Jay1

Good point for us last night.... not great football, but I think most of England is happy with that result. Big game now against Sweden! They will have to attack, which could suit us well... Fast, counter attacking with Ox and Walcott on the wings... Ibra is always a threat though and another defensive game probably awaits. So far, i'd say Italy have impressed me most... Pirlo is such a great player!

Cool, get on it... You have some beautiful places to explore in the USA...You're not a million miles from Yosemeti, for instance... I imagine that would be really good place to just get away from it all and remember that life can be pretty amazing. I spent a month in Iceland last year, no tv, no internet, no electronic lights (24/7 sunshine)... Just my camera kit and some music, it really worked wonders to clear my mind.

Horrible to hear that mate... If it gives you a glimmer of hope, I was at rock bottom after 2 years of this and the 3rd year gave me light at the end of the tunnel... My depression mostly cleared up and my anxiety was 50% better. Mine is not a one off story either.... Many of the long termers here said the 3-4 year mark was key. But you have to fight this like you would fight any major illness. Force yourself to get out of the house, force yourself to chat to people, get out into nature, get blown away by the beauty of the world. If you hate your school/job, change it.... If your friends aren't supportive... move on. I know the grip of depression is very tight and you sometimes can't even get out of bed.... But every time you get an "easier" day, try and get out there and live. Do you have any disposable income? Maybe just buy a plane ticket to somewhere completly new and just travel. I have been in your spot (I suffered heavy depression before and during hppd too), I have been suicidal and felt a burden to everyone who loves me.... But I can tell you that recovery from the depression does happen. Keep fighting mate, PM me if you ever need anything, even if it is just to let out some anger. ps - Did you ever try Lamictal? Of all the anti depressents I tried, this one really worked and didn't affect my hppd.

Isn't there a success stories sub section somehwere?

You sound like you are doing things right, stay sober for a while, eat healty, excersise.... I'm sure you will see improvements. I think your ride with drugs is probably over though, it is tough, especially if your friends are still partying... But it is better to have a few boring nights in than a lifetime of crazyness. Stay strong

17 too.... warning signs from 15

Yea, for about another year.... I was drinking every day and doing alot of mdma, I was a mess. Then I did LSD one last time and broke down.... I wont go into much detail as it still haunts me a bit, but it was nasty. How long have you had hppd? The vast majority of long term sufferers get considerably better after about 3 years... Not sure why, maybe just acceptance. My depression and alot of my anxiety left at that point. Have you tried any meds? Keep on fighting mate, it gets better.

I think it has been with me right from the start..... I never knew what to call it until I found this site, 4 years ago, but I have been tripping everyday for 17 years. It's no easy ride, but I just try and soak it up into my life... after a few years, you get used to it, in most situations... things like weddings and stuff kill me though, that is why I am very cautious with my benzo use.... If I can have these little magic bullets for the rest of my life, for things like weddings and big occasions where the tripping would be too much, I can live a pretty cool life. DP/DR seems to react very strongly to stress and, in turn, anxiety.... Try and cut as much stress as possible out of your life. I made some very drastic changes to my life over the years,, moving out of my home town, then even my country.... Just to cut down on stress and create a more relaxed life for myself.

MDMA completly ruined my life for years. Not much more I can add to that

Maybe join a gym? My cousin is/was a heroin addict and joining a gym, transfering his addiction/craving into something more positive, has really helped.

I've got the opposite problem.... I want to stop feeling high I see you don't have dp/dr which is the thing that makes me feel like i'm constantly tripping, this keeps my craving to get high to a minimum. (except for beer)

Why not just take klono when your anxiety is at its worst., rather than every day? It's a great method without addiction and withdrawal. You will be amazed at the drop of anxiety JUST from having the knowledge you have a pill you can take, if things get too much.

17 years this month,,, and i'm 34... Half my life... Not the nicest thought, but life goes on.

Keep fighting mate, even if you are in for the long haul... It does keep improving

Each person responds to different meds.... It seems the majority respond well to klono, Xanax is better for you. Simple as that. I've tried both and both worked well, but the Xanax didn't last as long... So stuck with Klono. Valium is good for social anxiety, I found a 10mg dose to keep me anxiety free for the day... Similar to 2mg of klono. As I seem to say every day on here though.... think long and hard before you start taking benzos everyday. Are the better, less addicting ways to tackle your anxiety?

Same as 2cpGotMe.... Constant, zero difference even when I close my eyes.... Just a swirl of green/blue flashing mess. The only thing that really brings it down is a benzo. My dp/dr and anxiety change alot more though. Tiredness, hangovers, stress.. even bad weather seems to make it spike.

ps - Larsson is one of my all time favourite players.... Such a great player and seems like a good man too. I just wish he had come to Man Utd 10 years earlier!

Since I wrote this post, we has lost Lampard, Cahill, Walker and Barry to injury... Not ideal, and I am not too hopeful for England... Maybe between England and Sweden to get 2nd place! Rooney is out until match 3 against Ukraine, which makes it even more difficult. But I am looking forward to the Euros... Should be some great football

Merkan, i'm certainly not belittling your choice and understand where you are coming from. But there is a huge chance that you will have to suffer through life without klono, at some point or another. It simply isn't a long term option for most (I really hope you are one of the few that can stay on this drug without getting tolerance).... For most hppd sufferers though, If they choose the klono route straight away... They will have a few years of relief, then a very long battle with withdrawal.... then an equally long, and probably much harder battle to adjust to life with hppd without klono again. As for what Dr.A says, I'm afraid I just don't agree with him on that..... He is obviously very informed on the subject but that doesn't mean he is always 100% right., there is nothing to sugest that those people who got better were not just naturally healing. We have so many people who come on here and get better after 3-6 months, it is so common that you have to think it happened also many times on whatever klono trial Dr.A did too.... the natural conclusion would be "klono can help people recover".... in my mind it is simpler "time can help people recover". Anyway, it is all personal choice, there is no right or wrong way to treat this..... All I ask is that people research ALOT before starting any meds.

great to hear

I think it is the opposite of a no brainer.... People should think long and hard about going onto a benzo, long term. Learning to deal with hppd without medication is very important and one of the main reasons I now lead a fairly good life. Personally, I only think HPPD sufferers should use benzos long term if they are close to giving up and killing themselves.

unfortunatly, nonbenzos are just as addictive. At first, people hoped they were the miracle we are all waiting for.... But trials showed otherwise. The amount of people addicted to the Z sleeping pills is huge.

Xanax is good, but doesn't last long, I think that is why people prefer klono... It generally lasts all day. Valium last a long time too, but doesn't seem quite as effective for hppd. BTW - taking valium on your days off another benzo will not help stop addiction/tolerance.... a benzo is a benzo and your receptors will crave the effects of the benzo, not the type of benzo. skipping a day is probably too short too.... if you want to use benzos occasionally... you should try and have at least a 2 day break, preferably 3.

I think that is an over optimistic view.... the vast majority of long term benzo users will get addiction and withdrawal problems, not the minority (like lsd to hppd).

There are very few people that would be able to stay on benzos for life AND get relief. Tolerance soon comes and you will need 3,4,5,6mg to find any relief and then, after that, you will be taking huge amounts just to stave off withdrawals. Hopefully some of our ex-benzo users can chip in here.... But to me, long term benzo use is just adding one problem on top of another.... It is unsustainable, so you will be left with hppd and a huge battle with addiction/withdrawal. It is a magic bullet, when used occasionally and that is something you can do for life.... That is the way it should be used by hppd sufferers, imho.