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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Jay1

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Everything posted by Jay1

  1. I get a feeling of being off balance, which I think is part of the dp/dr... I don;t feel attached to my body, so controlling my body is harder to do. I assume you are seeing a doctor, so maybe they can do some tests. It could be non hppd related and just coincidence?
  2. No one can say for sure if it will go away. I've had it for 23 years now. What is 100% sure is that doing more drugs will 1) Slow down any chance of recovery and 2) Bring the potential to make things MUCH worse. This is your body giving you a massive alarm bell.
  3. Jay1

    is this a bad idea?

    I would try to avoid getting full on drunk, as that has shown to have caused prolonged spikes in some people here. We're all different, but I think the pros of enjoying a few beers outweigh the cons... and yes, I blast the hangovers with clonazepam too.
  4. Jay1

    Suicide

    I bet if you bought up the fact that you are considering suicide, you would quickly discover that you are far from a burden. I've seen too many people kill themselves thinking they are worthless, when in fact everyone around them loves and cares for them
  5. Jay1

    oxycodone and hppd?

    Increased my visuals a bit, made dp/dr quite a bit worse. Not worth it
  6. Jay1

    Suicide

    I feel for you... The combination of mental and physical pain is just unbearable. I really hope the surgery works well for you, you deserve it. But please keep on fighting, you are both great people with an inner strength that not many possess and have helped countless people on here.
  7. I'm currently looking forward to a few things... Snowboard trip to Finland in early January... Having some amazing friends from Portugal/Canada visit in late January... Snowboard trip to Tignes in March. Me and my dad also have a trip planned to go and watch the huge waves that hit Nazare in Portugal (100ft+ waves)... That could be any time over the next few months. You have to put yourself out there and carry on living. Anxiety is usually at it's worst before an event... once you are there, the anxiety is usually lessened... Once you know this and can control your mindset, things get easier. Just say yes to anything you would have enjoyed before hppd and deal with the situation as and when... If you are having a bad day when the event arrives, just bow out (or blast a benzo down!)
  8. Jay1

    Suicide

    Keep on fighting mate, I know how hard it is, but you never know what is around the corner. What is your current situation, are you on any meds? PM me if you need anything, even just to rant.
  9. Jay1

    This Truly Feels Like The End

    Keep on fighting mate... at 19, you have the years on your side to see a full recovery or even a cure.. Even if you are in it for the long run, life can get better.
  10. Jay1

    Did I hallucinate?

    Don't worry, the glitter thing is perfectly natural... I have had that since childhood, sometimes happens when I stand up too fast or really get my heart pumping. Not sure about floor caving in, but probably related to exercising.
  11. Great post, thanks. Just to add to the clonazepam section.... Here is a system that I use which allows a lot of relief with minimal risk of addiction/tolerance (it's worked now for 10+ years). I use a 4 days on, 3 days off benzo treatment with 14 days off every 3 months to further clean the system: Clonazepam (1mg) - Thursday 6pm Clonazepam (1mg) - Friday 9am Clonazepam (1.5mg) - Saturday 9am Clonazepam (1.5mg) - Sunday 9am Please note that if I feel ok on any of these days and have no social situations, I often skip the dose that day. And, of course, you could pick and choose any days, but they need to be in blocks, eg, mon, tue, wed, thu. This works for me, but tread carefully as these are crazy addictive drugs... Maybe try 3 on, 4 off first and never skip the 2 weeks off part. This is essential to test your tolerance and addiction.
  12. Jay1

    Medication Pins?

    If someone with a good insight into the medical side of hppd wants to write a post about medications, I will happily pin it. As it is, most of the posts are just personal accounts about it and don't really seem pin worthy. If you know of a specific post that you think is pin worthy, please post a link and I will take a look. If I get some time in the week, i might try to put together a post about the pros and cons of all the usual medications
  13. People link floaters with hppd because, at onset, they are constantly monitoring their visual field and start to notice the natural things too. I had floaters since about the age of five. If they are problematic, you can get surgery that blasts them (they come back after a few years) Glad the flashing has stopped for you
  14. Jay1

    UK HPPD Documentary

    I've had a few video chats with them... Nice guys and I think it will be a very good, balanced program. If my anxieties allow, i'll possibly be doing part of the documentary. But if you are in the London area and would like to participate, then drop them an email
  15. Jay1

    General advice

    I thought i'd start a topic where we can all contribute ways we have made our lives a little better (non medicinal). Get healthy and sober This is the obvious one... quitting drugs, stimulants like coffee, smoking etc.... Then eating healthily and working out really do help alot. Forget the past It is easy to get caught up in a spiral of guilt, anger and jealousy about your current situation. Why did I do drugs? Why did I get hppd? Why are my friends ok? Like all the mistakes and regrets in life... learn from it and move on (not easy, I know). These emotions will just feed the anxiety and hppd. Change your life hppd is at it's worst when we are stressed. It is impossible to avoid all stress, but do what you can to change your lifestyle for the better. If you hate your job, try and change it.... If you hate the city, move out. If your friends don't seem to support you, move on (the real friends will let you back in, when you're ready). These are big, life changing decisions... but hppd doesn't have to stop you making them. Grab your life back hppd can strip you of your ability to do the simplest tasks in life. Retrain yourself to do these tasks. If making eye contact is tripping you out, just slowly do it a little more each day... The more you do it, the more normal it will become. Same goes for all sorts of things... making small talk, going out and about, chatting to someone you are hot for. Your life isn't over This is a key thing to remember. The 1st months and years can be very, very tough... But life goes on. There are numerous people on here that have gone on to have successful educations, careers, relationships and families. hppd is not the end of your life, your dreams or your happiness.
  16. Jay1

    General advice

    It did for me.... MDMA ruined my life. Here's a tip... Every single drug has the potential to make this worse, literally every single one.
  17. Floaters are not hppd. They are completely natural (though noticing them more might be a side effect of hppd). You can get surgery if they are really problematic. The flashing is most likely hppd related though... My entire visual field flashes about 6 times a second... It's my worst symptom. Have you had any additional stress these last few days?
  18. Jay1

    HPPD Non Profit Status Update

    Well done hope1, great work... I look forward to hearing more
  19. Jay1

    Please help

    Very different drugs, incomparable and not even dose dependant. Research is one thing, i've actually had these experiences. I can 100% say for a fact that you can get ego death from all these drugs. Salvia is the most powerful hallucinogen i've ever experienced, but psylocibin comes a very close 2nd. Be careful with internet research, a lot of misinformation out there! Anyway, all that is beside the point. Just be assured that you can recover from these experiences. Give your body and mind some time to recover.
  20. Jay1

    Please help

    i have had that experience several times... with mushrooms, salvia and ketamine. Try and relax, take your mind off it with some easy films. Don't overthink it... 2 days is too soon to be panicking... It can sometimes take a while to get over that sort of profound experience. I don't normally recommend meds at this point, but if you can get hold of some benzos, it will help a lot.
  21. Having lots of stuff going through your head to the point you can no longer function as you were before. That sounds a bit like dp/dr to me, though could just be anxiety. the only thing that reduces me visuals are benzos... Though at this stage, I don't think you should be getting into that... Just see how you get on over the next month or two. It might go naturally.
  22. Yea, i'd say that sounds like hppd... quite mild in the visuals, but also coupled with some dp/dr, which I find more problematic. You know the plan... stay sober, avoid alcohol/caffeine, rest, relax, eat well, exercise.
  23. Jay1

    Getting worse... Can't take this anymore.

    the main things to avoid during these early months... drugs, alcohol, caffeine, fast food, SSRIs, anti psychotic meds, stress
  24. Jay1

    Getting worse... Can't take this anymore.

    please note that anti depressants can make things worse (it made me suicidal)... benzos can work wonders though, but beware of the addiction potential. I find a 4 day on, 3 day off system can work well to give yourself relief while avoiding addiction. Please please don't do anything drastic though... There is every chance you will recover from this, and even if you don't there are ways to cope. I'm 23 years into a severe case and still have reasons to be happy in life... Please PM me if you need any help, advice or just want to rant. and yes, I would probably stop lamictal if you have seen changes in your symptoms... It is better to define your baseline without medication for as long as you can cope. Perhaps with some benzos ready for when things feel hopeless.
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