lostgirl

okay guys, a year or so ago i developed hppd after over doing it on MDMA and smoking too much marijuana for me to handle, had my very first trip which was the most terrifying thing i have ever experienced, both because it was completely unexpected, and completely out of the ordinary. any tripper i have ever talked to has never experienced anything as out of control as what i did that night and i feel like something just snapped in me, you know? i feel like i am in a coma most of the time. intact i panic about maybe being stuck in one, or a dream sometimes. i can't focus on anything anymore, i zone out completely all of the time unintentionally, whether it be auditory or visually, everything just becomes on big mashed together blur. anyway. as far as hppd goes i have every single symptom in the 'checklist' as well as occasional auditory hallucinations, an actual tripping sensation at times, DPD, DRD, social phobia disorder, anxiety disorder. my visual symptoms are very prominent, and while I've been adjusting to them for quite some time now i feel like every time i start getting used to something, something new pops up that i haven't noticed before. visual snow(very bad, can't not notice it) size distortion peripheral vision distortions(these are almost impossible to deal with, if i look even an inch over to what is in my direct vision everything starts to morph and melt, 'blend in' to one another etc. etc.)-i find it difficult to even look in the mirror or at someone anymore because even with making full contact with the image i am focusing on, the rest of what i see will begin to melt and become disfigured. tinneus sparks air sensitivity(seeing 'walls' of air, almost like collected static creating barriers' geometric patters floaters tracers in vision(little fluorescent sparks flying around, most noticeable when looking to the sky) almost like tiny fireworks. after images(negative and positive) trails, to the point where is some one walks past me i will see their after image trail behind them. images in other images i can't read without having to devote extreme amounts of concentration to the text because the words shift around all over the page. halos auras blue field entropic phenomenon phosphenes sometimes when i am looking at something e.g. a blank wall the paint and texture of the wall will look like it is being sucked into itself(imagine sand being sucked into the bottom half of an hourglass) extreme sensitivity to lights, no matter natural or synthetic, typically overall worse in dark lighting. moving static that seems to 'bounce' (e.g. someone is standing in front of me speaking, the entire background of that person will look like the air is literally bouncing or jumping in flashes) closed eye hallucinations(random images, geometric patterns, distorted after images) in a darkened or completely dark room is when i experience to their full effect, i am virtually completely blinded and distracted by all of the colours(mostly neon purples, greens, blues(often appearing in circles that get larger to smaller,almost pulsating), shapes, phosphenes and visual snow i see in the dark. i also continuously get 'stuck' thoughts, whether it be a random sentence(even random words put together that don't make sense), words i have heard through song, or just over hearing from a distant conversation, and my own thoughts will just repeat to themselves all day long, even if it is just a sentence that i have thought in my head. i feel like i am always having to thing over these stuck thoughts or words. i know that many of you have these symptoms, but anyone to this extreme? and anyone else ever endure the tripping feeling on occasion? i get this off putting metallic taste in my mouth too when i feel like I'm tripping, which i thing might just be a side effect of my body perhaps defending itself in 'fight or flight' mode. i'm sure that I'm missing a few things too. Does anyone know of any medications(natural or pharmaceutical) that have eased their symptoms? i've heard st. johns wort has elevated symptoms for some, anyone had any luck? getting desperate guys, this is effecting my life in every aspect imaginable and i feel like i am just pacing in circles here.