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andrewcb

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Everything posted by andrewcb

  1. Hello, my story is posted on here probably a few times, but here it goes again and it’s a short one. So I was once heavily involved with drugs. Like heavily. It was a short period, maybe 2 years at most. But within that 2 years I cramped more in there than 99% of people do in life times. If I was to average my daily intake of drugs when I was at my worst it would be something like this; 1-2g of weed a day .5-1g of meth a day .5-1g a day 8 xoxo a day 60mg hydros a day a pack of smokes a day maybe 12 bears a day if you were to average it. But clearly it was more like 30 beers a day for 2 days each day smoking a gram of weed and half a g of meth while doing a tiner or so of coke. Would take 8 xoxo at a time and then dabble with lsd or mushrooms. This would be a trend for 3-5 days with 3-4 days “off” which just means lowering my intake and not using others like cream and coke. Xoxo and weed was daily. one day during a binge, maybe only my 2nd day in. I probably hammered down 30 beers by then, smoked 2 grams of weed, no coke or meth but a ton of xoxo like maybe 14. I just took another xoxo, drank a beer and then took a huge rip of some hash. went to the living room and next thing I knew was I just couldn’t comprehend anything. I literally had to communicate to my buddy that I wasn’t right by circling my fingers around my head signing I was fucking crazy. My head was thumping, I have periods of lost memory, I couldn’t walk, talk or do much really. All I remember was laying down telling myself “I’m going to the fucking insane asylum tomorrow.” Like this has been one of the most impactful moments of my life. I didn’t learn from it for awhile but it’s effects started right away regardless. I woke up the next day, flying out of my body like I could see down on myself for a second and boom, nothing was real anymore. The world was spinning or I was. I just felt insane for the longest. like I knew it was just in my head but the feeling which also includes visually feeling if you understand what I mean, was just telling me nothing is real. it’s like my eyes and brain don’t agree with each other is the best way to explain it. There’s a physical and emotional aspect to it of course but the visual is always there regardless. well back to that night, now 12 or some old years ago. I’ve had many theories and what not but not to long ago my uncle had a stroke. I was told how he acted and it didn’t click with me then. then now I’m searching up memory loss because I’m having huge swathes of memory loss and just sort of realizing it. Which is weird because some of it is coming back in pieces. So looking into this memory crap I look into strokes. I remember what happened to my uncle, read the signs for a stroke and bam I had a flashback to it. Its a brain stroke, I definitely felt like my brain was going to bust that night. I lost all my functions and was just a meat bag for a night. So I feel pretty sure a stroke caused this which is sort of scary as I also have been having heart problems. living with derealization is literally living a ptsd every second of every day. Those who have my experience knows this. ive also found it easier to have ptsd or ptsd like symptoms very easily after that on something as losing/quitting a job. it’s not like I was just normally stressed or depressed. This weighted me down for years and still does. It’s a visual event that goes off in my head that causes even more stress and anxiety. like my brain is constantly in fear mode or panic mode or if it isn’t the switch can be flipped. That’s basically normal anxiety the way it sounds which it is but it has its own tune. those of you who can relate can relate, those of you who can’t, can at least know you’re not the only fucked up on. any thoughts on a brain stroke causing this? Thanks, Andrew
  2. Hey all, Has anyone used Dihexa? I am getting 2 grams of NSI-189 and thinking about throwing some Dihexa in there. Trying to improve memory and focus even if it's just a little bit. Thanks, Andrew
  3. No, you can just use the Temazepam. Sinemet just helps with the restless legs at night and neither should worsen your symptoms.
  4. Hey, .25 isn't much at all really and I am not sure if they will even require you to taper. A common dose is 2-4mgs but not too rare to find someone on 6-8mg. You could always rotate between Phenibut and Klonopin with a few days off each week. Try Kratom too and if you like that you can just rotate between the 3 each week with a day off each week from everything to avoid any real tolerance.
  5. Seen my psychiatrist today and he had no problem prescribing me Parnate. We got to talking and he brought up Keppra. I told him I have actually heard of Keppra(from here ofc) and it is something I want to try. He said give it a month on the Parnate and if I would like we can add Keppra. I also brought up memantine and he liked the idea as well but we will see. So we will see how this Parnate trial goes, I am hoping it doesn't make my dp/dr any worse than what it is and then hopefully in a month will be able to try Keppra. Any thoughts on this stack?
  6. See a psychiatrist Monday and plan on trying to get on a maoi. He is a older psy. and have seen him before and feel pretty confident he will prescribe a maoi but who knows. Think a maoi could worsen symptoms? I also plan on asking for memantine too.
  7. What dosage of memantine were you on? Did you ever get a chance to triturate up to like 20mg? Yeah the reason I was worried about it worsening my dp/dr is because it is a dissociative, I really don't want to reverse any progress I have made on my dp/dr lol. Also, I have used LDN, 4.5mg naltrexone. Sadly it did nothing for me. But in all fairness I was addicted to opioids for a long time and even went through a year on Subutex so I am obviously not going to be the best responder to Naltrexone with all the downregulation I have been through. Naltrexone is not a controlled substance and can be purchased online legally. FWIW, Subutex and other opioids such as hydrocodone and oxycontin did help my dp/dr out tremendously. I could see how Naltrexone could help with dp/dr if you have never abused opioids before. From my understand Naltrexone temporarily blocks opioid receptors which is why you want to take it at night and when the Naltrexone starts to detach from these receptors the receptors become super sensitive to your natural opioids. It also suppose to cause a temporary upregulation in opioid receptors. Hope that helps!
  8. Something I have been wanting to try but am afraid it will make my dp/dr worse. Any thought on this?
  9. Try mixing in some Afobazole. I have read people say it lowered their tolerance to benzos which would mean you could easily lower your dose. People are also unreliable and could manage to get high off sugar pills so who knows if it really works. I was on 45mg valium for 2 years and one day just jumped off. I got Gabapentin about a week after jumping off and it helped me at the time greatly. My opinion is the taper is the easiest part, you can get down all the way to .25 no problem. It is making that final jump that is the ass kicker. Get a game plan, if you fuck it up once just start off where you were and continue as best as you can. Just know you will eventually have to make that jump which is the hard part.
  10. Ahhh Ergots, brought to you by the creator of LSD. Got some questions but I have to go. Will post when I come back!
  11. "I can not get rid completely of DP/DR, I'm having a minor trip-like surrealness every second of every day. However, I'm quite used to by now, how weird it might sound.." This^^^^^ It is like I would have to be hypnotized to think this is how life is suppose to be if I ever wanted it to go away. It will never just "poof" go away. Dp/dr has become a part of me now and is here to stay, best way to deal with it is to learn to live with it.
  12. Well my Tofisopam came in the other day and the first day I dosed a bunch of it and it wasn't to bad. The following day I took some Galantamine at night which was the first time in a few months and when I woke up I took my usual supplements but added 250mg of phenylpiracetam and the Tofisopam and for the remaining of my day which happened to be a 12 hour work day I had extreme brain fog. Like I couldn't do anything, was just constantly forgetting to do the most simplest of things and just felt off. Dp/dr got pretty bad and some of the negative effects seem to be lingering around today. Not sure what caused it but I am thinking it was the combination of everything and more specifically the Selegiline/phenylpiracetam/Tofisopam combination. Giving it a break today and tomorrow and will try the Tofisopam again Monday. Am cutting the Selegiline out of my routine(have been on it for 3 months or so already anyways).
  13. I mean you can always just try the Seroquel. Temazepam is a hypnotic benzo vs a sedative. It is prescribed for sleep and works very differently than xanax or any other benzo. There are some horror stories about coming off of seroquel that is why I would be careful with it. 25 mg might work for you now but when will you need 50 than 75 and 100?
  14. Ok guys, so it has been a week now since dosing Afobazole and I like it. It is real mild with slight mood lifting and anti anxiety properties. I can even think clearer on it. The second day I took it on my first dose that day, I don't know what happened but I got in my car and had the most amazing ride to work. I just felt good and happy again. Sad part was it only lasted about 25 minutes lol. Honestly, if I could recreate that moment and have it last all day I would be in the perfect mood. It wasn't a high feeling or anything but I did experience some mental euphoria from actually being able to feel music again and to have emotion, it was just a feeling of good wellbeing. So I haven't been able to recreate that experience but I still get some mood lift and some anxiety relief from it, nothing major but is what I am looking for. Since getting off of hard drugs and getting clean I don't want to be on anything that makes me feel how I want to feel 24/7 because we all know that shit doesn't last. I just want something that can help me get in the routine of being normal again and help me to actually practice being normal so I can relearn to live a what is consider normal to me, normal life. So for me, so far, Afobazole gets 2 thumbs up. I am going to do a 3 month cycle of it and will report back on it randomly.
  15. I would go fill the bottle and then throw it at your doctor. Get some Temazepam. I know it is a benzo but I never found it addicting, that is just my 2 cents. If you just need something for sleep that is the best option IMO. Is it just for sleep or do you need it for some other reasons? If it is just for sleep why would she put you on something that acts on a bunch of different parts of your brain. I know a lot of doctors do this and I think it is dumb personally. The only reason I would see a doctor doing that is if they think you might be slightly psychotic, depressed or bipolar and wants to test the waters and see how you react to the medicine.
  16. Are you saying you see a strobe light effect of different colors constantly. I highly doubt it. I highly doubt your vision is even close to that video you posted. Tell me, do you hear that music too? lol....Describe what you are seeing exactly. Are you just seeing a flash in the corners of your eyes or what? And yes, anything and everything can get worse. Ok let's say you somehow have the worst vision you can possibly get, so what, now what about anxiety, depression, dp/dr, a decline in cognitive areas.....all the other stuff you fail to mention that comes along with this? Also, if smoking weed isn't literally pulling you out of this universe and throwing you in hell then you got a lot of room to get worse. Quit smoking weed and doing drugs before you start to experience things you wish you never have. My dp/dr comes from smoking weed and doing x. But anyways, I am sure we will hear from you again in a few months regretting that you did some dumb shit and that it obviously CAN get worse and then all you can do is wish you never did it and life becomes a total hell.
  17. Also I would like to put in that I think for anyone who is currently taking benzos I think Afobazole would make the perfect addition. I have not tested this myself so I am just saying this off of others experiences so disclaimer *I can't say this is fact lol* but they report that you can literally cut your benzo usage in half. It just draws your tolerance back to almost none. This is from what I have read online and the 2 other people I am currently talking with on another forum who are trying all kinds of different non-typical meds both claim it has lowered their tolerance too. Just thought this would be good to know for anybody using benzos. Also if anyone is interested in doing some research lol, I have been looking into this oxytocin analogue called WAY-267,464. It is a oxytocin agonist as opposed to just putting oxytocin in your body which is poorly absorbed or hardly crosses the BBB. I am desperately trying to find dosage guidelines on this analogue and a trusted source that could possibly make some. I would straight guinea pig myself on this if I could find it lol.
  18. I have only taken Afobazole for one day and am taking it 3x a day but it seemed to help with anxiety and also felt pretty clear headed and more focused. I could have also just been having a good day though. But if I have more days like I did yesterday while on Afobazole I will have to say for fact it is working for me. Will report back in a few days on this. Mr.50, it is a benzo but a different type of benzo. It has a completely different mechanism of action although I can't tell you what it does because wiki and ncbi have conflicting reports, like completely different reports lol.
  19. For anyone interested here is how Semax has been working for me so far...... it hasn't I have been using for a week now. I started off with 1mg 2x a day but am now using 2mg 2x a day. I have even injected 4mg at once twice so far. I haven't experienced any kind of effects from it, nothing positive, nothing negative. My Afobazole came in today(I messed up my order that is why it took so long) and I just took one pill sublingually. Will report back on this. I also order a benzo called tofisopam. It is a non-addictive benzo(supposedly) and it is also a stimulating benzo! It doesn't work on the CNS either which is why I assume it isn't addictive. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tofisopam Will report back later.
  20. So Selank was a fail for me. Thought I was using 1mg a day because the spray bottle I bought said it was roughly .1ml per spray but was more like .2ml per spray so I was using 2mg a day(10mg vial lasted only 5 days so this is verified). I went ahead and order the 120mg vial of Semax because I am tired of waiting on the 60mg vial. Semax is made by the same company that makes Selank. I ordered mine from Ceretropic.com. I also ordered some 28g x 1/2 syringes and plan on doing sub-q injections for a more accurate dosage. I will be dosing 1cc a day with each cc being a mg. I ordered today and expect it all to be here either Wednesday or Thursday. I ordered just 60 of the Afobazole tablets to just get my feet wet. I am going to start at just 1 tablet 2x a day until my work week is over and then I will bump it up to 1 table 3x a day since I will have about 4 days off until I have to return to work. I am doing it this way just incase there are side effects at least I won't have to deal with them at work. The Afobazole should be here tomorrow. Right now my biggest problem is dp/dr, anxiety, depression and cognitive problems. I also(almost certain) think I have anhedonia from years of drug abuse and esp from my opiate use esp the Suboxone. It seems my opioid receptors are so downregulated there is nothing I can do. I haven't taken any opioids in 2 months and last weekend I decided to take 3 hydrocodones(30mg) to see where I was at and I got nothing, just an itch but no mood lift or anything. Basically I just feel emotionless towards things but I do show emotion. I guess the best way to say it is I feel no enjoyment or pleasure in things. Only at work do I feel enjoyment and that is because I am competitive and am usually the better worker in the fab. So I will be looking for a decrease in anxiety, a mood lift, decrease in anhedonia, increased vigilance, improved memory, improved verbal fluency, improved memory recall(esp when put on the spot) and improved motivation. The Afobazole can take up to a month to really kick in so I will just report on that every few days if there are any improvements or side effects and the Semax should show instant signs of improvement so will report on this from day 1. I am also taking Piracetam, Aniracetam and Tianeptine. I am doing fairly well on keeping up with dosing and being consistent but do miss doses. I have fish oil I need to keep up with and also some Alpha-GPC I need to cap whenever I stop being lazy. Any questions or concerns? Feel free to shoot away. Thank you, Andrew
  21. Lol, how do you feel when you walk into a Walmart? That place really fucks me up when I walk into it because it is huge with a ton of empty space, a reflective floor and those damn lights! Lighting is everything for me, like at work all the lights are yellow and everything looks kind of yellowish and this for whatever reason makes me feel normal. But when I get around bright fluorescent lights it really jacks me up. Oh, also I experience migraines which I think have something to do with the vision, also my vision gets blurry and I can also make it blurry on command, like if I got control of it lol. I use to get eye floaters really bad but now I just get them whenever I think about them or if my anxiety gets to going. I use to have 3 in my field of view constantly. Also my ears, now I know this part isn't in my head. Ever since my incident with x and weed which caused this I was able to stretch my ear drums(I guess) the very next day. Like if I squeeze my eyes or do anything that puts tension on the muscles in my ears I can feel them stretch and can hear it, sounds like rolling thunder. I have never experienced this before until that night. I also got this knot on the right side of my neck by my hairline, you can't see it but just feel it. I don't ever remember having that knot and noticed it a day or 2 after my incident. But yeah I can almost confirm this is made up in our heads because I use to be addicted to hydrocodones and I wouldn't pay much attention to my vision while on them because I felt great constantly. I wasn't getting high off them, they just gave me a serious mood lift with a ton of anxiety relief. I guess since I was feeling so emotionally well I never paid attention to my vision thus it wasn't real to me anymore.
  22. Yea. I went to this xpo they had here in Dallas called Europa and it is just a huge xpo where all these companies give out their supplements. So by the end of that day I had a huge bag of supplements. Needless to say I had to try them out and every one of them pretty much made everything worse. Bad advice in 3....2....1 steroids are the way to go lol.
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