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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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  • Birthday 10/26/1992

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    music/DJing, good food, clubs/raves in Europe

    if you like dubstep/drum&bass/electro/etc check out my soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/skarfon

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  1. Haha I'm actually not smoking blunts all the time, they're my favorite but I don't smoke a blunt more than once a week with friends tops. For the past few weeks I've exclusively been smoking in the evenings. I almost didn't smoke tonight but...fuck it this grand daddy purple is just to beautiful to leave alone I probably should quit smoking for a while though. Problem is, it seems like you have to quit for years until your vision comes back...I can quit for 3 months, but years? Duuuuuuuuuude...I would prob end up taking benzos
  2. I noticed it after my first time combining 2cb and MDMA. That was last June, I already had done 2cb once and had done MDMA many times, as well as shrooms and acid. I was seeing static and floaters in my vision, especially when I smoked weed, and this just became a part of daily life and I never really thought anything of it. I continued to use MDMA, LSD, and did a lot of cocaine, ketamine, and a plethora of research chemicals too long to list. After OD'ing on MDMA+meth+???+5htp four months ago I went through a traumatic case of serotonin syndrome, and following that ordeal visuals worsened and psychological symptoms i.e. anxiety, panic attacks, dp/dr, etc. followed. Discovering this forum made me more aware of what was going on and this made me worry and symptoms temporarily worsened on a daily basis. I have recently simply come to accept the visuals. I live with them 24/7, but I can still drive, socialize, perform well enough at work, enjoy life in general...it all comes down to sorting your life out and easing your spirits. It's up to you to find your way in life...HPPD or not, life can be shitty and stressful. Having HPPD can just make it worse, but this is ONLY if you let it. Best of luck to you, Sam. If you were able to lead a decent life prior to HPPD, you will be able to once again in the future, trust me.
  3. Drugs have always affected me more than average. When I started smoking weed, I'd always get the highest/most red eyes, when I started doing MDMA I'd always be rolling the hardest, etc... I don't doubt it's something about how our brains are wired. I just don't know enough about the brain to make any speculations...
  4. I smoke weed before I go to sleep and drink beers/shots a few nights a week. I never get blackout drunk, and hangovers are a lot harder to deal with than before so I have to be careful...but I'm not ready to quit weed/drinking, not yet at least because that's my social life, that's just how it is, I'm living in a shitty appartment in a shitty neighborhood, it's not like I have buddies to go hiking or flying kites with... so yeah, I still enjoy blunts and beers, even with HPPD. yes, it does make my visuals worse during and a few hours after use, but it's better than never hanging out with people and becoming a depressed hermit. only you can find out if you can handle it or not. know your limits. I know that if I smoke too much or if I smoke while I'm stressed, I'll have a bad time. same for drinking.
  5. No offense to anybody but it seems like the more I post/read this forum, the more worried I become about my HPPD...I check in maybe once every day or two but I have other shit to do in life, I need to keep my mind OFF the HPPD! I won't leave this forum though, because it's full of good people and I think we can all help eachother
  6. I've identified 4 groups of symptoms that can vary depending on what I'm going through in life. Right now I'm none of these 4, just hungover and tired. Sober + good mood: constant faint visual snow, just like 2c-b afterglow... things kind of vibrate, objects in my peripheral vision sort of float, floaters, black smoke particles, but none of this bothers me anymore. I can still drive, talk to people, process thoughts, express myself clearly, socialize, preform well at work, enjoy music/food, etc. Stoned/drunk + good mood: strong visual snow like a light 2cb trip, when I focus the static turns into fractals/swirls, things vibrate, constant faint floaters...but if I'm in a good mood I don't mind it, I can hang out with people and socialize just fine. Sometimes it's hard to understand specific things being explained to me however, and I don't process thoughts as easily. Sober + stressed/depressed: visuals become more obvious, dp/dr, anxiety, feel like life is pointless, that I'll always be this way, everything is bleak Stoned/drunk + stressed/depressed: visuals become the most intense, almost like a full on trip, panic attack symptoms, feel like I'm going insane/schizophrenic, question the very fabric of my life's existence
  7. Took the words right out of my mouth! I have FINALLY accepted my visuals! They don't get me down anymore, it feels great. I feel ready to get my life back on track. Today I'm hungover and the weather is shit so I am feeling kinda down but it's not really HPPD related anymore...I truly believe in mind over matter. People need to spend less time on this forum and more time changing their lives.... I have a coworker whose visual HPPD symptoms haven't gone away in +10 years of soberness and he's doing just fine; everyone gets over it eventually it seems
  8. My visuals are somewhat "pattern-y" like yours, probably due to 2cb use just like you. I was talking to a coworker who did the same drugs you and I have (albeit probably more and for longer), he still has visual snow 10 years later. You will learn to accept it and after that you won't even notice it anymore. The anxiety/etc is purely triggered by you worrying about the visuals, trust me on that...
  9. special K> what astounds me is the fact that you are able to continue MDMA use, I don't think I will ever touch the stuff again, I want to say that my HPPD symptoms are 100% due to MDMA and research chemicals...LSD or shrooms never seemed to do me any wrong. I haven't been to any music events since my serotonin syndrome 4 months ago, though I am booked to DJ at two raves in June. DJing is like therapy to me, it allows me to party and enjoy music without wanting the drugs...music is my drug now you mentioned noisecontrollers, I think they are the ONLY hardstyle I can stand along with headhunterz, otherwise I don't like hardstyle/hardcore/trance/etc (I'm a drum&bass/dubstep/electro guy) as for quitting weed...I may quit during this summer, but honestly I don't want to quit for an entire year...I could definitely see myself wanting to in the future perhaps, but as for now, I already took a 3-month break last year and a 1 month break this year, enough! It is true that too much weed can make me trip out (especially strong sativas), and I have only been smoking in the evenings (smoking all day can make me feel depressed and inactive). I got some grand daddy purp right now, it's pure indica and puts me on a reaaally nice level, I sleep like a baby too. I avoid hard liquor but I ain't givin' up beers or my morning coffee, because HPPD can kiss my ass! Seriously, HPPD can go suck a million fucks if it thinks it can take away my little pleasures in life. better yet, I have cut out almost all non-healthy and non-organic food from my diet this past week; started working out again and have been getting shit done i.e. cleaning my appartment, finishing things I've been procrastinating, etc...and guess what? HPPD is now bearable! I think if everybody got off their computers and quit reading about HPPD symptoms over and over again all day, we'd all see improvement if any can suggest some healthy foods that are really good for brain development/healing that'd be great, I've been incorporating a lot of greens, fruits and nuts/whole wheat/grain into my diet, as well as replacing red meat with turkey/chicken...am I missing anything? eating right makes me feel goood :3
  10. That's the shitty part man...you know how hard it is for guys like us. Herb and booze are helping me cope with life right now, and if I quit I'll probably become a hermit and be stressed out all the time...plus I'd have no social life, I mean fuck, can't I enjoy a couple beers and a few bong rips several nights a week? That's therapy for me dude... I can quit weed for a month or two I guess, I think I'll take a break all summer starting mid-June. I don't really vibe with people who aren't at least mildly into booze and drugs, you know? I'm attached to the electronic music scene, that's what I'm into and I don't want to change it...so now it's all about learning how to cope with HPPD on an every day basis; at this point I've accepted my fate and choose to move on. I don't have time to let HPPD make me anxious and keep me from enjoying life. I'm still young and refuse to let my past drug abuse keep me from being myself....
  11. Hey man, my situation is somewhat similar to yours, although I am younger. I used MDMA about 20 times and had about 15 trips total last year on LSD, shrooms, 2c's, other RCs as well as coke, ketamine, the list goes on. I noticed HPPD after my first 2c-b trip May 2011 which stayed constant as I continued to use MDMA on a bi-monthly basis as well as other drugs. I quit all hallucinogens and stimulants altogether 4 months ago after a terrible serotonin syndrome experience. I was really drunk at a rave and ended up taking 6 molly caps from 3 different dealers, the crash came 12 hours later so I took 5-htp thinking it would help...I was wrong. Extreme tachyardia, tremors, dementia, hallucinations, muscle twitching/jerking...it was so bad that my jaw was clenched shut, I couldn't open my eyes and my hands were contorted like crab claws. Now, I have a lots of visual/fractal snow, very reminiscent of 2c-b after the comedown, as well as other typical symptoms... Anyways, unlike a lot of people on here, I don't let it get to me so much and don't experience much dp/dr. I did quit weed for a month but now I smoke it because it helps sleep without sleep paralysis/lucid dreams, as well as relaxing me and lessening the long-term effects of serotonin syndrome. I also still enjoy the odd ketamine experience just like you, that is one drug I don't feel has a negative effect on my HPPD, granted I wouldn't do it more than once every few months; As for weed, I smoke it almost daily but I try to stick to indicas because sativas can trigger anxiety, and hey, I enjoy some beers a couple of nights a week too....a lot of people here can't handle weed or drinks anymore but you know what, without those I'd probably become a hermit and be a lot more stressed out. Does weed make your visual symptoms a lot worse? That's the one reason why I would consider quitting.
  12. Yeah I remember experiencing sleep paralysis on occasion as a child so I know it's not drug-related; I'm actually dealing with the visual aspects better as time goes by, even though they are still constantly there, I deal with it. If I don't let them cause me anxiety, they barely impair me.
  13. Not sure about the IQ part, although everyone I have met who used psychedelics the RIGHT way were always above-average intelligent/interesting people. I do however totally agree with your theory in the sense that in a lot of cases, it's all in our heads! Notice how bad the HPPD gets when you're anxious/stressed/depressed/tired compared to when you're having a great, productive day? I think we all need to move on with our lives, for better or for worse, and do our best to improve everything we CAN improve. You might not be able to get rid of your visuals permanently, maybe never, but you can change your life in other ways order to be happy enough to cope with them. I am in the process of bettering my life and I'll let you know in 6 months how that worked out for me, haha
  14. Well, I only have a small amount of herb left for tonight and after that I don't think I'm gonna buy any for at least a month after that...it's hard because weed helps me sleep like a baby without any sleep paralysis, and although it increases the visual part of HPPD (when I'm stoned and I focus on the visual snow/static it turns into almost 2cb/MDA-like color swirls/fractals, no shit!), it can also put me in a wonderful head space that allows me to cope with every single non-visual symptom if no bad vibes trigger them. When I'm not stoned, well-rested and not stressed out, I still have some visual snow/floaters/etc but it's honestly bearable, I even tend to forget about them entirely for several hours at a time. Currently my sober HPPD visuals are comparable to the ones I was having even during my 3-month break from weed/booze/etc towards the end of last year, before my 2 consecutive overdoses. I read about another member acquiring a medical marijuana card and smoking exclusively high-CBD low-THC strains in order to help with non-visual symptoms without inducing any anxiety/paranoia. I'm considering getting a card myself since it's legal where I live... Weed really has become a catch-22 for me at this point...it improves the mental aspect but worsens the visual aspect. I really don't want to end up replacing it with benzodiazepines after seeing my mom struggle with pharmaceutical addiction during my youth.
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