mandawithapanda

Well, hello there everyone! My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have HPPD. At first, I didn't really know what I was going through. When I was 15 I had taken LSD for the first time and had a wonderful time. Then when I was 18 I experimented with some RC's. I started to notice that from time to time I'd start to see visuals on the floor and walls but I thought it was pretty cool at the time..hah. Then finally at age 19 was when I took some LSD that was from the Grateful dead family and that's just when things took a turn for the worst..I took 2 tabs of it and let's just say it was the strongest freaking acid I've ever had. I also smoked a really fat bowl and shortly after I seriously thought that I was going to die. My tracers weren't as colorful and making me happy as they usually would and the room felt like it was enclosing on me. I actually started to lose my mind and my grip on reality..which wasn't even that tight to begin with. Scared me enough to never touch acid again. So here I am today, 4 years later and that trip still comes back to haunt me. When I roll on MDMA and even smoke weed the visuals come back and my heart starts pounding extremely hard and the room feels like it's enclosing on me. Sometimes, when I'm in my room in the dark I still feel like I'm tripping. It keeps me up at night and I just can't help but think to myself...is this really gonna happen to me for the rest of my life? How can I do anything for myself if this is all I can ever think about? I honestly thought that I was the only one going through this because a lot of my friends are acid heads and when I try to explain to them what's going on in my head..they just think I'm crazy. But then I found this wonderful website thanks to Reddit! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one going through this. I really hope to find different ways to help me either let this fade away or learn how to cope. For whomever took the time to read this, thank you so much. I really hope I get to hear back from some of you it would help me a lot.