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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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MadDoc last won the day on August 18

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About MadDoc

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    Walking, hiking, the mountains. Reading, concerts, family. Politically active. 50s Sci-Fi movies. Philosophy.

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  1. MadDoc

    do i have hppd?

    You dosed on mushrooms just once before the brownie? Note, I'm no doctor, nor am I an expert when it comes to hppd. I suspect if you avoid drugs you will level out in a few months. You may have the early indicators that you're susceptible to hppd. Don't tempt fate! Stay clean, keep focused, and don't dwell on the symptoms you're experiencing. I can't stress enough though, stay clean. Take care
  2. MadDoc

    I'm crazy

    "What type of math did you study?" My undergraduate degree was in math. My concentration was what they called "Abstract Algebra" aka Algebra. Graduate school ended up being computer science. I would have loved to continue with math but I had a wife and two babies to support. Also, I'm just too strange for a life in acedemia provided I could have pulled that off at all.
  3. MadDoc

    Almost 9 months..

    I started dosing young, just prior to my 14th birthday. I went through some rough and stressful years after I stopped when I was 20. You said "May we all find happiness again". After heavy dosing for six years, I didn't think I could be happy again. The chemicals that kept me fueled through my teens were no longer working and I realized that I had done some damage to my mind. It took some years of hard work, but I found happiness again. There's nothing special about me. I'm just an average human, but now I'm happy. It took focused effort, setting goals and not giving up. I think the hardest part was realizing that because I'm human, I'm flawed, but now I'm OK with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that happiness is attainable even when you're in a dark place. One step at a time, stumble, get back up and try again. Take care.
  4. MadDoc

    I'm crazy

    Thank you. I'm not sure if I'm particularly wise. I also hope I didn't go overboard giving a sobriety lecture. It's just what worked for me. Many of my hppd symptoms cleared up and I attribute that to sobriety, though it took a long time. I know people who live happy lives using drugs like alcohol and cannabis in moderation. I'm not one of those people. I had to stay sober to reconstruct my life, get an education (I also studied mathematics), provide for my family, and to not allow reality to dissolve into madness. I guess it's a matter of deciding what we want in life. Hppd can be debilitating disorder. You've accomplished so much, don't let hppd get a foothold!
  5. MadDoc

    My experience ...

    Natural ways? First off, stop using mind altering chemicals. I can't stress that enough. Second, stay focused. School, hobbies, family, work, anything to keep your mind engaged. I follow a diet that avoids processed foods. I also don't eat meat or dairy, but I understand that being vegan isn't for everyone. You're exercising and that's great way to keep the body and mind healthy. I've found meditation to be very helpful. Basically, it's just mental focus but it has helped me immensely. I hope that helps. Take care.
  6. MadDoc

    I'm crazy

    The psychedelic realm. I spent six years there. I found that my early trips had something to teach, then dosing just turned into something to do. After a while it can actually get boring. Life is short and the older you get, the faster it moves. I'd focus on perusing the things that make you happy. Focus on your education, your wife, your kids (if you have any). I used to think psychedelics were the answer and the path to happiness. I was wrong. Instead, sobriety brought me happiness. I haven't dosed in almost 40 years and don't miss it one bit. However, I live with visuals that will probably never go away. Take care of your mind, we only get one travelling through whatever "this" is.
  7. MadDoc

    Hello Everyone :)

    Psychedelics can make us question the very things that keep us grounded. That can be stressful! Stick to the things that keep you focused. Playing music and going to school are excellent activities to keep you engaged. I may have misunderstood what you said, so the following may not be relevant. You mention that you consider yourself to be a decent guy. Taking psychedelics doesn't mean you're suddenly a bad person. I'm sure you're still a decent person. People I've talked to in the past have told me they feel like terrible people because they ingested a mind altering chemical. IMHO, if you're a decent person before you dose, then you're still a decent person. You've just had a dip in the non-ordinary reality pool. Exercise and sticking to a good diet can certainly help (healthy body, healthy mind). For me, staying focused on school, work, my family, hobbies, etc. helped me keep it together. Give yourself some time and I suspect you will start to level out. Hang in there and take care.
  8. Relax, I doubt you're permanently damaged your brain. The weed these days is so powerful and the CBD has mostly been bred out it. If you smoke frequently it's no surprise you're feeling a little off. Take a break from smoking weed for a few months. You'll probably level out after some time passes. It never hurts to talk to your doctor if you're concerned. Hang in there, take care of yourself.
  9. Agreed. Getting on with life is very important. I've had this condition for roughly 40 years as well. Like having any other disability you have to accept the fact that you have it, do what you can to help with healing, and get your life moving. For me, sobriety was key.
  10. MadDoc

    Travelling with HPPD.

    Sweden is a wonderful country. Well, at least it was when I was there. I went to elementary school for a year in Stockholm. About ten years ago I visited again. Good people the Swedes.
  11. MadDoc

    Travelling with HPPD.

    For work I travel to the Czech Republic roughly every three months. The first trip anywhere, for anyone, can be anxious. Most of the people you encounter in Europe speak english. If that's your primary language it shouldn't be a problem. Just relax and take it as it comes. Keep reminding yourself everything will be ok. The world has gotten smaller and foreign lands are familiar. In Prague Starbucks is a common sight. Traveling on a plane can be an anxious experience. I load music that I love on my phone and try to forget where I am. Yes, planes are weird, but they're very safe. Airports a just a pain in the ass, but if you stay calm, they're easy to navigate. Enjoy your travels. Having this disorder doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful journey.
  12. MadDoc

    Nervous and Confused

    Youre not panicking yet, and try not to. Panicking solves nothing and you need to approach what you're dealing with in a rational manner You've dosed a lot over a short period of time so it's not surprising that you're having some visual wierdness. I used to take sizable doses and it would leave the world a bit strange afterwards. My one piece of advice is to stop dosing. I can't stress this enough. Give yourself some time to level out so you can make a clear headed evaluation of your being. You mention you're afraid of being sober. I used to think psychedelics were an answer. I was wrong. After I stopped dosing, and after drinking too much for a while, I finally got my sobriety to take hold and it was the best decision I ever made. I'm not saying you should never drink, or never smoke a joint again. What I am saying is don't be afraid of sobriety. Sometimes it's tough being human but the crap life can throw at you is much more manageable with a clear head. Understand that hppd can be a severe disorder. I'm not saying you have it, I'm not qualified to do that. If you're in the minority susceptible to this disorder, the fewer times you dose, the better. I'm not a medical professional nor am I an expert when it comes to hppd. I'm an old guy who, when he was young, dosed heavily for too long I have visuals to this day. I wish I had the sense to stop dosing when I was young. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
  13. MadDoc

    negative

    (Edit) I didn't realize the original post was from three years ago. OK, so I'm a bit of a space. There is always hope. I don't think there is an adult alive who hasn't had their heart broken. It can plunge anyone into depression but add hppd symptoms to the mix and it can be rough. There's someone out there for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet. Testimonial time. I'm an older guy who has been on this planet for almost 60 years. Over time, most of my symptoms have gone away. I still live with visuals but they don't bother me much anymore. People with hppd can be successful, happy, raise families, get a higher education, and so forth. We have a disability and like any other person with a disability, we can move forward with life and have a wonderful time doing it. Never give up. There is always hope.
  14. MadDoc

    any advice?

    First off relax and don't focus on the symptoms too much. If you've only smoked weed a few times, things will probably level out given some time. As the previous post said, be patient. It can take a while. Try to stay focused. For me being focused really helps. School, a hobby, reading, etc. Keep the brain engaged. Personally, I can't touch cannabis. It's not for everybody. You've learned that weed isn't for you, and fortunately, you learned this early on. I wish I had done the same with my psychedelic use. Hang in there and take care.
  15. MadDoc

    What can be a trigger for visuals?

    For me, just staring at something when my mind isn't focused and the visuals kick in. Surfaces with seemingly random patterns trigger it immediately. Sidewalks, road surfaces, textured ceilings, etc. Cannabis is a huge trigger so I gave that up a long time ago. Lack of sleep, antihistamines, and caffeine also makes it worse.
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