mgrade

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mgrade last won the day on August 8 2017

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  1. Oliver Sacks said hallucinations are just part of the human experience. But it disturbs me when I think of a man like John Nash who was a genius completely halted in his tracks. Though, I can't imagine reading a Somerset Maugham book while listening to Leonard Cohen. I talked on the phone for decent amount of time (a few years ago) with Dr. A. He said people who suffer from HPPD are a sort of an odd group of people. I'm still not exactly sure what he meant. Nevertheless, this world is changing at a rapid pace. There is a great disparity between the rate of technological growth and the rate of human growth. The very thing that is profound about the psychedelic experience is that time stands still for a moment. You can sit on a bench and watch businessmen hurry off late for a meeting. And you wonder what is so important? The world is not going to be solved; and taking a jackhammer to Lao Tzu's "What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly" is a giant waste of time. People who are negatively affected neurologically by a chemical not only reach an Ego-Death but often a Spiritual- or Sacred-Death. Most people just think or scheme about things business related or moving up the ladder in socio-political manners. But most people dont ponder or contemplate or reflect or dream, in what I find a normal way of being. Sure, some of these yuppies or failed-idealism baby boomers might go to a yoga class or try meditation, etc. But they dont get it. You cant reach deep spiritual planes if you are slimy. Slimy is not what youve done, but the "way" you think. Here you can see a direct syllogistic correlating chronology between Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow and James Fadiman, Slanislav Grof and Leary. Socially you can see it from Socrates, Nietzsche, Bukowski to Robert Anton Wilson, George Carlin, and Eckhart Tolle. There is a greater good but it is not for the group; it is only for you; it is only for you to be love; it is only for you to spread it. Thank you
  2. Yes I know he had a history of that. But the the BND is basically a faction of the CIA in a lot of ways. The whole key to the Phoenix Program and bio, EM, or chem warfare on a country's own citizens is based in broad application of gas lighting. In other words, there is a movement towards No-Touch weaponry. The trojan horse exterior to that is "non-lethal weapons". There are non lethal weapons in the hands of security, police, and military that would make you wish you WERE dead. With no touch weapons, it's extremely hard to trace and prove. If you want to see what this sort of thing has done to a citizen of my country, watch a man named Mr. Rush questioning Zuckerberg at the recent Congressional Facebook Investigation, recounting his experience with COINTELPRO (let the man speak for himself):
  3. Ulfkotte died suddenly in his 50s. Shortly after whistleblowing. When he was alive, supposedly the German government banned the German book. I don't speak German. The book was prepped to be published in English. Then Udo suddenly dies. Fricken sow, don't know German.
  4. Thanx Kfix ECT is probably THE most stupid therapy discovered by these fuckheads. Imagine your redneck friend deciding to hook you up to his 1985 Dodge Ram battery, saying "it's all good, I got a degree from the university." The Ulfkotte book now goes for $1,000 a copy on Amazon. Fuck you Amazon. I've searched all over and can't find an English version: bootlegged or not. It's been banned in Germany and now it's banned (essentially) in the USA. Keep in mind, this book was a bestseller in Germany.
  5. I'm not doing very well. My hppd for all this time has really been my body's reaction to Chemical, Biological, and Electromagnetic warfare: factions of the community and government factions doing this to its own citizens. DHS has turned America into a fascist police state under the veil of "Emergency Management". I am a TI. Infragard, DHS fusion centers, Citizen Corps, ex-military working in security, Chamber of Commerce, judges, all work closely with "emergency Management". CIA, Navy Intel, AF, DARPA, Haarp, NORAD, Northcom, DOJ (and all the US commands throughout the world) creates the bounds and the means for lower rank. In these fusion centers, FBI, DHS, corrupt state officials, and community action teams surveill its citizens and test No-Touch and non-lethal weapons on its citizens. One does not have to look further than Gladio, Ultra, Monarch, Paperclip, and Erik Prince's recent affirmation in advising a Neo-Phoenix Program, as would be the case with Trump in the Seychelles. I hate politicians equally. My disappointment when Obama did not veto the Sunset Clauses of the Patriot Act affected me greatly (if not directly). Trump is terrible like the rest of them. Let's also not forget Supreme Court Justice John Roberts as basically the overseer of torture in Guantanamo Bay and the $81,000,000 doled out to military psychologists to torture. Eisenhower warned of the Military-Industrial Complex in parting the presidency. But it would seem impossible to extract oneself from being so emersed in it. Ultimately, since WWII, the goal is to pacify everyone and remove any possibility for citizens to have power in their own hands in this democracy; the goal is to remove dissent. The groundwork for military, law enforcement, emergency management is an application of the McDonald Triad from the top and the hive mind at the bottom. Mercenaries can't wait to use military skills in the private sector on citizens. Politician just don't care, or are deep in the system as well. Money is the ultimate goal; collateral damage is a byproduct. Certainly, hiding behind propaganda, "for the family", "for the children", "emergency management" is the medium with which they paint both the future and the past. The end result is a fascist, authoritarian regime doing what it can to rig elections, pay off people through lobbying, reduce the power of the individual, exploit people's data and lives, and create a wholly artificial and arbitrary systematic lawmaking franchise and civil right law manipulation machine where rights are stripped from common man. Take for example the banned book in the USA, Udo Ulfkotte's book Journalists For Hire. This is a book about how news stories are written by the CIA et al. and these forces media to publish what they give and order to be broadcast. This is a world where judges can enforce $500,000 bonds for trespassing: where there are 3,000 US military bases around the world, you can't escape it. Where FATCA forces some people by proxy to renounce US citizenry because the US imposes taxes from 20,000 miles away. This country is ruled on fear. It benefits them from keeping Russia, and US funded oversees terrorists: a point for accentuating the goal of maintaining the status quo of horrible existential panic cultivation Reich and fear mongering Evil Empire hammer crushing down (with the guise of the civil) brutal graven bashed skulls: the end ultimate blood letting of the citizens of US and citizens of the world.
  6. Be careful not all Benzos are as safe a Kpin. Don't get too wound up with the doctor's helpfulness right now. We have all been through the same exact circumstances. And in most cases, it is not going to get better, the quality of care from doctors. But there may be some merit with the two things you mentioned 'being guinea pigged' and HPPD.
  7. The organized hallucinations (geometric and so forth) seem better. I was getting amoeba-like, unstructured hallucinations (along with jagged walnut tree leaves/yellow jacket visual disturbances) that were horrendous. Nevertheless, 4 decades is a huge time to endure this. Keep up a positive attitude!!
  8. This thread has really bad grammar. LOL Everyone has their own story. How fragile life is; most people don't give a shit. God bless the people who do. And bless the people of integrity and loyalty.
  9. I don't say eat poorly, but in a way it sort of doesn't matter. Esp. if you burn it off and have good metabolism. I mean I wouldn't eat chinese for a month straight. or fast food. But eating well or not eating well, eventually you have to go off and follow your dreams. DXM and benadryl can potentially make you dp/dr....but whatever.....you got to get away from your troubles. .....Everyone wants to say you can't run from your troubles or you need to work on yourself first. That's bullshit. ...A lot of the problems are an issue because of the environment that surrounds you (and I don't mean like ecology or nature, necessarily at all). Follow your dreams. Don't give up. Surround yourself with people who care about you and your dreams. At some point it is time to live. Don't let this shit or your fickle mind or other people's bad attitudes get you. Get up, grab life by the balls and show them who you are! And what you are made of!!! A little squirt of Nasanex is not gonna be a game changer. ......Don't let this fkn whole deal make you into a guy who bags groceries 'til he's 60.
  10. Yeah. Diphenhydramine (benadryl) is an antihistamine, that has been used for many many years. The issue with HPPD is everything will seemingly make you trip more. Foods, OTC drugs, stress, etc.
  11. 4mg is 'a lot'. But unless you have COPD or take it with opiates, alcohol or barbiturates, Klonopin in particular is a super-safe drug! Snap-back anxiety is the issue! If you run out of a prescript, the withdrawal is terrrible!!! I think the OD facts are like this: you would have to take 4,000 mg (or 4 grams) of Klonopin to have a 1% chance of dying. That is 1000x of a 4mg dose. I do not suggest this btw. But the reality of the situation is it would probably cost $50,000-$100,000 in Klonopin to kill you.
  12. Benadryl is fine at normal doses. DXM is probably a disaster. Especially at higher doses.
  13. The reality of it is that there is not going to be enough care to introduce such technology on people who are like chattle. I think you can always really go your own way.
  14. Well. SSRIs will give you a headache. I believe I stayed on them for the whole time. But when I was really fucked-up, man, they would give some wild headaches and didn't help much at the deepest depths of HPPD. I can't even imagine Remeron which is a Tetracyclic (which is more similar to the Tricyclicals which were basically the first "antidepressants"). I have a fair grip on the medicine stuff. I have experienced them first hand too. You sound depersonalized. But the drugs that caused HPPD gave you derealization a bit. ---------- So you have to come up with a diagnosis. Because Dr. A, I heard, was Rx'ing bipolar meds, with good results, specifically for HPPD, it seemed. But I don't know. What I do know is if you go the route that I went, you would be better off on a low dose atypical antipsyche and a Benzo (not Xanax!). The type of atypical antipsyche depends on what you can tolerate the best. I would avoid Prozac. Eventually, (maybe after years or months), you can start adding a Lexapro and then a Wellbutrin XL when you start getting better. The issue with Lexapro is brain zaps. Makes it hard to get off them. A brain zap is like dp/dr. Zoloft is like the shitty version of Lexapro. ---------- Once the levee breaks in a good way, you will make headway. You will know. And you can consider those last 2 drugs when you get there. Get off the initial antipsyche and end it with about 3 months of Seroquel and you should be back 60-75% or so. Then discontinue Seroquel remain on low dose Escit. & Buprop. XL & Klonopin (or Ativan). But everyone is different. Some people are just seeing shit and other people feel like they've lost their marbles. Certainly when I was at the brink it was like I wanted a communion wafer sized ativan. But all these antipsyches and benzos are going to make you feel 'dirty' to a certain extent. I mean dirty as in dull dull dull and achey and creepy crawly. You have to remember these 2 classes are tranquilizers. --------- Make sure everything is at low doses. Example: Chips of Klonopin, ~50mg Seroquel, 5 to 10mg of Lexapro, 150 of Buprop. XL. etc. That sort of thing. If you have any questions, just ask. Please Always consult the psychiatrist/doctors!!!!