kaitlin.m

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About kaitlin.m

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  • Birthday 05/16/1995

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  1. Basically to start off I am 17 years old and have been "suffering" from HPPD for a little over two months now. It all started 4 days after I decided to do mushrooms. Mushrooms were the first psychedelic experience I had ever had. Keep in mind before shrooms I had smoked a lot of weed, drank lots of alcohol, tried xanax, and had my fair use of amphetamines . We all go through that stage some point in our lives right? The stage of rebellion and trying "new" things, lol. Well let's get back to my experience. Anyways, to give a brief account of what happened that night with the magical mushrooms that I ingested with my best friend I'll start by saying we had both ingested 1.5 grams in her room around 8 o'clock...also had school the next morning . They took about an hour and a half to start kicking in. It started with an extreme but fun and endurable body high followed up with lots of laughter and giggles over nothing! The trip lasted a total of 8 hours from good trip to about 4 hours of a bad trip, my friend was convinced she was going to die after throwing up and I was left comforting her while also enduring the horrifying experience! Then we turned on some TV and the trip for the both of us turned around and eventually I fell asleep. Woke up the next morning felt great! Went to school not tired at all and just felt content and peaceful with the world. I almost felt like a new person. Over the next 4 days I felt perfectly normal smoked some weed felt fine. But on the fourth day after doing shrooms I went to bed had a dream that I was tripping, woke up thought I was still dreaming and had awoken completely paralyzed for about 30 seconds. (sleep paralysis). My room was completely full of static and I got up walked around my house to find everything looking they way it did when I was on shrooms! . I thought at first maybe I was having a "flashback" but then realized people don't normally get flashbacks from shrooms only from LSD and with lots of experience over time. I eventually fell back asleep extremely confused. The following day (although not as bad at night) the symptoms were still there. So, when I returned home from school I did some research. There I had found websites about Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. I came to the conclusion that this was what I had. About a week later I made the terrible mistake of smoking weed and doing MDMA for the first time as well. My experience smoking was terrifying! Never had I felt this way before from smoking. I felt extremely paranoid and anxious and I literally was tripping as if I had just done acid! . Then the next night me and my little rave friends went to the local rave and I took some MDMA, that was awesome. But the next morning my HPPD and gotten 10X worse. From there I promised myself I would become sober until my HPPD went away. I realized that over that two week period of telling myself to ignore the HPPD, not research and obsess over it, and telling myself to stay sober it was barely noticeable! Almost as if it had gone away. But then I started smoking again and it returned along with depersonalization disorder derealization and almost an onset of out of body experiences. But now I have promised myself I will stay sober until this terrible disorder goes away. It is really not noticeable during the day but at night the lights are the worst. I have star burst lights and auras everywhere where there are lights! My wall sometimes breathe and move slowly, I have terrible peripheral vision and I have also noticed since I got HPPD my pupils constantly change sizes. Sometimes they appear as if I am on acid! . Anyways I have terrible anxiety now and am accompanied but lots of other changes in my life. Blah but whatever we all suffer through life sometime . This is my first post on this website and I hope to learn and grow in my experience with HPPD and meet some great people who also suffer with it. I know we can find a cure!