K.B.Fante

First off, that's awesome you're traveling in Australia. I was there this past winter and went all accross in the country. It was incredible. Here's the thing about HPPD: Because you're never really full-on tripping it's easy to say you don't think the symptoms are that bad. I remember when I first got HPPD I thought I just had a problem with my eyes. I thought it wasn't that serious and that it would go away within a few weeks. But here I am nearly five months later and I still have HPPD. If you have the symptoms you mentioned then chances are you're going to have those for a while. They don't just go away one day when you wake up. It takes a long time for them to dissappear. Even though you may like smoking weed and though you think it may not make the symptoms worse, the fact is all drugs make HPPD worse in the long run. My advice would be to immediately stop smoking weed and try and get help, start excercising, etc. You might need to even cut your trip a little shot, get back home, and try and improve there. But, that's just what I'd do. Everyone's different. You'll have to decide what's best for you. Good luck!

Yep, sounds like you have HPPD. Welcome to the party! In all seriousness this sucks and is probably gonna be one of the worst parts of your life, if not the worst. My advice: Don't panic. This is gonna be around for a while so stressing out about it does no good. In fact, stress tends to make the symptoms worse. It sounds like you have anxiety (disgust is commonly related to anxiety disorders) and possibly a psychiatrist, but if not you need to immediatly make an appointment to see one. Same goes for a therapist. And from here on out it's best you start working out and eating healthy. Aside from that there's not too much you can do (obviously stopping all forms of drugs should go without saying) other than wait. It's gonna suck but you just have to keep a positive outlook on things. If you stay healthy, keep off drugs and work out a lot you should start to see improvements in your condition within several months, but because everyone is different it's difficult to say for sure. Bottom line is you have to give yourself the best shot you can at improving. Good luck!

I had this same problem a few weeks ago. As my mind sort of returned (I was pretty out of it the first three months or so of HPPD) so did my thoughts, yet they were so fast and never stopped. I read some of topics on this in the forum and it sounds like there are some meds that can help, but a lot of times they can hurt too. From my own experience benzos are the best because not only do they make you drowsy but they help with the symptoms as well. I have Lorazepam and I keep a pill by my bed and if I wake up and can't go back to sleep within 20 minutes I just take a pill and am out shortly there after. I always wake up really refreshed too.

Great video. Thanks umit! I've only been on two different medications so I don't feel like an authority on this issue, but I do totally agree with your premise. There is no cure for HPPD. Medication only alleviates the symptoms temporarily (if at all -- in many cases it seems to make things worse), and once you go off them you're right back to where you started. The only "cure," as far as I can tell, is time, and when you add frequent exercise, eating healthy and all that good stuff you will likely speed up your recovery rate just a bit. From my personal experience, literally the day I started exercising I began to feel better. And once I got into a routine and off meds, there was a month or so where I felt better every single day. That's amazing from the standpoint of HPPD, considering this often takes years to heal. Also, sports and rigorous exercise are the best forms of working out. Sports exercises your brain in an amazing way, activating all sorts of different pathways that you need to start firing in order to heal. And same for rigorous exercise. I'd really be interested in seeing the effects of long-distance running on HPPD. I run about three miles four to five days a week and it definitely helps. I'm seeing results already. But I do think it's important to push yourself. For example, I went on a 12 mile (20 k) hike today into the mountains and for a long time didn't even notice any symptoms at all. Obviously it didn't make them go away, but it made me feel really good, almost normal, even if it was only for a few hours. And every time I hike I always feel really good the next day too. Anyway, thanks for the video. Glad to see you're doing well again.

Any sort of "frame rate" alteration or change in the way objects appear either through size, color, motion, etc. is a staple of HPPD. I can definitely relate, as this is one of the most disturbing parts of how your vision changes after contracting HPPD. I've never really thought about it in terms of frame rate, but I certainly know what you're talking about. For me, when I had normal vision, the frame rate is essentially like watching a movie. You don't really notice it. But with HPPD it's as if life is broken down into segments. Motion is definitely one of my biggets problems, but what I have most trouble with is streamers. Fast-moving objects blur together. This is especailly bad when talking with people, as eyes, mouths, hands and other body parts tend to move at an extremely fast rate and therefore blur. The good thing is that this should get better with time (I've noticted it) and should go away as your symptoms do -- if you're taking all the proper steps to better yourself.

So I've been thinking about this a lot lately. As I continue to improve I can see some symptoms begin to drop off while other linger and continue to make life very difficult. For me, what I absoutely can't stand about HPPD more than anything else is the brain fog. I feel like if I had my mind and could think properly and change back and fourth between subjects and objects (visually) that this would allow me to largely ignore the visuals at least while talking with people. Instead, I often stumble over words and become self concoius which makes me want to withdraw even more. The other thing I think is the worst part of HPPD is how long it takes to improve. I think everyone can relate to this. Having to essentially watch time pass, month after month, and only see minor improvements is extremely frustrating. Just curious what other people's thoughts are on this. Are there some symptoms you can deal with better than others? And any you absolutely can't stand?

As someone who's taken a few meds, lots of vitamins, etc. and has had a worsening of symptoms with virtually everything, I can say it probably takes at least a few days before you'll notice anything. But again, everyone's body chemistry is different and different meds kick in at different times. The important thing to keep in mind is that even if your symptoms do worsen it will only be mildly and the good thing is you can always go off the meds right away if you don't like it.

This is a great post. Sometimes this forum gets bogged down with lots of negativity so theses types of posts that keep the big picture in mind are always nice to read. Thanks Syntheso! I totally agree with everything above. HPPD is a neurological disorder, no doubt about it. But so is bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. All mental disorders are by nature neurological. Therapy is one of the most reliable and effective ways to manage these. Therefore it seems quite stubborn to assume therapy wouldn't help your neurological disorder (i.e., HPPD) just because you think it's strictly a result of drugs. I'm not a scientist and don't know too much about HPPD, but from the sounds of it, from everything I've read (which is quite a lot over the last four months) most people who obtain HPPD have some sort of history themselves with mental illness or it runs in their family. With many mental illnesses the symptoms lie dormant until some sort of life-changing event brings them out. For those who have HPPD, that just so happens to be drugs. Anyway, my point is that yes, everyone who has HPPD should be seeing a therapist. If you're low on money there's "low-cost" therapy which exists in every major metropolitain city around the country. Therapy won't cure your symptoms but it will greatly assist you in dealing with them, which is all we can really do until time runs its course. I'll say this: I think your environment is everything when dealing with HPPD. I've noticed that when I'm in a low-stress environment where I like the people I'm around, where I feel comfortable and free, I'm probably 50 percent happier and better mentally than when I'm somewhere I don't want to be. If you're happy and relaxed, you simply won't worry about your symptoms. But if you're in a place of high stress you're gonna start thinking negatively, and when you do that it's only natural for you to focus on your symptoms since they're likely the most negative part of you're life. This is why I belive it's worth anything to do whatever you can to make your life easy while dealing with HPPD. If you have to quit your job, do it. I did and it was the best decision I've made in a long time. Quitting is OK when dealing with your mental health. You just have to do whatever it takes to make you happy. I also totally agree about mindfullness. People with HPPD should really try and practice watching their thought patterns. That's all it is. As long as you are aware of the way you're thinking you can start to change the way you think and in the end become a much more peaceful person in mind and body. Again, great post. Really enjoyed your perspective.

Brandon, I think a lot of people on this board (I'd say the vast majority) have contemplated suicide just as you are. I know I have, many times before, both before HPPD and certainly during the beginning months of contracting HPPD. So you are not alone in thinking this way. We all understand where you're coming from. We all know how empty and crazy and depressed you feel, and how unbearable every moment of every day can seem. But you have to find a way to get through the next few minutes, then the next hour, and the next day and the next week, and so on. That's how you will make it through. You have to take the smallest steps imaginable. And you have to work really really really really hard. But if you work hard, stay as positive as you can, find things worth living for that make you feel better even if just for a moment and if you can somehow find a way to endure the pain, you can make it out of this. But it's not gonna be easy. You really are in a fight for your life right now. But think of how awesome life could one day be if you make it through. Think of how much stronger and better of a person you'll be if you can one day look back at this as history. You have to always stay looking to the future. A little advice: I read these boards. I see what you're doing and going through. We all do. Exercising every day, eating right, meditating, seeing a therapist -- these are all proven ways to help deal with and even overcome HPPD. But the most important aspect of decreasing the severity of your symptoms is to stop using drugs. I know it's much easier said than done, but when you're in a fight for your life it's not about easy, it's about doing whatever you possibly can to get better, no matter how much work or how hard or how much time it takes or how much you have to change your usual life patterns. If you keep doing drugs your symptoms will not improve. If you keep doing drugs you will only get worse. This is just common logic. Drugs and HPPD do not mix well. Drugs are why you have HPPD in the first place. So if you truly want to get better, if you want to someday be normal again and life life happily, then you absolutely must stop doing drugs. When you do that, and when you combine it with all the other techniques mentioned above, you'll start to get better. And life will still be tough, but eventually, if you work every single day, I promise you'll get to a point in your life where you're happy again. But again, it won't be easy and you must stop doing drugs to get there. I hope this helps man. Please, don't do it. You're WAY too young. Your brain is still so pliable and capable of transforming in incredible ways. And most importantly, you can't off yourself without having at least tried your very hardest to overcome this thing. If 10 years down the road after you've completely stopped doing drugs and you've worked every single day to get better and you STILL haven't made progress, then yes, I'd at least understand wanting to end your life. But you're not even close to that point. So please man, try your hardest, do whatever you can to help yourself get better. You have to help yourself. You have to truly want to get better and be ready to put in that work. We all have to. It's just part of getting HPPD. The great thing is, if you do, you can see results, and then you know you're getting better and you have even more motivation to keep going. But you have to start somewhere. Please man, start the proccess now. You can do it. Don't give up. Keep on pushing. It's worth it. Trust me.

Yeah, I'd definitely second the celery. Celery root, seed or just plain celery -- you really should try and encorperate it into your diet. I took quite a heavy dose of if a few days ago and felt pretty good afterwords. Definitely worth a try.

Yep. I've had it bad throuhoug HPPD. I also get songs stuck in my head and they just keep repeating all the time. Doesn't bother me too much though because it's only when it's dead silent, which isn't that often.

Yeah, you should really try and stay off drugs. You're so young and your brain is so flexible at this age. If you stop doing drugs and start excercising and eating right you'll give yourself a good chance at recovery. I know it's a lot easier said than done in high school with peer pressure but if your friends don't understand then they're not truly your friends.

Awesome stuff. I'm nervous to get on so many supplements. Are there any you really think help a lot? From what I read it sounds like celery is really benificial. I'll have to incorporate that into my diet more.

Yeah, I would echo what Mr. 50's said. I was on a serious dose of about eight different types of vitamins/antibiotics for about a month and none of my symptoms were improving. Like you, I actually thought I was getting worse. So, I stopped taking almost all of them and noticed an immediate improvement in my symptoms. I haven't had HPPD for too long but even now I won't touch a vitamin or antibiotic in pill form. Honestly, if I were you I'd really try and get off coffee. Between a daily dose of coffee and that many antibiotics it could really be messing with you. If nothing else, it's worth a try. I know the fatigue with HPPD can be gruesome but if you can get past the first few days, then a week, then a few more weeks, you might be in the clear. Plus there are many natural ways to increase your energy levels. Peanuts and chia seeds are great for energy in the morning. If you made some sort of banana-peanutbutter (with whole peanuts)-chia seed fruit smoothie you could probably rely on that as your source of a morning pick-me-up. I just know from personal experience (and from reading these forums) that coffee can be pretty damaging with HPPD. Also, it's important to keep in mind how slow this disorder moves in terms of improvement and feeling better -- or worse. If you've been taking things that are making your symptoms more prevalant, then yeah, you're probably not gonna feel like you're making any progress. I know that for me, the first few months of HPPD were hell because I didn't think I was improving at all. But after I figured out what hurt me and what helped me it's made a world of difference. Hope this helps.

I haven't had success at all with medication. Like you, meds stabilized my mood (or rather made me numb, more or less) but they also made the visuals a lot worse. It all just depends on how severe your symptoms are. As Brandon says above, I think the most important thing is to make sure your mood is stabilized first. You can always deal with visuals as long as you have a head on your shoulders. That said, if the visuals are so bad that they're in turn affecting your mental state, that's no good either. Unfortunately with HPPD there always seems to be a vicious cycle of some sort. You sound a lot like where I was about three months ago when I first came down with HPPD. My best advice would be to quite doing all drugs (even alcohol and caffine), start excercising and taking cold showers every day, eat as healthy as you can (lots of nuts, grains, beans, fruit, etc.), meditate, keep busy, get outside and to keep this whole routine going for a while (at least a month). As time goes on you can assess where you're at, but what's most important right now is that you give yourself a chance to beat this thing. As far as the meds go, I'd honestly try and keep those on as low of a dose as you can unless you feel you're already too unstable to really operate on a day to day basis. From everything I've read and experienced, lots of pills in high doses is not a good idea. A little can go a long ways. And as you start to feel better you should ease back on the meds as you go. But everyone's different so it's hard to say. The important thing is that you do everything you can in your control naturally, be honest with yourself about where you're at on a daily basis, and try and be as aware as you can of your conditions and your mind. As you go forward you can then assess where you're at and determine what you need. Hope this helps!

Brandon, I definitely had hardcore derealization symptoms early on, really for about the first two months, but those are pretty much gone now. Same with my emotional stability. I had really severe depression the first month or so but I that's totally gone now. At this point my biggest problems are still visual. Fast-moving objects tend to blur together. Hands, especially when people are moving them while talking, is the most difficult thing to deal with at the moment. I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying because I can only focus on their hands moving. As I said, I've made lots of progress over the last few months but I've also put myself in a position to succeed. I eat extremely healthy every day (lots of nuts and grains), I take ice-cold showers every day (this helps tremendously with depression and anxiety), I exercise every day (the best way to improve brain elasticity), I meditate every night and I'm keeping busy nearly 24-7. I also don't do any drugs at all, not even caffine, and I think the combination of all these has really helped me over the last few months. But the visual stuff is still there and I guess I'm just wondering how long I should expect that to go on. Thanks for the reply.

I was on Lamotrigine for three weeks and once I upped the dosage to 50 mgs I noticed a significant increase in my symptoms. I've felt a million times better since getting off it but I think the important thing to keep in mind with medication is it's all different and affects people in different ways. My HPPD isn't nearly as severe as others and I have a natural sensitivity to substance so I'm just not sure pills are right for me. But I do know Lamotrigine does have a good success rate with this. Good luck!

Brandon, I'd recommend taking time off from school if that's a possibility for you. I'm contemplating quitting my job, which I just got not too long ago. No shame in it. Your health is the most important thing in your life. You can always go back to school later and perhaps you'll be much better by then. You need to take care of yoursel first and foremost.

Hello everyone, my name is K.B. and I'm very glad I've finally found a place to talk about HPPD! I have some questions that I'm sure many of you have had before, and I'll get to those shortly, however I feel I should first give you a brief rundown of my story... I'm 26. I've done plenty of drugs in my lifetime, however at the time of contracting HPPD I wasn't doing hardly any -- not even drinking alcohol at a very regular pace. That said, I did smoke lots of weed in high school and when I turned 21 (legal drinking age in the States) I pretty much became a full-blown alcoholic for about six month, drinking myself to sleep on a near nightly basis. Throughout my life, often while smoking weed, I've had some form of visual snow although it's never been anything too intense -- just enough to notice it really. I've also seen "tracers," however these have mostly been dark scratches on my eye and not wands of bright color as I experience now. Additionally, I have a history of mental illness. I had pretty severe depression between about 17 and 20 and from 21 on that has turned into anxiety. My family also has a long history of mental illness including depression, anxiety, alcoholism, bi-polar disorder and various forms of psychosis. As for my trip... I had done acid twice before, mushrooms probably a handful of time, lots of cocaine, ecstasy, pills, etc. I've also had some bad experiences with some of these drugs (mostly due to anxiety) but never anything that serious. I had one bad trip on mushrooms when I was about 16, but again, I was over it pretty quickly. When I took acid this time around I only had one hit, but I soon found out how powerful even one hit of acid can be. It was intense from the start. I was laughing my ass off but I also had to sort of monitor my mental state as I could feel myself slipping into a really severe state of altered conciousness, which I wasn't exactly comfortable with. Still, I was good for about 45 minutes. Unfortunately I got separated from the group of people I was with (we were outside wondering around) and at that point I couldn't really control my mind anymore. It got quiet, I got scared and I totally got sucked into the deep depths of my mind. It truly felt like an unrecognizable place of infancy and insecurity. Life simply did not feel real anymore. Fastforward about half an hour later and I found my group again. Things instantly got better. I became happy again and even went on to having an incredibly awesome trip after that. But as I soon discovered, the damage had already been done. Even a bad half hour of an overall good trip was enough to give me HPPD. The symptoms really kicked in about three to four days afterward. As I'm sure you're all well aware, this was an extremely nerveracking time for me. I thought I just lost my mind. I had no idea what was happening to me. At the same time I also thought this would go away soon, maybe within a few days, maybe several weeks, but I never thought in a million years it'd take as long as it has arleady. Truth is, I've come a hell of a long way in the last three months since getting HPPD. I now know what it is, I have a doctor, I'm eating healthy, staying busy, keeping a positive mindset and most importantly, I'm drug free. I haven't had a sip of alcohol in two months. (I've also noticed caffine worsens the symptoms significantly, so no coffee either.) I truly feel if you want to beat this thing, staying away from drugs should be your first and most important step. Any altered state of visual conciousness will only make the symptoms worse and set you back further. With HPPD you need all the help and progress you can get. If there's one thing I've learned so far it's that you cannot sabatoge yourself. You cannot be your own enemy if you want to defeat your greatest challenge! I wanted to share my story more than anything. I'll be hanging around here trying to learn as much as I can about this from here on out, however I do have a few questions for the community... First, does anybody have any idea of how long I can expect to suffer from HPPD? I know this is a terrible question given everyone is different and has more or less severe symptoms, however I am curious for those who've stopped drug use completely and taken on a healthy lifestyle, does this ensure rapid growth and a complete recoverey? I've noticed tremendous improvements already (I'm pretty much back to normal psychologically and emotionally) however I also notice that after three months this thing is still very much there and will likely be around for a while. I'm just trying to get an idea of how long that might be. One of my biggest problems is the speed of objects. Fast objects blur together, like cars driving by, hand movements, birds, etc.. This, like most all of my symptoms, is improving but it's still a slow process. I'm just curious if anybody else has had this happen to them. I really think at this point this is probably the toughest thing to try and ignore. Also something that's bothering me is my pupils. They're constantly dialated, even in the sunlight. Again, this has improved a lot already but it's slow. Anybody else have this? I've read about a contrast between HPPD and something called Alice In Wonderland Syndrom (AIWS). I think I have both, however I always thought the AIWS was just part of the HPPD. In short, AIWS is basically where objects are disporportionate, enlarged, and unrealistic. Just curious if most HPPD users have these symptoms as well or if this is perhaps a characteristic of those who get HPPD from hallucinogens. Thanks for taking the time to read and I look forward to interacting with many of you, -- K.B.