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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

K.B.Fante

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K.B.Fante last won the day on December 3

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About K.B.Fante

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  1. I think almost all CBD contains even trace amounts of THC. I've taken it for about a year and it really helps me relax. Your best bet would be to buy a tincture and try a few drops to see how you feel, then steady increase the dose. I really don't think you can hurt yourself doing it that way. There's just not enough THC to really have a major impact as long as you dose small and work your way up.
  2. Hey guys, just wanted to drop in and post an update on my HPPD recovery... In another six months I'll have my five year anniversary of when I first got HPPD. I've posted every year on that day and I plan on doing so again in six months but something just triggered me to want to post now. Basically I'm updating a lot of stuff on my computer and I went through old notes I made when I first got HPPD. I hadn't read them in three years. It was surreal to see how far I've come. So much of my notes were about how painful life was each day, how I could barely make it through, how HPPD was like hell and how I thought of suicide constantly. I also had severe depersonalization which I wouldn't wish on anybody. I literally couldn't tell whether I was alive or not when I first got it. It was really bad. Though I'm not fully healed and still have minor symptoms of HPPD (mostly visual snow, occasional tinnitus, some afterimages at night, etc.) I'm also at the place in my recovery where I'm able to move on with my life, and that's truly a miraculous thing to say considering where I was even two years ago. This point I've arrived at is all I ever wanted when I was living in a 24-7, Alice-In-Wonderland hellscape of a constant lowgrade acid trip. I would have given anything to be where I'm at today. And yet, here I am, and it doesn't seem so special because HPPD takes so many years to heal from. As many of you know this disease is not something that just disappears overnight. It takes many years of backbreaking work to improve, but I'm proof that if you're willing to put in the work you can get to that place. If I could impart any advice on those who are suffering right now and don't have much hope I'd really emphasize the power of natural healing. The body is a healing machine. It's designed to repair itself at all times. The main hindrance is of course interfering with this process by causing your body even more damage than it can handle and our modern world is essentially a barrage of micro and macro insults to this repair system. My true healing journey began when I put down the fast food, spent countless hours in nature and in sunlight, always kept my body moving, nourished myself with natural foods and medicinal plants, embraced the power of love and took steps to face my own personal demons and confront my childhood trauma that manifested in the anxiety that got me HPPD in the first place. If you're at all stuck or just wondering how you go about navigating a healing journey I really hope you'll consider getting back in touch with nature and letting evolution do what it's been doing for billions of years on this planet. I don't mean for this to sound too woo woo but I just know it works because I tried everything and natural medicine in combination with time is the only thing that gave me actual results. Please stay hopeful if you're able. I understand as much as anyone how distressing and hopeless this disease can be so I'm not gonna lecture anyone on how they should see things, but I do believe there's almost always reason for hope with anything, even this bastard condition. If anyone needs help or advice or just someone to talk to please don't hesitate to reach out. -- K.B.
  3. In my experience HPPD can be exacerbated by a lot of stuff but toxins are the worst offenders next to drugs. I got exposed to mold four months ago and essentially had a relapse, all symptoms worsening quite a bit. There are number of stories on here about people getting HPPD from certain situations with lots of chemicals and toxins around. I think I read someone getting it from some kind of hair procedure too. Only thing you can do is whatever you did before to get healthy. I'd stay away from artificial procedures too. People with HPPD just react differently to things most people can handle.
  4. This is really incredible. I've been on this forum for close to four years now and have never seen anyone try and tackle HPPD this professionally before. Thank you so much for your dedication to bringing awareness to this condition. Have you thought of doing any cross-pollination research with the Visual Snow Syndrome or Depersonalization community? All three of these conditions essentially have the same features (mostly visual snow, anxiety and depersonalization) yet it's strange how there has yet to be a unifying community or even a basic connection between the three online.
  5. I tried homeopathy and definitely felt something, although it could have just been placebo. If you think it could help and won't make your HPPD worse and are willing to take the chance then you should give it a shot. The homeopathic medicine I took was cannibis infused and I didn't experience any averse side effects. I don't think there's much risk but I also don't think you're gonna "cure" yourself. HPPD isn't really something that can be instantly reversed.
  6. Found the 5-HT receptor stuff especially interesting considering the possible links with HPPD. Lots of relevant HPPD connections everywhere in this article. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289516300509
  7. We've all been there before so don't feel bad. That's what this community is there for. Like Jay said, you gotta sleep. I've been down the road of insomnia and there's nothing but disease at the end. I'd encourage you to meditate at night, light some candles, incense, play some relaxing music, drink some chamomile or sleepytime teas, read in low light, perhaps even take a relaxing bath. Sleep for a lot of us is really about turning off your brain from thinking. It'll get better. I know it's not the best advise but I've been in the to the very bottom of hell and back and yet this is a constant throughout. It simply cannot stay bad forever. Get your foot in the door and just make a tiny bit of progress each day, whether that's eating right, exercising, going to therapy, posting on this site, taking a walk, riding a bike, hiking, driving, just find something to basically take the edge off. Keep doing this over and over and eventually you'll chip away at it.
  8. Interesting article that discusses the science behind why a diet high in fiber is good for the brain. Two of the most discussed neurotransmitters on this site are GABA and serotonin, both of which are derived in the gut from the foods we eat. If you want more seratonin and GABA you best eat a diet with lots of veggies! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4903954/
  9. I've been doing this every year for the last four years since I got HPPD on May 8, 2015. I can't put into words how much I've been through and how much my life has changed since that day. I know a lot of people here understand what it's like, but trying to explain this to your everyday normal person feels impossible. I just never imagined in a million years my life would turn out the way it has. I actually had a major setback a few months ago from a mold exposure where I basically had HPPD all over again except on a much smaller scale than the first time. Three months later I still feel disconnected from my body a bit (worsened streamers mostly), but it's to the point where I don't notice it hardly at all as long as I eat right and avoid inflammatory foods which always make it worse. Speaking of, I'm pretty convinced HPPD is some sort of autoimmune reaction in the brain. I know nobody has the answer but this so me makes the most sense after trying to piece the puzzle together for the last four years. All the more reason to eat healthy and exercise! I don't know that I'll ever totally overcome HPPD and return to completely normal vision. I've always had eye floaters and a bit of snow so my normal is probably always gonna have some HPPD symptoms. But overall I feel I'm getting close to that normal feeling again, whatever that is. I think in another two years or so I'll be pretty much done with HPPD as a chapter of my life. It's strange, I remember years ago when I first got HPPD I thought there'd be some kind of cure. I often fantasized about it and what I'd do if I was able to suddenly return to my old brain, personality and way of life. I thought I'd be the happiest person alive. But as it turns out HPPD fades extremely slow, almost to the point where you don't even notice it improving at all. The years just pass by, you keep checking in only to feel about the same as you did before, until a few years pass, then a few more and finally you realize you've made a ton of progress and you can maybe even see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's sorta how I feel now. I've improved enough to where I'm closer to being me again than I ever have in the last four years. I've had lots of other health struggles since getting HPPD that have also transformed my life, but HPPD is honestly the least of my worries at this point, which feels incredible to say. I'm hoping to do some work in the future with regards to bringing some attention to this disorder -- I just don't know what quite yet. I also need to get fully healthy before I do. In the meantime I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing the last four years: eating healthy, exercise, work, spend time in nature, learn, love my friends and family and just try to take it one day at a time. That's the only thing you can do with this disease: just put one foot in front of the other.
  10. Congrats! I wish more people posted about when they get better. I think the vast majority of people with HPPD recover, if not fully then at least to a degree they can live with it and sustain a normal life. You're lucky to have been so young and have had such a malleable brain. You've got your whole life ahead of you now! Stay away from drugs and make the most of it!
  11. Appreciate it. Even if you think your brain is pretty much set and unable to fully recover I still think maintaining a healthy lifestyle is the best option for mental health and overall well being. I've noticed the foods I eat actually alter my moods and ways of thinking. Any advantage you can get while dealing with HPPD is one worth having. You don't have to go all out, but if you exercise four times per week, do some yoga, avoid processed foods, get proper sunlight, meditate, find purpose in your life and surround yourself with positive social connections then you can find happiness with this condition. I firmly believe that because I've seen it with myself and I had a horrendous case of HPPD to start.
  12. Money, bureaucracy, etc. Seems like research generally moves really slow unless there's a high demand for something.
  13. Wow, that's the most promising research I've heard on this board in the 3.5 years I've been here. Anything that can target the brain that widespread and mitigate an entire range of cerebral disease would have to have a positive effect on HPPD.
  14. One thing that caught my eye was one of the doctors talking about the immune response in the brain, specifically the glial cells. He said there's four immune systems in the body: the gut, lymphatic, blood and brain. Each has it's own defenders that target invaders in order to protect the body and it just so happens the brain has what he calls "bazookas," aka, glial cells. Due to the importance of the brain to the rest of the body the glial cells essentially blow anything that enters into smithereens but in the process cause collateral damage. I'm kinda wondering if some of us had a weakened blood brain barrier and the glial cells identified the drugs we took as invaders and basically went haywire and destroyed not only the chemical messengers of the drug but also some of our brain in the process.
  15. As of the time I'm typing there's still 13 hours left of free viewing for this series. Here's the link: https://brokenbrain.com/pages/replay-weekend
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