pretty significant visuals for my entire adult life. Even if you have hppd you can lead a wonderful life. I thought about what you wrote and wanted to add more. If you're having thoughts of checking out please get some help. I'm not a religious sort but I view every day I have on this planet as a miracle. You're clearly a bright person. Find your path to being well. I realize law school can be very stressful. Address the stress in your life and living becomes easier. I strongly recommend mindful meditation. It worked for me. Hang in there!
  25. For whatever reason I feel compelled to repeat my sobriety mantra. Part of getting old I guess.