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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

K.B.Fante

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Everything posted by K.B.Fante

  1. Found the 5-HT receptor stuff especially interesting considering the possible links with HPPD. Lots of relevant HPPD connections everywhere in this article. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289516300509
  2. We've all been there before so don't feel bad. That's what this community is there for. Like Jay said, you gotta sleep. I've been down the road of insomnia and there's nothing but disease at the end. I'd encourage you to meditate at night, light some candles, incense, play some relaxing music, drink some chamomile or sleepytime teas, read in low light, perhaps even take a relaxing bath. Sleep for a lot of us is really about turning off your brain from thinking. It'll get better. I know it's not the best advise but I've been in the to the very bottom of hell and back and yet this is a constant throughout. It simply cannot stay bad forever. Get your foot in the door and just make a tiny bit of progress each day, whether that's eating right, exercising, going to therapy, posting on this site, taking a walk, riding a bike, hiking, driving, just find something to basically take the edge off. Keep doing this over and over and eventually you'll chip away at it.
  3. Interesting article that discusses the science behind why a diet high in fiber is good for the brain. Two of the most discussed neurotransmitters on this site are GABA and serotonin, both of which are derived in the gut from the foods we eat. If you want more seratonin and GABA you best eat a diet with lots of veggies! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4903954/
  4. I've been doing this every year for the last four years since I got HPPD on May 8, 2015. I can't put into words how much I've been through and how much my life has changed since that day. I know a lot of people here understand what it's like, but trying to explain this to your everyday normal person feels impossible. I just never imagined in a million years my life would turn out the way it has. I actually had a major setback a few months ago from a mold exposure where I basically had HPPD all over again except on a much smaller scale than the first time. Three months later I still feel disconnected from my body a bit (worsened streamers mostly), but it's to the point where I don't notice it hardly at all as long as I eat right and avoid inflammatory foods which always make it worse. Speaking of, I'm pretty convinced HPPD is some sort of autoimmune reaction in the brain. I know nobody has the answer but this so me makes the most sense after trying to piece the puzzle together for the last four years. All the more reason to eat healthy and exercise! I don't know that I'll ever totally overcome HPPD and return to completely normal vision. I've always had eye floaters and a bit of snow so my normal is probably always gonna have some HPPD symptoms. But overall I feel I'm getting close to that normal feeling again, whatever that is. I think in another two years or so I'll be pretty much done with HPPD as a chapter of my life. It's strange, I remember years ago when I first got HPPD I thought there'd be some kind of cure. I often fantasized about it and what I'd do if I was able to suddenly return to my old brain, personality and way of life. I thought I'd be the happiest person alive. But as it turns out HPPD fades extremely slow, almost to the point where you don't even notice it improving at all. The years just pass by, you keep checking in only to feel about the same as you did before, until a few years pass, then a few more and finally you realize you've made a ton of progress and you can maybe even see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's sorta how I feel now. I've improved enough to where I'm closer to being me again than I ever have in the last four years. I've had lots of other health struggles since getting HPPD that have also transformed my life, but HPPD is honestly the least of my worries at this point, which feels incredible to say. I'm hoping to do some work in the future with regards to bringing some attention to this disorder -- I just don't know what quite yet. I also need to get fully healthy before I do. In the meantime I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing the last four years: eating healthy, exercise, work, spend time in nature, learn, love my friends and family and just try to take it one day at a time. That's the only thing you can do with this disease: just put one foot in front of the other.
  5. Congrats! I wish more people posted about when they get better. I think the vast majority of people with HPPD recover, if not fully then at least to a degree they can live with it and sustain a normal life. You're lucky to have been so young and have had such a malleable brain. You've got your whole life ahead of you now! Stay away from drugs and make the most of it!
  6. Appreciate it. Even if you think your brain is pretty much set and unable to fully recover I still think maintaining a healthy lifestyle is the best option for mental health and overall well being. I've noticed the foods I eat actually alter my moods and ways of thinking. Any advantage you can get while dealing with HPPD is one worth having. You don't have to go all out, but if you exercise four times per week, do some yoga, avoid processed foods, get proper sunlight, meditate, find purpose in your life and surround yourself with positive social connections then you can find happiness with this condition. I firmly believe that because I've seen it with myself and I had a horrendous case of HPPD to start.
  7. Money, bureaucracy, etc. Seems like research generally moves really slow unless there's a high demand for something.
  8. Wow, that's the most promising research I've heard on this board in the 3.5 years I've been here. Anything that can target the brain that widespread and mitigate an entire range of cerebral disease would have to have a positive effect on HPPD.
  9. One thing that caught my eye was one of the doctors talking about the immune response in the brain, specifically the glial cells. He said there's four immune systems in the body: the gut, lymphatic, blood and brain. Each has it's own defenders that target invaders in order to protect the body and it just so happens the brain has what he calls "bazookas," aka, glial cells. Due to the importance of the brain to the rest of the body the glial cells essentially blow anything that enters into smithereens but in the process cause collateral damage. I'm kinda wondering if some of us had a weakened blood brain barrier and the glial cells identified the drugs we took as invaders and basically went haywire and destroyed not only the chemical messengers of the drug but also some of our brain in the process.
  10. As of the time I'm typing there's still 13 hours left of free viewing for this series. Here's the link: https://brokenbrain.com/pages/replay-weekend
  11. Here's the link where you can purchase this documentary series on brain health: https://brokenbrain.com/pages/own#packages I only had a chance to see about half of it before it went offline and they started to charge for it but the parts I did see were impressive. This is as comprehensive of a breakdown on brain health as you'll find anywhere. There's just so much great information in here. If everyone on this site bought this when they first got HPPD I have a feeling we'd be seeing a lot less posts about suicide and a lot more success stories. One of the doctors in this series specifically caught my eye. His name is Titus Chiu. He's a neurologist out of Berkley, CA. He's got all sorts of crazy advanced technology he uses to analyze brain injuries and supposedly can identify where exactly your weakness is inside your brain using these tools to analyze eye movement and pupil reflexes. I guess he does consulting via the Web too so you don't have to be in northern California to see him. Here's a link to his website which has all sorts of good information: http://drtituschiu.com/
  12. Been in your same shoes far too often since getting HPPD nearly four years ago. Here's what I do know: If and when your symptoms worsen it's due to something in your environment. It's the same principle as any other injury that gets exacerbated by an outside force. Unfortunately with HPPD we often can't see or know what that is. The best thing you can do when suicidal is to talk to someone immediately and establish connections with close friends and family. You don't have to tell them what's going on inside your head but just the mere fact of being close to other people is a lifesaver. Suicidal ideation thrives in isolation and those who attempt suicide are almost always withdrawn to some degree. You also need to immediately address your anxiety. In my experience anxiety is triggered by toxins and autoimmunity. I know this isn't always the case for everyone but considering one third of Millennials have anxiety I'm pretty sure there's a common denominator. I also know that when I've completely cleaned up my diet my anxiety has disappeared. Cut out the gluten, dairy, sugar, fast food, virtually anything that comes prepackaged. Cook at home using mostly vegetables (lots of greens!) and healthy proteins. If you need some sort of immediate relief I'd go with herbs like passionflower, chamomile, peppermint, bacopa, valerian, etc. CBD is also one with some great anti-anxiety benefits. Additionally, meditation, exercise (especially long distance running to work up a sweat), getting outside, engaging with art, etc., should all be part of your daily routine. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you're not gonna find a single pill that's gonna suddenly correct an entire lifetime of trauma and mental illness. I used to think that way just like most people in the Western world. Unfortunately I had to figure out the hard way that health doesn't work like that. It takes hundreds and hundreds of small little things every single day to truly save yourself and regain your health. You have to put in the work. But if you truly want to live and want to turn your life around you can do it -- anyone can. If you need any help feel free to DM me. For now, just get started with some of this stuff, get your foot in the door and make tiny progress tomorrow, then the next day, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you eventually get your head above water. You can do it man. If I can, anyone can.
  13. Is there a certain amount of money that must be obtained before the study gets the green light? If so you might wanna set up a GoFundMe page.
  14. Vitamins have only had a positive effect on me and I imagine the same could be said for many here. Any excess and you urinate them out of your body. As for other meds, you're best to just try them and see how you feel. One pill likely won't make a difference.
  15. Xanax is a drug. If you've been taking Xanax for years then you haven't really been drug free. I'd remove anything and everything from your routine that even remotely has drug-like effects, including coffee, cigarettes and even excess sugar. In my experience you have to totally reset to figure out what's causing your symptoms to worsen. A few summers ago my symptoms were steadily worsening over the course of two weeks and I finally figured out it was due to nutmeg in a spice jar I was using everyday to flavor my food. I recently had a similar occurrence with mold. You should take stock of what times of day your symptoms worsen and ask what you were eating or doing prior that could have exacerbated your condition. I've had to do this constantly over the last four years and as tiresome as it is it's been really helpful in just making it through the day.
  16. Yeah, I know those feelings. You should go to a doctor and get some blood tests run as those symptoms can be all sorts of different things. Not sure how much they're related to HPPD if at all...
  17. I've had this recently as a result of mold poisoning. Chills and being cold are usually a result of internal infection, as far as I know. You're doing the best thing you can to help yourself though. I had severe brain fog the first year of HPPD then when I switched to a hardcore paleo diet it essentially vanished. Any sort of intestinal inflammation (which is common in the West) will cause inflammatory responses in the brain which only exacerbate HPPD. If you want to kill off bugs, parasites, fungi, you name it, the best diet is one with lots of chlorophyll (green veggies), low sugar (weakens the immune system), antioxidants and healthy proteins to repair any damage you sustain as a result of the infection or your body's response to it.
  18. Quick update: My symptoms have subsided the more I've stayed away from the mold however I'm still having what can only be describe as neurological allergic reactions whenever I'm near a spot where mold spores are prevalent. I immediately start itching, my eyes get dry, I get really weak and fatigued, but most important is that my HPPD symptoms all flare up pretty bad. Snow, tinnitus, palinopsia and depersonalization symptoms are all pretty intense, most of which I haven't really noticed in a good year or so given how much progress I've made with HPPD as a whole. Still, this has me thinking about the posts in this thread. It's clear that my brain and those of other HPPD sufferers is much more sensitive to toxins than is normal. My family is around the same stuff I am and they report no symptoms whatsoever, not even itching, dry eyes, headaches and other more common physiological symptoms associated with mold exposure. On the one hand it's easy to write this all off as my brain being extra sensitive to toxins as a result of HPPD, but given how severe my response is to this stuff I'm starting to wonder if there's something about my immune system in general that reacts differently to toxins independent of HPPD. In other words, I'm starting to wonder if HPPD is the result of a hyperactive, abnormal immune system response to drugs instead of simply being the side effect of a single drug exposure...
  19. Just got back from a trip in a rainy environment. My trailer suffered terrible water damage and mold accumulation. I've been cleaning it out the last few days and have noticed a pretty substantial increase in symptoms I haven't had in a while: tinnitus, dilated pupils, feeling disconnected from my bodily movements, snow, etc. The good news is I've recovered probably 80 percent and I've cleaned everything good and won't have to go in that trailer again, so I'm not too worried about longterm damage, however I'd be lying if I said I haven't been stressed the last few days seeing old symptoms appear that I haven't had in a while.
  20. If anybody has any history of autoimmunity please say so. I've been wondering a lot about this lately since I've been battling all kinds of autoimmune issues. I also have autoimmunity running on both sides of my family. At the heart of autoimmunity is the simple fact that our bodies have developed incredible defense mechanisms to fight naturally occurring diseases over the course of millions of years but ever since the Neolithic Revolution and the invention of agriculture we've been putting things into our bodies that our bodies don't recognize and so our defense systems logically ramp up. Modern drugs firmly fit into this category. Our bodies have not evolved to recognize many of the street drugs that are notorious for giving people HPPD. Perhaps someone who knows more about this subject could chime in?
  21. There's lots of support on this board. People are pretty open so don't feel like you have to hide anything. This forum is full of people confessing their worst fears. That said, the best form of help is often in person. You should try and find a therapist if you don't have one yet. And going to support groups is great too. You should try and establish a network of support as that's the best way to cope with terrible life situations.
  22. Sorta along these same lines, I tried taking astaxanthin last month and felt really good on it, although it could also have been other supplements I was taking. In general people with HPPD seem to do well with stuff that comes from the ocean because it's often very nutrient dense, good for the brain and very inflammatory. I imagine a good fermented cod liver oil on top of the two mentioned above as well as some seaweed once per week would be a great routine for any HPPD sufferer.
  23. Good survey. Wish I could fill out more of these...
  24. Lion's Mane contributes to neurogenesis but to be effective for system-wide brain damage you'd need to take it for a long period of time. I've noticed when taking Lion's Mane, Reishi, Chaga, etc., that I'm able to access and experience past memories much more clearly but they don't necessarily have an impact on my HPPD symptoms at the time of consumption.
  25. I took that same medication for sleep about three years ago and it totally messed me up for a whole day. Many different hard drugs can cause HPPD, as can many different over-the-counter chemicals and even natural drugs like mushrooms and weed. This board is full of stories similar to yours. Many of us have struggled with suicidal thoughts and I'm certainly no stranger to them myself. The only thing you can do is to clean up your life, eat healthy, workout a lot and find things worth living for. I consider myself lucky to have improved as much as I have but I'm also living proof that a healthy lifestyle can essentially eradicate HPPD over the course of many years. The most important thing is that you find purpose somehow. Maybe that's through art or a job or a relationship of some kind, but as long as you can find something that brings you joy and meaning you should be able to make it through.
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