Monkey_magic

Fly agaric is mad stuff is it not? I'd heard of that even before LSD! No chance I'd take it. And I'm a long termer. Risk would be too great too tip me right over the edge. Plus I doubt walking around the schemes of Scotland has quite the same picturesque emotional impact as the cliff top beaches of Portugal lol.

Is bono hppd too? That would explain his messiah complex he has! Lol. Luckily he's kept a low profile the last few years. Sanctimonious tit. Allthough One is a really good song.

It's good your keepin it simple though. A strong vit d, strong vit b 6 n 12 and maybe alcar or something's along those lines probs all you need. I'm gonna up my b12 next payday see if that helps any. And get some melatonin cos my sleeps still shit to say the least. I spent a fookin fortune on supps last month. Can't be doing that every pay.

I'm thinking your increase in after images etc is in direct relation to europes shitty weather. Hppd folk (or me at least) are much more sensitive to shit weather n winter seasons. Vid d takes a massive plunge, n all the supplementation in the world doesn't do diddly squat compared to the SUNS NATURAL POWER! lol. It's no coincidence in scotlands 'summer' in the very few days we get that's decent I feel at my best physically and emotionally and hppd is under control. I was in Egypt in sept for a week, wall to wall sunshine and its the best I've felt in years. Fast forward 2 months to a Scotland November, the clocks going back and winter and I feel like death. In march/April il pick up again. Bloody clockwork.

Mostly from amazon uk mate. Maybe from our local friendly british health food/supp store holland and Barrett. And I just bought this stuff called tongkat Ali from earth rise foods (does loadsa other stuff too) which is sposed to naturally raise your testosterone levels which is good for the gym. Seems to work quite well. You in France long term? Still better weather than Scotland lol. Think yourself lucky. We're still down at 7 degrees at the mo on a good day.

I've been on it for a few weeks. Just one or two 500 mg capsules a day. Drs best brand so it's decent quality (probably). Maybe I need to take two at a time cos I don't notice much of a difference. Bit clearer thinking but maybe that's just placebo. Also I'm taking loads of other supps just now so it's hard to tell where one starts and the other begins. I got swansons lions mane as well cos of its ngf factor. Seems to work a bit better with the alcar alone. But again Not massive and maybe placebo. The other supps I've got at the mo are swansons NAC, a b vit complex, bacopa monniera, acetyl l tyrosine, flaxseed oil capsules, magnesium capsules, piracetam, lol. So I'm supped out my nut.

She bats for the other team. (Rene not your wife). Maybe I should start spiking random hotties with acid. Bit unethical though. It is 99% men on this site. But only because we indulge and are steeped in the culture more. I bet for every man and woman who indulge or overindulge in drugs more women would have hppd than men cos women are more prone to depression etc. think I read that stat somewhere anyway.

That's me in a nutshell (Cept the cat part). You could be my wingman Brendan. *Approaches hot girl in bar* 'See that guy over there....he's got the most amazing CEVs and his starbursts are massive', go over and talk to him. But don't look him in the eye. He can't handle that.'

LOL

Has anybody ever physically met a fellow hppdr? If so how was it. Did it feel weird lol. In a way it's like we've got more in common than anybody ever could. You see these folks with one in 10 million outlandish tumours meeting up and I would imagine they'd be awkward as fuck cos atthe end of the day it's just a tumour-a-like connection. They'd be two completely different people. I've been irrationally thinking the last wee while how could it would be to meet a hot hppd bird who totally got me n vice versa. In reality we'd murder each other before 6 months was up. It's so hard to explain it to potential girls you wanna get to know better though. You could keep Schtum but even if your in a good place when you meet it'd justbe a matter of time before it reared its ugly head. Nobody I've mets been strong enough. Wimps lol.

'Checked your records' jay? You got a little black book of hppd meds. Most people have it for chicks numbers (wish I did). As it is I'm gonna need my own black book for med attempts soon. :/

What about this prozazin stuff for PTSD. Looks promising. Anybody tried this?

I don't even get peace when I'm asleep. I wake up 3 or 4 times a night on a average of 5 or 6 hours because of anxiety related dreams. I can't get past them to a dreamless restorative sleep! It's like running into a lead wall expecting it to give way. The only time I get peace is when I'm drunk and benzod out my head so I blackout and I not even me anymore. Pretty shit.

Yeah, of course mate. We'll all be up and down (not necessarily at the same time) and the support we can all give each other is paramount. And something that could make all the difference really one time between riding something out or taking a handful of pills. We are fucked, that's for sure. I'm just trying to eliminate stressors in my life at the moment (not assassination in the case of my ex girlf), just ambivalence and staying away. (Even if it means not seeing my wee girl). She lets me see her for Half an hour every second Sunday....folk in Hollywood who break up would even let their former partners see their chiwawas more than that. Yeah, I'm not responsible and drink too much and had a bit of trouble with the cops the last year or two but not as if the kid would intuitively know that. Every decent bender I've been on in the last 3 years or so has been because of my ex using my daughter to psychologically beat me about the head and I can't handle emotion. Just because I don't fit into her idea of a perfect life/dad. I've got hppd for chrissake!!! I have my strong points. Empathy, non judgemental, v laid back, etc. but noooo. So now I've psychologically 'washed my hands' of my ex (and unfortunately my daughter) and I feel better for it allready. And I'm trying to get rid of other potential stressors and hppd worsenors (if that's a word). Just training like a maniac, eating 90% healthy and we'll see what happens.

Yeah. No doubt. But a major stressor could kick a underlying condition like bipolar into gear like a child or a bereavement. (Two ends of the spectrum but they can have just as much effect as each other stresswise). That's a shame though. Least with hppd though, you can live a day to day life, and not have to worry about your manias hurting your loved ones. Surely times have moved on modd stabaliser ways than lithium? Is lamictal, depakote etc not newer breeds of mood stabaliser.? Throw in an ssri and you've got it under control Cept the most vicious accounts of bipolar.

P.s jay. What meds is your mate on for his bipolar?

Yeah. Keep ploughing on. seems hard when your in the middle of an outbreak. But it's just a storm, and all storms blow themselves out eventually. And youl emerge much better on the other side. I've been there.

There's deffo a common element of hppd though I think in that were all probably over analytical and introspective (hence our dalliance with drugs (or most of us). I deffo was these things before I even took drugs at least. And hppd has just multiplied these facets of me and 'locked them in' as it were.

I would still do the one in the middle though. Tom sellick moustache or no. (Did I just say that?)

Theres probably 50 shades of mental illness. (Not as catchy a title as the chicks favourite erotica book but I'd still read it). Guess your right jay. I think I'm bipolar to a degree. (Don't think I'm Christ though...not yet anyway), but I have massive highs and lows and inbetweens that just need a stressor to start me off or sometimes nothing at all and I can go either way. With that and the hppd it's like what do I worry about first. The bipolar ism I guess is worse because il get drunk and do something very self destructive (got done for two counts of assualt a couple of weekends ago and I can't remember a thing. I think it may have been a reaction to getting heavy handedly treated by a couple of bouncers though so it may not count as much lol...as in assaulting the bouncers while/after being chucked out). It should be on CCTV though so might be an interesting watch. I've only got a couple of very minors on my record though so if this goes through its pretty shit. To be running about at 36 doing this shit gassed or not is ludicrous. So teetotal (again). I think I'm a bit like gazza.

Started off allright on 150mg of wellbutrin in the morning for nearly a week. Very stimulated (like 20 cups of coffee) and energetic but with a calmish more focused feeling. Didn't want to overheat much which I can be prone to do which is a plus so lost half a stone (7 pounds to you Americans) ) and was doing loads in the gym. Then it got a bit too 'strong' feeling and I cut it down to 75mg but by then I was feeling the dreaded hppd nervous system backlash. (Wrsened no doubt by my physical overtraining on reduced carbs but im a man of extremes). Worse visuals and dp/dr and the other classic physical symptoms I get of fatigue and IBS. Plus I've been off my clonazepam for the last fortnight so that's not helped. But overall yeah. I feel that Wellbutrins norepinephedrine factor really doesn't sit well with my allready almost permanently raised adrenal responses but It was worth a try. I still took it today on about 50mg and that's about two weeks but I feel like I need to kinda stop. Sometimes I feel like this anyway when things 'rev up' and I have a backlash but its too much a coincidence that its coincided with the Wellbutrin. Allthough it doesn't feel as potent in that respect as the cymbalta did on only 60mg after two days and I had to stop. SAD affects me strongly and in the middle of summer when I tried the cymbalta I'm generally very adrenalised anyway. It's either sad or mild bipolar but there's not much between them really is there. They're pretty interlinked. Haven't really noticed much in the dopamine area sense but I dunno what I was expecting. Maybe expecting more self confidence etc like a mini form of coke or speed confidence. Which is a false confidence anyway I spose. I think it would be good for general depression without the anxiety aspect and hppd I know from being on here doesn't necessarily worsen anxiety in everyone but my hppd is pretty well spread out so its affecting mines. Poor show. Sinemet anyone? lol. No chance my docs gonna prescribe that. I'm running outta med options. And fucking yoga bores me.

I'd agree with this. The experience I have had of an snri (cymbalta) and a dnri (Wellbutrin) are that it eventually exacerbates the symptoms of my hppd. Blocking norepinephrine isn't a good thing for me it seems.

Aye. I have to laugh when I see folk worrying what they're gonna have for dinner that night n stuff lol. Kinda stuff I should be worrying about instead of thinking why does my fork and entire arm look weird when I'm eating it lol. Keeping a sense of humour about things is crucial though. Even in the worst of it. And some perspective I suppose. It is tiring, and it probably is even a bit unfair but it happened. And shit things happen everyday to good people. And good things happen to shit people sometimes lol. Cheers morbide. I'm all to aware how mental I am (without being psychotic). Sometimes that's the problem. This constant knowledge I'm fucked up. But yeah, your mothers right. A positive though Is that I see folk doing their thing and I think 'your all just clones of each other' lol. I'm sooo different from yous. Dunno if that's a semi psychotic narcissistic delusion though haha.

I hear ya jay. It's the single most horrific feeling in the world holding on to your ego/sanity by the skin of your teeth. When I have these dp/dr attacks it's like for 5 seconds I have lost my mind. And that 5 seconds might as well be five years! It's all about inner strength though which I think is ironic cos I see hppd as a weakness of my psyche/brain which has forced me to have inner strength.

Nah, in big enough doses. (200mg or more, maybe even 150) the serotonin lift it gives ya should make you temporarily not give a fuck about hppd. But it doesn't help visual wise whatsoever.