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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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Everything posted by Jay1

  1. Yea, i get this a lot.. I call it a feeling of dread and seems to be a next level version of anxiety. To be fair though, with everything going on in the world right now, perhaps we are actually justified in feeling this way!
  2. On that note, and i know you are not keen to keep testing meds, but it might be worth trying a few different benzos to see which works for you. Lorazepam, for instance, makes me quite manic. Valium and Klono work wonders. Xanax makes me too forgetful.
  3. Yep... I'm not even against it in the slightest (I've seen a depressed friend go from suicidal to pretty much cured from Ketamine treatment)... But the goldrush scares me and it is being marketed or spoke about as a "safe" alternative.
  4. Keep on fighting, man. It's shit and a downright cruel illness that so few can understand, but time does make this better, slowly but surely. Try and get your sleep pattern back and reassess how you feel. PM me any time.
  5. I think these MDMA/LSD therapy treatments need to be held to the same strict levels as medications, with a very clear set of potential side effects. Needs to be fully regulated
  6. Great post and happy to hear that you are not letting it define you. You are totally right about seeing very slow progress, but it is progress non the less (for me it is more progress in my coping mechanism and just getting a positive outlook back). Keep on fighting, Jay
  7. Even microdosing is risky, I would say not to try it.
  8. None that I know of, but I did find out that my dad did take lsd in the 60s and had a bad reaction to it, not hppd, but dp/dr like symptoms that last for some months.
  9. Hi Jake, these are the exact situations benzos are good for, a much better coping mechanism than alcohol, which is good at the times, but doubles down on anxiety the next day. I'm sure you know how benzo addiction goes, so probably don't need to mention to be careful (you seem to be very sensible about this stuff already). I would try and ride it out as best you can for a few months, then, if there is no change, start thinking about medication. Although it sounds like you don't have hppd (great news) i think the anxiety and dpdr should be treated in a similar way... Avoid drugs and alcohol, even caffeine, eat healthy, work out/exercise, try to de-stress in anyway you can, even if it means slobbing in front of the tv for a couple of months. All the best, Jay
  10. As hard as it is, you need to embrace this change and the coming change and try to see it as a positive (as you noticed with your visit to your cousins' place, things are often not as bad as you build them up to be). Just try to jump head first into these new challenges and ride the anxiety. My mantra, of sorts, is that anxiety doesn't exist in the past. What I mean by this is that we spend a whole lot of time anxious about future events, then the event arrives and we get used to it and the anxiety lessens, then once it is in the past, it is now just a memory that can often be looked back on without the attached anxiety. Eg, this weekend I spent with my in laws in a social situation that caused some anxiety... But now I can look back at it and view the weekend as quite pleasurable, having fun with my niece and having some laughs my my parents in law and brother in law. I have learnt to strip back a lot of the anxiety of future events, deal with the anxiety of present events then enjoy the parts of the memory that are in the past.
  11. I'm just recovering from a broken collar bone right now, so struggle to do anything, even type... But in a month or so, I can help
  12. DP/DR lasts as long as it lasts and that sounds like what you have. 6 months is still early days and you have a good chance of recovery, so please don't do anything rash. Maybe you can describe in more detail what your therapists have diagnosed you with (pre-lsd)? Keep on fighting. Life can get better.
  13. Sorry to hear this, most of us here have had this mindset at some point in life. A few things to note, there are anti depressants to try that are not SSRI that can help. I had some success with both 5HTP and Inositol. It is also worth noting that life can change quite quickly... I had awful depression for the first three years of my hppd but it lifted as I entered my twenties and was like a huge weight off my shoulders... My life is far from perfect, but without depression, I could start getting some enjoyment. The key to me getting out of my depression seemed to be making a huge change in my life, moving from my home town to a new country and trying to forge a life there from nothing. The challenges kept my mind active and a new scene seemed to relight every part of my life. Keep on fighting and PM me if you need anything, even just to rant.
  14. Try to let go of any guilt about further drug taking... Most of us have been in the same place and tried to self medicate... It's a natural response and one you made without having any info about hppd. Regarding meds, I think you will find some relief with clonazepam... It really helps with my visuals, dpdr and anxiety. It comes with a BIG risk though... Addiction and tolerance. My advice is, if it works, try a 3.5 days on, 3.5 days off regime... With occasional 2 week breaks. This has proved to be a sweet spot for me for 10+ years now and has literally saved my life.
  15. Sounds to me like you have become tolerant/addicted to the valium and the move down 2mg caused a withdrawal spike.
  16. The only one that works for me are benzos, but they come with a huge addiction risk and you really need to be very strong willed to avoid getting hooked. I have heard people have success with beta blockers and pregabalin
  17. No one can answer those questions.. You might be ok, you might completely ruin your life. It sounds like you got incredibly lucky to come through the other end and have a form of hppd that can be managed. I'd quit while you are ahead. I was in your situation and carried on pushing my luck and got totally fucked over and have had life altering, severe hppd for 24 years now. You say that quitting drugs would suck.... What sucks FAR more is not being able to have 1 moment of the rest of your life with any kind of peace or true happiness. What sucks is not being able to maintain eye contact with your wife as her face swirls and distorts... Or not being able to chat to your parents without crippling anxiety. Or going to a job interview feeling like you are on acid. You'll only realise how amazing peaceful sobriety is when it is no long an option.
  18. MadDoc has covered it well there. the majority of people who sign up on here tend to stop posting after a couple of months, which suggests that most cases of hppd heal after a while (this is backed up with anecdotal evidence from speaking to people via PM here). Try not to stress about it for now. I wouldn't even read up too much about it. Just eat well, excercise, take your mind off it any way you can. This does add to my fear about the sudden gold rush towards mdma/lsd as a legitimate therapeutic treatment though.
  19. Are you sure there is not something else that might have triggered it? Maybe a bad night's sleep or some additional stress that you might not have taken into account?
  20. Never heard of it, but judging by the Wiki, it seems to work in a similar way to Keppra/Lamictal. It seems pretty "safe" in hppd terms... Just taper up gently. Interested to hear how it goes.
  21. Welcome back. Can you please take off that huge post from the forum homepage. Accessing the forum quickly should be number one priority for any newcomer. Pin it on the busiest sub forum.
  22. Sorry to hear this, sounds very scary. Do you have any visuals disorders, or is this dpdr? What meds have you been put on?
  23. If you think this sounds like a dream come true, you are wildly misinformed. It is not like tripping all the time.. You have no feelings of joy, or insight. Just all the very ugly aspects. Anyone saying otherwise has some very mild form is this. Imagine your strongest trip ever, now remember that feeling when you've come down but you are still fucked up (and remove any feelings of relief that you made it through to the other side)... You're disphoric, depressed, anxious, nervous, paranoid, your mind is starting to make normal thoughts, but something is still very off, your vision is all messed up, but without the joy and insight, it's just an ugly mess. Don't underestimate this illness. I'd literally rather have cancer, or have my arms cut off.
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