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VisualDude

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Everything posted by VisualDude

  1. Its hard to know why things are quiet. I myself am here only occasionally in recent years. Like Jay mentioned, it can be helpful to talk with others who suffer the same things - to those who haven't, some of this stuff in incomprehensible to them. If one can keep their head cool and patiently look at what has helped others (which is quite varied), then one can try things that might help. ( No bleach though ) Perhaps Covid19 and the hatred that has been stirred up between people in recent years ... there isn't as much participation in forums dedicated to actually help. On some forums that I've visited over the last year, somehow every conversation gets turned political: either loving Hilary or Trump. It is ridiculous. But far worse, it is as if people have given their minds over to demons or other toxic personages. This forum is really a great resource and many have worked hard to help others. Take advantage of this kindness in a good way. And keep ego at bay to learn and perhaps contribute. HPPD is multifaceted and what works for one doesn't work for others with regards medications, diets, and supplements.
  2. Since the topic of anxiety and HPPD is perhaps the most frequent, it might be helpful to understand some of the processes going on. It seems true that most people with HPPD have anxiety issues. A rare few have no anxiety with their HPPD. Then there are plenty that find anxiety aggravates HPPD … and controlling anxiety alleviates HPPD at least to some degree. Most are familiar with the amygdala and one’s fight/fright response. But more is involved. To start with, many brain functions are compartmentalized. Some functions are primarily in one physical location. Others are inter-wired all over the place, but are nevertheless, ‘functionally contained’. A good place to start is with attention and focus. Basically, attention/focus has 3 states: Concentration (learning, reading, etc...) Vigilance (hunting, guarding, etc...) Sleep If you think about it, these are mutually exclusive. That is, you can't be vigilant and sleep. You can't concentrate and be vigilant, etc... These states are determined by the midbrain and executive center. For example, you can override the need to sleep in order to do something (executive). However there is at least one ‘gating’ center (think of a big electrical switching center) that shuts down parts of the brain as well as turning on other parts, depending on ones primary state. See Locus Coeruleus. One example of this is that when you sleep, voluntary movement is shutdown so that you don’t run while you are in a dream about running. Even emotions have ‘gated’ aspects. Usually one emotion is prominent at a time. For example, one usually isn’t happy and sad at the same time. Generally, anxiety pushes vigilance. However, vigilance might not have anxiety. One may be hunting, ever vigilant. However if they are being hunted, then anxiety is most likely. Another brain function involved is visual processing. While technically too intertwined to be truly separate, in practical terms there are two visual processing systems: Ambient visual processing (very fast [few milliseconds], emotional, vigilant) involves primarily peripheral vision but also balance and auditory input. It allows one to duck when an object is thrown at them – without wasting time to figure out what that object is. Focal visual processing (slow [~200ms], intellectual, detailed) involves central vision such as the macula which enables seeing fine detail. This allows one to later figure out that the above object was a baseball. There are other parts of vision as well, such as at least two ‘planes’ of visual data: one you are immediately seeing and the other, what you saw just moments before. So disorders here will cause people to see multiple copies of a moving object. However, for this discussion, it isn’t important to cover any more about the very complex world of visual perception. All these parts of brain function are complexly connected and finely balanced. Thus taking recreational drugs causes temporary alterations in perception. Hallucinogens seem to get the most attention with regard severity of perceptual changes. With HPPD, for whatever reason, one gets stuck with perceptual alterations. These may be temporary periods (‘flashbacks’) or they may be 24/7. Each person's symptoms vary in intensity and which ones they have. All of it is simply versions of the picture you posted above - the brain just can't quite get all the details right, so it shifts and changes perception. Dr Abraham used terms such as ‘cerebral disinhibition’. An over active state with less ‘order’, less in control/balance. Anxiety and panic are also states of ‘excess’. Functionally they are meant to be brief, not chronic. In either case, the increased activity of anxiety means less control. It isn’t difficult to see how anxiety pushes vigilance, which pushes visual aberations, which, in turn, adds to anxiety. One can also see why benzodiazepines may help an individual. These act on GABA receptors to reduce the rate of neuron firing (reduce brain activity). GABA by nature is inhibitory thus handy for 'disinhibition'. Members who are able to control anxiety may have less visual symptoms. In some regards it may be as simple as paying less attention (being less ‘vigilant’) to these aberrations. But people have their own experience and versions of HPPD. HPPD isn’t at all unique in being bothered by anxiety. People with autoimmune diseases may have a flare up due to getting upset. A doctor once told me that anxiety is to AIDS as are maggots to a dead body – the person deteriorates more rapidly. So the continual advice that members post about controlling anxiety is valid. And some find their ‘flashback-phase’ goes away when calm. None of this means HPPD is just an anxiety disorder. It may simply be made worse by anxiety – as are many aspects of life. The underlying reason for a person having HPPD may be plasticity (adaptive rewiring) or some sort of actual injury (damages synapses). This is a debate that seems to cause more fear than being useful. In the end, it is irrelevant because one simply has a problem now and needs to get on with life as well as find ways to manage it better. Somewhere Dr A commented that HPPD usually goes away in time. The best advice to live as health a lifestyle as they can. Including techniques to reduce anxiety (medication, nature hikes, mindfulness, etc…). Jay1 has already mentioned this. Hope this is helpful
  3. Since you got it from a "bad trip with visual hallucinogens", that is defining point of HPPD that is not VSS. But really, the diagnosing belongs to doctors who understand the disorder(s) --- good luck finding one. Also, to some degree the point is mute because there is no established medical protocol to treat either. You just have to try things with doctor(s) who are willing to help. Finally, people don't become schizophrenic or die from HPPD or VSS. It can just be very unpleasant and for some, interfere with work. The visual problems are 'illusions' not hallucinations. The anxiety (which most, but not all, have) can be reduced both medically and psychologically. As you already know, this picture produces the illusion of movement. If you are interested in understanding how this picture works, it relies on the brain's calculating dimension and distance. Most are familiar with the fact that having 2 eyes allows 'binocular' vision - understanding distance. A lesser know process is that the brain relies on contrast and shading to do the same function. In the case of this picture, the artist simply does shading deliberately inconsistent. So as the brain tries to figure things out, because it is inconsistent, the results are inconsistent, switching to one perspective then another. This creates the illusion of movement. As for HPPD, movement of 'static' objects is cause by the brain being uncertain as to what it is seeing so perspective again switches around creating the illusion of movement. Likely you will find the magnitude of effect depends both on what you are looking at and also the overall brightness. With HPPD, slight uncertainties can also affect attention/focus. Uncertainty drives one to vigilance which can increase anxiety. Explaining this (and hopefully people understanding this) can help one understand what is going on and thus help reduce anxiety about it - though it can still be annoying.
  4. Glad it is helping you Trazodone affects so many receptors, its hard to know what is helping (other than it overall 'quiets' many circuits) See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trazodone#Pharmacology It states in this publication http://www.facesofhppd.com/uploads/1/0/8/8/10884075/hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder_and_flashbacks_2013.pdf "Abraham & Duffy (1996) hypothesized that HPPD is a disinhibition of visual processing related to a loss of 5-HT-receptors on inhibitory interneurons." The 5-HT receptors that are inhibitory are the 5-HT1 and 5-HT5 receptor types. If there is a loss of these inhibitory receptors, how can antagonizing (reducing the effect of) the remaining ones help? ... since there would be even less inhibition. Would not agonizing (increasing) them increase the inhibitory effect and thus problem? This publication (which was primary to the thread you attached) attributes the effects to 5-HT2a receptors which are excitatory: https://www.erowid.org/archive/rhodium/pharmacology/risperidone.palinopsia.html Risperidone strongly reduces all serotonin and dopamine actions. Yet while there have been the occasional member here that does well, most complain strongly about this med. The patient they report having visual illusions with resperidone was also taking trazodone and clonazepam One of his last works before retiring, Dr Abraham tested increasing dopamine activity without altering serotonin activity and had 30-50% success. But no long term trials have been done. (Before learning about Dr A, I started using dopamine agonists with consistent improvement (though not 'cured') for over a decade.) Unfortunately, HPPD is complex to resolve. But it is good to know someone else has got help. Please keep us informed in the future as to how you do and if you need to stay on Trazodone. Thanks
  5. It is important that neurotoxicity, including that from hyperactivity (regardless of being glutamate or other neurotransmitters), involves the accumulative effect - that is, total toxic burden at the time. The visual from LSD are attributed largely to one class of serotonin receptor which caused visual processing to go on overdrive, not to mention other effects such as 'ego-loss'. So while LSD is less damaging than crack and meth, it still can add to the burden. MDMA is essentially an immediate acting SSRI without sedating effects. So the increased serotonin can be toxic. For example, pollution and anxiety both increase toxic burden. So, theoretically it would be safer to use recreational drugs while calm and happy and in clean mountain air ... rather than while stressed and in a polluted place. [Disclaimer: this isn't a recommendation, lol.] It is kind of like the proverbial 'straw that brakes the camels back'.
  6. Love your positive attitude ! It is also true that many things that have been discussed are buried in the past, often not easily seen.
  7. When people post as he did, it is best to not get too caught up in it because the manor was unreasonable. Why? Troll? Egomania? Just over exuberant? Who knows. But his 'style' is not unlike people popping onto forums and posting, "If you just pray to Jesus sincerely enough, he will miraculously cure you". The reception to this is negative for obvious reasons. [ And if one is into the Bible, it grossly misrepresents the whole situation we live in now ]. The whole topic of controlling anxiety has been discussed and will be discussed and will remain an important tool. But anxiety <> HPPD.
  8. This is true of most diseases and disorders. Why don't you (and other members) let the doctors do the diagnosing - they are the ones who defined the disorder. Read more posts. Some have no anxiety. Some are actually glad to have the visual anomalies. I personally know one on the DPSelfHelp forum. You think you know all Native Americans? So your personal experience make you knowledgeable about everyone's personal experience? n=1 is a very small sample for statistics Clearly you are very impressionable. Perhaps you have learned to turn on or off HPPD at will. Patent that, you'll make millions and put the cartels out of business. Again, leave the diagnosing to the doctors It would be 'cool' if a little CBT would solve the problem. Read the posts. Plenty have tried CBT and other psychological techniques. You seem to be focused on your perceived reality. You need to respect other peoples experiences and not just your own. Nothing wrong with discussion anxiety and it's effects, etc. It is your manor of 'discussion' that provokes negative responses Please do. Dr A has published many papers regarding the long term aftereffects of LSD, etc. And these do not declare anxiety being the root of the problem.
  9. Not everything wrong is a conspiracy. Habits too can be hard to break. This study indicates the old suggested dosage being 400-600 IU/day was based on preventing rickets. This study also puts the normal daily dose "around 8000 IU for young adults and thereafter" https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5541280/pdf/jpmph-50-4-278.pdf Because D toxicity can be nasty and take 6 months for levels to drop to normal, one needs to monitor high dosage taken long term. D absorbs in adipose so heavy people may not show good serum blood levels for some time ... then if they start losing weight (especially quickly) their serum reaches toxic levels with its consequences. K2 does prevent bone loss which happens with excessive D but one can't count on it being a fix for taking too much. Now if very high doses has cured you HPPD, great! How many months have you been taking 50,000 iu a day for? Or has it just been one week? You also said earlier that "most of the symptons have been solved/restored on there own" ... so what does D do for you specifically?
  10. I've taken 15,000 iu / day for a couple weeks but decided to back down to 10k. At 6 months of 10k/day, and prior to any osteoporosis meds, D3 (D 25-Hydroxy) was 82 and the active form (D 1,25 DIHY) was 62. These are both roughly 80% into the range. A couple years later with the meds Forteo and Prolia at the same time, D3 was 52 and the active form 72. Forteo is a synthetic portion of parathyroid hormone (PTH). Both work by stimulating the conversion of D3 to its active form. Am told this happens in the bones and the kidneys. But don't know about in the brain, although both forms cross the BBB. While the D3 I take has K2, last spring found some high dose vitamin K1 and K2 and have been taking that https://www.allergyresearchgroup.com/full-spectrum-vitamin-k-90-softgels It seemed unnecessary to work with anything higher. I may drop to 5,000 iu soon when finishing Forteo. I make so much calcium oxalate that there is concern of causing kidney damage due to microcrystals (rather than stones). This is uncertain but simple enough to drop dose for a few months then retest for stones [ LabCorp has a urine test for stones called Litholink ]. I eat high protein which causes oxalate. If I eat low protein, then don't feel as well, eat more carbs and feel even worse. The whole thing may be the meds, D, or just me. But I've always eaten lots of protein, fat and calcium since being a child. Am 58 now and it ain't killed me yet, lol. So this is what I've been doing and why.
  11. Good article. A note about dosage. The maximum daily dose long term is 4,000 iu without blood test monitoring. [ Ref missing right now but that is for all adults worldwide ]. To put this in perspective, if you are in the sun a lot, the the skin will make up to 10,000 iu a day. I post this because lots of articles about the danger of Vitamin D as well as many doctors feeling one only needs 200 iu/day. If I find the ref I'll post it but one can be safe with the above dose indefinitely. I am currently taking 10,000 iu for 3 years now (with blood tests). Since am on multiple meds for osteoporosis, am utilizing a lot of D. Thank you also for mentioning K2. Bones need it (osteoblasts) to mature by mineralizing. It is very effective at preventing plaque from calcifying as you mentioned. Again doctors are scared of K, (1 and 2) because it interferes with blood thinners ... but again one usually shouldn't be on a blood thinner. As for D helping HPPD, it would be interesting to see how many people it helps. It doesn't do anything overt for me. But its broad health benefits are respectable. One should take it anyway. If they can be tested, aim for mid to above mid range. Long term minimum, even if in range, is inadvisable.
  12. I've tried Propranolol with minimum helpful effects. However sexual dysfunction was worse. To see if the opposite would help SD, tried Salbutamol (pill form of albuterol) which is adrenergic β2 receptor agonist. Was concerned about trying since common side effects are tremor, anxiety, headache, muscle cramps, palpitations and sleep problems. Already have these problems but tried it anyway. It actually helps vision (especially feeling disconnected) and helps RLS and anxiety and SD. Tremor a little worse but nothing of concern. Also helps breathing as I have asthma and this is an asthma med. Naturally this was surprising and am still working with it. Taking it (4 mg) only AM and noon so its mostly gone by bedtime. It would seem odd that to find anyone else that albuterol helps with HPPD symptoms. But I am one of the few that find coffee is relaxing rather that stimulating.
  13. For what its worth (and in theme of the thread), the use of testosterone helps depression. It is well know that low T causes a depressiveness. This article is about using high dose testosterone for major depression. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30427999 "Testosterone treatment appears to be effective and efficacious in reducing depressive symptoms in men, particularly when higher-dosage regimens were applied in carefully selected samples."
  14. Interesting that selegeline helps you. I've used it and it was helpful. Problem was doctor moved and other docs were afraid. By the time I tried it again, it wasn't all that helpful. I have RLS bad. Doesn't bother me but bugs others including my wife. First time using selegeline, it stopped and the change was so significant that at night my wife kept worrying I had died since I had never been so still. Later docs tried Abilify and the restlessness came back (had been much quieter for months after selegeline). Trying selegeline again had no effect on RLS. Typical with HPPD (and the like), one change can make something that worked no longer work. Just like 1 dose of Ritalin rendering Keppra useless. As for ADD and ADHD. It very much involves distraction. Seeking quiet settings is vital for study or accomplishing anything. Meds that 'quiet' can help provided they don't sedate too much. Then there is CBT to learn to observe when one starts to wander, then step back. It takes work but it helps. Dopamine can quiet but it can stimulate. Same with Testosterone. Both are know to help with focus, though T more with pursuing goals. IMO it is not a coincidence that some with HPPD have low T just as do most with a mild brain injury.
  15. I was able to double natural T with 1/2 anastrazol EOD (425 to 820) but it wasn't very stable, that is, if I got a cold, or took cortisol, or benedryl my T would crash. It my case, its a hypothalamus thing since overall my dopamine systems are weak and the hypothalamus has circuits using dopamine (autonomic dysregulation, which is controlled by the hypothalamus, is common with Parkinson's disease). Clomid 25mg also increased T significantly but I don't have blood tests regarding it. It also was unreliable. Typically people can get good rise in T with AIs or SERMs. But you need to watch E2 getting too low which causes depression. But it is simple enough to try. They don't have really long half-lives. Having a doctor give too much thyroid is horrible. Usually anxiety/agitation is high. What is your T level now?
  16. Was surprised to learn that T/E2 ratio is more important that absolute E2. Seen medical cases with gynocomastia. When given T, which raises both, the gyno reduced in spite of higher E2. Noticed that E2 affects memory as well. And brain fog. Not sure how women would apply some of this. It is safe for them to take T but the more they take, the more frequently they have to shave and wax. There is propaganda against women taking androgens as well. But Britain, for example, has been doing so for 60 years. Except for extremely high amounts, the body usually adjusts and HCT normalizes. So does vascular inflammation. Usually blood clots are an E2 thing and show within 3 months. There are 3 main underlying reasons, the main one being high Lp(a). There are a number of studies indicating the threshold of safety of testosterone is 600mg/wk which is considerably higher than what is prescribed for TRT. As a rule, all meds should be monitored. Its more like there is no such thing as a safe med, but meds can be used safely.
  17. Fantastic results. As far as trying anything else, I'd work with what you are doing right now. HPPD has a nasty habit of popping back with too many changes ... you've probably read such stories on the forum. So go steady and see how this sets in. Yea the studies on testosterone show lots of benefits. Even with most prostate cancers although docs are locked into the myth of how bad T is. The whole bad rap started because of athletes using steroids and then laws against it ... there was never significant concerns about T medically.
  18. You mention the benefit lasted for weeks. Is he still benefiting? Androgens have both genomic effects (through Androgen Receptors) which take hours to days and non-genomic effects which can be less than a minute. The latter are prominent in the CNS. It should be noted that low T is common among those with brain injuries, mild or otherwise. Generally people with HPPD object to the idea of 'brain injury' since is sounds frightening, but when things are not functioning correctly due to a drug aftereffect, how has the brain NOT been injured? Injuries can heal and often do. The benefit of the comparison is to broaden one's scope for treatment options. Hope he is doing better
  19. Please describe effects. Mine are that DHT resolves 2 major visual symptoms that nothing else (except high fever) resolves. DHT derivatives improve sharpness and overall quality of vision. T helps language comprehension, focus and fatigue. None 'cure' me but do improve quality of life.
  20. SAGE-217 is a synthetic "positive allosteric modulator of the GABA A receptor". That is what the metabolites of DHT, progesterone, and a whole lot others are [ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5α-Reductase#List_of_conversions ]. GABA A receptors are what benzodiazepines bind to produce the benefits. What the phrase above means is that it amplifies the effects of that particular receptor. Don't know why they need to develop a synthetic when natural ones exist. Probably patents. Could also be to get around the propaganda against androgens. Or it may be a more effective delivery method. Generally speaking oral androgens are rather liver toxic whereas injected or topic preparations are not. Perhaps SAGE-217 isn't. (As a side point oral progesterone and oral estrogens produce rather unfriendly metabolites, but again, injectable or topical versions do not). Was able to speak with a scientist who specializes in androgen's effects on the brain. She describes these as "the brains natural benzodiazepines". That they are necessary for mental/emotional health and are often insufficient in people suffering mild (or otherwise) brain injuries. There is also a study showing that moderately high doses of testosterone (must be > 500 mg / wk) can treat major depression. [ Typical TRT doses are 70-200 mg/wk ] In general terms, testosterone helps with mental focus and accomplishing goals. DHT gives the 'feel good' effects. In the end the question remains: Does SAGE-217 work better then benzos? Is it safer?
  21. For decades I've always kept suicide as a viable option in my mind. Don't know if that qualifies as 'idealization' ... don't exactly care. Obviously since its been over 40 years and I haven't done it, this 'idealization' hasn't hurt. But neither has it been a boy-who-cried-wolf (especially since I don't tell people). It is just that the 'option' helps me to not feel trapped. Get irritated when a psychologist spouts the old chestnut, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". They are just doing their job and they ARE RIGHT. I just don't want my suffering to be trivialized. And what is REALLY wanted by nearly every one is relief from suffering. HPPD and its like can cause a lot of suffering. But like the poster above, ALS would really be horrible - slow self disintegration, suicide not necessary as its already happening slowly without choice. A better way (and forgive my snobbery) is to take what little energy to find things that help. Everyone is different as to what helps but there is always something to alter. And each thing that helps provides a clue as to what next might help. How many have tried options that have helped others? Usually it a problem of getting docs to prescribe things. mgrade: I don't remember you by that name but I've been away a couple years and forget things. Know you've been fighting with this a long time. But don't throw in the towel. If you are serious about the goal, what can it hurt to check into a MHU? They can pump you with enough stuff so you don't care about anything - a temporary solution but it might lead to a better one. Just saying ... You say your country has crappy MHU? May I ask which country that is? Here in the USA, things aren't so wonderful as people think they are. Those who say it is great are those who haven't really needed it - so they speak in ignorance. If you are able to go to a foreign country for suicide assistance, why not try health assistance? As for "The direction of the world is going straight fascist", don't waste your thoughts on woes you can't change. Some governments are easier to deal with but none have every taken care of every citizen - someone always suffers. Whatever government system there is, you have to find a way to survive and find something for yourself.
  22. What toxin were you 'exposed' to if you don't mind my asking? Under what circumstance? It was something like rubber-cement glue that affixes commercial carpet to concrete. I don't believe Caucasians are racists, except when there's personal hate involved. Was referring to Mormons. They used to believe the dark skin was a curse from God because of Cain. Perhaps their belief system has changed since my mother was one.
  23. Maybe we're related, lol. Some of my ancestors were follower of Joseph Smith (Mormon) who practiced polygamy. So with polygamy, must be related to the whole Caucasian population (they were racist so only whites) at least from a cousin standpoint. There was a Swedish member here who had similar med response and I do have some Scandinavian. But who knows. The social thing is real pain in the butt. Ironically, my best friend had an autistic boy so it probably made it easier to be around me. Unfortunately he moved away. With DHT I began to understand others behavioral response toward me and it makes me cringe with embarrassment as the problems were my own making. But at least I know now and never had tried to be a jerk, it just came natural, lol. At times the flood of emotions was overwhelming. Had to discontinue but due to plasticity, the brain now has a reference and I retain some benefit. This makes the third med that changed things permanently, the others being Sinemet and cabergoline. I still need them overall but at lower doses. So the whole 'feeling' thing motivated me to start this thread. The blip you mention involves D2 receptors though no doubt much more. So you can try to Google stuff regarding D2, dopamine, social function, etc. And might find some good stuff to contribute. If you live outside the USA, you might find stuff we can't get here. A couple Docs told me that when they travel overseas, they can get a lot more info on the internet. Apparently content is somewhat controlled here - so much for the illusion of freedom. Genetics can influence med responses. You would have to try some of the same things to see. Its hard to get doctor to prescribe. Took 6 years to get cabergoline and longer to get DHT. I've taken Keppra and its very sedative. Unfortunately for me the dose needed to be increased and then when decreasing, muscle spasms return with a vengeance. It has to do with acytlecholine. [Addendum] Re: Genetics. There were a couple hundred people exposed to the toxin that damaged me. But only 4 developed overt neurological problems. A pattern that may be involved involves dopamine. I have always had moderate ADD. Another fellow affected also had moderate ADD. A lady affected had severe ADD. And the last person had early Parkinson's disease. So the toxin seems to have affected mainly those with dopamine functional defects that are genetic.
  24. Yea, you were probably on cortisol as it helps lungs and things in that case. I was a little pre and had breathing problems for 4 months (turn blue and needed to be revived). Don't know all what that did but it could not have helped, lol. My social cue thing is genetic from my dad's side but I have it worse. So never have known otherwise. Kind of autistic like but not that. The visual damage was from a chemical exposure. Eyesight was great before. However other problems were magnified. I do well with dopamine meds and a little gabapentin and klonopin. One dopamine med, cabergoline, gave me the first taste of reading social cues besides the 'loud' ones like anger. Cabergoline is a strong D2 agonist. Recently, DHT further help visual problems and introduced feeling emotions that I began 'reading'. Cabergoline helped just the intellectual aspect. Curiously, DHT also influences D2 receptor function. Can't help wondering if others would benefit at least regarding DP/DR and some visual aspects of HPPD. Sexual function as well. Can I really be so unique? It would seem unlikely.
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