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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. MadDoc

    Travelling with HPPD.

    Sweden is a wonderful country. Well, at least it was when I was there. I went to elementary school for a year in Stockholm. About ten years ago I visited again. Good people the Swedes.
  2. MadDoc

    Travelling with HPPD.

    For work I travel to the Czech Republic roughly every three months. The first trip anywhere, for anyone, can be anxious. Most of the people you encounter in Europe speak english. If that's your primary language it shouldn't be a problem. Just relax and take it as it comes. Keep reminding yourself everything will be ok. The world has gotten smaller and foreign lands are familiar. In Prague Starbucks is a common sight. Traveling on a plane can be an anxious experience. I load music that I love on my phone and try to forget where I am. Yes, planes are weird, but they're very safe. Airports a just a pain in the ass, but if you stay calm, they're easy to navigate. Enjoy your travels. Having this disorder doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful journey.
  3. MadDoc

    Nervous and Confused

    Youre not panicking yet, and try not to. Panicking solves nothing and you need to approach what you're dealing with in a rational manner You've dosed a lot over a short period of time so it's not surprising that you're having some visual wierdness. I used to take sizable doses and it would leave the world a bit strange afterwards. My one piece of advice is to stop dosing. I can't stress this enough. Give yourself some time to level out so you can make a clear headed evaluation of your being. You mention you're afraid of being sober. I used to think psychedelics were an answer. I was wrong. After I stopped dosing, and after drinking too much for a while, I finally got my sobriety to take hold and it was the best decision I ever made. I'm not saying you should never drink, or never smoke a joint again. What I am saying is don't be afraid of sobriety. Sometimes it's tough being human but the crap life can throw at you is much more manageable with a clear head. Understand that hppd can be a severe disorder. I'm not saying you have it, I'm not qualified to do that. If you're in the minority susceptible to this disorder, the fewer times you dose, the better. I'm not a medical professional nor am I an expert when it comes to hppd. I'm an old guy who, when he was young, dosed heavily for too long I have visuals to this day. I wish I had the sense to stop dosing when I was young. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
  4. MadDoc


    (Edit) I didn't realize the original post was from three years ago. OK, so I'm a bit of a space. There is always hope. I don't think there is an adult alive who hasn't had their heart broken. It can plunge anyone into depression but add hppd symptoms to the mix and it can be rough. There's someone out there for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet. Testimonial time. I'm an older guy who has been on this planet for almost 60 years. Over time, most of my symptoms have gone away. I still live with visuals but they don't bother me much anymore. People with hppd can be successful, happy, raise families, get a higher education, and so forth. We have a disability and like any other person with a disability, we can move forward with life and have a wonderful time doing it. Never give up. There is always hope.
  5. MadDoc

    any advice?

    First off relax and don't focus on the symptoms too much. If you've only smoked weed a few times, things will probably level out given some time. As the previous post said, be patient. It can take a while. Try to stay focused. For me being focused really helps. School, a hobby, reading, etc. Keep the brain engaged. Personally, I can't touch cannabis. It's not for everybody. You've learned that weed isn't for you, and fortunately, you learned this early on. I wish I had done the same with my psychedelic use. Hang in there and take care.
  6. MadDoc

    What can be a trigger for visuals?

    For me, just staring at something when my mind isn't focused and the visuals kick in. Surfaces with seemingly random patterns trigger it immediately. Sidewalks, road surfaces, textured ceilings, etc. Cannabis is a huge trigger so I gave that up a long time ago. Lack of sleep, antihistamines, and caffeine also makes it worse.
  7. I have open eye visuals and have had them for a long time. Most of the time I can ignore them. However cannabis makes them go out of control. I've only indulged a handful of times since i "quit" and each time it's a train wreck. I used to smoke all day long, every day. Try abstaining from weed, at least for a while, to see how you're doing. You never know, your symptoms may clear up. At a minimum, you can eliminate weed as the cause.
  8. MadDoc

    well being

    The subject of your post caught my eye. Someone in my past used to often say "feed the hungry be". What he meant is that sometimes we need to simply "be". The world has gotten so frantic and taking time for ourselves can be healthy. Hang in there, take care of yourself.
  9. If you live in the US, the "main stream" meat supply is full of hormones and antibiotics, so be careful. Been vegan for decades myself, but don't preach, it's a personal decision.
  10. MadDoc

    I'm an idiot, lmao

    @sinergy Feeling like an empty shell or a husk is how I felt when I finally gave up psychedelics. I think that's true for anyone who's given up drugs of any kind. For me, it was a matter of setting my life in a different direction. I found the sober activities that made me happy and set goals into action to get there. It took a while but it worked. It was bumpy at first because alcohol got in the way. That solution is no solution! Now, if I could just start feeling like I'm not some alien accidentally dropped on this planet.
  11. MadDoc

    I'm an idiot, lmao

    I don't understand why you refer to yourself as an "idiot". I agree, LSD can provide insight into our own minds. You've had that experience. The mistake I made was I thought psychedelics were a long term answer. I think if I had taken it once or twice, taken what it had to teach, and then stopped then I might not have the hppd symptoms I've lived with all my adult life. It sounds like you've made a rational decision to hang up the phone. An idiot? I don't think so. Take care.
  12. MadDoc

    Possible HPPD

    Taking LSD can change you. Sometimes the change can be beneficial but for others not so much. The problem is that we can't choose how the outcome will turn out. For most of on this board, it was a negative outcome. As humans we can have all kinds of mental and physical issues. They may not be related to the your LSD experience. For example, I have open eye visuals. I'm certain that was due to all the psychedelics I took. However. I developed tinnitus later in life which, I think, was caused by decades of going to rock shows and not a hppd symptom. If you're having issues, bring it up with a doctor you trust. Tunnel vision may be the result of some other problem. Stay away from psychedelics including cannabis for a while. If you do have some early hppd symptoms, best not take any chances. Take care.
  13. Staying focused has helped me quite a bit. When I'm focused I don't see visuals. Playing a musical instrument is an excellent way to focus. Hang in there!
  14. You blacked out while on LSD? Are you sure it was LSD? Well, no matter, just curious. Strange things can happen for a while after dosing. That's a pretty healthy dose and after an experience like that mental anomolies aren't that unusual. Advice? Stay clean. Don't take any hallucinogenic drugs and stop consuming cannabis. For some, weed can be unpredictable for a while after taking hallucinogens. After a few months you may find that you're levelling out. Don't jump to the conclusion that you have hppd. Don't panic and please don't do anything rash. Understand, I'm not a doctor and I'm not an expert in hppd. If you feel like you really need help contact a trained medical professional. Take care, and take care of yourself.
  15. You buy your ticket, you take your chances. Perhaps a silly old expression but appropriate I think. I smoked my share of DMT way back when and it can be a very heavy duty experience. Someone said ( I can't remember who) that when it comes to DMT best to have heavy gauge wiring installed. There are no guarantees in life. It might work out fine, it might not. I'm in my late 50s and, for me, staying clean is the path to happiness. Not trying to give a temperance lecture, just my perspective. YMMV.
  16. MadDoc

    A visit to the neurologist

    Back in the mid-80s I had an encounter with a doctor who was a real piece of work. I told him about my visuals. I told him that I was no longer using drugs (not totally true, I was drinking). His response was basically "you deserve what you get for taking illegal drugs". He was real nasty about it. I made some comment (to the best of my recollection) that he was one hell of a doctor for making a comment like that. Needless to say, I never saw that doctor again. I've never mentioned this disorder to any other doctor since. Doctors are people, therefore they are flawed. Like any other cross section of humanity there will be a certain percentage of jerks.
  17. I'm assuming you no longer use psychedelics, right? Great to hear that you've bounced back.
  18. You don't sound "dumb" at all. You have a real concern and you're seeking information. I wish I had done that when I first had symptoms. Unfortunately, at that time, there was no Internet. MJ is really powerful these days. I have a few friends who have never dosed who claim weed produces visual and auditory hallucinations. You may be experiencing the same thing. You dosed recently and the brain can hang onto those "memories" for a while. Consuming weed might be triggering what was "learned" during those experiences. My advice would be to stay away from hallucinogenic substances including weed at least for a while. It can't hurt, right? I'm no expert on hppd and I'm not a medical professional. That being said, if you do have early hppd symptoms, you don't want to ignore them. In my opinion (an uneducated one) it doesn't sound like you have hppd but don't take chances by continuing to use hallucinogens. Hppd can be debilitating condition so give yourself a break to see where you stand. Regarding your prescription, I'm not suggesting you discontinue medication prescribed by a doctor. I hope that helps. Take care of yourself.
  19. MadDoc

    worth trying a sleep study?

    Is it worth trying? I'd say yes. You never know what you may find. The more that's known about this condition the better. That being said, I'm not going to volunteer for a sleep study. I don't think I could sleep at all with wires attached to my head in a lab.
  20. MadDoc

    Doxycycline... oh boy.

    Lyme disease is nasty! I spend a lot of time in the woods. No matter how careful I am, every few years, a tick gets me. I get the test every year and once had had a positive result. The treatment didn't have any noticeable effect on my hppd symptoms.
  21. I haven't fully recovered, but many of my symptoms are gone including anxiety, close eyed visuals, depression, and feeling like I was always slightly dosed. Granted, it took decades. All that's left are the eyes open visuals. They haven't diminished much. Every once in a while I have moments where my mind and body is "out there" but I can snap myself out of it.
  22. I think quitting smoking is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I lost my mind for a month. I have a friend who quit smoking crack ten years ago, but can't quit smoking. Congratulations!
  23. MadDoc

    Who am I

    Keeping busy helped me. Focus, be it a hobby, work, reading, meditation (now, you knew I'd throw that in there), or whatever. Keep the mind focused and never stop learning. You're a painter! What a wonderful creative outlet! I took psychedelics basically non-stop for over 6 years. At times, I dosed for weeks at a time. The first year after I stopped was difficult. I started dosing as a kid just shy of my 14th birthday. It took time to relearn how to be a normal enough to functon in society. Stay clean and you should start to readjust. I also felt a deep depression when I quit. Part of that was due to the fact that I could never go back to psychedelics. It had been my constant companion for a long time. I missed that psychedelic "place". Don't make the mistake I did by drinking too much. I spent the better part of my 20s drinking. I was functional and accomplished a lot, but drinking delayed dealing with a lot of issues. I'm approaching 60 and still have visuals (open eyed only) but life is wonderful and I'm happy. Keep fighting, never give up!
  24. MadDoc


    I've always felt like an alien mistakenly dropped on this planet. The way I think is just different. I make associations between things that seemingly have nothing to do with one another. People find it weird. I'm pretty sure all the psychedelics I snarfed down had something to do with it. Perhaps it's because I'm getting older, but I no longer care what people think. That being said, it's far more difficult when family doesn't understand. We depend on our family members for support, acceptance, and love. I'm lucky I guess. My parents and siblings are now very accepting of my weirdness. However, that wasn't always the case. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Sure, I'd love to hear your music.
  25. After I quit dosing, I had problems with anxiety and depression through most of my 20s. I self medicated with alcohol and I became something of a workaholic just to keep my mind occupied. When I was busy, I felt ok, when I was drinking, I didn't care, but I could never feel centered. My depression and anxiety went hand in hand. My brain was constantly full of negative chatter that would never shut up. It made me feel worthless no matter what I accomplished. I also constantly put myself down for being such a "burn out" because of the cronic visual hallucinations and CEVs. The anxiety/depression got better once I stopped drinking (I was around 30), my meditation practice (here I go again) finally shut up the negative mental dialogue, and I started jogging around the same time which also helped. I still get the winter blues when the days get short, but it usually doesn't stick around for long. These days, everything just rolls off like I'm coated with Teflon. Part of getting older I guess. That's how I remember it. My 20s were a long time ago.

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