K.B.Fante

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K.B.Fante last won the day on November 18

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  1. To piggyback on this subject and what I posted in David's thread, what essentially got absorbed into the culture from the 60s was the idea that drugs were the key to "expanding your mind" when in fact it was Eastern philosophy, Jungian psychology, the foundations laid by the Beat poets and Avant Guard art and of course the war in Vietnam. All of these things collided and though drugs were a part of it they were't the only part and yet past generations have really looked past how holistic the 60s were. Meditation, spirituality, philosophy, enlightenment and seeing the world differently is where so many from that era ended up, with better lives, more happiness, more peace and understanding about the world, and yet popular culture just seems intent on linking the 60s to LSD as if it was the catalyst that revolutionized everything. I apologize for ranting but I've been studying on this era lately and it's just all the more frustrating to be in my position, to know there were all sorts of cases of mental collapse related to LSD and drugs back then and yet everyone just overlooked it and wrote it off and never seemed willing to admit that these drugs weren't all that safe. Did they expand people's minds? I know many people have felt that way, but they also ruined people's lives and nobody wanted to admit that fact. Long story short: If you truly want enlightenment you must obtain it through sobriety, through healthy living, through vulnerability, through volunteer work, through friendship, family, understanding history and artistic expression and everything else that makes being a human worthwhile. Hijacking your brain with chemicals for a few hours of increased dopamine isn't going to expand your mind. It might make you feel good, then again it also might get you HPPD. But living a sober, healthy lifestyle brings nothing but positives and can open you up to becoming an authentic, joyous human being in ways you never thought possible.
  2. I'm honestly convinced the Baby Boomer generation is the source of so many problems today. They were a huge reason for why Trump got elected. They harbor most of the racist beliefs in the U.S. They're materialistic. They aren't all that keen on science. And as you've alluded to, they don't seem particularly interested in admitting anything that came from the 60s was damaging when in fact that whole era ripped the U.S. apart. My dad is a perfect example. All he did was brag about how much drugs he did when he was young. I looked up to him so of course I tried to do the same. Look where I ended up. Also, as you've stated, there's such a strong inclination to disbelieve HPPD because by doing so they'd have to admit LSD isn't the miracle drug they all thought it was. My only questions is where neurology comes into all this. HPPD is so clearly a brain malfunction and needs study in that regard. I don't at all see HPPD as an emotional disorder with neurological side effects but rather quite the opposite. It's the visual distortions that precipitate the emotional struggles. It's so obvious based on the decades of this disorder existing and on my own experience that the standard mental health practitioner has absolutely no clue what this is or how to deal with it. I really feel like this is something that needs the attention of neurologists given our symptoms align so much more with those that brain specialists spend a lifetime analyzing.
  3. I don't consider myself old (I'm 29), but I honestly can't believe all the drugs kids are doing these days. They're all manufactured and have names that sounds like Star Wars robots. These just don't sound safe on a surface level. Who's making them? What's in them? Is there any organic compounds or is it all just chemicals mixed together? I never knew HPPD existed prior to getting it but if someone had approached me about trying some of these new-age designer drugs I would have suspected they weren't safe to begin with. I'm not at all trying to say this is your fault, so please don't take it that way. I feel bad for you just like I do anyone that gets HPPD. I just don't get why people are putting all these mystery drugs into their bodies these days. When I was growing up, which really wasn't that long ago, it was just weed, shrooms, acid and occasionally a painkiller or some cocaine here or there and that was it. I really worry about HPPD growing exponentially with all these new drugs out there...
  4. I think there's a cure, it's just a matter or where it exists and when it will be discovered. Who knows, it might already have been discovered. With how much emphasis there is on brain research these days I wouldn't be surprised if it's sooner than most expect. Some of the stories Stamets tells in the interview above are just mind blowing. He's talking about totally curing chronic stuttering, hearing loss and other brain disorders by even a single serving of psilocybin mushrooms. Obviously that doesn't seem like a great idea for us, but perhaps there's something to it. Again, I think a huge problem is that many of the drugs we've taken to end up with HPPD are extremely low quality and likely entirely removed from how they'd be found in the wild. I imagine the sorts of mushrooms Stamets takes are vastly different in makeup and effects.
  5. Here's a great article about Lion's Mane and neurogenesis: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-stamets/mushroom-memory_b_1725583.html
  6. Sounds like there's quite a bit. The above interview is pretty enlightening in this regard. I know Lion's Mane and Reishi fall under this category and have been utilized by members of this community. Cordyceps, Chaga and Turkey Tail are also pretty popular. The product I link to above has most of these, including cacao and cinnamon which in small doses are great for the brain as well. As I mentioned, I've felt really good on this mix despite being basically allergic to caffeine due to HPPD. I think being able to control the dose, given it comes in powder form, has been beneficial with regards to symptoms. The real kicker in neurogenesis, and the irony given our situation, is psilocybin. This is the compound that apparently has the potential to spur growth of new neurons in the limbic system, especially with regards to 5-HT2A receptors, both of which are areas suspected of being faulty in HPPD. Although I'm never going to do drugs again I'm starting to come around to the idea that a large reason many of us are where we are is not entirely due to the drugs themselves (although in many cases, such as mine, that's certainly a large aspect of it), but rather the amount of the drugs we took or the amount of anxiety we had during or before the drug that paved the way for HPPD. This is why I don't think I'm entirely opposed to some members of the HPPD community attempting to explore psilocybin in microdoses under the supervision of medical professionals if all other options in coping with HPPD have been exhausted. If the mushrooms are pure and well taken care of, grown under proper organic circumstances and administered in such small doses as to not cause additional damage, I think it's certainly something to consider. We've all read stories here and on other sites about people who've taken additional psychedelics that have "cured" them. I've always been dubious about these reports, but perhaps there's some validity to what they're experiencing.
  7. Telling your family is entirely up to you and should be a decision you make based on how comfortable you feel. My HPPD was so bad I couldn't try and pretend I was OK and my parents would have known no matter what, so I had no choice. My family is also very open so I told them right away anyhow. It was much more difficult telling my friends and of course I still haven't told distant family members. If you feel there could be backlash then it might not be a good idea, however this is a very very serious and debilitating condition so your parents should probably know at some point if you deem it acceptable. Perhaps showing them this forum or some YouTube videos would help them understand. I never read any books about meditation though I'm sure there are many great ones out there. I just googled "how to meditate" and watched some YouTube videos and then practiced it and haven't looked back. There's definitely some key things you should know but not that many so it won't take long to understand. In my experience the HPPD brain is highly sensitive so even good things in large doses can cause problems and exacerbate visual symptoms. This is why you should take very small doses of whatever you're trying, even stuff that works well. Many supplements will cause more harm than good though, so you should be aware of side effects. Also, I'd avoid buying supplements that include more than a few ingredients as there will likely be one that you won't be able to handle. I can't tell you how many supplements I bought where I liked one ingredient but there were other included that made my symptoms worse. Stay away from any sort of stimulant too and don't take too many at the same time. Your best bet is to find a few that work and just stick with them. Honestly, I don't think drinking or doing drugs of any kind is advisable while coping with HPPD. If you could somehow manage a glass of red wine a few times per month I don't see how that would hurt, however that's usually not how drinking works, especially for youngsters. Drinking one beer at a bar often leads to another, which leads to another, and before you know it you've had more than you can handle and your judgement is impaired and then you could end up doing drugs that make your HPPD even worse. Perhaps some people would disagree but I think staying away from drugs of all kinds is your best bet. I had plenty of fun without them but I know it's more difficult the younger you are.
  8. This reminds me: Hiking and spending time outdoors has been probably the single best hobby I've had in coping with HPPD. I've always loved hiking and though it's been more difficult with HPPD Iv'e also never felt worse after hiking than when I set off. There's new science coming to light that says spending time in nature can lift depression and relieve other internal stressors which of course nearly everyone with HPPD has in some form or another. Getting into photography goes hand in hand and can keep you focused while you're hiking as well.
  9. Like I said, I've been there and so have many on this forum. In it's severe forms this condition can be absolutely excruciating to cope with on a daily basis. There was a time for about six months in the first year I got HPPD where everything negative in my life came together at the same time and I got very close to ending my own life, but it was then that I realized I hadn't tried everything and that there had to be a solution somewhere to my problem, which I found in natural health. The body is made to regenerate, it's just a matter of giving your body what it needs and staying away from drugs in order to prevent further damage. B-vitamins, turmeric, magnesium (taurate is the best for HPPD), passionflower and fish oil (high in DHA) were the supplements that helped me most. They are all beneficial for the body and brain as well. Aside from eating healthy, exercising regularly, meditating, seeing a therapist and all the other standard HPPD healing methods, I think staying busy and setting goals for the future is probably the best thing you can do. The more time you have on your hands the more you'll think about HPPD, the more you'll get depressed and anxious, the more you'll lose hope and so on. HPPD can be dealt with even for life, as Jay well knows, but it takes tremendous will power to accept your condition and keep your life moving so that you don't get into your own head. I've had HPPD for 2.5 years now and am better every day, although I've accepted this will still take years before I'm fully recovered. This condition is slow moving and you have to keep this in mind on a daily basis. You can't think this is going to turn around tomorrow or the next day or the next. You have to start thinking in months and years, and though it's depressing it's also the truth and will help you out in the long run. I think meds are OK in certain circumstances and it sounds like you are in one of those. If you're really unstable and thinking about suicide then you should definitely think about taking meds, I just don't know which ones. Jay could probably help you out in this regard.
  10. I don't know why but lately I've been running into all kinds of info on the benefits of mushrooms, then today I heard this podcast which kinda blew my mind: Additionally, I recently bought some mushroom tea on a trip into the desert and I've actually felt really good on it even though it has small amounts of caffeine due to the chocolate inside. Here's the link: http://mushroommama.com/mushroommama-chocolate-chaga-tea/ There are other mushroom teas you can buy from the same lady and judging by the one I bought I'd recommend trying some. I'm pretty sure most of the mushrooms in her teas have neurogenesis-promoting properties which might be why I've felt so good on them. Anyway, it's pretty clear mushrooms can have some insane brain health benefits so it would be wise to incorporate them into your diet in some way or another.
  11. I've been there many times. I can't tell you how bad my HPPD was even a year and a half ago. I came very close to suicide after fantasizing about it every day for months on end. I truly cannot describe the hell I went through. What turned things around for me was realizing what made my HPPD worse. I knew I had certain days and times where it was much worse and after trial and error and endless research and contemplation I figured out that certain foods were exacerbating my symptoms quite a lot from day to day. Nightshades, heavy carb loads, caffeine, stimulants of any kinds, excess glutamate, etc., all made my symptoms worse and still do to this day. I've made many posts about diet and I would highly recommend them to anyone struggling. It might not heal you entirely but it can have a profound impact on just making it through the day. In the meantime you should really try and meditate and talk to someone about your struggles, even if it's a support group or just a family member. You just need to do whatever you can to get through this tough time because it will eventually get better.
  12. It's way to early to think about suicide given how recently you got this. You have to give yourself time to heal first. As long as you avoid drugs, eat healthy, exercise, meditate, perhaps see a therapist and so on you'll likely be OK. This site is full of all kinds of great advice. The biggest thing is just staying away from drugs and maintaining a healthy lifestyle long enough so that your body and mind can heal. I know not drinking sucks, especially in the UK, but you should try and look at it like a new adventure and a new challenge which can only make you a better person in the long run.
  13. In short, mostly the same thing anyone should do with serious health problems: eat whole foods, eliminate fast food, cut way down on added sugar and sugar in general, drink more water, fast here and there (as you point out), eat a balanced diet, etc. There are foods that specifically benefit brain health (turmeric, wild salmon, berries, nuts, a little dark chocolate here and there, tea, etc.) but as long as you're eating whole foods that come from the earth and not a factory you're gonna be alright. It's also important to not overdo anything. I've learned this the hard way, but essentially you can eat too much of anything and cause yourself problems. This is especially true for HPPD. In my experience aiming for a light ketogenic or paleo diet has been beneficial too, but again, following these sorts of trends religiously will only get you in trouble. They're best used as a rough guideline.
  14. Just wanted to bump this to point something out... I've noticed recently that my eyes are moving faster. When I first got HPPD it was as if my eyes were frozen inside my head. They couldn't move hardly at all. This is of course quite unsettling considering how lightning fast our eyes are made to move when healthy. I've also noticed that my pupil dilation (and all my symptoms really), afterimages and streamers are connected to how fast I can move my eyes as well. So basically I started off with blown pupils where my eyes could hardly move at all and as time has progressed my pupils have shrunk which corresponds to an increased ability to move my eyes a certain speed as well as a decrease in the length and duration of afterimages. Clearly this all ties to some sort of nerve inside my brain, likely the optical nerve or oculomotor nerve or whatever else controls eye movement. This of course doesn't explain HPPD entirely since many symptoms aren't visually related (tinnitus, brain fog, etc.), however I can at least pinpoint a visual aspect of HPPD that seems to be a big aspect of this condition.
  15. Yeah, I didn't mean to make it sound like you were suggesting it was a cure, it's just that when I read the word "cure" I'm always a bit nervous about what follows. I've made a few posts about food since it's what I feel has helped me most thus far. Here's a few from the last half year or so: http://hppdonline.com/topic/5537-the-science-of-smarter-eating/ http://hppdonline.com/topic/5431-nightshades/ http://hppdonline.com/topic/5453-glutamate/ http://hppdonline.com/topic/5344-a-routine-thats-helping-for-newcomers-especially/