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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

iHaveSeenEvil

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Everything posted by iHaveSeenEvil

  1. So about five months ago I developed HPPD from a dosage of shrooms. You can all look at all the gory details of my symptons from something I had posted here if you're curious. Yes, it was fucking hell. http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/3629-too-many-symptoms-to-keep-track-of/ So it's been about a week now, and I've been feeling normal, like entirely back to reality. I can't say I'm absolutely 100% cured, but I feel pretty fucking good. And yes, I had legit HPPD issues, not just me psyching myself out. I go almost all day and night without noticing any sort of weird HPPD thing, whereas before it was a constant 24/7 continuous awareness of my altered perception and visual problems. This includes socializing, work related stuff, cognitive processing, ect. I do have some issues with PTSD from it, so I think about it a lot, but even when I start thinking about it, it isn't triggering any anxiety or HPPD symptoms. I don't feel confused, anxious, no weird visual distortions, I don't feel like life is "fake" or "surreal" or a "dream", none of that fucked up DPDR shit either. I had mind blowing DPDR issues, like I thought I was done for. Not anymore, I'm feeling normal. I even did a bunch of coke and have gotten drunk a handful of times in the past week, and my brain remained normal. Not recommending either of those to anyone, by the way. I can now smoke cigarettes without it causing my visuals to get worse. I also have stayed away from weed and any other psychedelics or dissociatives, and caffeine. I've been taking seroquel to help me sleep, but I'm fairly certain that has nothing to do with my symptoms going away. I've taken it when I was having bad HPPD and it didn't do shit to help me. Either way, if I'm not 100% recovered yet, I am definitely on my way. It's slightly hard for me to tell what's "enitrely normal", BUT I am soooooooooo SOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than I was during my original onset. I was unbelievably fucked in the head, and now I feel so calm and collected. And no, this isn't a story about how I'm coping with it, it's seriously entirely going away. I'm confident that by the end of the year I will be able to forget I even had this issue. Even writing all this out, I still feel normal, even after dwelling and recollecting about it. Stay sober, fuck the drugs, stay active, stay social, exercise, try to live life as though there is nothing wrong. That's what worked for me, and what I will continue to do. Sorry this was a little long, but I really wanted to share this.
  2. This video was awesome! I mean, it's a shitty topic, but you did a great job with it. I wish you the best!
  3. iHaveSeenEvil

    Stressed out, nervous, and lost.

    Well for one, stop smoking weed. Anxiety and paranoia are extremely common things that people suffering with HPPD deal with. Although there are many claims that HPPD is permanent, I've seen and read about a lot of cases where people's symptoms have entirely cleared up. Yes, it does take some time, anywhere from 3 months to 2 years, or even more. Me for example, I used to have horrendous HPPD issues and now I feel normal again. Visuals are gone, Depersonalization is entirely gone, and I rarely deal with Derealization issues. I had Derealization and dissociation problems before I developed HPPD, though. My anxiety has almost entirely diminished too. It took about 4 months before the edge of my HPPD stopped, it's been slowly dissipating over the last 4 months. (It's been 8 months total for me). You say you "worry [your]self in ways [you] never have before", that sounds exactly like what I dealt with. It was really scary at first cause everything felt so different and weird. You'll find ways to cope with this as it heals. The worrying, or at least for me, has gone away. Also, be careful with over-researching symptoms; it made me think I had issues that I never had. Either way, what I suggest what you do is remain sober, at least for 3-6 months and see how you feel after that. Even then, I would be careful with what you take. I would 100% recommend against ANYTHING psychedelic or dissociative forever. Never use one again, or you'll completely risk making this worse or permanent. Live life as you always have. You may want to find stress-relieving techniques for yourself. Anxiety and HPPD seem to go hand in hand. Reduce anxiety/stress and HPPD symptoms are not as sharp. Yoga, meditation, exercise, whatever you fancy. It'll help. Get enough sleep, don't stress yourself out or put your brain through rough patches- also I advise to be careful about your caffeine intake, that shit would make me freak out pretty badly. Too much coffee had a direct link to having panic attacks. I hope this helps! Feel free to reply/message me if you have any questions!
  4. iHaveSeenEvil

    Driving with hppd...

    Originally I was too nervous to drive at all, then I was able to collect myself and drive anxiety free. Towards the first few months I was having issues with the "Alice in Wonderland Effect" or whatever that "micropsia" shit is, objects looked smaller or further away than they were. It was difficult determining just how far away a car was. I also would just give myself serious anxiety over everything, which is never good to have while driving. All of this has pretty much diminished and I never notice it anymore, the only time I do is when I trick myself into thinking that it's happening. Like a placebo effect. So it started off really terribly, like fucking terribly, and now it's gotten so, so much better. Hope this helps.
  5. iHaveSeenEvil

    Planning to have an acid experience

    I know this wasn't directed at me, but it's been six months since since I developed HPPD, and towards the beginning weed would infinitely boost up my symptoms to a hellish level, even a slight second hand high from being in the same room as someone smoking. I recently caught a slight high from people passing a blunt around a car and it didn't have the ramifications it used to, at all. It seems as though I'm able to withstand it much better than before in terms of HPPD. Binge drinking excessively has the chance to give me DPDR issues the next day and hard liquor sometimes give me slight tracers still, but having a few beers will do nothing. Before I used to get really, really bad tracers and colors would sorta morph, to the point where I had issues playing hacky sack. It's nothing like that anymore =) Just figured I'd share this. ^.^
  6. iHaveSeenEvil

    Hallucinations?

    I know this question wasn't targeted at me but when I would catch a secondhand high from weed I would be blasted into HPPD/visual distortion/DPDR hell for the next few days. Like my vision would be REALLY fucked. Alice in Wonderland effect out the fucking ass.
  7. iHaveSeenEvil

    Planning to have an acid experience

    Wolfred89... There are ways to prevent a "bad trip", such as environment, stress free factors, good and trustworthy friends with tripping experience. BUT there is no way to prevent HPPD. HPPD is a neurological mindfuck, and none of us are sure why we developed it, other than the obvious drug use. Your brain is either going to feel the effects of the drug and then return to normal OR it's going to rewire itself into the drug's effect and not go away. If you read through this site you will see all the severely negative life-altering effects psychedelics can cause. While HPPD is very rare, you now understand the risks. Developing HPPD will cause infinite amounts of psychological issues. You have been warned. While abuse definitely contributes, HPPD can happen from one time. I've taken a handful of psychedelics before and was totally fine. Zero visual or DPDR after effects. 1/8th of shrooms and my world was fucked. Yes, one motherfucking eighth. Also, about #3 I agree. I took shrooms, coke, Xanax, weed and alcohol all in one night. I smoked a few cigs, but I'm not gonna count that. But... that was when I developed it. I've mixed a ton of drugs before, but the one time with shrooms was what did it for me. My HPPD was very reminiscent of shrooms. One of my closest friends had HPPD, which has now subsided over the past 2 years (he had visuals, DPDR, cognitive issues, the whole fucking sort), but he mixed coke with acid and developed HPPD. Maybe mixing coke with psychedelics leads to a higher chance of getting HPPD?
  8. iHaveSeenEvil

    Vision is Solid

    For a while I felt autistic and schizophrenic. Conversations with people made no sense, and I couldn't make sense of the world... or fucking anything for the matter. I thought for sure that I had triggered some deep seeded issue that was only going to show more of its hideous face as I grew old and senile. I don't feel that way anymore. It's all almost entirely gone and I am positive I did not set myself up for later brain disorders when I'm older. This was all just a temporary (5 months) mindfuck caused by psychedelics.
  9. iHaveSeenEvil

    breathing.

    I've had issues with breathing as well. I am like 100% certain that our breathing issues are a direct result of anxiety. HPPD and anxiety are best fucking friends.
  10. iHaveSeenEvil

    Hallucinations?

    That happened to me a lot during my initial onset. Often times things laying on the ground looked like a dead body. Ugh.
  11. iHaveSeenEvil

    I've been symptom free for a week.

    The seroquel was prescribed to me by a psychiatrist when I was having extremely severe insomnia. I wasn't able to sleep for days at a time, and even nights I did get sleep it was insanely restless and poor. (This was all pre-HPPD). I feel comfortable taking that in moderation because it was given to me by a doctor. I also take between 1/8 and 1/4 of what is prescribed. I do also try not to take it much because I have the same issues as your ex-fiance with turning into a total zombie.
  12. iHaveSeenEvil

    Vision is Solid

    It happened to me from shrooms and it took me about 4 days to realize something was wrong.I had an awkward afterglow the next day or two after which I didn't like, and I actually felt totally fine the third day, but then randomly it kicked in super hard. But yes, mine was pretty continuous from my trip. It's interesting that yours showed up 5 months later. Has it gotten any better within that time? I've had it for as long as you, but I feel pretty damn normal now. It's the biggest relief I've ever felt in my life.
  13. iHaveSeenEvil

    Whats good guys!?

    Anxiety/anxiety attacks will cause massive confusion of perception. HPPD fuels from anxiety. I think you just may be having static hallucinations- where you're expecting them to happen even though they're not. You could just be experiencing a placebo effect. Either way, I would ultimately not take a psychedelic again. Also, I would recommend finding ways to reduce stress in your life. Reducing stress and anxiety is crucial to feeling better. I truly believe if you tackle the anxiety and stop worrying about it then it will go away.
  14. I think all HPPD comes in different forms. There are so many different types of symptoms and each of them significantly vary. As I read through this site I frequently hear about new symptoms. Also, most of them are confusing as hell so it's a little bit hard to pinpoint what exactly we're experiencing. People could describe the same exact symptom in a handful of different ways. Also, ghosting is essentially like having double vision.
  15. iHaveSeenEvil

    Vision is Solid

    I had that flat, or 2D vision you're talking about. I agree with jimmyb84 in saying that sounds more like a depersonalization/derealization symptom, more specifically derealization. After about 3-4 months mine started going away and now I don't have that issue anymore. (I developed HPPD 5 and a half months ago.) Sounds like blake also had the same experience as me, just slightly longer. Give it time and be patient. It will ease up and eventually go away. Just remember that.
  16. iHaveSeenEvil

    quit smoking

    During my onset cigarettes caused me have a spike in visual disturbances. They do not seem to do that to me anymore, but I would cut the smoking if it's causing you issues. It's also a lot better for your general well-being.
  17. iHaveSeenEvil

    Confused and Scared

    My first question is, do you experience any weird or abnormal hallucinogenic shit when you're sober? Also, yes, weed does tend to exacerbate or bring out psychedelic effects. Those 4 tabs of LSD may have been enough for you to now have problems with smoking weed. I would lay off the blunts, man, More than likely this will fade over time, although it may be a year or longer. I would give your brain a chance to recollect itself. There is no reason to jeopardize yourself, just lay off the drugs and you should be fine ^.^ Also, if you're not having issues while you're sober, I would not obsess over taking certain supplements or medicine or anything to fix this, let it happen naturally. This is just my opinion and experience though.
  18. iHaveSeenEvil

    I've been symptom free for a week.

    You are right, doing coke is a terrible idea. I realize it, and I'm not denying it. Going through HPPD has entirely made me away that I'm predispositioned for lasting negative effects from drug use. I know I am not invincible, and I already have learned the hard way. Different people have different things that trigger their HPPD up. My point of saying that I've done cocaine was merely to imply that my brain isn't in some fragile state anymore. I do not advocate using any types of drugs, I even suggest people stay away from nicotine and caffeine, as that used to cause me issues. Bottom line, I was able to recover from serious HPPD issues. Whether or not I'm a dumb fucking piece of shit is another topic
  19. iHaveSeenEvil

    Success Stories

    Yes, this is a repost, but I felt as though I should post this here as well. This is my success story. http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/3831-ive-been-symptom-free-for-a-week/
  20. iHaveSeenEvil

    relationships

    Before I used to feel disconnected from everyone, I felt as though they weren't real or didn't have a soul. Plus massive depression, anxiety, and all that lovely shit that comes with this. But now I'm starting to hang out with girls more because I feel like I am able to connect with people again. ^.^ I've been way more flirty, fun, and excitable to hang out with.
  21. iHaveSeenEvil

    Different types of hppd:

    I 100% believe that people's HPPD, while sharing similar characteristics, are all different depending on what drug landed them here. Different psychedelics cause different types of visuals, so that would make sense why people have halos/auras, while others have tracers. Shrooms also take you farther away from reality than LSD, so that would make sense as to why I had DPDR symptoms (I took shrooms), while someone that took LSD may just has visual symptoms. Just my thoughts though.
  22. It was about 2 or 3 small mushroom caps/stems, plus some tiny broken off pieces, I'm not entirely sure what to compare it to, nor can I 100% remember what it looked like. The standard dosage is 1/8th, so I took half of a standard dosage. But I tripped extremely fucking hard. Either... 1) It was laced with some other psychedelic 2) I ate the most potent cap possible 3) I'm super sensitive to shrooms 4) All of them^ Sorta, some people won't even trip off 1/16th. But I don't consider any amount of shrooms to be small, lol No idea what happened in my case
  23. iHaveSeenEvil

    I've been symptom free for a week.

    If me doing coke is really what everyone wants to take away from my success post then fine. Oh, trust me, I know it isn't wise. But I feel like there is more to focus on than just that... Thanks hppd24years for being constructive. I'm still feeling pretty damn good, btw. ^.^
  24. iHaveSeenEvil

    Mushrooms and a cure for DP/dr

    Yeah, shrooms put me into the darkest era of my life. I never EVER want to see them again.
  25. iHaveSeenEvil

    Comfortably Numb

    I've had issues before where I couldn't feel my hands. Or when I put them in my pockets I wouldn't know where they went. >.> Talk about some crazy bullshit.
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