Hi, first I would like to say I have had hppd for 5 or so years now. It started when I was 15 years old. I was at a friend's house, did some dmt and acid (I know pretty heavy for a 15 year old) and well being that it was the most intense trip I have ever experienced, I literally thought I felt my brain trying. The next day I woke up, with terrible visuals. And it followed the same pattern day after day. I couldn't read much as the focusing in caused visuals to get worse. I couldn't leave my house because the anxiety would send me into panic attacks, after all I was very young. I told my mom everything. We went to neuro, psych, eye doctor, vestibular therapist and an ent... I ended up being home schooled. Depersonalization/derealinization was a constant struggle, and the lack of seeing people (home schooled I never left the house) started to make me go crazy. It wasn't until I found out I had hppd where I was finally able to start to recover... but it wasn't easy.
First, I thought of it in 2 days. 1) You have ruined your life, you have forever burnt away your perception and you will never be the same again, and there's always that last solution to end it all.. or 2) this is life now, focus on getting healthy focus on being closer to the people around me and accepting what I have and using it. It wasn't easy but every day I tried to incorporate myself into going out more. If I would start tripping alot, being in dark I would say to myself this is how it is, hppd CAN NOT HURT ME. I started going to the gym and walking, jog, to being able to run. I focused on powerlifting and even did a competition. I went back to school and became overly interested in the brain and am now in med school pursuing a neuropsych degree. It is so important to be able to accept what you have because the brutal truth is it will not go away, get better yes, but go away no, and once you except this, you can let go of the anxiety and all the sub problems that come with it.
I just want to show you that life with hppd is not the end. It's 5 years later and even sitting here writing this I have halo, static vision, trails, an overall feeling of not being myself but I have 0 anxiety. I feel better than I ever have and when times are hard, I get stressed out and the visuals increase, I think of what I've come from and take in everything that's going on around me and let it go.
PS: USE OF ANY HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS INCLUDING MARIJUANA WILL MAKE HPPD WORSE and feel free to private message me for info, as I have done extensive research on medications, treatments, and sub disorder