rotbart

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rotbart last won the day on October 19

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About rotbart

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  • Birthday 06/26/1997

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    Braunschweig, Germany

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  1. Most of the time the visuals, head pressure, dpdr and other psychological symptoms are literally torturing me. Sometimes, like <1-2% of the time, I can "enjoy" the symptoms. Neon lights look great at night as well as lights overall on a night walk for example. Sometimes I also enjoy sunset, the colors are more intense and everything looks a bit mystic, like in a movie. But as I said, these are very rare moments. I had it for 1,5 years now.
  2. Please keep us updated on how the trip was going and the aftermath. I'm interested!
  3. Yeah, almost all the time. Kinda like tripping on a microdose of say 2-cb or just having smoked some weed, without - as you mentioned - anything positives to it. In my case, the head pressure and dp/dr is a very big part of the feeling. Man I just wanna feel normal... But sometimes, even though very rarely, I have moments where I really feel back in reality.. mostly for minutes at a time.
  4. I tried Keppra for 1,5 months but it didnt do anything for me. It made my depression hellish and me very tired and fatigued (which I am already without any meds since getting HPPD). But as @TheMythos said, studies and the information on the forums here point to Keppra as the most effective. I might try Lamictal soon. Good luck with your recovery man!
  5. Well my symptoms are technically not improving, they even got a little bit worse. But I got alot better at coping and going out there to go on with my life. Socialising, working part-time, excercising etc. - it's often a pain in the ass because I feel spaced out alot (yk, that trippy feeling, not really being there) and feel fatigued most of the time. I'm still depressed and hopeless regulary but at least I make progress and feel somewhat better and that gives me hope. Sometimes, besides the VS and trippy feel, I acutally feel like my old self. Only for a few minutes up to maybe half an hour but it happens more often. It shows that you can actually do something and improve, even if it's a very slow process.
  6. @dukkha thank you so much for sharing your story! it really gives me hope for the future. and also thank you very much for the kind words. reading your post warmed my heart. I will actually start studying b.sc. mechanical engineering in Darmstadt/Braunschweig this october. It's gonna be tough but it's also a big chance to solve my issues with socialising, to get over the HPPD related issues and to finally get a happy/fullfilled life back. To others who might read this: Don't lose hope.. I'm one year in and I can definitely say that even if the symptoms themselves don't improve, you'll feel better every month. Just get outta there and progress in life - just do something productive. socialising, excercising, reading, meditating, studying.. doing some hobby etc. You just have to go continously forward and in one, two years or maybe even more you will be happy again. Work towards that. You will be fine
  7. Thanks for your contrucive answer man!
  8. Hello guys, I'm new to this forum and I've developed HPPD ~7 months ago, mostely from 2-CB and MDMA. I have abstained from psychoactive substance use completely since, excluding alcohol. Things haven't gotten better, rather a bit worse. I have relatively moderate visuals and I have gotten to the point where I can say that I would be okay with living with them forever (while they still annoy me everyday and make some things challenging, for example working with excel or reading on a computer screen). The things that annoy me most are DP/DR, cognitive impairment and my social anxiety which has gotten 5 times worse with HPPD. One of the worst symptoms of all these are my speech problems. I often can't find the right words and slurr them... my mouth just feels "different" and somehow heavy - it's hard to describe, I think that has to do with DP/DR. Speaking is now a demanding task for me. It is really humilitating in front of people, especially in front of groups.I often think to myself that they must believe I'm retarded or sth or simply born with a speech disorder, which is definitely not the case. It greatly hurts my self esteem. It has gotten to the point where I'm fearful of speaking and I'm overthinking it, which makes the problem even worse. I used to be a very good speaker, I was always very precise in how I would articulate myself, how I would choose certain words and formulate my thoughts.. many friends used to state this as an exceptional skill of mine. I think it definitely has to do with my social anxiety, DP/DR and the fact that I'm fatigued most of the day - physically and mentally. But I also feel like I have simply lost some of my ability to speak correctly. Sadly, things have only gotten very slighty better with time, but there are also periods where I really think that I have improved and the words "flow" like they used to be.. but then I'm quickly back to a really shitty baseline. The fact that makes this issue even worse is that I'm 19 years old and am about to study Engineering (Maschinenbau). I'm from Germany and I was interested in Technology since my early childhood, so this is a big dream of mine. I also have good grades, good requirements overall.. but then there's my HPPD. It has made me fearful of studying and the social aspects (having to find friends at the start and so on, especially with the speech prolbems) of it.. no to speak of employment later in life where I would most likely be in some team leading position. I should also add that I'm quite depressed since all of this started - that's why this post might seem a little pessimistic. But I'm definitly trying to think positive and hoping for improvement So, my question would be: Has anyone else experienced something similar regarding the speech issues? Best regards from Lower Saxony, Germany! Please excuse spelling and grammatical errors.