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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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MadDoc last won the day on May 22

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About MadDoc

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    Walking, hiking, the mountains. Reading, concerts, family. Politically active. 50s Sci-Fi movies. Philosophy.

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  1. Thank you for posting. The fact that your symptoms are improving is great news! Keep posting to let people know what's working for you. It might help someone else in the future.
  2. @justhere Never give into the negative messages the mind sends to your conciseness. Nothing wants you "dead". Keep fighting! Show this disorder that you're not going to give up. There are times when things seem bleak and depression takes hold. I understand that. It can take a while to find what coping mechanisms work for you. You'll find them as long as you keep trying. Hang in there, NEVER give up!
  3. For me, it's just the opposite. In the morning I don't notice my symptoms as much. As the day wears on and stress accumulates, the visuals get more intrusive.
  4. @Jay1 I couldn't agree more. Drugs like LSD and MDMA seem to help some people. However, it needs to approached carefully, be monitored, and combined with more traditional therapies. Regulation and accountability of the care provider should be carefully monitored.
  5. 90 percent is huge! That's wonderful! If you've recovered that much in two years, I think you'll see continued improvement. Whatever you're doing to deal with this disorder, keep at it! In the future someone will come to this forum, read your post, and it'll give them hope.
  6. I'm going to bring up meditation again. I even roll my own eyes I bring it up so often. So, here I go again. I too went through a phase of hyper-awareness. Every little thing became significant and simply "being" became more and more difficult. Compound this with a brain that was constantly chattering away and my stress started to become a health issue. I had a great doctor who sent me to meditation training. I stuck with it, practicing every day. At first it did very little. Over time I suddenly "got" how it was helping and it has helped me immensely. Without the practice, at a minimum, I'd be far more depressive and wound up. It levels the brain by teaching you how to choose which thoughts to "unpackage". Over time this ability becomes more of a reflex action. It doesn't cost anything other than time. You don't need a guru, crystals, or whatever. You just need a comfortable place to sit, persistence, and patience. Thought it was worth a mention (again).
  7. What sets me off? Any non-prescription cold medication. Even a tiny amount of pseudoephedrine feels like a nasty form of speed. Anything with dxm makes me feel sick. I'm talking about the correct dosage. Acetaminophen knocks me out. I'd rather be sick than take any cold/flu medications. At one point in my life I was given beta blockers to control my blood pressure. The doctor said it was a "minimal" dose. After I started taking it I became very depressed and I felt like I was in a fog all the time. On the other hand, I love hot peppers. I literally feel euphoric after eating hots. Almost like a mild opiate. I don't see a downside to that so I eat lots of hots. I avoid processed foods because they generally make me feel awful. I don't know if it's the chemicals, colorings, sodium or what, it makes me feel like I have a hangover. Cannabis is out of the question. Even a particle of weed sends me into a panic attack. However, I take CBD because just a small amount helps my insomnia. Perhaps I'm just a hypochondriac but I don't think so. Something is going on.
  8. When my daughter was about 5 or 6 she said to me "Dad, I like to make pictures in the trees". She's now making a respectable living as a working artist (ok, I'm bragging a bit, I'm SO proud of her). In any case I too wonder if this predisposed me to the visual aspects of hppd, my most significant symptom. Again, thank you for your responses. Communicating with someone who has had visuals for so long, and thrived, really helps.
  9. Wonderful to hear that things are improving. I think one of the things this forum communicates is that things often do get better. Sometimes just minor progress, but for most of us that's encouraging. I know what you mean about sensitivity to anything we ingest. Most of my life I've felt very sensitive to certain foods/spices. Also, I have a "over the top" reaction to "over the counter" medications. Interesting.
  10. My paternal grandfather had some issues. As the stories go, he used to "see" ghosts and had occasional fits of rage. That's all I know about it. My father, mother, and siblings have have no significant mental health issues. Same with the extended family.
  11. Interesting questions I've thought about it a lot over the years. I stay in contact with some of the people I used to dose with. They dosed as much as me and we took the same variety of psychedelics. I'm the only one who ended up with hppd. They all report being a little more strange than most, but no overt symptoms. When I was really young, I could see cartoons playing out in the branches of the trees at night if I stared long enough. I would see shapes in the space between branches during the day. It's like I born with some sort of enhanced pattern recognition or visual imagination. This was long before I discovered drugs. The visuals I have now aren't really the same, but I wonder if I was predisposed or if my brain was wired differently. I sometimes wonder if I had only taken "clean" LSD, would I have been afflicted. When I was young the acid we got wasn't very pure. I suspect it was mixed with something like speed or STP (DOM) because it was speedy and would last for 18+ hours (DOM wasn't uncommon back then). Clean acid isn't like that. I wonder if that adulterated "acid" had something to do with it. I also think dosing so young (and so often) was a factor. Started just before my 14th birthday and continued until I turned 20. My childhood was stable. No abuse or anything like that. My folks are good people. A lot to ponder, but no firm answers.
  12. Back in the early 80s I spoke to a doctor about it. The doctor basically said I deserved what I got for taking illegal drugs. That really shocked me. I haven't brought it up with a doctor since. Quite a few years ago I told another doctor I had a "stress disorder" but never mentioned how it came about. She sent me to meditation courses and it helped immensely. I have a young primary care physician now, I'm thinking about bringing it up with her. I figure, why not? I'm almost 60, I've learned to live with it. I've been called a workaholic because I'm always working on something. It keeps the hallucinations at bay. Yeah, it's been a long haul, but life is good and I'm happy. Thank you for your reply.
  13. Challenging yourself by taking demanding courses is an excellent strategy. It's what I did once I stopped dosing. When I'm focused, I don't notice my symptoms as much. Keep pushing toward your goals!
  14. I felt the same way when I found this forum. I was finally not alone with this disorder. If it's only been three to four weeks, give yourself some time. You went through a very intense experience and it can take a while to settle back down. I especially remember DMT being like that. I remember it used to make me like I'd stepped up to some abyss, like stepping up to the edge of the Grand Canyon. That always made me feel uneasy and just strange for a while. I've taken the "no medication" approach to dealing with this disorder so I'm not much help there. I understand, medications have helped many people in this forum so I'm not knocking them. It's just not the path I chose. I'm glad you found this forum. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Your experiences may help others in the future. Also, dig into the conversations. A lot of very bright people post here. Their advice and experiences have helped me a great deal. Take care and hang in there.
  15. In life, there is always change. We move, new jobs, school. People drift in, people drift out, and sometimes we lose someone. Without a disorder like hppd, life constantly shifting can be hard to deal with. Having this disorder can amplify the stress of change. All we can do is the best we can do. I found that facing change and dealing with it gets me through. I don't want to turn into someone who insulates themselves to avoid the stress of change. I can see how I could have easily taken that route. Also, wherever you end up, however life changes, stand up and be proud of who you are. Just because we have a disability doesn't mean we're lesser people.
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