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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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conrmils last won the day on July 20 2014

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About conrmils

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  1. Hey HPPD world, I see a lot of inspirational and interesting perspectives on this strange and mysterious curveball that life has thrown us all. and that curveball is of course HPPD. and i would like to share with you all the single most important thing that i have discovered since becoming a member of the 'club' so to speak. HPPD has IMPROVED my life... allow me to explain. i developed hppd in my senior year in high school 2008 in honolulu,hawaii i was an average student b's and c's. i was on the golf, and canoe paddling team. i surfed and fished a lot, and once a month i would go on what me and my friends called a 'vision quest' we would take acid and go body surfing and downhill skating throughout the island. we had been doing these vision quests since we were 14 and never once had an issue. i wont go into detail but needless to say i got a little adventurous on one occasion, i doubled my usual dose and i had a rather unpleasant experience that landed me in the hospital. now before this incident occurred i was pretty damn content with my mediocre life. i was going to become a golf instructor and live out my days in mediocrity..... the first year of hppd was the worst. i kept it totally to myself, i didnt research it because i thought i might find out that i had become schizophrenic. i thought to myself 'any day now and ill start hearing voices' 'ill start hallucinating' i was buying xanax off the internet from mexico and had become a recluse and completely addicted to sedatives. it wasnt til after an especially difficult week in witch i was suffering 4 or 5 major league panic attacks a day that i decided to fix this broken state of mind that i had surrendered to. i found a psychiatrist in waikiki who specialized in anxiety, it was here that i learned that i was suffering from what he called 'hallucinogen induced anxiety' he told me the best way to deal with it was to be as structured, organized, and goal oriented as i possibly could be. so i wrote down a list of goals, i wrote down a daily schedule that i vowed to follow, and i became the neatest neat freak i know. it wasnt easy but i started seeing results immediately, it seemed that the harder i worked the better i felt. the more disciplined i became the less 'weird' i felt. i started lifting weights and the more sculpted my muscles became, the saner i felt. i started sleeping no less that 8 to 9 hours a night going to bed and waking up at the same time every single day. i cut out unhealthy unatural foods from my diet. etc. i was seeing results but i didnt feel cured so to speak. i noticed that i felt at my most vulnerable during idle periods of my day. moments where i had nothing to do. so at this realization i decided to COMPLETLEY fill my schedule. i became a productivity and time managment guru, i took up Brazilian jiu jitsu, i started going to college part time then eventually full time, i took extra shifts, i took up playing pool. i surfed more, i hiked more. i entered into amateur bodybuilding competitions. spearfishing tournaments. 5ks, 10ks. i became obsessed with getting good grades. anything i wanted to do i just committed my self to doing it, and i just DID IT!!! the point is...the more i accomplished the better i felt, i became addicted to succeeding at things. and today i have 2 more semesters of school in wich i am majoring in bio-chemistry i have begun the application process for medical school, i did well on my mcats and i will most likely be attending an off shore osteopathic medical school in the Caribbean. i know for sure 100% that if not for HPPD i would be smoking weed all day, eating fried foods and teaching old ladys and 12 year old boys how to hit a 3 wood from the fairway. so if you don't like how you feel, if your current state of consciousness feels 'icky' and strange, i promise you that deep within yourself lies the key to peace of mind. and for me it was becoming the hero of my own movie.
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