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MadDoc last won the day on October 23

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About MadDoc

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  1. Sobriety has treated me well. There was a time where I felt life without drugs would be dull and unexciting. I've found the opposite to be true. I'm not a religious sort, but every sober day feels like a miracle. Sounds stupid, but that's how it registers in my coconut.
  2. Give yourself some time. A couple of months isn't much. Staying clean is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Keep up the jogging, exercise is good too! Try not to be pessimistic. Chances are your symptoms will improve as long as you stay clean. A positive attitude goes a long way. KB, I agree. The chemicals available now are scary. They have no track record and they're constantly tweaking these molecules so they're "legal". People, be careful!
  3. David, excellent post! In my experience hppd is quite uncommon. I'm still in touch with the people I dosed with decades ago. I was the only one who ended up with this condition. Granted, that's a small sample size of about a dozen people. That being said none of them had even heard of anyone with long term post-dose symptoms. Understand that we indulged nearly continually for quite a few years. This is just about the only place I post. The internet is a place I find unnerving and prefer to keep a low profile. My point? I don't know really. Your post just got me thinking. K.B. I hear what you're saying about the 60s generating acting like drug use was a badge of honor. In the late 60s I was a pre-teen who was fascinated by these stories. I couldn't wait to give it a try. My drug use was at best misguided and at worst, self destructive. Raising kids is hard but as parents we need to set a healthy example. I was very blunt with my kids when it came to drugs. I realized the mandatory DARE program in the US was telling them half truths and they knew it. Because of that a lot of kids thought the dangers were lies fashioned as a means of control. That being said, I didn't open up about my use until they were out of college. Again, I don't have a point really. Just thoughts tumbling in the brain.
  4. Hi Johan. When I was first struggling with this disorder I attributed anything and everything as a trigger. Over time I realized that the stress of thinking about some medication, food, or activity was actually the culprit. There certainly are some foods and medications that can cause issues but these generally contain something like cafeine, dxm, nicotine, or a heap of sugar. Everyone is different though. The fact that you're here and the fact that you want to be well and move forward with your life are excellent first steps. There are some in here who have recovered. There are others, like me, who have adapted. Life with hppd can be productive and wonderful. I mean that. Hang in there.
  5. Satiate or indica, I can't touch it. I get panic attacks, paranoia, my visuals go through the roof, and my thinking seems alien. Strange thing is, I have friends who dosed as much as I did and they have no problems with cannabis. Then again, they never got hppd.
  6. I say this in almost every post, and I'm going to say it again. What helped my anxiety is daily meditation practice. It teaches your mind to focus on "now" instead of living in the past or fearing the future. It takes a while to start working and you have to practice daily. You don't need a guru or crystals or any thing. Search for "mindfulness meditation". There are a lot of sites that describe the practice. Take care.
  7. Give yourself some time. Your first psychedelic experience can leave you rattled for a while. The good news is you've only dosed once, and you've decided to stop. Chances are your symptoms will moderate but give yorself some time. I think it's perfectly natural to focus on residual effects of psychedelics. It's a powerful experience and it can change you to some extent. I found simple acceptance of my condition, getting focused, and moving on with my life helped. Don't give up and don't let it get the best of you. I wish I had learned my lesson after my first dose. Instead it left me wanting to do it more and more. You are very wise to stay clean.
  8. After I stopped dosing I realized that I had a real issue. That was in 1980. I realized that something wasn't right while I was dosing but just assumed it would clear up. For many years I felt very alone with this disorder. The internet didn't exist yet. I mean who do you talk to? When I found this forum it was a huge relief. Not only did my condition have a name but there was a group of people with the same affliction. For the first time in decades I didn't feel singled out. Welcome. Take some time to read some of the threads. There are some very bright people posting here.
  9. I had intense CEVs. They weren't scary. Instead they were crazy twitted shapes and scenes that would twist and morph into other things. Very colorful as well. I think it was the worst symptom because there was no escape. When my eyes were open, I'd hallucinate, closed the crazy images. However, my CEVS have basically dissapeared. For a few months, instead of crazy images, I'd see symmetric circular designs that looked like a maze. These would flicker. Then those dissapeared. I "sort of" have CEVS but they're like faint shadows and I have to "look" for them to "see" them at all. Not perfect but I'll take what I can get.
  10. I hear what you're saying. This is the way I look at it. If I were to lose a leg, or lose my eye sight, or get cancer then what would I do? I'd go through a phase of "this isn't fair" which I did when I realized that I had this disorder. I think that's a normal reaction. There are certain things we can do like staying sober and taking care of our bodies. However, there are some things we just can't change. For me it was a matter of saying "I'm living my life and I'm doing it regardless of the hand I've been dealt". Give yourself some time. My psychedelic use was rather extreme but over time certain symptoms have moderated significantly. There is always hope.
  11. I can't consume cannabis. It makes my visuals run riot and the anxiety returns. Generally, anxiety isn't an issue with me. But with weed, BAM! It comes back full force. I stay clear of it.
  12. Roughly 40 years. I first noticed it when I was 14, but it wasn't until I was 20 that i realized my visuals weren't going away. I'm 58 now. It's been a long haul but life is good and I'm looking forward to some more decades on this planet.
  13. When I quit smoking I had bad nicotine withdrawal which made my visuals very intense. It wasn't a surprise really. If a few hour had gone by without a smoke the craving and the visuals would always coincide. As for weed, can't touch it. It makes my visuals and anxiety skyrocket. My advice is give you lungs a break and stay away from tobacco. If you need nicotine there are gums, patches, etc. We all have different ways of getting through each day. Take care of yourself and I hope your symptoms subside.
  14. Just to be clear, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. It's just that I had a rough time getting off tobacco. Back then, back in the pre-nicorette days, tobacco was the only source of nicotine. If I'd kept smoking I'd be a very sick human by now. Quitting was horrible, just horrible. Nicotine is a sneaky molecule. Once it gets you, it doesn't let go without a fight.
  15. Think twice before you decide to continue smoking. Nicotine is a terrible and expensive addiction. I quit smoking 30 years ago and it still nags at me once in a while. That being said, I don't remember nicotine making my visuals worse. What made them worse was when the nicotine levels dropped and I'd get that anxious feeling. When I quit my visuals were awful until the physical withdrawal was over. About two weeks if I recall.