So here we are, a little over a month and a half back on Keppra... and things are looking up! About 10 days ago the keppra induced depression started to fade which was (excluding the hair loss) my biggest problem with the med. I've had 4 days now of... dare I call it peace? It doesn't last all day but it's a welcome respite from my usual emotional state. Unlike last time though, I seem to be more empathetic and caring rather than borderline sociopathic haha. I've begun to laugh again. Music actually gives me pleasure. It's been so long I forgot what that felt like. I believe many here can relate to this- I was taking to my friend about how much we take for granted about being human. We don't appreciate the little things--enjoying your favorite song, feeling the grass between your toes, the smell of a warm summer night--- these are things we always think will be there. It isn't until they are gone that we understand how much substance these things bring to our lives. To be able to feel such joys is like stumbling upon an oasis in our hppd desert- I have tasted its healing fruit; a boon to these parched lips.
ill keep y'all updated good to feel. ove seen some posts around here of people starting keppra and giving up after a month because they didn't feel good or even felt worse in ways. Unless it's to Save your life, I urge those giving this a trial to let their body adjust to the med before calling it quits. You might be surprised.
with that being said, I've begun to reduce the dose I'm on. I want to find the optimum minimum dosage required for myself (I like my hair....). It took weeks for me to feel good so I'm going to be paying special attention to my state as I come down and definitely going to do it very slowly--about 8-10mg a day until I'm at 250. If I start feeling bad I'll just go back up again. I've titrated 63mg over the past 5 days and was at 750 (250 x 3 a day) originally. No negative changes so far.
Symptoms: good and bad
1st week: mild energy, mild mood stabilization
2nd week: crippling depression, hair loss decreased libido. Decrease in extreme anxiety; still have generalized.
3rd week: mood swings, depression, hair loss, decreases libido, agoraphobia, adversion to socializing. Decrease in extreme anxiety; still have generalized.
4th week: mood swings, depression (very bad, can't get out of bed), hair loss, decreases libido cognitive dysfunction (feel slow, bad word recall, memory impairment), agoraphobia, adversion to socializing
5th week: same as 4th
6th week: depression lifts for the most part, pain reduction, hair loss, decreased libido (seems remedied by taking centrum silver but this ramps up anxiety for me to an intolerable level-- alternatives for me include cialis and prostastrong red. Had plenty of sex and I was fine). Cognitive dysfunction persists but is more intermittent. Mood swings continue but more more inconsistently. Agoraphobia begins to fade but still comes at times. Same with social aversion.
7th week: hair loss, pain reduction (mild pleasant feeling physically at times; comfortable), anxiety reduction, libido worsens and mild anorgasmia starts; erectile function is okay though (eh nothing wrong with lasting long ;p). Mood swings continue to decrease, cognitive dysfunction begins to lift, moments of serenity begin, interest in music and activities begin to come back. Anticipatory anhedonia (symptom from before keppra) begins to recede. Agoraphobi fades and is replaces with mild wonder lust. Still some mild social aversion but I can't tell if it's because I'm feeling shy like I was before or because I'm just enjoying spending time alone walking outside and feeling again. I feel a much larger spectrum of emotions which can include negative ones but they feel like "normal" negative emotions if that makes sense. Who doesn't feel bad from time to time?
Througout this all my mushroom induced hppd visuals (warping/growing/shrinking) has increased but it is not bothersome and no where close to where it was in the early stages of hppd. No effect on visual snow. Oxiracetam (a positive alosteric modultor of glutamate and acetylcholine receptors) made these visuals go away. Keppra inhibits glutamate release and definitely inhibits acetylcholine function in some manner and this makes them worse. Something to mull over when considering the etiology of psilocybin induced hppd visuals and the way the visual cortex filters information. Things that calm my brain down either do not effect my visuals or make them worse. I've used things to decrease and increase acetylcholine and this does not seem to effext my visuals so I assume my visual dysfunction lies in the area of glutamate. The visual processing systems in the brain are very complex, however glutamate does play a big role in filtering.
At times i get small spurts of what I think people refer to as Keppra rage. However it feels more like impatience to me. It is vey mild and completely tolerable. I only seem to experience it about once a day or twice a day for a few minutes. This is also becoming less and less frequent. Only those who know me very well have even noticed tbh and I just process the feelings for what they are and let em go without being snappy xD. Like I said they last a very short time and in the face of my emotional stability are easily tolerable.
Before keppra i was experiencing what felt like bipolar manic depressive swings. More like hypomania but included symptoms like risk taking (sex, money spending, etc) and then extreme drepressive episodes. These have largely abated!
I am currently in paws from long term GABAA alosteric modulator use (lorazepam, gabapentin?) aand GABAB agonist use (baclofen, gabapentin). Symptoms from this often feel very similar to aspects of hppd and I suspect they share similar causal origins. Keppra has put huge dents in my symptoms.
Theres a lot of awesome information about Keppra out there. It appears to effect a large array of neurotransmitter systems. I'll post more about it at some point. There was one particular article explaining the anealgesic effect of the drug that was vey enlightening.
Much love to you all ☺️