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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Effed

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Everything posted by Effed

  1. Andrew, This is my first time posting. I felt compelled to finally "open my mouth" here when I saw your post. I want to say from my own experience. . DON'T DO IT! Here's why: I went to Peru last Spring in a desperate attempt to overcome the most severe and unrelenting bout of depression and anxiety. I tried everything before I went there (sans ECT). I have suffered from it all my adolescent and adult life, but achieved remission for a few years (for the most part) after quitting all pharmaceuticals and "taking control of my life". Getting back to nature and changing my lifestyle helped a lot. Buddhist philosophy helped too. Anyway shit happened (a whole lotta loss at once) and I fell deeper than ever. I tried to get help, and to help myself, but it just kept getting worse until I became suicidal. Everything that helped me achieve my one true "remission" only a few years before was only making things worse. I never imagined it could get as bad as this one. Unfortunately, I am still in it deeper than ever. I was scared as shit, but in a very supportive environment in Peru. Unfortunately it was one where they (obviously) believed whole-heartedly in "plant medicine" (they refused to identify ayahuasca or Iboga or anything that grows naturally as a hallucinogen: it was strictly "medicine"). Really they were not so different than the psychiatrists who whole-heartedly believe in their "methods" or spiritualists who "know" that only god or meditation can cure you. It fucked my mind up beyond belief and brought back my HPPD tenfold. After having mostly overcome HPPD that came on a month after a bad trip on acid when I was 16 (I am 35 now), in my desperate state I was convinced that this was the answer to all my problems. I really never completely understood that HPPD was something other people suffered from until it was too late. I expected it to be the most difficult thing I ever did, but thought that this was what I needed to "face" in order to transcend my hell. What a sick joke life can play on some unfortunate souls when they are being "courageous". Anyway, I can't say for sure that you will be negatively affected as I was, but I felt I needed to warn you before you went to that extreme. Please, reconsider this. Those videos of all the people that were "cured" (I'm not necessarily saying they were not) by ayahuasca or peyote or San Pedro (Wachuma) or whatever can really tempt a desperate person to do something damaging when he/she really knew better from experience. BTW, this time the HPPD isn't diminishing with time as it did when I went through it as an adolescent and young adult. I think maybe because a younger brain is more "plastic" I was able to (mostly) recover from my first battle with HPPD. Oh and also this time I got crippling and unrelenting (24/7) tinnitus after one of my "therapeutic trips" (I did 4) last Spring, just to add more insult to injury. I really hope this discourages you from going that route. I truly wish you all the best. -Effed
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