Dsudberry88

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About Dsudberry88

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  1. Yeah I feel like I'm tripping constantly. It's the biggest thing I can't handle. I feel it in my head and all over my body. I wish I just had visuals. I can handle the visuals. It's my dp/dr along with it that has driven me insane. I can't take it. I try to build strength and say I can take it. And then like can crumble 5 minutes later. I literally am fighting every second of every day. Can someone make it there whole life like this?
  2. Do you know the dosage of keppra or briviact to take?
  3. I was also Gona try rTMS on the right side. And possibly neurofeedback
  4. Thank you man. Will be trying briviact then. Have you heard of a combo of lexapro with lamactil?
  5. Does anyone know of any meds that have helped with dp/dr? My visuals aren't even bad but my dp/dr is so bad that I am giving it one last shot at a mental hospital to get help. And if they can't help me I'm buying some heroine and taking a hot dose. So I'll possibly be dead in a couple months. Just wondering if anyone knows of anything that helps dp/dr. Thank you.
  6. I'm at my breaking point too. I've tried everything to get help. I can't handle the dp/dr. My visuals aren't even bad but my dp/dr is unimaginable. And I just did something stupid a month ago. I took two hits of weed thinking maybe it would change my reality into something more liveable. No it just made it worse. I'm going back to mclean hospital. If they can't help me I'm buying some heroine and taking a hot dose. I just can't take this anymore. I have not one second of peace. I'm also unstable mentally and I'm just done. I'd rather kill myself before I flipout and end up hurting someone else. I can handle anything else but I can't handle this.
  7. It's this weird film feeling. I don't know I feel so weird. I feel weird horrible sensations. I just feel so messed up all day long. I'm afraid I'm not going to hold on much longer. I don't know what to do. The doctors never listened to me. They kept saying i was just depresssed or bipolar and I was like this isn't that. They never listened to me. I think they've just made everything worse. I keep praying for some kind of relief. I don't know what to do. I have had an MRI and eeg and they said it looked normal. I just don't understand how this can be real. I just need it to stop. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of messed up hppd. and I stupidly took psych meds trying to fix it and just made it worse. I feel so stupid for drinking and stuff making it worse. I keep trying to hold on praying I'll feel a little bit more normal. I don't know how long I can hold on for. I would have never dranken or done any drugs at all if i knew I was Gona end up like this. I've ruined my life.
  8. I'm in my Body now but my vision doesn't feel right. I don't feel right in my body. My head and body feels like this weird filmy sludge my vision feels like that too. Its hard for me to describe. I'm in hell. I feel so fucked up I like can't enjoy anything. I can't even just lay there in peace.
  9. Hi everyone I'm in desperate need of help. So it all started when I was 18 and I smoked some weed and tripped out. I never went back to the same. My reality was all messed up and my cognition was too. I thought I was doing okay when I was 21 and became a waiter. I knew things weren't perfect but I was still making it through and living life. Well stupid me didn't know drinking could make things worse. I also did cocaine here and there so that could have made it worse. But I was doing okay from about when I was 21 until I was 26. So I'm not sure what exactly made it worse. But I had started a new job at a car dealership which I should have known with my problems I shouldn't have done it. I should have just stayed a waiter. But anyways I tried my hardest and like I kept trying to push my brain and I could like feel it eroding my brain on the inside. and things seemed to get worse. Plus someone called me a space cadet and then I had OCD on everything I couldn't remember and had extreme anxiety and this is when I really lost functioning and everything was getting worse. I like couldn't see straight out of my eyes. I don't know I remember driving and it was like I wasn't in my body looking straight out. And I was stuck like that. I don't know this where I'm not sure if drinking was making things worse or if it was cuz I had realized how messed up i still was and then freaked out and had extreme anxiety which made it even worse but I was feeling the weirdest exteme sensations. it seemed like things were getting worse just on there own. But then this one night I was drinking and it felt like my vision hardened and it felt like I fried the back of my head down to my feet. inalso started feeling these weird horrible horrible feelings in my head. I don't know I've been super disoriented and messed up. Ive just been so messed up like it's so hard to describe. ive been in the mental hospital 6 times trying to get help. I think they just made me even worse. First they put me on zyprexa and wellbutrin and ativan. I ended up going back in the mental hospital a month later. This time they put me Zoloft, abilify, depakote. When they put me on the depakote I was almost passing out on the floor. I could barely situp. The doctor saw how slow my brain was functioning as I was having trouble even talking and he put me on adderall. I started feeling even weirder sensations when they put me on the adderall. I ended up stopping all the medications and tried to live with it but I was so debilitated I could barely get up out of bed. I was hoping with time that things would get better. I ended ended up stopping all the medications and tried to live with it but I was so debilitated I could barely get up out of bed. I was hoping with time that things would get better. I ended up trying to go back to work as a waiter even though I knew I wasn't better but I was Gona try and live anyways. I was like I'll try to push through work and hopefully things will get better. Well things never got better. I kept going in and out of the mental hospital. No medicine helped. I ended up quitting my job last december and going to the mental hospital again. This time I even tried electric shock therapy which didn't help. I've been so disoriented and messed up. I won't go over all the different feelings and sensations I've gone through over the last two years but I'll go over how I feel now. So how I feel now mostly is I feel this weird filmy sludgy feeling in my head and body. It feels like I don't have a head kind of. My vision doesn't feel right. It feels filmy and weird. Like I can look out and everything just feels off and like this filmy substance. I can see static in the dark and I can feel the static all throughout my body. Plus with the weird filmy feeling. I feel these weird kind of numbing sensations in my head and used to in my teeth. Sometimes I'll feel the feeling where my vision hardens and extreme pressure hardening feeling in my head. I try to just lay down in bed all day to get through the day cuz it's worse when I like have to try and walk and stuff I feel off balanced or not in my body. Even though it's extremely terrible just laying here in bed too. I feel so messed up. Like I can't even explain it. I can barely enjoy watching tv sometimes. I don't want to do anything at all cuz I feel so messed up. My family knows something's definitly wrong with me but they don't totally understand. I've tried to live with this but it's so bad I can't. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt myself. I can't even believe that this is real. Is there anything that can make me feel a little more normal? Or am I totally screwed? I've tried my best to describe what I'm going through but it's even worse then I can describe. I'm barely hanging on everyday hoping for a miracle that someday I'll feel a little better. Please I would appreciate any help. im desperate.
  10. Hey everyone. I've had hppd for like 10 years. Or atleast I think it's hppd. I'm not exactly sure. I first got it when I was 18. I had smoked some weed that made me trip out like really bad. I had never taken acid or hallucinogens before so I don't know if the weed was laced or if cuz I was on meth when I smoked weed they mixed together. But I was tripping out Real bad. I had been doing cocaine for some months and I decided to try meth. I was on it for 3 days and then smoked the weed. I figured it was the meth that had made me trip so I went back to doing cocaine and said I'll never do meth again. Well one day a few months later I decided to smoke some weed again and it made me trip out so bad again. This time I never went back to normal. I've never been the same since. I thought nothing looked real my vision was off and my vision was choppy. I felt all these weird things in my head and body. I've just been real messed up. It also messed with my cognition and executive functioning. I was supposed to go to the military but was unable to because of this. I struggled everyday just to make it through. I thought I was doing okay when I was 21 cuz I was making it by as a waiter at a restaraunt. I new things weren't right still but I thought I was doing okay. I would still drink and do cocaine here and there. Well 2 years ago when I was 26 I started a new job at a car dealership. I wanted to try a career as a car salesman. Kind of forgot how messed up I was from hppd I guess. Well things just got worse and worse. My cognitive function is horrible. I thought I had dementia or wet brain at one point. I feel Horrible sensation after horrible sensation. One day I thought I had a stroke. I can't even comprehend what I've been through and stil going through. I quit the car dealership went to the mental hospital. I've now been in the mental hospital 6 times since two years ago. I've tried all kinds of medicine. It seemed everything did nothing or Made me worse. I'm writing on here if anyone has any idea of what medicine to try. I have read somewhere about kolonopins, and Keppra and sinemet. Can someone help me with info about those and how to take them. I am desperate. I am writing suicide notes out now and planning for my death as I am not about to end up being stuck in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. I pray god will forgive me but I don't think I will be alive much longer. If anyone has any suggestion for help please help me.
  11. Hey everyone. I've had hppd for like 10 years. Or atleast I think it's hppd. I'm not exactly sure. I first got it when I was 18. I had smoked some weed that made me trip out like really bad. I had never taken acid or hallucinogens before so I don't know if the weed was laced or if cuz I was on meth when I smoked weed they mixed together. But I was tripping out Real bad. I had been doing cocaine for some months and I decided to try meth. I was on it for 3 days and then smoked the weed. I figured it was the meth that had made me trip so I went back to doing cocaine and said I'll never do meth again. Well one day a few months later I decided to smoke some weed again and it made me trip out so bad again. This time I never went back to normal. I've never been the same since. I thought nothing looked real my vision was off and my vision was choppy. I felt all these weird things in my head and body. I've just been real messed up. It also messed with my cognition and executive functioning. I was supposed to go to the military but was unable to because of this. I struggled everyday just to make it through. I thought I was doing okay when I was 21 cuz I was making it by as a waiter at a restaraunt. I new things weren't right still but I thought I was doing okay. I would still drink and do cocaine here and there. Well 2 years ago when I was 26 I started a new job at a car dealership. I wanted to try a career as a car salesman. Kind of forgot how messed up I was from hppd I guess. Well things just got worse and worse. My cognitive function is horrible. I thought I had dementia or wet brain at one point. I feel Horrible sensation after horrible sensation. One day I thought I had a stroke. I can't even comprehend what I've been through and stil going through. I quit the car dealership went to the mental hospital. I've now been in the mental hospital 6 times since two years ago. I've tried all kinds of medicine. It seemed everything did nothing or Made me worse. I'm writing on here if anyone has any idea of what medicine to try. I have read somewhere about kolonopins, and Keppra and sinemet. Can someone help me with info about those and how to take them. I am desperate. I am writing suicide notes out now and planning for my death as I am not about to end up being stuck in a mental hospital for the rest of my life. I pray god will forgive me but I don't think I will be alive much longer. If anyone has any suggestion for help please help me.