Hello everyone,
i'm new to this forum but have been browsing since a few months. About myself: I first got visuals about 4 months ago when I was on mdma. I smoked some pot and suddenly I was experiencing a heavy 2cb trip. Ever since that day I had hppd (static patterns, cev, after-images, walls breathing, text on my computer screen waving). I haven't touched any drugs anymore exept for ghb 3 times. My visuals have decreased a lot but instead I'm starting to experience dp/dr. I feel like I'm watching myself, can't recognize myself in the mirror.
Even though I do know who I am and what I'm doing, it's hard to feel like I'm atually doing something, it's more like I'm watching myself from a different perspective. I have ADD (attention deficient disorder) and now with HPPD I can concentrate even less. I sometimes do feel happy when I drink alcohol, but it feels like my happy emotions are locked away and only sometime come out a bit. I seem to be oversensitive to light (does anyone recognize this?) When I walk outside at night, traffic lights can be very painful for my eyes. My television is turned to maximum energy saving and still feel it's bright sometime. I have nerve twitches randomly anywhere in my body, which occur mostly when I try to sleep or am sitting still
The strange thing about this is my friends whom I live with have noticed little to zero about my behaviour. I seem the same person to them, and I sometime don't know if i'm alive or just a ghost.
Does anyone recognize these symptoms as I describe them? I'm really afraid the symptoms will become worse. I'm unemployed and can't pay my rent almost. I'm getting more and more depressed and I don't know how to handle this. sorry for my bad english
Ashe