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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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MadDoc last won the day on March 24

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About MadDoc

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    Walking, hiking, the mountains. Reading, concerts, family. Politically active. 50s Sci-Fi movies. Philosophy.

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  1. In life, there is always change. We move, new jobs, school. People drift in, people drift out, and sometimes we lose someone. Without a disorder like hppd, life constantly shifting can be hard to deal with. Having this disorder can amplify the stress of change. All we can do is the best we can do. I found that facing change and dealing with it gets me through. I don't want to turn into someone who insulates themselves to avoid the stress of change. I can see how I could have easily taken that route. Also, wherever you end up, however life changes, stand up and be proud of who you are. Just because we have a disability doesn't mean we're lesser people.
  2. Welcome. Your post was well written and communicates a lot. No need to apologize for a long post. It sounds like a lot is going on in your life. It's very likely your body and mind is adjusting to not having any THC. The weed these days is POWERFUL and it's no surprise that you're feeling off. I'm curious, did you dose a lot? I'm asking because the more you dose, the higher the likelihood of having some level of hppd symptoms (note, I'm not a doctor, just an old guy who has had hppd for a long time). It's difficult to say if you have hppd. If you're concerned you're doing the single best thing you can do, staying sober. Keep clean for some number of months and see how you're doing. It's very possible you will level out. In the mean time, take care of yourself. Keep posting to let us know how you're doing. Your experiences could help others.
  3. Keep posting if you have the notion. Your experiences can help others.
  4. @Beefheartfan Surround yourself with those who care about you. I realize the brain can send constant negative messages to the surface. There are ways to control these thoughts and keep them from constantly replaying in your mind. For me, setting goals and working toward them helped a lot. It kept me focused and kept me from imploding. When I look back, I feel proud of what I've done and that feels better than any drug ever could. I'm nobody special, just another human stumbling around. If I can feel good about my life, anyone can with a little hard work. I'm not a religious sort, but I think it's a miracle that we're the matter that woke up to experience whatever "this" is. We're here for a very short time. You're not only matter, YOU matter.
  5. Yes! Back when I used to take psychedelics, I rarely felt any sort of anxiety. By the time I quit I realized that I was in rough shape. Anxiety was a BIG problem early on. Consuming cannabis made it much much worse. Even one hit of weed could put me into a full blown paranoid panic attack. Over time, my anxiety dissipated for the most part as long as I stay sober. I tried cannabis some time ago (ten years ago?) and it still makes my anxiety and visuals go crazy. I mean, to the point that I think I'm having a heart attack. There is someone in this forum who describes hppd as "being on a low dose of acid after the learning and euphoria are gone" (roughly what he said). I still feel slightly dosed after all the years I've been clean. So yes, it's common for those of us with this disorder.
  6. I had to relearn to focus. When I stopped dosing it felt like all I could manage was to let my mind drift. I forced myself to go through regimented mental exercises that slowly helped me get my brain working. Every day, day after day. It helped a lot.
  7. MadDoc

    Intro

    For me, it was to just try harder. Ages ago, when I would try to read a book, shapes would form around the text. The shapes would start to move around as well. In any case it made it very difficult to read. I forced myself to sit down and read every day. After a while the hallucinations went away as long as I was focused. As soon as I lose that focus, the hallucinations come back but at least I could read. Fast forward a number of decades and reading is easy. Fighting back and not giving up is what got me through.
  8. As for medications, I'd look into the "medications" area of this forum. You may want to post your question there. I think there are a lot of people who do make a full, or nearly full recovery. What happens though is people who do recover drift away from this forum so we don't hear about it (not my observation, another person broght that up and it makes sense). Because you've only dosed three times, and because your symptoms appear to be mild, I suspect any remnants left over from psychedelics will fade. It really does sound like anxiety is your biggest issue. You're seeking treatment for your anxiety which is an important step forward. In life, there are some things we can change, and others we can't. Never give up on yourself. Find your inner strength and use it to help you move your life in a positive direction. There are some people in this forum with severe cases of hppd who have done some amazing things.
  9. I've tried an array of natural therapies for anxiety over the years. For me, none of the herbs, plants, etc. on their own did much. However, eating a simple diet consisting of natural foods helped me feel better overall. I stick to a vegan diet and avoid fast and packaged food. I'm not preaching, it just works for me. I also stick to a daily meditation practice which has been a huge help treating my anxiety (I mention this all too often and it's probably getting repetitive). I use CBD when I have insomnia and it works well. I don't take any pharmaceuticals. That's me, we all have to find our own path to wellness. It's like a puzzle you have to solve. Dig through the forums. Some people have had success with herbal treatments. Others have had success with prescribed medications. Lots of smart people post here.
  10. Have you had your eyes checked? I have visuals most of the time, but I've never had an issue with double vision. Strangely enough, I've never had what's described as visual snow either. We're all different so there isn't one set of symptoms that fits everyone. Understand, I'm not a doctor. My opinions are based on what you've written. You've only dosed three times. I'm convinced that if I had stopped dosing early, I wouldn't have perminent visuals. It's been only 90 days since your last dose. It can take a while to bounce back. You mention you detect some movement when you look at a speaker. I see patterns, faces, animals, weird symbols, etc. If you do have early hppd symptoms, they sound mild. It really does sound like anxiety is an issue for you. You have someone helping you with that, that's excellent! Many people's symptoms improve over time, but be patient. One more thing. I've had hppd for decades but I've had a wonderful life. Even if you have a mild form of hppd, you can have a very bright future. Again, stay clean, stay focused, and stay strong. Being human is difficult for anyone especially as the world speeds up. All we can do, is the best we can do. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. There are some really bright people who post here who may have some good suggestions. I hope what I've written makes sense. It's late, and my old skull needs sleep.
  11. I don't think you have hppd. I honestly don't. Try not to dwell on the symptoms you do notice. In other words, don't feed them. Focus on those things that will improve your life and make you happy. Over time, I suspect what symptoms you have will improve. You've decided to stop using drugs. That's the single best thing you can do to avoid hppd. I'm not saying you should never have a drink or have a little nicotine. I am saying that avoiding psychedelics and cannabis is the safest thing to do. Give your symptoms time to subside. It can take months, so be patient. Also, don't attribute every anomaly to hppd. As humans our sensory interpretation isn't always perfect. For example, double vision may very have nothing to do with taking psychedelics. Thank you for posting. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
  12. Yes! I used to have a terrible time with my blood pressure. It was all over the place. I bought an accurate BP kit ages ago. Sometimes it would be normal. Sometimes something as simple as a stressful thought could send it through the roof. At the doctor's office it was always really high. I've had my heart imaged twice because the doctor thought it was going to explode ( it was fine). So, for years it was a problem. What helped? (Here I go again), daily meditation practice. When I refused the BP meds, my doctor sent me to an eight week meditation training (evenings). I stuck with the practice and now my BP is fairly stable. Daily exercise has helped as well. I also think avoiding the industrial diet has helped too. I still have the issue to some extent, but it has mellowed considerably. Age has something to do with that.
  13. Twelve days isn't much time. You may just be experiencing the remnants of your recent experience. I'm not a doctor or a medical professional. That being said, in my opinion, you're going to be fine because your symptoms sound mild. I realize it may not feel that way because it's happening to you, and I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through. Hppd can be debilitating and it sounds like you're doing pretty well. Stay clear of psychedelics and cannabis. Try not to put too much focus on the symptoms you're experiencing. Instead, focus on your daily tasks, challenges, and fun. Take care of yourself, and hang in there.
  14. MadDoc

    Help haha

    First of all welcome. If you're seeking out this forum you're concerned about your well being and that concern is a healthy sign. You mention being into the rave scene. Understand that I'm old and probably don't really understand what that means. That being said, I've continued to go to shows, festivals, and other "events" after I stopped dosing. I attend clean and sober. If you enjoy raves, you can still go and be drug free as long as you commit to it. I'm sorry if that came off sounding like sobriety lecture. That wasn't my intent. We make choices as to what we put into our bodies. The external stimuli isn't an imperative to use drugs. Don't beat yourself up for using drugs. It's done and we can't change the past. Learn from what you've been through and move forward. Understand that hppd can be debilitating. If you're susceptible to this disorder the best thing to do is to stop using drugs, at least for a while, and the assess how you're doing. I can't touch THC because it makes my visuals unbearable and it gives me panic attacks. However, I do take CBD to level myself out and as a insomnia treatment. Something to consider. You're young and have a life ahead of you. I've been stuck with relentless visuals for 40 years. Take a long hard look at what you want in your life. Take care of yourself, and keep posting if it helps.
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