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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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MadDoc last won the day on May 14

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About MadDoc

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    Walking, hiking, the mountains. Reading, concerts, family. Politically active. 50s Sci-Fi movies. Philosophy.

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  1. MadDoc

    Hello All

    What Jay said. Staying clean for a while will give you a baseline as to where you stand. I'm not trying to minimize what you're dealing with, but you're symptoms don't sound too severe. I've also found that hppd doesn't limit my ability to think and reason. I got through college, graduate school and so forth (I hope I don't come off sounding like a bozo). Keep clean, stay focused, exercise and you have an excellent chance of leaving your symptoms behind. Take care, hang in there.
  2. Be patient. Healing can take a long time and the severity of visuals can vary from day to day. You're not taking drugs now. That's the single most important thing you can do. As the last post suggests, focus on trying to get your anxiety under control. I realize that's easier said than done. I find that exercise is one of the best ways to deal with stress. I've also found meditation to be very helpful. Don't stress because a month has gone by with no improvement. It takes time. Hang in there.
  3. Checking back. How are you doing? Any experiences you have helps others. We carry each other (is that a lyric? If so, I can't place it).
  4. Primary visuals. That and the "alien thinking" that countless doses burned into my skull. Neil Young wrote a lyric that is appropriate. "Like visitors from space, it's hard to find a place, to blend in and go unrecognized".
  5. MadDoc

    My story

    I drink my daily cup of tea, and it doesn't make my visuals worse. I quit smoking 30 years ago and haven't touched nicotine since. The last thing I need in my life is to be controlled by an addiction.
  6. MadDoc

    My story

    I'm not qualified to determine if you have hppd. Some of your symptoms do sound "hppd like", but they sound mild. I'm sure they don't seem mild to you, and I'm not trying to downplay your symptoms. The advice most people will give you is "stay clean". Trust me, hppd can be truly debilitating. If you stay clean and give it some time your symptoms will probably improve. If you keep using chemicals MDMA, you're tempting fate. Hang in there.
  7. MadDoc

    help

    Was your "bad trip" caused by psychedelics or weed? THC can cause extreme anxiety in some people. The weed that's available today is powerful! Anxiety can cause a whole host of issues. Don't assume that because you have serious anxiety, you will develop hppd. Stay clean, get some exercise, and find ways to deal with your anxiety. I'm not a doctor, or an expert on hppd. I've just lived with it for a very long time. That being said, I doubt hppd is in your future if you stay clean. Take care and hang in there.
  8. You're asking some tough questions. I'm certainly not qualified to suggest what medications are best for you nor would I suggest you drop your meds outright. That's a conversation you need to have with medical professionals. What I can do is tell you what worked for me. I'd also suggest you dig in to some of the "medication" posts in this forum. I took a natural approach. When I first realized I had a problem even talking about taking psychedelics with a doctor was unthinkable. In addition I have never dealt with bipolar/OCD issues. During those early years, I got my degree and went into my first professional job as a software engineer (you mentioned that you were starting an engineering position). What I found difficult was dealing with people and office life. I took A LOT of psychedelics and it had made me strange to say the least. As for the technical end of it, I just threw myself into it giving the job total attention. I discovered that when I'm focused I don't, for the most part, notice my hppd symptoms. You might find that "total attention" helps you as well. As you can tell, I have no concrete answers, just life experiences. I hope it helps at least a little. Hang in, take care of yourself, and don't give up. Even with hppd there are many people in this forum that are living a happy and productive existence.
  9. Welcome and thank you for posting. It's not always easy to open up about this disorder. It sounds that you're doing all the right things. Staying clean, exercise, and watching your diet. I took a "drug free" approach to dealing with hppd. When I realized I had a problem it was the 1970s and doctors weren't very receptive. That being said, some folks in this forum have had some success with medications. Something to consider. Over the years I found that I had to discover a set of behaviours that worked for me. I don't have any real answers, I just know what worked for me. A daily meditation practice has been life changing. It took me six months of daily practice to really notice the benefits, but it helps with mental focus and it helps to shut off the internal mental chatter that can feed depression. Staying focused and setting goals heled me get through the years. I think a positive attitude goes a long way as well. Don't give up, and never give up on yourself. Also, give yourself some time. Improvement often does come, but it takes time, so be patient. A lot of people in this forum have done some amazing things. This disability doesn't necessarily limit us. A happy and productive life is certainly possible. Hang in there, do the best you can, and take care of yourself.
  10. Try to stay positive. If you can, get out for a walk. Brightens my mood. People around me are hording. It's nearly impossible to find basics like toilet paper. I learned how to cook dried beans because they're a great source of protein for us vegans. One thing you can find in abundance is dried beans! Good eats!
  11. Floaters are very common. I had them when I was young before I discovered drugs. I'd check with an eye doctor. At the very least he/she can tell you if the floaters you're experiencing are caused by something physical.
  12. @Stuie I'm not a doctor or any sort of hppd expert. I'm just an old guy who has had this disorder for a long time. Keep that in mind while reading this When I was dosing, like you, I dosed frequently and I tended to take high doses. Unfortunately, I kept dosing after I noticed my visuals weren't going away after I came down. What I ended up with is visuals for life. Some of my other symptoms subsided like CEVS and anxiety, but it took decades. It's interesting that your symptoms come in bursts. Is there anything that seems to trigger them? Stressful situations, is it random, something else? Do the visuals always come with the anxiety? When you don't notice anxiety/visuals, do you otherwise feel OK? As for suggestions, I can only tell you what I did. I don't take medications, but there are people in here who have had success with them. For me, I noticed that when my mind is focused, I don't notice my symptoms. I meditate daily which helps with mental focus, lessens anxiety, and helps me control that internal mental chatter. I stay as busy as possible which is basically being focused. Exercise helps me a lot as does eating a clean diet. That's me, everyone is different. Most importantly, stay away from psychoactive chemicals. If you keep dosing, it probably will get worse. Please understand that if you do have hppd, it's very possible to live a wonderful, happy, and productive life. Hang in there, and take care.
  13. Wow. There is no excuse for being mean. If someone posts a link you don't agree with, perhaps you could help them understand why you disagree with the article. We don't want people to stop sharing information because it doesn't meet some intellectual hurdle. If you disagree, explain why instead of taking a virtual swipe at someone. We're here to help one another, cutting people down doesn't accomplish that.
  14. I drank for a while after I quit dosing. I found that my hppd symptoms were much worse with a hangover, especially the anxiety. It sounds like you were getting mild visuals when you consumed weed. Perhaps the symptoms were "just under the surface" and consuming alcohol tipped the balance. It's so hard to say. That being said, that's really rough! To not dose for years only to have symptoms show up. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
  15. Weed also puts me in a bad place. Rapid heartbeat, panic, and what's I describe a "alien thought patterns". If you're having good luck recovering from hppd, why start smoking weed again? Why risk it? I'm not trying to give a sobriety lecture, but I've been so much happier being clean. There's so much to do in life, and having a clear mind helped me do life my way (queue tacky Frank Sinatra song "My Way").
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