Ecstasyonetimer

Thanks. I started taking inositol 2 grams and omega 3 fish oil 4 caps a day. I'm going to get back to the gym this week too. I' have windows and waves, but I meditated today and had a very good day so I'm going to try to stay positive . I have this tightness that I get in the back of my head that really makes me go crazy sometimes. Like there's a knot in my brain. It's got better since I came off the ganja and pain killers and benzos. For whatever reason this made Xanax withdrawal so terrible I didn't leave my house for close to 8 months a couple years ago. I hope no one ever has to go down that road. Stick to klonopin if you decide to use benzos. And don't take more than twice a week

Your in a position to live a normal life. Quit being an idiot. I would do anything to have this go away. I did MDMA once, and since then I've lost my friends, my family, my future wife left me. I lost my dog and I'm unable to even cry after all of this. Before mdma I was 22 with my entire life in my hands, I had a degree and intelligence to make a big difference in this country and j made the mistake of taking three doses of mdma. I never in a million years thought this would happen. Suicide is the only comfort I have knowing that I won't have to exist in my soulless lifeless body. I would do anything to be In your position. You should learn from this situation but you obviously haven't. Your going to end up like me kid. Your trying to expand your conciousness? Well your obviously not ready for whatever it is your conciousness exposed the last time you tripped. There's a lot of shit out there that will shatter your perception and next time it won't come back. If anything go out there and live a normal life for us. Not for you, do it for the ones that did t get lucky like you .

Your in a position to live a normal life. Quit being an idiot. I would do anything to have this go away. I did MDMA once, and since then I've lost my friends, my family, my future wife left me. I lost my dog and I'm unable to even cry after all of this. Before mdma I was 22 with my entire life in my hands, I had a degree and intelligence to make a big difference in this country and j made the mistake of taking three doses of mdma. I never in a million years thought this would happen. Suicide is the only comfort I have knowing that I won't have to exist in my soulless lifeless body. I would do anything to be In your position. You should learn from this situation but you obviously haven't. Your going to end up like me kid. Your trying to expand your conciousness? Well your obviously not ready for whatever it is your conciousness exposed the last time you tripped. There's a lot of shit out there that will shatter your perception and next time it won't come back. If anything go out there and live a normal life for us. Not for you, do it for the ones that did t get lucky like you .

Visual snow is something I had when I was younger before this mess from anxiety. Look through the snow and find what your looking for. Don't give it attention. Also, anxiety solicits the visual snow with usually means your semi depersonalized. I'm sure the Paxil killed your anxiety. Maybe it's built tollerance and your underlying anxiety is back. If it helped that much I would consider switching to another med for like 6 months then go back to Paxil. Maybe Effexor . That stuff kills anxiety like a boss. Only 75 mg. haven't taken it in years but it killed any dp I had when I was on it

Some counties offer euthanasia. So I did x like 5 years back. Before, I was funny, cocky, angry, I was fucking awesome. Bitches loved me. Now, I can't drive normal, walk normal, sometimes when I'm talking it's like I'm observing myself talk, same with walking. Drugs don't do anything to me anymore. After that night, I was so pissed a month later I blew an OxyContin 80mg and before that I only did lortab maybe twice. Nothing. It didn't touch me. I felt dizzy. I do t know if this is dp or whatever the abbreviation is you guys use but since that night, I have been stuck on it, like my mind is stuck in it. Whatever it is. Like I'm someone else and I forgot who I was. But, I got involved in heavy drugs because of this, so maybe I would have healed? Two weeks after this happened I started oxy and Xanax and ended up on methadone maintenance and klonopin. I just recently got clean and I'm fucking stuck on this unreal feeling I'm stuck in. I took a Busbar last week , the only script I filled after the hospital visit and I took one, and it made me feel like I did the day after mdma. When I moved my eyes left my ears felt like they were swooshing and my equilibrium was moving with my eyes movements. Wtf

This worked for me too. Marijuana will dig up your deepest fears if you let it. In my case, I let it happen . I would smoke and let the terrible anxiety come up, and then I would meditate and first by taking a deeeep diaphragm breath, hold it in my stomach until the nervousness turned into a warm energy, after about ten seconds, and then I would slowly breath out through my mouth, while focusing on my fingertips. When this happens, you notice your heart rate drop immediately, and when the anxiety goes, you gain insights. I was doing this for the last year and I had an amazing year, but I started to slowly fall into a deep depression from isolation I'm assuming which was from the pot. So my life became meditation, which left me empty. You can't make your life about meditation and pot, you'll burn out. So I quit pot, in turn quit meditation and was suicidle since I quit for the last two months. I'm fucked from one time ecstasy use in 2010 so I'm sure my situation is different from others. I feel outside my body most the time. I don't feel like I'm me, like I have no emotions. But, if I were to smoke some pot and meditate I would be perfectly content with not doing anything for the rest of my life. And my dp and anxiety would be gone. But, when you smoke a lot of pot, and you start to lose a grip on reality, meditation can take you somewhere you might never come back from. I'

When I was in the hospital I had all the neurological tests everything came back normal. I always had terrible anxiety before this happened and I had experienced depersonalization. Since this happened, it seems pretty permanent. I have days where it's gone. Where it's not there. But lately, I can kind of see how negatively this has affected my life, and now I have incredibly deep depression. I don't have hallucinations, or visual trails or anything. The Xanax helped but once I built tollerance it made it so so so much worst and I was in hell for two years because of Interdose withdrawals. I notice when I smoke weed I'm very close to normal I believe because it kills my anxiety which seems like an underlying issue here I just remember doing ecstasy and trying to sleep that night having to remember to breath. I felt like I was dying. Ever since that night I've been in a different state of mi d where I'm like outside of my conciousness. It's difficult to describe. Doctors tell me I developed depersonalization disorder but I don't know I seen this website and figured why not. Maybe I have this . Who knows . I'll probably off myself pretty soon. And what's weird is I've only recently been suicidle. I have a college degree I'm attractive I have a nice place a nice car my x was the most beautiful person in the world but this is something I'm obsessed with. I used to be able to feel so emotional and deep and only recently I'm realizing that I don't anymore And recently since I've stopped caring I've seen imporvements which only pisses me off I feel like I'm cursed and this fucking illness only lets up when I'm about to off myself

2010: used ecstasy once driving back from a family gathering. I never felt high, just dead. The following days my eyes and ears felt very in-sync . And I felt like when I was talking it wasn't me, walking became non natural along with driving 3 weeks later : I convinced myself I had brain damage. Went on Xanax 3mg a day. It helped initially but ended up making it much more I stents during withdrawal 2014 I came off Xanax . It's been 20 months. I began smoking pot to help with withdrawals I quit pot last month. I have never been able to get a buzz from anything since this happened in 2010. I still feel weird when I talk. When I walk, when I drive. I feel like my anxiety always used to affect me emotionally. Since this happened I no longer feel emotional anxiety but physical manifestations of anxiety like the tightness behind my eyes and ears, dizziness. My eyes move weird and are always glazed like I'm high. Nothing really looks how it used to. I used to look at things and make connections , now when I look at building or people it's just like nothing is real I tried to hang myself three weeks ago. So I was admitted into ecmc, and today I get a 12k$ bill. I lost my job recently and I'm 26. Lost my fiancé. I guess the weed was masking all my symptoms and when I quit I was left with the realization that This is NOT me. This is not me. I used to love and feel deeply. Now I'm constantly stuck on what is wrong with me. I can't let go of it because it's with me every waking moment. I used to feel terrible anxiety every morning before this. Now instead I feel terrible dizziness every morning and it slowly fades. Please help