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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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wooshka last won the day on July 9

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About wooshka

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  • Birthday 05/16/1993

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  1. Hi all, I was a part of this community many years ago as a wee lad when my symptoms first began to settle. I thought I'd login to post an update as to the current mental state I'm in, what recovery (as good as can be) is like, and what you can expect if you're relatively new to HPPD. I first had HPPD symptoms after taking a one-time dose of mushrooms, I believe around 2 grams; the initial trip went fine, in-fact it was quite a lot of fun. After coming down, I didn't feel normal.. I felt strange, odd, different, but couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was like something had clicked, snapped, broken, or unhinged and my feeling and grasp of reality was stirred too far up the side of the pan and began to spill over the edges. I believe this was depersonalization, or derealization, to this day I can't pinpoint which one exactly because it waxed and waned. Nevertheless, in the span of a few days, visual symptoms began. These ranged from mild visual snow, trails behind lights, ghosting, flashing purple lights which would dance and radiate over streets in the night, a melting or waving effect to some surfaces, slow rotations etc. All very abnormal for my young self. These symptoms stayed gradual and stayed persistent for quite some time. I only realized what was wrong after my brother had similar effects after he dabbled in mushrooms, but his went away, and so did his friends. That's when they told me what they think it could be: HPPD! I was gobsmacked, I was scareeeeeeeeeeeeeed. I was worried that I was brain damaged forever, and it all felt very doom and gloom. I came to HPPDonline, and read. I read a LOT. I obsessed over getting this terrible shit to go away, to leave, to evaporate from me, to disperse at once before I hung up the phone. Reading positive stories was the only thing that helped, the only thing other than family and friends. I took a lot of downers such as valium, clonzepam, klonopin to ease the anxiety, but in hindsight, all these did was make my DP/DR worse afterwards. Now, my HPPD symptoms were nowhere near as bad as some stories that have been through this forums - so this is all very subjective to me and my experience. I tip my hat to David S for continuing this service, for he has helped many many people, and most likely saved lives by projecting this issue into the world. These symptoms stayed and bothered me for 6 years give or take, when gradually I became tired of worrying, tired of stressing, tired of guillotining myself over what has happened. Now here we are, in 2020, my symptoms are present, but ONLY if I concentrate on them, only if I allow them to bother me. Sure, I do notice them, no they don't scare me any longer, but I have accepted them for what they are. I've used a lot of tactics, such as "omg I'm a wizard that can see forces that aren't there!!" or, "it could be worse" or, "you can atleast still see", what I'm getting at is, it could be a lot worse than what it is now, to any degree. But it will subside (or at-least appear to, whether or not you stop noticing it, or there is a remission of symptoms) things will get better, mentally and physically, for you, for people helping you, and for the whole thing. It will take time, some symptoms will vanish, some may not. But you will be ok. You WILL feel relatively normal again, there will be moments where you absolutely forget everything about HPPD. And these moments will happen sporadically, some may last longer than others, but for me, time is the only thing that has helped. Don't do anymore drugs, take it easy on alcohol, try not to express your concerns to people that don't understand, you may worry them, scare them, or just annoy them. Take a break from HPPDonline, take a break from reading and fake it until you make it. Which you will Lots of love, J.
  2. Why are you even contemplating doing drugs again? You've made like 10 threads in the last like 4 hours complaining about HPPD and the symptoms that accompany it, but yet you want to experiment with "drugs that don't make hppd worse" man you're playing a dangerous game if you do decide to roll the dice with your marbles. You're still in school for gods sake, put your head down and study. Get off this site. Hang out with your friends, don't smoke bud, drink if you have too. But if you indulge too deeply you may not come out.
  3. Hello, some of you may remember me posting a couple of years ago when I first realized I had HPPD, thought I'd give you all an update and what's happened to date. All in all, things started to get better for a while whilst on Seroquel 50mg IR daily. My depersonalization was completely gone, my anxiety was pretty much gone, and just the visuals remained. A few months went by, my anxiety started to surface again, yet with unrelenting force. I went to a Psychiatrist and tried to explain to her my symptoms, problems, dilemmas, thoughts, doubts, etc. Yet, within the first hour of me seeing her, she diagnosed me with pro-dromal psychosis and said here take this valium, up your dosage of seroquel to 300mg and take as much Fish Oil as you can in a day. So naturally I fucking panicked. I went on this spiral of constantly thinking I was going to start hallucinating, hearing voices, having delusions, etc. Even though after me telling her what HPPD was and I thought it was quite applicable to my case, she rang me back the next morning. But yet, my hypochondriac self still obsesses with these worries. That was maybe 4 months ago. Right now, my visual symptoms are worsening, especially the trailing. Which is so so god damn fucking irritating. Everything I move it's like oh hey you want some lag there? Here, have some, you faggot. My depersonalization has also hit a new pinnacle. Instead of feeling a little detached, I now feel as if I'm watching my life through my own eyes, but not? You know what I mean, if you have DP. Also, things feel quite disproportionate to me, sizing, scaling and what not. It's really scaring me that all of a sudden I'm gonna' fucking lose my shit and just turn completely insane. I also had my first experience with Sleep Paralysis this week, which was the most terrifying experience I've ever had. Some shadow looking bloke was at the side of my bed, standing right on top of me basically. I heard quite a loud and fierce shuddering, and then a voice saying "don't let him win" or "don't let him lose" I can't remember, probably because I was so fucking scared. Ever since then, things have felt extremely weird. And I don't know what to do. I am on NO medications, or supplements. As Seroquel pretty much made my life a piece of shit for the last 2 months of it. Took me weeks to actually come off it, I am still itchy, get blotches and rashes from it. And I came off it in May. Like who the fuck prescribes this for people that do not have schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder. If you guys have ANY ANY ANY ANY ANY ANYANYANYNAYN suggestions, supplements, or even god damn medication that you would recommend. Fire my way. Please. I literally have tried being as strong as I can for the past few years since It started but now it's just tearing me apart. If any of you are from Brisbane, Australia. Or anywhere really, and would like to talk. I am available. Warmest Regards, Jordan
  4. Hey guys, been away for a while, trying to get shit together and not focus on it so much - but recently I had a trip to a GP I've never been too before, and after telling him what DP was, he said "oh, seroquel works wonders for that" so I started off on Seroquel 50mg IR once a day at night, knocked me the fuck out, I can't remember if the next day or day after, it had completely disappeared and then came happiness, tears ensue etc etc. Just letting you guys know that if you haven't tried it, give it a go, it helps greatly with anxiety also, but now I'm on 150mg XR for my anxiety because it seems to be peeking back through again. But, nevertheless, my DP is gone. Kindest Regards, Jordan
  5. E-cigs are very good in mimicking the same feeling of relief one would obtain from a cigarette, a friend at work recently quit smoking and he said the e-cig has basically saved his life haha.
  6. I'm sorry to hear that as of late your situation has become quite more dire than it recently was. Maybe, hopefully, this is just another phase, and in a couple of weeks/months, you'll be back to a more *stable* self, where you can think a bit more clearly and devise a plan like you'd wish too. At least you're trying different methods, which is always reassuring to see and gives the rest(especially me) something to look forward too if it subsequently moves toward a more universal treatment. I believe this condition is a pernicious one at that, for what reason I am unsure of, but I do think that it's quite unfair to have the visuals accompanied with the cognitive dysfunctions. Do you have high hopes for NSI? It seems to have worked wonders for a number of people, but the same was said for Coluracetam, but unfortunately it didn't work as well as we hoped. What gave you the want to do Cocaine? Was it a spur of the moment thing, or did you think that it wouldn't hinder on the recovery of your HPPD, just out of curiosity, nothing more!
  7. No problem, do you have any quarrels with trying an SSRI? Or do you have the worry that it may exacerbate your symptoms? Maybe Wellbutrin is up your alley for helping you cope with your depression. When you say it's changing your personality, what do you mean? In what ways exactly?
  8. Took me 6 months to get over my anxiety, I still have it, but it no longer controls me. It does take a fair while, but I agree with what brake is saying.
  9. I believe they desist with discontinuation of the medication.
  10. Quit all drugs yo! Just to be safe. Take care.
  11. wooshka


    Thanks for posting zx6. The racetams group of Nootropics seem to have adverse effects depending on the individual. Some report a remission of some symptoms, some report no relief for any symptoms. Piracetam, seems to be the more common of the group, and so far has had positive results in a couple of participants. Also, I'd check into some Calcium Channel blockers such as Flunarizine. A member was taking Flunzarizine and Keppra together, and noticed a 90-95 percent decrease in all symptoms. It is hard to stay strong sometimes, but I believe what you're saying is correct. See you around!
  12. wooshka

    help me!

    I believe he has, unfortunately. And it's increasing apparently, super empathy and also sympathy for you sir. I hope mine doesn't increase for 23 more years.
  13. Goodluck syntheso, glad it's looking up for you mate.
  14. I just find that if I smoke every 3 weeks or so, the days that I smoke, maybe 2 or 3 in continuation, during those days, my DP increases abit, but instead,my anxiety lessons and my visuals aren't increased at all. But when I stop, two to 3 days later, my visuals seem to be affected permanently. Or, maybe, in the time that I was smoking, I haven't noticed an increase in visuals because I haven't been so anxious and concentrating on them. Other than that, when I don't smoke weed, they still seem to get worse, so I'm conflicted. My HPPD was basically hidden from my view for 3 months until I quit smoking. I'm not sure if it's worth starting to smoke again, when quitting was difficult.
  15. Can you explain to me your "baseline" is that in regards to the level of your visuals, or also cognitive effects also? Been noticing any improvements lately?
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