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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

K.B.Fante

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Everything posted by K.B.Fante

  1. If anybody has any history of autoimmunity please say so. I've been wondering a lot about this lately since I've been battling all kinds of autoimmune issues. I also have autoimmunity running on both sides of my family. At the heart of autoimmunity is the simple fact that our bodies have developed incredible defense mechanisms to fight naturally occurring diseases over the course of millions of years but ever since the Neolithic Revolution and the invention of agriculture we've been putting things into our bodies that our bodies don't recognize and so our defense systems logically ramp up. Modern drugs firmly fit into this category. Our bodies have not evolved to recognize many of the street drugs that are notorious for giving people HPPD. Perhaps someone who knows more about this subject could chime in?
  2. K.B.Fante

    I need to talk someone

    There's lots of support on this board. People are pretty open so don't feel like you have to hide anything. This forum is full of people confessing their worst fears. That said, the best form of help is often in person. You should try and find a therapist if you don't have one yet. And going to support groups is great too. You should try and establish a network of support as that's the best way to cope with terrible life situations.
  3. Sorta along these same lines, I tried taking astaxanthin last month and felt really good on it, although it could also have been other supplements I was taking. In general people with HPPD seem to do well with stuff that comes from the ocean because it's often very nutrient dense, good for the brain and very inflammatory. I imagine a good fermented cod liver oil on top of the two mentioned above as well as some seaweed once per week would be a great routine for any HPPD sufferer.
  4. K.B.Fante

    HPPD Survey

    Good survey. Wish I could fill out more of these...
  5. K.B.Fante

    Lions mane

    Lion's Mane contributes to neurogenesis but to be effective for system-wide brain damage you'd need to take it for a long period of time. I've noticed when taking Lion's Mane, Reishi, Chaga, etc., that I'm able to access and experience past memories much more clearly but they don't necessarily have an impact on my HPPD symptoms at the time of consumption.
  6. K.B.Fante

    This Truly Feels Like The End

    I took that same medication for sleep about three years ago and it totally messed me up for a whole day. Many different hard drugs can cause HPPD, as can many different over-the-counter chemicals and even natural drugs like mushrooms and weed. This board is full of stories similar to yours. Many of us have struggled with suicidal thoughts and I'm certainly no stranger to them myself. The only thing you can do is to clean up your life, eat healthy, workout a lot and find things worth living for. I consider myself lucky to have improved as much as I have but I'm also living proof that a healthy lifestyle can essentially eradicate HPPD over the course of many years. The most important thing is that you find purpose somehow. Maybe that's through art or a job or a relationship of some kind, but as long as you can find something that brings you joy and meaning you should be able to make it through.
  7. K.B.Fante

    Amoxicillin. Antibiotics & HPPD. Help.

    I really want to thank those who've posted on this site and in this thread advising me to avoid Cipro. This is why it's important to keep a database like this on the Web. I instead elected to see a naturopathic doctor who prescribed me natural antifungals which are much safer than fluoroquinolones. For those contemplating which antibiotics are safe I'd recommend using the search bar at the top of this site to see what comes up.
  8. K.B.Fante

    Blank Stare

    Was gonna say the same thing. In an interview after Barrett had a psychotic break from hallucinogenic drugs one of his bandmates said he had a deep stare where he'd totally black out from reality and just sit there and not flinch while staring into the abyss. When I first got HPPD I had something similar, just not nearly to that degree. Even to this day 3.5 years later I can still catch myself staring from time to time, sorta transfixed on nothing in particular. It usually happens when there's some kind of substance in my body that triggers my symptoms worsening.
  9. K.B.Fante

    Psychedelics documentary (UK based)

    Whoah, way to go Vice! I actually e-mailed Vice a while back talking about HPPD and I guess they listened. Can't wait for this to drop.
  10. K.B.Fante

    Amoxicillin. Antibiotics & HPPD. Help.

    I was just prescribed Ciprofloxacin for stomach problems but elected not to take it after seeing the stories posted on this forum. I think a lot depends on what type of antibiotic you're taking and how powerful the dose is. Cipro sounds like a nightmare whereas others seem to be OK. If I were you I'd type in some search words in the bar at the top right of this page and see what results you come up with.
  11. I don't know why but lately I've been running into all kinds of info on the benefits of mushrooms, then today I heard this podcast which kinda blew my mind: Additionally, I recently bought some mushroom tea on a trip into the desert and I've actually felt really good on it even though it has small amounts of caffeine due to the chocolate inside. Here's the link: http://mushroommama.com/mushroommama-chocolate-chaga-tea/ There are other mushroom teas you can buy from the same lady and judging by the one I bought I'd recommend trying some. I'm pretty sure most of the mushrooms in her teas have neurogenesis-promoting properties which might be why I've felt so good on them. Anyway, it's pretty clear mushrooms can have some insane brain health benefits so it would be wise to incorporate them into your diet in some way or another.
  12. K.B.Fante

    Advice

    The best advice I can give would be to stay away from drugs. I know it will be hard going to school but you really don't want to make your HPPD any worse. Your symptoms don't appear to be too bad but if you continue drug use they'll likely worsen. If you feel you have to drink then just try and limit it to a beer or two when you're going out. Also, get in a good exercise routine, stay busy and eat healthy when possible. There's lots of great advice on this forum so if I were you I'd read through as many of the posts as you can.
  13. K.B.Fante

    new here: my story-- a month into HPPD from heavy MDMA + K usage

    Some people get this condition the first time they do psychedelics while some go years abusing drugs before HPPD symptoms appear. You're clearly a member of the latter group which means you're much more invested in the drug culture and will likely find it more difficult to abstain from future drug use, as you allude to above. You really have two choices at this point: Quit drugs and drastically increase the odds of recovering to your pre-HPPD state, or keep doing drugs and keep messing your brain and nervous system up even more. There is no middle ground with this condition. You cannot abstain from drugs most of the time then do acid or MDMA every three to six months, or even once per year for that matter. HPPD is the disassembly of some aspect of the nervous system and brain. Putting them back together takes years and years while tearing them apart takes only a single pill. You have to decide what matters most between your former life of drugs and partying or your future life of inner peace and happiness. Again, you won't be able to achieve both by continuing drugs. This is a decision you must figure out very soon. Most people here will tell you the same thing: Drugs aren't worth it. They are a temporary, hourly high; HPPD meanwhile is often for life. HPPD is a horrific condition that can get increasingly worse with further drug use to the point you wish you were never born. I hope I don't come off as rude but it's important to understand how your life is currently at a tipping point. Once you have HPPD you're already way in over your head. Any further movement in the wrong direction can leave you permanently compromised where as immediate abstinence can potentially save your life. I say "save your life" because this condition can make you suicidal. There are plenty of stories on this site documenting such tragedy. I hope you value your life and happiness more than your current lifestyle that will inevitably end soon enough. It's not too late to turn things around and start new, but if you continue down the path of drugs and partying it certainly will be. Good luck.
  14. K.B.Fante

    Almost 9 months..

    Many here have similar stories and have walked similar paths. Aside from the day-to-day grind of trying to ignore dark thoughts and cope with a broken brain -- which is really putting in lightly -- it's painful to watch the years accumulate and see life pass you by, constantly wondering how different things could have been had you only not taken that one drug on that one occasion. I'm turning 30 soon. When I got HPPD I was 26 and on top of the world. This experience has altered me in ways I never even dreamed possible. I am and always will be a totally different person. But in the end I'm also a better person for having endured this condition. It's a disease I wouldn't wish on anybody in the history of the world. Instead of caving try and take this opportunity as a challenge to become a better person. Yes, you're 40. But 40 is also still fairly young. Most people have midlife crises around this age anyhow. Perhaps your is just a bit more intense. As Jay and many of the veterans have pointed out, this is a horrendous condition but one that still permits a quality and worthwhile life if you take care of your health from this point onward. Life is truly the greatest gift imaginable, even if tainted by constant pain. If you now concentrate on your health, eat real food, exercise rigorously, find inner peace, exercise your demons and work on becoming a better person each day you will find purpose, and once you find purpose you will begin to see life in a new light.
  15. K.B.Fante

    A visit to the neurologist

    https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15569527.2018.1423620
  16. Just thought I'd post to let everyone know I've had some good success with weight training recently. I've never been into weights because I always liked the feeling of aerobic exercise and have always thought it was the best form of exercise given the links to BDNF, but I've recently been listening to a lot of weight training podcasts and the links between regenerative health and muscle mass is pretty convincing. For anyone interested I'd recommend listening to The Genius Life podcast with Sal Di Stefano which you can find here (second one down): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/19-how-to-lose-weight-and-get-in-shape-sal-di-stefano/id1379050662?i=1000416587585&mt=2 Anyway, I've been hitting the gym pretty intense for the last few weeks and I have to say I've noticed a difference with my HPPD. I'm pretty aware of which direction I'm going after 40 months of dealing with this and I've really noticed my eyes feel more agile already. Obviously incorporating other forms of exercise like swimming, yoga, running, rock climbing, sports, etc., will give you the most benefits, but I have to say, I think I'm a convert to the weight training world.
  17. K.B.Fante

    A visit to the neurologist

    Doctors have a long history of denying diseases they don't understand or haven't learned about in medical school. For a long time people with MS were told it was all in their heads. Same with even common diseases like cancer. I went to a doctor a few months ago and had an entire list of symptoms I've been having and he basically told me I was depressed and tried to prescribe me an antidepressant. He didn't even try to understand what I was going through. He didn't even listen. And unfortunately he's more the rule, not the exception. As for damage to the optical nerve, I might tend to agree with him on that at least being a possibility. It would make a ton of sense. Also there was a study out of China last year that proved LSD can cause necrosis if I remember right.
  18. K.B.Fante

    Bacopa Brahmi ?

    I thought bacopa made me feel pretty good, if I remember correctly. It was one of the few things I tried that I thought helped and didn't worsen symptoms. I used to take it every day but in small doses. From my experience almost anything can worsen symptoms in large quantities, even stuff that's really good for you. The key to any HPPD treatment is to take it easy and not overload the brain with too much of anything.
  19. This is one of those fads that I have a feeling we'll look back on in a few years and wonder what the hell we were thinking. The reason a lot of people get benefits from this sort of a diet is because for once they're eliminating all the toxic crap they put into their body on a daily basis. You could eat just kale or just oranges and probably get the same sort of results simply because you're no longer ingesting all the hormones and chemicals that are put into our food supply. Don't get me wrong, meat is incredibly nutritious and has all sorts of benefits -- especially for the brain -- but eliminating fresh fruits and veggies is absurd given those foods have absolutely zero negative impact on the body and can only provide more nutrition that our bodies crave to function properly.
  20. K.B.Fante

    Year 3

    I got HPPD three years ago now. I've made many posts here during that span and have tried to make a post every year around my anniversary. I'm a little late on this one but I actually take that as a good sign. It means I'm not as obsessed with my condition and therefore am getting better. I guess I've already said everything I need to in other posts. I can't really summarize everything that's happened to me over the last three years without writing a book. There's just so much that's happened ever since getting HPPD. I've had all kinds of additional health problems since and am currently in the process of dealing with another health issue that's really taken a great toll on my life. It's just crazy looking back now after three years. I'm not even the same person. I've learned so much about myself, my family, my health history, the world, life, everything. It's crazy to say but this whole experience has absolutely made me a more complete person. I really think my brain had faulty wiring from an early age and that, as painful as this experience has been (I wouldn't wish it on anybody in the history of the world), it was necessary for me to finally face my past and overcome demons that had haunted me silently since the day I was born. I still have many visual problems but they're very manageable now and don't really interfere with my daily routine, which is absolutely remarkable to say -- just absolutely astonishing considering how bad my HPPD and DP were even a few years ago. I truly had a terrible case of HPPD. My brain just totally crapped out. The amount of pain I've had to deal with every day for the last three years is nothing short of inhumane and mind blowing, to be quite honest. So the fact I'm able to cope with HPPD after all this is truly astonishing. It just goes to show that this condition is something you can heal from, although it takes more work than you could have ever imagined. If you want to get better you have to eat real food, exercise every day, do as many healthy habits as you can fit into your day, and most importantly you have to never give in or never give up. If I had a dollar for every time I thought of killing myself over the last three years I'd be a very wealthy man. But I never did. And look where I'm at now. I'm so happy to be alive and I feel like I'm seeing the world through a totally different set of eyes and a brain that very few people on this planet would understand. Life is so beautiful, and it's only that way because of what I've been through. Anyway, I imagine I've got another two or three years before I can say I'm totally healed, and I honestly may never be quite 100 percent again, but I'm OK with that. I'm just so grateful to even be alive at this point, I'll take anything I can get. If anybody has questions I can try and answer below. I think I have a pretty good idea of what HPPD is and how to cope and heal, but of course I'm no doctor and neither is anybody here. But I do think it's important to keep this community alive and pass on knowledge so others may benefit. As long as you stay away from drugs, eat healthy, exercise, remain mindful day in and day out, I think you'll give yourself a great shot at recovery.
  21. Curious if anybody's heard some of Michael Pollan's interviews for his new book on psychedelics, and if so what your opinion is. Here's a good interview he did for Fresh Air: https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2018/05/15/611301978/fresh-air-for-may-15-2018-michael-pollan-on-the-new-science-of-psychedelics?showDate=2018-05-15 I've long subscribed to the glutamate toxicity theory as has been mentioned above, however I've always remained open to other ideas if they made sense. The only thing I feel pretty comfortable saying is that HPPD is the result of axon damage or death to some degree across multiple areas of the brain, likely in the limbic system and likely in connection with the parasympathetic or sympathetic nervous system. I think which nervous system is damaged depends on how the damage occurred, however. For example, excitotoxicity would likely affect the sympathetic given fight or flight is stimulatory while a stroke of some kind would be parasympathetic. One thing I find interesting in listening to Pollan's interviews is his repeated mentioning of the Default Mode Network (DMN) and how during psychedelic trips it basically goes offline. Depersonalization symptoms are essentially the result of a malfunctioning or nonexistant DMN and given the connection between DP and HPPD it's not too far of a jump to suggest HPPD is the result of a damaged DMN or simply one that never reboots due to lost connections or damaged axons. Many parts of the brain are connected through lengthy axons and I'm wondering if during the downregulation of the DMN when bloodflow decreases some of these axons are damaged via stroke of some kind. Also, with regards to glutamate, one of the biggest triggers for excess glutamate inside the brain is inflammation. If you eat a diet high in bread (wheat being the most inflammatory food known to man), oils and other inflammatory foods (essentially the standard American and Westernized diets) then your chances of having some sort of autoimmunity sky rocket. I also don't think we should entirely rule out the hypothesis that HPPD could be the result of our brains attacking our own brains after the ingestion of drugs which could very well mimic invaders our brains are already used to attacking.
  22. A few weeks back I made a post about nightshades worsening or at least aggravating my HPPD symptoms, which you can find here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5431-nightshades/ Interestingly enough, after eliminating nightshades for the past few weeks I've felt much better, however yesterday after eating lunch I noticed my symptoms became aggravated in the same way when I consume nightshades, caffeine and other stimulants. When I analyzed what I ate that was different from previous days I realized it was granola I'd recently purchased with a large amount of nuts, but especially sesame seeds which are high in glutamate. In recent months the subject of glutamate has come up in multiple different posts, some of which you can read below: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5399-glutamate-and-some-theory-about-visual-snow/#comment-34148 http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5337-possible-relation-in-paws-and-hppd/#comment-33768 http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5371-negative-reaction-to-caffeine/#comment-33951 http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5336-old-article-about-the-brain-and-lsd/#comment-34024 In addition, several months ago while browsing the Web I came across an interesting connection between glutamate and Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), which has some overlapping similarities to HPPD. In fact, a user of this site recently complained of symptoms that align with RLS: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/5450-hppd-from-weed-alone-rare-experience/#comment-34486 RLS is often treated with drugs that have had similar success in alleviating symptoms of those in the HPPD community, primarily benzodiazepines, dopaminergic agents and opioids. But like HPPD these are no cure for RLS. Also similar to HPPD is the high correlation between emotional stress (especially anxiety) and RLS, as well as certain stimulating agents such as alcohol, caffeine and SSRIs which have a track record of exacerbating RLS symptoms. In recent years RLS has been linked to chromic inflammation, and like many ailments in Western society it appears most of this can be traced back to poor diet. Not surprisingly after drastically altering their diets to eliminate excess added sugar, alcohol, refined carbs, caffeine, dairy, red meat, chicken, potatoes, excess salt, gluten and other glutamate-rich foods many people with RLS have entirely reversed their condition as their bodies have become less inflamed over time. High levels of glutamate are toxic to the brain and are linked to other neurological issues such as migraines (which have an even stronger connection to HPPD and Visual Snow Syndrome), ADHD, obsessive thinking and racing thoughts, Huntington's Disease as well as autism. Foods high in glutamate: Wheat Dairy (including cheese, yogurt, etc.) Eggs Tomatoes Broccoli Nuts and seeds (especially walnuts and sesame seeds) Mushrooms Potatoes Monosodium Glutamate (also known as MSG, often found in asian dishes) Beef Broths Gelatin Hydrolyzed anything Peas Malted anything "Natural Flavors" Soy Anything fermented Molasses Canned foods Pretty much anything in store-bought sauces and cannes such as salad dressings, catsup, BBQ sauce, etc. Here is a more detailed list of foods containing glutamate: http://www.dramyyasko.com/wp-content/files_flutter/1279663001Neuroprovokers8.pdf For those looking to ease HPPD symptoms perhaps a diet low in excess gluten and other glutamate-rich foods, in addition to the many neuro-inflammatory items listed above, is a good place to start.
  23. I know this has been discussed before but I just wanted to post this again for any newcomers or for those interested in trying something new to help alleviate their HPPD. I've been on keto for about a week now and even while going through sugar withdrawals I've felt much better than before. I don't know how to describe it but there's a clarity to my well being, a heaviness that seems to be gone. I'm going to stick on it for a while and see how it works out, but in the meantime here's a great rundown of various studies (including excitotoxicity) where keto is shown to have beneficial results: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2367001/
  24. K.B.Fante

    Glutamate

    Bit more of an update: So after my gluten binge I've tried to cut back but I haven't entirely eliminated it from my diet. I've gone a handful of days here or there without it, then maybe a couple with it, and I've noticed I still get symptoms even after eliminating gluten for a good five days from my diet. So basically there's some form of a buildup inside my body that can only be diminished or completely destroyed by eliminating gluten for vast periods of time, likely weeks or months on end. The worst offenders are without question gooey, sticky breads in large doses (think donuts, processed sandwich breads, etc.), as I've noticed immediate and lasting negative effects when I eat these as opposed to a small cookie or some broccoli (which has high glutamate for a vegetable) for example. What I find so interesting about this is how all these internal symptoms that I saw completely disappear after eliminating gluten for a couple years have suddenly re-appeared. I mentioned them above but one of the others that I've noticed is my tinnitus has returned as well, which I haven't had in over a year. The other mental symptoms, which I can only describe as feeling almost schizophrenic (racing and overactive thoughts, loudness inside my head, etc.), have also returned and I haven't had these for over two years at least. The most important aspect of all this is that when I have eaten tons of gluten and really overdosed I sorta get the same feeling I did as when my trip went south and I felt my brain go to a really dark place which I'm convinced is what gave my HPPD. One of the things about the acid I took that day was that I felt my brain heating up to a point where I almost couldn't handle it. Other hallucinogens I'd taken always made me feel good and relatively calm, but this drug -- whatever it was -- sorta did the opposite and made me feel anxious and caused my mind to race like crazy and given the hyperactive relationship to how I feel when eating too much gluten to the day I got HPPD I'm kinda convinced that excitotoxicity is the culprit here. I mean, here I am three years removed from the trip that gave me HPPD and yet when I consume too many hyperactive glutamate-containing substances I feel exactly the same as I did that day, only at a much, much lower level obviously. I also remember how these similar symptoms were really prevalent in the first few days and weeks right after I got HPPD -- I honestly felt like I'd contracted schizophrenia -- but how they completely went away in time and especially after changing my diet. Point is there is absolutely a connection with the same feelings I had when I initially got HPPD and the feelings I have now, three years later, when introducing large amounts of glutamate into my diet. I also have lots of inflammation inside my body due to additional health problems I'm having which contributes to glutamate excitotoxicity. Here is a great summary of that connection in case anybody is interested: http://www.rlcure.com/glutamate.html I know not as many people here are interested in finding out the source of HPPD but after digging into this for years and reading all kinds of studies and reports and of course all the valuable information on this site and doing constant trial and error in my own life with foods, drugs, supplements, etc., I'm at this point convinced that HPPD has some sort of connection to excitotoxicity and cell death. We of course don't have solid scientific evidence but the number of correlations that exist are just absolutely overwhelming at this point.
  25. K.B.Fante

    Should I get an MRI?

    Seems like nothing shows up, so I'm not sure I should even get one. I've searched the site for "MRI" and pretty much all anybody's said is that they don't show anything for HPPD. Just curious if it's even worth it and if anybody has had first-hand experience with this.
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