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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Tigress7

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About Tigress7

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  1. Hi thx for considered response - very interesting. I too definitely had a heightened 'visual awareness' when I was a kid. I'd often make patterns and shapes from clouds, tree bark, fire, soil etc. Anything and everything really. I think I thought everyone did this......I wonder if that's the answer to the HPPD issue? Anyway we must be damned special.....!! Perhaps in another life - free from lsd - we'd have been Michelangelo's......who knows?? Keep well.
  2. Hi!! Thanks for your response. Another question...😗......do you think of the reason why you got HPPD? It seems a pretty rare condition....and surely even more rare to have hung around for so long (in both our cases). Do you think it was the acid.... some bad batch? Or does it relate to a psychological disorder? I was far too young to take LSD, psychologically immature, with a very unstable childhood. Anyway keep well, keep working! Kind regards
  3. Hey there!! If you have HPPD symptoms do not do any drugs. It will make the Hppd worse. See if you can get some benzodiazapenes from your doctor. These help with hppd but are addictive. Love and peace Tigress
  4. The parallels are indeed interesting. The first time I took LSD was in 1969 -then a few more times in 1970. I honestly didn't take a lot!! This is why my HPPD thing is sooo bonkers! I have had the symptoms for 49 years..... it's crazy. But focussing really helped me too, that's why I became a study freak. But the early years were he'll ..... If I could turn back the clock I would run a mile from LSD.... but what can you tell a naive 15 year old? By the way, have you ever spoken to your friends/family/doctor etc. About the hppd? If so, what's the reaction? I don't even bother now.... Anyway good luck to you - you've overcome too!!
  5. Hi!! The first few years were extremely hard, absolutely no one believed me and considered me an attention seeker. I seemed to grit my teeth and get on somehow. I think I just had to. I did tons of studying. This helped ease me out of myself. I did two degrees and a masters. I worked in quite pressurised jobs which also helped. Gradually over time I managed to overcome the sense that I had totally fucked up my brains. - and sort of got used to the hood symptoms - which (touch wood) have got no worse - but they remain. However if I could go back in time I would never have taken LSD. Hppd caused me a lot of stress and anxiety when I was young and I should have been having a great time!! Love and peace
  6. Hi I can totally relate to your feelings. I was EXACTLY the same when I 'surfaced' one morning in August 1970!!!! I taken some acid a few weeks before, then I woke up to a weird world that was sort of trippy with trails and after images etc. I thought I was seriously going off my head. I hadn't taken a lot of acid and I remember feeling very guilty for screwing my life up.....I was only 16. But the GOOD news is that it will get better and you'll survive it and live your life again. I promise. My HPPD has never gone away but I've got used to it, and I dont even notice it unless I think about it. This will gradually happen to you too. So be strong. It will be hard going, but you'll come through the rabbit hole. Just never take hallucinogens again, ever! There's no doubt these are the little bastards that fucked our minds - for I don't know what reason- so steer clear. Some people are obviously more susceptible to HPPD than others, and we shouldn't have done the drugs that kicked off the HPPD - but how were we to know? Anyway keep well, keep fit, get the sun and mot importantly use your mind, study, paint create, anything. Get your head away from thinking on HPPD. Love and peace Tigress x
  7. Mmmm very bad indeed. I tried to explain HPPD to my doctor recently, he totally discounted its existence. I was in a very bad state with (what I know now to be HPPD), when I was 16 in 1970 No doctor, specialist, psychiatrist etc. believed me, and I was made to feel like a total maniac. Very bad times. But I survived and learned to live with it. I hate of think others going through that nightmare because of ignorance. Heigh ho.
  8. Hi I haven't been on this forum for 4 years!!! Long time. Just want to say I've had HPPD for 48 years.....and I learnt to live with it!!! Grateful if anyone could let me know if there has been any new research into the condition please? There still seems to be an shocking amount of ignorance about it. Thx.
  9. Hi I have posted here previously. But instead of people actually being interested in the fact that I have endured the HPPD scenario for such a long time, I merely seem to have encountered ageism and sexism, and to be blunt 'taking the piss'! . I really wanted to discuss this - I have been in limbo with this 'illness' for years. Thanks so much for your understanding. 77 Dearie me - you really are a lovely little elite bunch aren't you? I thought acid was meant to have broadened your horizons? Obviously not! I am glad of the site - as it taught me about HPPD - and many thanks for that. But I will not bother to post again. We have absolutely nothing to learn from each other. Love & Peace etc
  10. Hello - and wonderful to hear your story! I too suffered HPPD for many years, I didn't know what it was, but obviously knew the symptoms were due to acid. I found this site in 2006 - so it was a revelation to me that there were other people out there who had the same effects. I had thought I was all alone with this 'thing' - from 1970 to 2006....that was 36 years!!! As you have come to realise it does get better with time, and the brain does find ways of coping - eventually. But the early months/years were absolute hell. I think the best message is if you know you have HPPD just don't ever do acid again. I have since done some weed, but the last time (10 years ago...?) I had a severe panic attack due to increased HPPD symptoms, I just said enough was enough, I wasn't enjoying it - so why smoke it? You have done brilliantly - good for you. I hope we can help some of the kids on this site. I wish there could be a study on why some people get HPPD. I have known loads of people who have almost lived on acid, and they have never experienced HPPD - yet moi - took it only a few times, and got left with scars. Why? Byee
  11. Braindamagedbloke....I dunno how you survived that experience. I am astonished.......
  12. Hello Mikezero I think I must have experienced DP - I probably am still experiencing this - but have got used to it! Have always suffered deep anxiety symptoms. Look you are soooo young and going to school in France should be a fabulous thing for you to do - don't let this HPPD crap wreck your life. I think the only way to overcome HPPD is to forget about it! I know that sounds really hard, but let's say there is a book you really, really love - read it for fun. Don't let HPPD take that away from you. See HPPD as this monster in your head that you are ready to do battle with! You will gradually come out of this - in all honesty. If you can begin to concentrate on something you really like - the HPPD 'goes' - well it doesn't really 'go (as we all know...)', but if you can forget about it for a while, the mind will find a way of coping. We are human beings and brilliant at adaptation. I am really not trying to preach - but don't do any psychedelics ever again. Even weed can make the HPPD symptoms stronger. I think there are some people who just shouldn't do acid - I know I was one of them, but of course we don't know this until it's too late. Funny but now I have come to the stage where I don't regret taking it! Never thought I would say that. Have a great time in France, if you love Eng Lit - you will love the French language - you'll be OK. Keep me posted! Keep well and love life. xx
  13. HI Tigress. Im wondering to what degree are your symptoms. Are you experiencing full blown patterns on surfaces ? Full on tracers form your hands that you can actually count ? I.e., not streaks from your hands but multiple layered tracers in vivid quality? As if you are on a peak acid trip? Also do your symptoms wax and wane through the years? Have they subsided much? Thanks in advance. HI Lobotomiser I think I was really very lucky regards my symptoms especially reading some of the extreme symptoms endured by HPPDers on this board. I can explain exactly. I last took LSD in August 1970. I hadn't taken an awful lot before then - perhaps 5/6 times - I also took mescaline once. My last trip was OK - pretty weak if I recall. But one morning in mid-September 1970 I awoke to find that I was still tripping. The symptoms were not strong - though at the time they seemed to be as I was shocked. I had of course heard about flashbacks - and told myself that this 'weirdness' would pass. But it didn't, thankfully it didn't appear to be getting any worse, and has remained exactly the same all these years. Nothing has waxwd or waned over the years - except if I have smoked weed which has made the visuals 'stronger'. These visuals are as follows: (but not on a peak acid experience - more like when you are coming down from a trip - and in the last stages of the acid - do you understand - say 2/3 out of 10?) Trails after moving objects - particularly noticable in fluorescent light - not so strong that I can count them - more like a shadow following. after images - particularly bright lights - which stay longer than they should! halos around lights no visual snow - though constant patterns/images in the dark Images are also 'stronger' if I move from say the darkness of a cinemas into natural daylight. As I say I think I have been lucky, I dunno. It seemed like an awful thing when it first appeared - and I and my brain have managed to cope with it. Perhaps it has got better over the years? But in all honestly it does seem the same. I think the important point to note is that I still remember what it was like to have 'normal' visuals - and sometimes trails etc. do 'get in the way', Can you let me now if there have been any proper studies of HPPD? How many people have it, extremities of symptoms etc? I found this board in 2006 and was really please to see that I wasn't the 'only one' - but very sad to learn that so many people are suffering. Regards
  14. Hello Lovely People actually I DID get my Maths wrong. I have had HPPD for 43 years - not 53. But heck it is still a long time eh? Sorry to have stripped anyone of their HPPD longevity title......I have posted on this board previously and explained, written a lot of stuff, which all seems to have disappeared into the ether, or cloud or whatever the thing is called what is meant to remember our stuff!! I even wrote a poem about my experience - which has disappeared - sad. Someone has asked if I have any tips for 'survival' of this HPPD crisis? Well I suppose it is just getting on out there and try to live as 'normal' a life as possible. It is hard at first, I know that. I didn't come from a moneyed family and had to get work, Although I was pretty bright and got to grammar school in 1965 (that was a pretty big educational achievement for a working class bod in England at that time), I did have all sorts of emotional problems stemming from early youth. Consequently I didn't do too well at school - met up with some 'weird' people in 1969, when I was 15 - and took loads of drugs! I honestly think that this is where the BIG MISTAKE lies. If you have emotional problems - do not do acid. But there is the conundrum. People with emotional problems DO take drugs and take acid....... tick, tick, tick. I have to emphasise I honestly didn't take a lot of acid. Really. Probably 6 times? I do not have a clue why this HPPD thing happened to me. I tripped (for the last time in 1970) - came down - and like two weeks after that, I woke up one day to HPPD! A shell shocking experience as you are all too aware. I was in absolute TORMENT for months. There was no one I could talk to. I remember seeing a doctor who told me I was being silly. I even went into a psychiatric hospital (I spent my 18th birthday there - great) - and I was told that I was lying. So, I made a decision to shut up about all the visual disturbances, and the trails and all the rest of the crap; and just try to get on. I came to realise the symptoms weren't getting any worse, and tried to cope with them as best as I could. That's not to say that I didn't have the old misgivings about fucking my head up, and the panic attacks and the guilt and the whole bloody lonely horror of the situation. It is truly horrible. I still experience the same nightmare that I have been slipped acid into a drink and wake up sweating before the trip begins! But there you go.....the brain does try to adjust itself. What has helped me over the years? My studies I think. I studied and studies and studied. This, I think is the mainstay of my self-support. I have always enjoyed learning. It takes me out of myself and gives me new horizons. I have achieved a degree in English Lit, and a Masters in Renaissance Art. .I have held down full time jobs, I have to support myself financially. Perhaps that's it? That's the answer...I have no one to fall back on but myself...so I better make a go of it? One teeny point that has helped me is Benzodiazapenes. I have been addicted to these for quite some time now.....but they certainly break the panic barriers. But I have an 'understanding' doctor at the moment (not that he would countenance HPPD realistically) - he thinks I am a neurotic...if only he knew!! But docs can change and I may get another who won't be so free with the legal prescriptions. Hope this helps - please contact me if you wish! Love and peace Tigress
  15. ...especially if you have 'endured' HPPD all that time! I will report with correct maths. Hey anyway - I am on that old- it beats the alternative...... xxx
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