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Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. Be patient and give yourself some time. As others have posted, stay clear of psychoactive substances. You haven't dosed excessively so chances are good your symptoms will start to moderate. For me, getting and staying focused helped a great deal. School, work, hobbies, exercise routines, etc. For anxiety, daily meditation practice has been a life saver.
  2. Welcome. First off, congratulations on two and a half years sober. That's excellent! I've found a sober life to be a good life ... no a wonderful life. It sounds like you're doing very well for yourself (job, girlfriend, sobriety). Congratulate yourself for that! I also have visuals and have for decades. The CEVS thankfully cleared up and I've dealt with the anxiety. The thing that helped me navigate my life accompanied by hppd was getting focused, setting goals, and moving forward. Like you, I didn't let my hppd define me. Hppd can be a disability and a struggle. All we can do is do the best we can. I'm getting preachy (again) so I'll stop there.
  3. I've taken valerian before to help me sleep. It's pretty mild but it made me feel groggy in the morning. It did nothing to improve or worsen my visuals.
  4. Getting off nicotine is really hard. I quit smoking when I was 20 and basically lost my mind for a month. It does get better though. That being said nicotine is a crafty molecule. I haven't smoked in almost 30 years but there are still times when I get a thought like "have a smoke, go ahead, what harm can it do". After all those years nicotine still has a toe hold. Keep trying to kick it to the curb. It can take many many attempt but all you need is to have one take hold.
  5. @Saff I remember the point in my life when I realized "this isn't going away". It's really hard to come to terms with having this disability (In my case, I consider it a disability). I also remember the.point at which I decided that it wasn't going to get the best of me. I think that determination is in all of us if we can find it within ourselves. Understand that you can live a good life even with hppd. Sorry to sound so preachy. Part of being old I guess.
  6. It takes time to work. I took a course that lasted 8 weeks. After about six months of daily practice I had that "I get it" moment where I realized the benefits of meditation. Just like learning to play an instrument, it takes practice. When it started working I realized that it's a powerful medicine. The great thing is you need no doctor and you never need a refill. It's a power that each of us has. I don't believe in the supernatural, but if there was a gift from from the gods, IMHO, meditation is that gift.
  7. I'll say what I've said before. Stay sober. At a minimum stay clear of psychedelics including cannabis. Get a physical checkup. It can't hurt and perhaps you can rule out any other issues. Get focused. Put as much focus as you can into the things you like, or need to get done. If you're dealing with anxiety I highly suggest a yoga or meditation practice. Meditation helped me a lot. I gather you haven't dosed too many times. It's very probable that your symptoms will moderate over time. Finally, be kind to yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. You've simply sustained an injury doing something that millions of people try at one point in their lives. ONE more thing. I started dosing just before my 14th birthday. If I had stopped then I don't think I would have been stuck with this condition. You're young, your mind is still growing. Use that to your advantage by staying sober.
  8. I remember certain psychedelics used to do that. One in particular DOM (aka STP) would make it impossible to look anyone in the eye. It wasn't paranoia really. It was deeper than that. It's the sense of being too exposed once your social armor falls away. I think some of that lingers after long term psychedelic use. Did for me anyway. I've found MJ is the worst the handful of times I've indulged since I stopped using. I can't talk or interact with anyone. I just keep a sober albeit altered mind.
  9. My primary symptom is visual hallucinations. There are times when I find it amusing. Once in a while. Taking psychoactive drugs of any kind is not an option for me.
  10. I get a physical checkup. It might have nothing to do with the doses. For example, Inner ear issues can cause all sorts of balance, perception, and vertigo issues. A friend of mine has ear issues and he has some of the symptoms you've described. That's why I mentioned it. I'm not a doctor or any sort of medical "know it all". If it is related to hppd the fact that you don't have a long history of using psychedelics works in your favor. Some of the symptoms don't seem to fit hppd but everyone is different so who knows. I hope you're able to get it resolved.
  11. If I missed it in your initial post I apologize. What's your dosing history? You mention shrooms and a 100 mic dose. Have you dosed for a lot (any psychedelic) over many years? I only ask because, in my case, I think my hppd was cumulative. I had some minor symptoms after my first experience (guessing 250 mics) but nothing major. However, the six years of almost constant dosing cemented it. The less you've done the better off you are. I'm no expert. Just some old guy who's had this condition since he was a kid. Stop taking psychoactive substances at least for a while. See how you do. Even if all of your symptoms don't go away you can live a vibrant life.
  12. I was told that loud music over a long period of time can cause tinnitus. Since I was a kid I've always loved going to rock shows and, as you all know, those events can be LOUD. Strangely enough, my hearing is still quite good for an old guy. As I said, I'm not going to stop going. My wife and I went to a show last night and the crickets are chirping in my head. Worth it though. Nothing like a great show.
  13. I have terrible tinnitus. It started about 4 years ago and it's really loud. I my case I think decades of loud music was the cause. Doctors have been useless and I'm not going to stop going to shows so I just ignore it the best I can.
  14. My hppd has improved significantly over decades. The CEVs are gone as is the anxiety. In my 20s I drank quite a bit to deal with my anxiety caused by this disorder. I honestly don't think it made my hppd worse (visual hallucinations mostly). That being said, it masked the root causes of my anxiety which were all waiting for me when I quit drinking. Not sure about nicotine. Some in here say it makes their symptoms worse. We're all different I guess.
  15. If you're dealing with anxiety you might consider meditation (aka mindfullness). It takes practice, dedication, and time to start working but it DOES work. You don't need a guru, crystals, or anything else. Just a quiet place to "be". There are a lot of Web sites that describe the practice. I learned at a local teaching hospital. It got me off high blood pressure meds. Food for thought I guess.
  16. Being physically tired from exercise helps my internal mental chatter quiet down. When that lessens I can focus. When I'm focused ... well I've written that already. I don't think exercise is ever a bad thing for those who are able. It can make one feel exhausted, but it's a mellow exhaustion.
  17. Yeah. Alcohol is not a solution. Over time it beats up the mind and body. When I quit all of my issues were waiting for me unresolved. I've found that sobriety is the best medicine.
  18. How long ago did you stop? There can be lingering effects following an intense trip that last for a while. You've only dosed three times and the doses were not extreme. I'm no expert but it's very possible that your symptoms will moderate and may dissapear. You've stopped using which is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Bouncing back can take time so be patient. For me, staying focused and moving on with life helped a lot.
  19. I drank when I was in my 20s. Basically self medication for the anxiety caused by this disorder. I don't think drinking made my symptoms worse, but it made the rest of my life more difficult. Quit drinkin' ages ago. Don't miss it a bit.
  20. Keep moving. Exercise is a great way to gain focus. Also, stay focused, or at least try to. I've found that when I concentrate on something I don't hallucinate. When I drift, then they come back.
  21. No psychosis here. I do have what I would call "genuine" hallucinations. Patterns and designs are everywhere, most of the time. As I've mentioned before, anything with a texture or fine grain (like a road surface or a carpet) shifts and transforms into designs, shapes, animals, etc.. The only time I get auditory hallucinations is when I consume MJ (a very very rare event these days). For what it's worth.
  22. First off, don't panic. You haven't dosed too many times (roughly a dozen). If you stop now chances are good that you could have significant improvement. If you're consuming MJ it might be a good idea to lay off at least for a while. For many MJ magnifies the symptoms. For me, it makes visuals intolerable. It could take awhile for your symptoms to improve so be patient. As others have suggested avoiding psychedelics is sound advice. Hang in there.
  23. Yup. I was kidding about being "normal". I went on to say that all I have now are the visuals. No more DP/DR in my experience. Did I mention that I struggle communicating with humans? (:
  24. Normal? I'd never claim to be "normal". I basically have visuals now and that's it. Even those have moderated over the years. Either that or I'm just used to my hallucinations.