• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Sam93 last won the day on September 24 2017

Sam93 had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

69 Excellent

1 Follower

About Sam93

  • Rank
    Senior Member

Recent Profile Visitors

8,029 profile views
  1. I tried Topiramate a few years back and it did nothing except make me feel like my IQ had been lowered by 50 points, even at the lowest dose. It is worth a try though.
  2. Hello Visual, I don't use Sinemet any more, while I definitely responded to it, people were noticing my behaviour was a little more erratic than normal and I felt a little too hyperactive. I am unsure if this is a common side effect. If it had been without behavioural changes, I would still be taking it. Perhaps I will do a re-trial in combination with my current medication. Nor Gabapentin! It worked great for a few months and then pooped out on me, I was reluctant to up the dose as I had heard withdrawals were horrific and so decided to discontinue treatment. The only medication I now take is Sodium Valproate which I have been taking for a couple of years now and has greatly reduced visuals and DP. This is curious however, as Valproate lowers dopamine in some brain regions and in some cases leads to reversible parkinsonism. I am not on a high dose so perhaps this effect isn't pronounced but it is strange that I generally respond to dopamine and yet valproate has had a pronounced effect. The only downside to the Valproate has been the development of a slight tremor resembling essential tremor or action tremor, similar to the tremor one would get after too much exercise. It is unresponsive to alcohol and not fully responsive to Propranolol, and does not occur at rest. I have had a look at your post regarding thiamine cocarboxylase and have heard good things about it from others, I cannot seem to find it in the UK though. I am weary of purchasing from eBay as it seems likely I would be sent regular thiamine. All is well thank you, still tripping away somewhat but enjoying life as much as possible. Hope you're well also
  3. A big hello to you all, It's been a good while since I posted (Not sure who will remember me though!) I thought I'd come back and check how everybody was doing. It has been 5 years with HPPD this past April for myself and I am doing rather well. I now take Sodium Valproate, 400mg BID which has reduced severity greatly, I am living quite normally and have made peace with the symptoms long ago. I was wondering if anyone knows what happened to 'onedayillsailagain'? I used to talk to him regularly and enjoyed his posts but I see he has been inactive for many months, I hope he is ok.
  4. Hey guys, Some of you might remember me from a while ago but I was a very active member a while back, I haven't posted in a while because well, I consider myself cured. It all began after a single dose of 25B-NBOMe, and threw me into an extremely dark place. I suffered a pretty much constant panic attack for a month after I aquired the disorder. I was depressed and simply waiting for the day to end, now when it gets to that point you start to not want to get up in the morning in the first place. I didn't want to live in that state. The dissociation was the worst, I didn't think it was possible to experience such a detached view of reality to the point where it might as well have all been a bad dream. Well, over the course of 2 years the symptoms waxed and waned but eventually started subsiding. I am still left with all my visuals but the dissociation is gone 80% and I'm sure I can make up the other 20. I tried over 10 medications, none really helping. I contacted specialists but couldn't afford them, my doctors were also very poor and refused to refer me anywhere worthwhile. In the end I just had to do it all myself. I forced myself out the house when I really would've preferred to curl up in a ball. I started socialising again, really socialising. I got back into my hobbies that I'd completely lost interested in, I worked on my anxiety through reading, meditation and praying everything will get better. You have to maintain that positive mindset no matter what, if you don't have that then you have nothing. I still have most of my visual symptoms as I said but I consider myself cured. Thank god the dissociation did go away for whatever reason, I feel alive again, I wake up and I don't feel like I'm in a foggy dream, I have emotions, I can be happy, sad, laugh and cry and really feel it like I'm supposed to. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, life is so much better once you've experienced how dark it can get and come out the other side. Some tips that helped me: ABSTAIN: Stay sober, a few beers now and again never hurt my recover but stay sober! Vitamins and diet: Eat well and eat good foods. Lifestyle: This was the big one for me, change your lifestyle completely in any possible way, change it for the better. Part of my recovery involved a lot of therapy where I let go of things from my past. Socialise, read, be passionate about your hobbies, learn a language, travel, find a relationship, get a job, change your job. You can do it on your own, or at least improve it as much as you can. I went from being so dissociated and suicidal I was sure I'd gone insane, to going back to my old self. Sure, I still have anxiety and visuals but I deal with it and to be honest, I never even think about it any more. Hope all of you are doing well, I can't imagine anything that puts as much strain and stress on the lives of people. Particularly young people that just don't deserve it. Listen to the long term members, I used to read the success stories every day and convinced myself I was going to get better, and I did. Good luck everyone, I pray for you all all the time. If you need someone to talk to or advice, anything at all, just PM me. Whatever thoughts are going through your head and no matter how you feel, I've been there. To the longer term members: hey, and thanks for all your help when I was at my worst. Sam
  5. Yeah the initial 'high' effects are definitely wearing off now, I'm still feeling the same positive benefits however, but I notice it wearing off inbetween doses so I want to increase to 4x per day and increase my dose to 600mg. It was just a medication I wanted to try, yes anxiety was a part of the decision but another was an alternative to Benzos, and it's working well, it kind of feels like a Benzo.
  6. Yes I've tried Klonopin and various other Benzos, they were all effective except Xanax but definitely not as effective as Neurontin, still going strong on the Gabapentin and feeling great! Only downside has been some side effects of an intimate nature which I hope will pass.
  7. Hey all, hope everyone is well. I have been prescribed Gabapentin, 300mg 3x a day to start off with. I just took my first pill today and feel amazing. A little 'drunk' and out of it but the doctor said this would happen and would subside soon. This is the best medication I have taken for HPPD, even better than Benzo's. I don't want to Jynx it but my DP/DR seems to be about 80% gone, and visuals are none existent aside from some VERY thin and mild static. I had no idea this would work so well. I feel amazing, my emotions are back and I am anxiety free, totally relaxed, in a brilliant mood and yet still focused and motivated for the first time in a while. Just wanted to check in and let everyone know! Anyone else had any success with Neurontin/Gabapentin?
  8. Mine's been gradually improving. A temporary contract at a very stressful job ended recently so I think that took some weight off my shoulders and allowed my symptoms to improve (or return to baseline) and the DP/DR seems to be improving too, probably 50-60% improved from where I was a year ago. Visuals remain unchanged but they don't really bother me any more. The only things now are issues with short term memory, DP/DR and cognitive dysfunction. I'm confident I will improve further although I can probably see my healing process taking 5 years or more, based on the improvement in the last year.
  9. Yeah, Etizolam is sort of a lone ranger in the world of Benzodiazepines and their various analogues, I find myself much more productive, alert and it actually makes me want to do things, participate in my hobbies, socialise and actually enjoy what I'm doing. Maybe this has something to do with the supposed norepinephrine release/reuptake, however I am unsure. All I know is Etizolam, as far as Benzodiazepine's go, is #1 for me. Just an FYI to everyone, if you'd like to try Etizolam, get the boxed and blistered Etizest brand. They seem to be far superior to the blue generics and Intas Etiilam, which I believe are slightly under-dosed. Flubromazepam - An interesting BZD analogue indeed, as one might assume from the chemical structure it is a Rohypnol type modification of Bromazepam, although doesn't share the same effects. My experiences with it, and some information about the compound are as follows: If you navigate to the Wikipedia entry on Flubromazepam, you will find a research paper detailing the metabolites and information about half lives, along with other information I do not understand. It is the second link under 'references'. In a nutshell, Flubromazepam has an estimated half life of 106 hours, and from my own personal experience, is better than Etizolam for reducing visuals, although not for functionality. It has a VERY pronounced anxiolytic effect, and a moderate muscle relaxant effect, although drowsiness was not an issue and so the compound is not very hypnotic. I have experimented with the compound at dosages of 4mg, 8mg and 12mg. 4mg produced a reduction in visuals (30-50%) and a reduction in anxiety (50-80%) that lasted about 2 days. At a dosage of 8mg, it was perfection. A strong reduction in symptoms spectrum wide, DP/DR, anxiety and visuals all decreased by around the 60-80% mark for 3 days, but be careful, this one lasts a hell of a long time, so start out low. Flubromazepam doesn't feel quite as functional as Etizolam, and takes about 3 hours to 'come up', however there were no unwanted side effects such as bad amnesia, drunken-ness, loss of motor co ordination etc. Although not much research has been done on the compound, I'd hazard a guess that it has strong anxiolytic and anticonvulsant properties with moderate muscle relaxant properties. The only way I can describe it without one actually ingesting it, would be a cross between Clonazepam, Diazepam and Etizolam. Although it is quite expensive at the moment I am having lovely results with it. No studies or information on addiction at the moment, but I'd guess it would share the same addiction and withdrawal characteristics as the other long-acting BZD's.
  10. My pleasure I suppose we all react differently to medications, for example Xanax makes me anxious and agitated and leaves me unable to sleep. But yes, it's been a wonder medication for me, when I take it I experience 80-100 percent symptom remission, absolutely no tolerance noted as of yet. I think there's more to Etizolam than meets the eye, the fact it shows SNRI type effects in EEG scans explains why I'm often quite productive on it, and the seretogenic activity may play a part in why it's been so useful for my personal HPPD pathogenesis, it fascinates me how it doesn't down regulate alpha 1 subtypes and up regulates alpha 2 subtypes, along with the fact in studies no tolerance to the anticonvulsant effect was noted, no cognitive problems in a 4 week trial and the fact it became more effective the longer one took it. Very paradoxical for a BZD agonist. I've recently been trying Flubromazepam which has been amazing for visuals. I'm quite interested in benzodiazepines and their various analogues.
  11. I have done extensive self-experimentation with Etizolam ever since I discovered it about 6 months ago, I find that it works best when taken for periods of time as opposed to dosing occasionally. When I have a break from Etizolam for say a week or 2, and then take 1MG, the hypnotic effect is very apparent and it slows me down quite a lot, now, if I take 1MG 2x per day for a week or so, it somehow becomes more effective the longer I use it. There are studies to this effect too which I believe I linked to somewhere in this thread. Etizolam definitely increases in effects the longer you take it, although with that you have to be careful, I've never had any withdrawal from Etizolam or any other Benzo, and I've read that a majority of people never experience withdrawal, but the fact that Etizolam has been shown not to downregulate alpha-1 subtypes and upregulate alpha-2 subtypes is quite promising, Really, the only withdrawal symptom I've noticed is some rebound anxiety which is to be expected when you're taking something that nullifies anxiety, and some neck pain. In any case, I have in my posession around 400 1mg Etizolam pellets, and I'm controlling my use quite nicely, I had a weeks break, then took some for a couple of days, then had another weeks break and have currently been taking them for a few days again to help me through a rough patch. In any case, I have around 350 branded and boxed Etizest Etizolam in my posession that were very cheap (The pink Etizest are far better than the loose pressed blue generics). I have not noticed any tolerance whatsoever or any withdrawal to speak of, as long as I'm careful then I can't see any problems. Etizolam has been THE HPPD killer for me, I feel back to normal on these. It completely kills all of my visuals aside from some very fine residual visual snow, and depersonalization is almost none-existent. It's a shame really, if I could take 2mg a day indefinately my life would be great.
  12. Yes, I agree, the best medication for visuals is acceptance, accept them as part of your perception. My visuals don't bother me any more, at times when I'm really relaxed and lost in thought I actually quite enjoy them. Unfortunately with the burden of HPPD comes a terrible set of symptoms. DP/DR, cognitive issues, memory issues, anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, fatigue, tinnitus, the list goes on. I take Benzo's myself and those who do should not be judged. For some with more severe cases of HPPD it's simply not a life worth living, and medication is inevitable in a number of disorders, just because ours is not well recognised does not mean we are the exception. We deserve a normal life as much as anyone else, and if I have to swallow a pill to obtain that, addictive or not, then I will. I refuse to struggle to get through to the end of the day when I simply don't have to. Not that I'm at all advocating Benzodiazepine use, everyone should do as much research as possible about what they're putting into their bodies, and simply see how you react to the drug. Nothing has worked for me apart from BZD's. Oh, and as for how BZD's affect me: on a good day, 100% symptom free, on a bad day, 50-70% symptom free.
  13. Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...

    1. hppd24years


      I love that song..

    2. Sam93


      Same, just reminded me of DP/DR haha

    3. hppd24years


      No kidding.. Are u getting better or relief yet from dp/dr??

  14. Well, been on the Benzo's for a week so far to deal with a rough patch/break-up without going into HPPD hell, depersonalization fading immensely and almost symptom free.. Problem is, it's Benzo's :/ Then again, I smoke 20 a day, and I know which one is the worst substance..

  15. Depersonalization is definitely my worst, although it seems to have improved a bit lately, the lack of feelings is the worst but I've recently been dealing with a break-up and am feeling that a lot - maybe that's kicked my brain back in to gear haha. I'd be completely fine if it weren't for the DP/DR, couldn't care less about the visuals tbh.