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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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MadDoc last won the day on July 15

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About MadDoc

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    Walking, hiking, the mountains. Reading, concerts, family. Politically active. 50s Sci-Fi movies. Philosophy.

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  1. Our stories sound similar. I fist dosed in 1973, i was almost 14 years old and thought I knew everything. How drugs like LSD were available to a kid of 13 is beyond me. By the time I was 20, I figured it was time to hang it up. I struggled with hppd, and still do. I also have a remarkably "normal" life. I've been married for almost 40 years and have two great kids (kids in their mid-30s). I refer to myself as a "misplaced alien". My view of the world, reality, humor, etc. Is definitely strange. I'm certain the truck load of psychedelics i took had something to do with that. Over the years I've adopted tequniques to control my symptoms, but they're certainly not a cure. My visuals are still distracting. Thank you for posting!
  2. My practice is best described as "mindful meditation" aka "mindfulness". You don't need no chant from nobody. If you can breathe, you can do it. Don't be discouraged if you don't see benefits early. Scheduling time daily can actually be stressful at first, but stick with it. It takes time, but it REALLY helps and improves the quality of life.
  3. I meditate daily and have been practicing for many years. The key word is "practice". Just like learning to play a musical instrument, it's important to keep at it even if it doesn't "click" right away. At one point in my life I was storing too much stress, anxiety, and was struggling with bouts of depression. My doctor recommended that I take meditation training being taught at a local teaching hospital. It took me (memory is a bit fuzzy here) about six months before I realized how much better I was doing. For me the benefits are: I can shut of the chatter in my head. So often we can relive unpleasant memories. Meditation teaches you that you can choose to "unpack" a memory or not. Reduced stress. I think this is because you can learn to "be". I can put my mind into a "now". No past, no future, just now. Focus: Meditation is basically mental focus. It extends other areas where you need mental focus. My hallucinations are at their worst when my mind is unfocused. I could go on and on. I highly recommend getting started. In the past I've said that I think meditation saved me (that and sobriety). For me, my hppd symptoms are manageable because I meditate and because I've stayed clean. It most definitely does not make my symptoms worse! You don't need a guru or crystals. You just need a safe quiet place and a little time.
  4. In my 20s I drank far more than I should to deal with my hppd symptoms. I rarely got out of control, but I definitely drank too much. Over time, I didn't have it in control, it had control over me. The day after made my symptoms worse, especially anxiety. Also, even on days I didn't have a hangover I noticed my anxiety was getting worse, not better. I stopped drinking and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself (and did for my wife and kids). I'm apologize if it sounds like I'm giving a temperance lecture. I'm not trying to tell you, or anybody, how to live their life. Some people can control their alcohol consumption. Others, like me, can't. Throw in the anxiety caused by hppd and alcohol becomes all too tempting. I don't have any advice to reduce "hangover hppd" except to not drink. Take care and be well.
  5. @muzcore84 coming here to get help and to help others is what it's all about.. I suspect there are others out there who had a similar reaction to Salvia. Your experiences may provide some insight into what they're dealing with. When I first heard about Salvia I had been sober for quite some time, so I, thankfully, next tried it. With its availability, I wonder if there are a lot of people struggling with hppd symptoms after using Salvia. I heard at one time it was being sold in gas stations and convenience stores!
  6. Yes, but when I do my visuals become very active. I try to keep my mind focused on a task, a problem, a memory, whatever. Anything to keep the visuals at bay.
  7. MadDoc

    Update

    It's strange (or I'm strange), I've never had visual snow. Hallucinations yes, but no visual snow. I've wondered if my symptoms are atypical. I guess we're all wired different.
  8. Hi Ben. First off, congratulations for getting off of opiates. It's such a slippery slope and takes too many promising lives. Living with hppd makes us a unique group. For a very long time I was quite alone with this disorder. When I first had symptoms, there was no internet and there was such a stigma that explaining hppd to a doctor really wasn't an option. This forum helped me understand that I'm not alone and it has helped me shed the stigma. Dig around in the threads. Lots of bright people post here.
  9. MadDoc

    Hello All

    What Jay said. Staying clean for a while will give you a baseline as to where you stand. I'm not trying to minimize what you're dealing with, but you're symptoms don't sound too severe. I've also found that hppd doesn't limit my ability to think and reason. I got through college, graduate school and so forth (I hope I don't come off sounding like a bozo). Keep clean, stay focused, exercise and you have an excellent chance of leaving your symptoms behind. Take care, hang in there.
  10. Be patient. Healing can take a long time and the severity of visuals can vary from day to day. You're not taking drugs now. That's the single most important thing you can do. As the last post suggests, focus on trying to get your anxiety under control. I realize that's easier said than done. I find that exercise is one of the best ways to deal with stress. I've also found meditation to be very helpful. Don't stress because a month has gone by with no improvement. It takes time. Hang in there.
  11. Checking back. How are you doing? Any experiences you have helps others. We carry each other (is that a lyric? If so, I can't place it).
  12. Primary visuals. That and the "alien thinking" that countless doses burned into my skull. Neil Young wrote a lyric that is appropriate. "Like visitors from space, it's hard to find a place, to blend in and go unrecognized".
  13. MadDoc

    My story

    I drink my daily cup of tea, and it doesn't make my visuals worse. I quit smoking 30 years ago and haven't touched nicotine since. The last thing I need in my life is to be controlled by an addiction.
  14. MadDoc

    My story

    I'm not qualified to determine if you have hppd. Some of your symptoms do sound "hppd like", but they sound mild. I'm sure they don't seem mild to you, and I'm not trying to downplay your symptoms. The advice most people will give you is "stay clean". Trust me, hppd can be truly debilitating. If you stay clean and give it some time your symptoms will probably improve. If you keep using chemicals MDMA, you're tempting fate. Hang in there.
  15. MadDoc

    help

    Was your "bad trip" caused by psychedelics or weed? THC can cause extreme anxiety in some people. The weed that's available today is powerful! Anxiety can cause a whole host of issues. Don't assume that because you have serious anxiety, you will develop hppd. Stay clean, get some exercise, and find ways to deal with your anxiety. I'm not a doctor, or an expert on hppd. I've just lived with it for a very long time. That being said, I doubt hppd is in your future if you stay clean. Take care and hang in there.
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