ColForbin

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Everything posted by ColForbin

  1. yeah I think its b and c if I had to guess. They've gotten much better for me over time. Although that said, a blue sky or snowy ground always makes them more nitceable.
  2. word, mine are usually white, but they sometimes change to and from green, blue, and pink as well. If it wasn't so shitty, I'd almost say its kinda cool haha.
  3. Just stay off the weed, and it will slowly get better - at least it did for me. For me its not the visual snow, but the closed eye visuals of swirling white patterns when my eyes are shut.
  4. shitty part is that the darkness probably wouldn't be any better
  5. nicely said, I agree with this 100%
  6. Dont have much time, others can chip in here, but welbutrin did some good for me
  7. Agreed on this being a good topic. My parents knew something was up because we suspected I had a sleeping disorder (due to crazy static and closed eye visuals and vivid dreams). I had been fucked for a while, and it was only when I stumbled across this board that I connected the dots. I told my parents over dinner, and although I expected them to be mad, they appreciated the honesty. They didn't believe it was from the drugs, but they were happy I felt I could confide in them. Later, it lead to some interesting discussions about my parents' youth, and on the whole, I feel I got closer to both of them because of it. As far as needing to be taken care of, not really in the literal sense. But given that anxiety and depression run in my family, I felt my mom understood me the most out of anyone (I was 20 at the time fyi). There was definitely a long period where we talked nearly every day. She ended up being the first one who actually believed me when I talked about what I was experiencing, and that meant more to me than anything. Without her, I don't know what would have happened to me, and for that reason alone I think it is worth telling your parents. Just make sure they realize that you are smart person that made a decision that had unfortunate consequences and not some other distorted scenario.
  8. sounds like anxiety to me. When you start to have an anxiety attack, its sometimes hard to make sense of even the most simple shit. I know for me, caffeine is a big part of anxiety which leads to DP/DR.
  9. right on dude
  10. As far as cannabiloid antagonists, I don't know. I do know that there are two different chemicals in weed that affect you. There's THC which gets you high, and there is CBD, which calms you down. The relative levels of these chemicals determines the type of high you have. THC makes your brain think crazy things (i.e. be high) but can lead to anxiety. CBD fights anxiety but can also lead to couch lock. CBD has been studied for use as an anti depressant and for use in treating people with schizophrenia. I still smoke weed all the time, but it was only after 9 months of not smoking or drinking anything. Weed makes visuals/DP slightly worse, but its not phasing amount, and I cope with it so easily it almost doesn't even matter. If I smoke a lot, however, it does get substantially worse, dying down in a day or two, usually within the day. Yesterday is a good example: people are getting off school, and yesterday I smoked probably 5 or 6 js with others during the evening. Today I feel like total shit, DP really bad. But that said, I know what it is, so I'm no freaking out that badly at all. In fact, if I had felt this way a year ago, I would be having a full on panic attack. Not anymore. You just gotta be careful and keep the necessary perspective. I regret what I did yesterday (seemed fun at the time), but at least I know how to cope with it today.
  11. Hey Jake, it gets better. My hppd is just from shrooms, but my experience was that it comes on, gets worse, and then gets better. Months 3 - 12 were straight hell for me before I started improving. Just hang in there, it might not be immediately, but it will get better slowly. Let me know if you need anyone to talk to or if you have any other questions. you'll be alright dude!
  12. Nice to see some familiar names back. I was on the old board just for a little bit before it went offline, can't remember if I had the same handle back then. Regardless, yall were some of the folks who helped me get through my initial rough period, and in turn, have helped me pay it forward to other noob sufferers. Let's get this place rolling again!
  13. feeling better than ever, holler if you wanna talk about shit

    1. iwasnineteen

      iwasnineteen

      hello! i;ve had it fir 4 months, and am relieved to see someones improved, would you be up for explaining it?

  14. dude, just sit down and breath. Try and take a nap. Go for a walk. This just sounds like an anxiety attack thats worse than normal for you, you know what's up - just ride it out.
  15. That's what has helped my anxiety, or at least did in the beginning - knowing that I wasn't crazy, that I was just more tuned into normal visual phenomena that were now amplified
  16. montreal, although I'm from the US
  17. As a discussion of other symptoms, one thing people don't really talk about is disturbing thoughts in general. There was a while when these thoughts would just kinda pop into my head, and they were extremely disturbing. Kinda like the stuff you were never supposed to think about forcing itself into consciousness. I'm glad thats stopped. I really think that is a symptom of anxiety just like OCD is.
  18. That's called OCD dude and its anxiety related.
  19. I know exactly how you feel as well. When it was really bad for me, when I would shut my eyes, I would see extremely bright swirling patterns that almost hurt my eyes. In addition, my whole body would kind feel like it wasn't there when I shut my eyes - almost like I was paralyzed, except that I could move whenever I wanted, if that makes any sense (which it doesn't). It's like I couldn't feel the active connection between my brain and my body. I also felt a sensation of falling as I would try to fall asleep. All of this, during the worst of my hppd, mixed in with extremely vivid dreams, meant that I would wake up 20-30 times a night. Obviously, this meant I was getting sleep deprived which in turn made my anxiety and DP during the day worse. When I would try to go to bed, I would be so exhausted that as soon as I shut my eyes, I would start to dream, like I was in this half awake half dream state. I would shut my eyes, start to vividly dream, but still be aware that I wasn't quite sleeping. That realization would lead me to come up a level of consciousness where I would then just see the bright white patterns along with my body being uncomfortable (feeling like it wasn't there). Then I would open my eyes and sit up just to be sure things were still cool - open eyes in a dark room = visual static. Then repeat this process. This was the worst period of my life, it actually felt like hell. This lasted for about three months and then slowly started to get better. Now I sleep as well as I ever did (which isn't that well, but at least its back to normal for me). Hang in there dude.
  20. =(

    There's pretty much two options: 1. Believe everyone here who has personal stories of getting better. 2. Believe whatever random bullshit you've read and convince yourself that you'll never get better, and that your life will never be the same. It's like, I don't want to hear you complaining here about being forever changed and never getting back to normal after we've told you that people do get better. You ignore that and the continue to cry about how life will never be the same as it was before. News flash buddy, my life is almost EXACTLY the same as it was, minus the fact that I will never do psychedelics again.
  21. =(

    Right, so look at what you just wrote, how similar it was to my whole story that I posted in that other thread, and peep the success I've had in getting better. That's the point you're not understanding when we say you're not listening. On one hand, you say you hear us, and on the other, you say you'll never be the same when we have repeatedly told you stories of high recovery rate (even if you are never exactly the same). It's fucking life dude, eventually you have to try and move on and stop wallowing in your own depression.
  22. =(

    No one is angry. It is, however, annoying how we have multiple times taken time out of our day to write long, thoughtful posts offering you the best advice about how HPPDers can overcome the worst of their problems. Instead of taking that advice to heart, you largely don't react to it, and instead choose to harp on the medical side of things, which in no way helps you at the moment. I personally overcame hppd's stranglehold with nothing but the use of welbutrin for a couple months, and its questionable that it even did anything. My recovery has happened only by essential changes in my thought processes to accomodate this new burden, resulting in what now feels like a normal life to me. By seeking solutions solely in medicine, you cut yourself off to EVERYTHING ELSE a hppd'er needs to heal, and that is just ignorant and stupid. I almost doubt that you have hppd at all. Do you know the terror of legitimately thinking that you are going insane and that all of your dreams in life are destined to fail? Have you ever even talked about your symptoms here? I could be wrong, but I feel if you were seriously afflicted, our conversations wouldn't have progressed in this manner.
  23. I already did dude... http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/94-any-known-cases-of-full-recovery/
  24. Life is full of shitty things. The more you obsess over language like "recover," the less you're going to realize that life can continue normally with hppd. Of everything we've told you, you have seemingly completely missed the point, so here it is in capitals: YOU WILL MOST LIKELY NEVER 'RECOVER,' BUT ITS OK. THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF WHAT LARRY, 1998, and I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU IN THE LAST 5 THREADS YOU'VE MADE. I would never say I've recovered physically 100% (I would say I've gotten back to 90%), but I have mentally, and thats all that really matters. Life moves on and you overcome the hurdles that have been placed in front of you. I've been checking this website almost everyday just because I care about you, and you remind me of myself two years ago. I wish someone had been there for me. Think about it, at least you know whats happening to you! Think about how scary it was for all of us who had no idea what was going on. For that reason alone, you should trust us, not to mention all the advice we've given you. Your search for answers does not help in any way with your rehabilitation, but you think it will. Think in the short term. At this point, there is nothing more I can tell you. Best of luck my friend, you will be stronger for all of this...as soon as you stop looking for answers where there aren't any and realize that even if you do find an answer, you will still be in the same position as you were before you knew.
  25. =(

    In the beginning, when I was in your position, yes. I had to drop a course cause I wasn't able to read all the material without it moving. Now, I would say I'm back to 95% of what I was before hppd. I can still learn, I can still live my life. EDIT: If you want to pursue medicine, you should definitely do it. But before you make decisions, and considering youre in the middle of the shit right now, just dont think about medicine or anything for a couple months/until you feel a bit better. Take some time for yourself.