must-be-a-way-to-heal

maybe i should up my dose to three whole tabs per day... I am a big dude LOL

So it has been 3 days so far ... anything else you notice? ok well, it is hard to say... pretty much all my visuals seem pretty much the same at the moment. I may have a slightly diffrent feeling behind my eyes. To be honest, i have been feeling quite emotional / possible depression.. this may be related to "the benzo abuse episode" on sayerday i.e. ending up in hospital. I have also been feeling more tired than usual... Though it is still early days... I am looking forward to getting back into a productive daily routine / and then i feel i will be become more aware and really take notice of any changes / benefits. Tomorrow is a new day

OK Discussing how HPPD can be an obsticle / preventing full persual of spiritual goals. It is not preventing me from persuing my spiritual goals tho it makes certain spiritual practices more challenging (obsticle) when u have HPPD to contend with at the same time. The mind can really only be one place at a time .... to become absorbed in / fully attached to ( my chosed ideal of divinity with form ) Part of this process is done through thinking about God with form.. a form of Divinity... this is usually done through visulization / meditation with eyes closed.. While i am doing meditation with eyes closed... i have all the HPPD visuals to contend with overlaying / interfering with my devotional visulization / meditation (on the chosen ideal) at the same time and throught the entire day and evening... So it makes the practice more difficult.. like having this HPPD veil between yourself and the chosen ideal diverting the attention. For example.. supose someone with HPPD closed there eyes and just tried to visulize the form of there mother, thinking about her, seeing her, all her atributes etc etc... just his or her mother and nothing else. At the same time while doing there best to just see his / her mother, to visulize her form... to just focus the mind on her... the HPPD individual has all the visuals of HPPD to contend with at the same time, making it more difficult to just focus / visulize in the mind the form of his or her mother alone, without all the disruption of constant visual distortions at the same time. It is like HPPD visuals on top of your Meditation / vislization which makes it harder to just focus on the desired object single mindedley. One pointedley. I know this may be a new concept, and might be tricky to grasp. I feel like it is kind of personal too. Many people on this forum may be athiests..and im totally cool with that... Tho i would like aneyones imput about this... do you think i am making it up? or others with similar symptoms.. do you feel you would have the same or similar a similar challenge.? Maybe someone else with HPPD could test it out for themselves.. For example, just try thinking of the form of a beautiful girl... how she looks ... visulizing just her form.. do you have all the HPPD visuals overlapping interfering with your intention to just focus souley on the one object i.e. the girl? If i am making this up, i want to know about it.. i want to be true to myself about it.. maybe there is a way the the attention can be trained to focus one pointedley with out all the other visual disruptions, with consistant practice and discipline. Im certainly not giving up. and there are times when my practice is going well and other times it may be an "HPPD WHITE OUT" making it difficult... Does this give you more clarity about what im trying to expalain using these metapors?

thanks so much.. it is said that the teacher finds the student... not the student finds the taecher, so maybe all of this is part of a greater plan? I will be returning to India in the next few months to spend time with him...

Seems like Klonopin was mainly for anxiety. Did it help visuals? How much did you take per day? The klonopin, took "the edge" off the visuals... was helpful some what, tho pretty much all still there.. i was taking one to two tabs per day... tho then it moved up as i was building tollerance and started using higher doses, built up a dependance and reached a point where it was having the opposite affect.. keeping me awake.. and became partly inaffective... thats when i decided to withdraw and come off it. This is interesting. I noticed small coordination issues with fingers when first starting (but have always been clumbsy). Anything with visuals yet? Sure it is intresting..."awlays been a bit clummsy" hehe Unfortunatley nothing noticable with visuals yet, tho i suppose it is still early days ? A thought occurred when reading your post. Since you have had HPPD for 17 years straight, it may be hard to remember what 'normal' was like. So it might be harder to communicate some of this stuff. sure, i understand that.. it seems at times when life is going really well, and i am fully engaged in life with possative mindset etc .. there may be times when it is not so notecable.. or experience periods where im on such a possative track that it may be out of my awarness??? tho it is hard to tell because as soon as the attention / trigger or circumatance appears it is immediatley there... I understand that true HPPD is pretty much 24 / 7 365, tho there are periods of living where being so engaged in life that it may not be so apparent. i.e. good times

Maybe this is all just part of an un life giving belief system... that i "cant" or it is too difficult.., and just stop thinking about it.. obviousley it is just perpetuating the problem.

Being feed acid from 15 years up has got to be hard ... and you describe some pretty strong visuals (like can you even drive at night?). Sounds like you have learned some things that give you enjoyment (like weight lifting) but there are other things that you find your are being limited. Is it mainly cognitive functions that are interfering in life? Focus? Fatigue? Can you describe some of these things that you would like to embrace but HPPD is messing up? Very cool pic by the way.. Like that one.. thankyou Ok Visual, yes i can drive a night, obvioulsty all visuals still there tho there is sufficent defenition with street lights other cars et etc. The main cognative functions that are ineterfearing are "focus" i.e. all the visuals. Can you describe some of these things that you would like to embrace but HPPD is messing up? Ok.. this is going open me up and to get into some of my my personal life experience.. i know everyone has diffrent asperations in life and all is unique to each person. Please, your best to be open minded and non judjmental here as you totally alraedy are and please, do your best to understand / comprehend. When i was young / as i still am.. around the age of 17 i was inteiduced to an Authentic Yogic / Spiritual tradition, that is universal. I was invited by my teacher at the time to travel with him to India to meet his Spiritual Master. This particular Saint.. one who knows God is a fully illuminated Divine Saint, or a decension of Divinity, like a Buddha a christ or a Krishna. I will share a brief introduction about him below. Please note, i am not Religous ..I am open to and accepting of all faiths / spiritualitys and ways of life. This is something rare to come across that has deep meaning for me. A Brief Life History Eternally liberated divine personalities descend on earth from time to time for the welfare of humankind. Jagadguru Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj is one such divine personality. He is lovingly called Shri Maharaj Ji by His devotees. Through enlightening discourses and chanting of the holy name, He has been making unceasing efforts to reveal the true philosophy from the Vedic scriptures to mankind in the simplest form possible so that they can attain their true goal of God Realisation. Shri Maharaj Ji makes no distinction of caste, creed, colour or race. With His infinite love and compassion, He gathers all into the purity of His divine embrace. His divine effulgence shines through all He says, all He does and all He is. Each and every seeker is amazed to see how approachable He is and enjoys the special privilege of receiving individual attention from Him. Thus, He makes each person feel that they belong to Him. His tall, stately and regal, yet childlike personality, have an indefinable attraction that draws all to Him, whether young or old, men or women or of any country or language. The all-satisfying love that emanates from Him makes each person feel the affection of a parent, friend and teacher, all in one. It is very easy to become a recipient because there is no other giver like Shri Maharaj Ji. True to His name "Kripalu", He is the very "Ocean of Grace". Birth, Childhood and Youth Jagadguru Kripalu Ji Maharaj appeared in a village called Mangarh, near Allahabad, India, on the auspicious night of Sharat Purnima in October 1922. His mother Bhagvati Devi and father Lalita Prasad named Him Ram Kripalu at birth. From the very first day, He delighted the hearts of everyone around Him with His sweet smile and serene look. Since His childhood, His extraordinary virtues were noticed by people around Him. He spent His childhood in youthful fun, but at the same time, He excelled effortlessly in His studies and astonished His teachers and fellow students by His extraordinary intelligence and phenomenal memory. He completed His schooling in a very short span of time, followed by the study of Sanskrit grammar, literature and Ayurveda. This brief period of study did not include study of the scriptures. At around the age of sixteen, He suddenly gave up His studies and resumed His natural divine nature and remained engrossed in Divine Love as He disappeared into the dense forest near Sharbhang ashram in Chitrakoot, and then into the forests near Vanshivat in Vrindavan. During this period, He graced the deserving souls who got to see a glimpse of the true form of Radha-Krishna love appearing in its fullest charm and highest ecstatic excitement. He remained totally immersed in the ecstasy of Divine Love, oblivious to the outer world. He forgot to pay attention to His physical state and the world around Him, remaining unconscious for hours on end. He gradually controlled and concealed this supreme bliss and completely devoted Himself to gracing the souls by revealing His divine wisdom and knowledge of the scriptures and with His sublime chanting, which spread powerful waves of Divine Love and Bliss, inspiring devotion in even the most stone-hearted. Jagadguru Title Shri Maharaj Ji observed that people were misguided and totally ignorant of the actual essence of the scriptures, and the true form of devotional practice. To rectify this dismal spiritual state of mankind, in the year 1955, He organised a huge conference in Chitrakoot, which was attended by the most eminent scholars and Saints from Kashi, and various other parts of India. Another religious conference of a similar scale was organised by Him in 1956 in Kanpur. It was during these conferences that His scriptural omniscience was revealed to the world, and even the most learned scholars of Kashi who attended the conference were lost in amazement. Impressed by Shri Maharaj Ji's extraordinary authoritative knowledge of all the scriptures, the Kashi Vidvat Parishat, a prestigious and exclusive body of 500 of the most revered Vedic scholars, who collectively represent the foremost seat of spiritual learning in India, invited him to Kashi (Varanasi). Shri Maharaj Ji delivered a series of discourses in Sanskrit, which left all of them spellbound and speechless. With profound admiration, the scholars accepted Shri Maharaj Ji's knowledge to be deeper than the combined knowledge of all 500 of them put together. They unanimously acclaimed him as "Jagadguru" (Spiritual Master of the whole world). This historic event took place on 14 January 1957. At the time, He was only 34 years of age. Furthermore, the Kashi Vidvat Parishat honoured Him with a special title of "Jagadguruttam" (Supreme amongst all Jagadgurus). Jagadguru Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj is the only Saint of this age who has been honoured with the title of "Jagadguru", the highest authority amongst all Hindu Vedic Saints and scholars. This title is given only to that Saint who brings about a spiritual revolution in the world through His divine teachings. Jagadguru Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj is the supreme exponent of Sanatan Dharm, the eternal Vedic religion, and His reconciliation of all philosophies and faiths is unparalleled. Scriptural Discourses After accepting the title of Jagadguru, Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj travelled throughout India continuously for around fourteen years. He delivered month-long discourses in various cities, in which He revealed the mysteries of the scriptures before tens of thousands of people. Masses gathered at the venue for a glimpse of an extraordinary scholar and a Saint whose words left them spellbound. Since that time, He has continued to spread the knowledge and shower the nectar of Divine Love and Bliss. Shri Maharaj Ji's lectures tantalize the masses with humour, everyday examples and practical instructions, delighting people of any age, language or country. It is a unique experience as He makes the deepest scriptural truths accessible to everyone in the simplest language. His penetrative words have such divine power that even an atheist's heart can melt when Shri Maharaj Ji describes the nature of the ultimate and absolute truth. Satsang – True Association In the 1940s and 1950s, Shri Maharaj Ji started conducting satsang (true association) that brought about a revolution of Bhakti (devotion) in the states of UP and Rajasthan. He would lead kirtans (divine chantings) imbued with intense devotion, which would continue throughout the night. These kirtans, which He wrote himself, have been compared by scholars with those of Meerabai, Soordas, Tulsidas, and Ras Khan. His sankirtan programs of those days were like the vivid glow of Radha-Krishn love that touched every heart, inspired everyone who was there and thrilled every soul who desired love of Radha-Krishna. Quite often He revealed the most amazing ecstatic state of divine love. According to the known history of Rasik Saints, these eminent states of Radha-Krishna love were revealed on the earth planet by Chaitanya Mahaprabhu Ji for the first time in the last 5,000 years. The same expressions of divine love were seen in Shri Maharaj Ji when he chanted "Hare Ram" and "Hari Bol" in ecstasy. Shri Maharaj Ji's divine kirtans have secured a place for themselves in the hearts of sincere devotees across the globe, who have understood the divine greatness of Shri Maharaj Ji's Satsang and the extent of graciousness which He is showering upon all the souls. Unlimited Grace on the Souls Shri Maharaj Ji's entire life is the revelation of the state of Radha Krishna love. From the time He wakes up until the time He goes to bed, Shri Maharaj Ji is amongst the devotees showering nectar of Divine Bliss. Shri Maharaj Ji mostly resides in His ashrams in Mangarh, Barsana, Vrindavan and Delhi. Thousands of people visit these divine centres to have Shri Maharaj Ji's association and to participate in ecstatic chanting programs and celebrations. Sometimes Shri Maharaj Ji visits different cities and towns to enlighten the hearts and minds of huge audiences that gather to hear His explanations of the divine philosophy. His vivid descriptions of Radha Krishna pastimes and virtues thrill the audience with the experience of Krishna love. Each and every individual soul who is naturally yearning for the attainment of happiness, finds solace in Shri Maharaj Ji. He shines with divinity and has been working tirelessly to uplift humanity. He dispels all doubts of spiritual confusion with great ease and effectively reveals a clear and practical path leading to God. He is, in true sense of the word, a Jagadguru, Guru of the entire world. There is an introduction.. Basicly in Shri Maharajis pressance / company i have never experienced such bliss, heart purification , profound transfomation and love. Nothing means more to me than him.. i know this is hard to understand.. I love him as my father... He payed very special attention to me and the experiences i encounterd in his company were profound I feel his pressance with me on a day to day basis. Shri maharaji shows a direct path to the realization of / God / Divine / happiness or whatever you want to call it. At one point in my life i actually wanted to dedicate my whole life to this purpose and realization. Part of the process of spiritual practice in this partucular path (Sadhanna) involves something called (Rhoop Dhyan) the name "Rhoop" means "Form" and "Dhyan" means meditate. So it is meditation / focusing your mind, obsorbing the mind on your chosen ideal (Form) of Divinity... Immersing your mind in it. At first, this is done through the process of "visulization". Now as you can imagine.. for me practicing "Rhoop Dhyan" is more challenging because i have all the Visuals (HPPD) on top of the visualization (Dhyan) meditation on the "form" to contend with.. making my sadhanna practice more challenging. ( like a visuals on top of a visulixation) LOL Part of the aim is to immerse ones mind in "God".. attaching the mind to the divine.. (whatever chosen ideal the individual relates to) whilst a large majority of the time my mind has all the spymptoms of HPPD to contend with at the same time making this far more challenging. Basicly in the early days of HPPD .. learning about spirituality, gave me the streangth to cope and the courage/guidance to move on... convincing my self that i was not going mad etc LOL this is was before i discoverd "Shree Maharaji" I have invsetigated many other traditions as well, although i recignize Shri Maharaji as my Guru. On my last visit to India, i decided to leave his company due to the fact that the visuals were so overwhelming during this exact process. I thaught to myself at one stage.. there is no way i can continue like this and decided to leave the path... For some time (quite a few years) a was much more involoved in "the world" "left the path" and learned the skills to become more of my own leader, leading my own life and leading others. Although after many experiences in the world, i never found true , satisfying happiness, and in comparison found it quite a a"dry" place to be. Although my spirituality has always been a part of me. Being a "soul" the soul naturally desires bliss, or divine love which can be experienced through ones chosen path. Ok, i know this is quite personal and something diffrent.. and it is very diffrent from todays / culture / society.. some people may be judjmental, thats ok.. this is something i have been opend up to in my life, experienced first hand so it has meaning for me. For me, it is not eithre or but "both and" I still love many other things in life, have many goals / dreams and asperations .... tho i yearn to know "God" which has been cultivated through these prior experiences and understanding. There is a saying, "once you have heard a bell ring, you cant un ring it" Please do your Best to undrestand... i totally welcome any questions or insight. It is a fact.. that the mind can be "only one place at a time " so in many ways with persistant practice and discipline... this is still all possible? Thanks again

Hey Visual, Great to hear from you ! I was not taking a large amount of Valium .. likley around 2, 3 5 mg tabs per day / and only for a brief period of time (say 2-3 weeks) Tho just after being fed up with no relief for such a long time, exaserbated symptoms, as well as other multiple things happening in my life and partly being triggerd by the docters unprofesioalsm... i went on a binge and took around 45 tabs. I was advised to go to hospital, and stayed there overnight. In my opinion this was a kind of a "call for help" out of sheer fustration of being totally isolated and not being able to get any assistance from aneyone for far too long. I have had two majour overdoses.. aproximatley 6 or 7 years ago with a combo of heroin and clonazapam. As well as an overdose just on Clonazapam, where i was lucky because i dropped in the bath where i could have drowned. I was silly to dabble in a recriational drug use (GHB) within the last year... during the peak i lost consciousness, had seizuress and likley came close to stop breathing. I egnolage i did make a mistake there.. and realize the stupidity if this. My rational at the time was that GHB is a depresant while stimulants exasserbate HPPD. I take no recriational drugs now what so ever. Totally agree with you, the connections i have recently made with docters now are great and helpful.. They have an understanding of HPPD, realize it is a chronic condition and give various metaphors to help me get a better understang of it and gain more clarity. Being clear is helpful in overcomeing doubts and fear associated with symptoms. Bisicly the other Docters were GPs and did not have a clue. Numerous years ago a actually shared my story with 7 top nuroligsts in a hospital and none of them had any idea LOL. Ok, i do understand that HPPD is very complex.. im willing to try a combination of meds or to do whatever it takes... It is just very sad for me that there are things in life that i have such an affinity and passion for, tho cannot embrace fully because of HPPD.. I will keep on keeping on Thanks so much Visual.. yes you are right... I have lived half my life with HPPD ... and in many ways have gotten used to it. Tho obviousley it is still distressing. Though in my opinion, the purpose of my life is not to just exist, i want to embrace and thrive. My happiness lies in continual growth and development. I want to realize my true / full potential.. and HPPD can definatley make certain aspects of this process (certain practices) very challenging. Cognative function takes a vital role in many aspects of things im passionate about, the way we use our minds, where our attention / focus goes etc. On one hand.. i could just "accept' and stop the "friction" a term that some people mention, which partly i do.. tho for what ? For it to just stay the same... or just total acceptance... I have found some things in my life that mean more than the world to me,,, my true calling, the true purpose and love of my life.. and it is upsetting, sad and cruel that i have all this potential and opportunity tho cannot walk upon / embrace the path fully... it is cruel and it can be like torture, and in some ways seems just a waste of my life. I swear without HPPD i would be the happiest person on the plannet and i would have everything, or the only thing my heart truly longs for. (this may not make sense to many people as you dont know me so personally yet) It is fucked up that my elder brother was feeding me acid at the age of 15 years when i knew nothing about acid or long term effects...He even sent me a sheet of LSD over from the states,... and that what triggerd my HPPD was when his girl friend came up to me (myself unknowingly) and put a tab of acid in my mouth after leaving a dance party. For all this to happen at such a vital young age when the body / brain is still developing is even more fucked up. Basicly my Dads pearents were ultra restrictive, not letting him do anything as he was growing up, so my pearents thaught they would do the exact opposite by giving me all the freedom in the world.. one thing lead to the next, and before i knew it i was in with a crew of some pretty hardcore users / Rave Scene.. in those days. Totlly agree with you Visual, Absoloutley.. there are always resources to keep improveing, working on myself on many levels phyisically, mentally, and striving to take all areas of my life to higher levels.. adjusting my rules, beliefs and values, what is serving me and what is disempowering? etc so many resources to utilize and tap into. Natrual bodybuliding has been a big thing to help me manage / release stress and i have actually built a pretty awesome physique after all that training LOL tho unfortubatley i have recently torn a tendon... so am currently having some down time to get some treatment done. I find that phyisical and mental growth / healthy lifestyle is really beneficial and in many ways. For myself, discivering fitness and training was likley my "saviour" in some ways. No one knows i have HPPD exept for one friend .. only my family. I have never really shared any of these things with aneyone, so thanks for giving me the opportunity to share and express, and thanks for careing enough to even ask. I think your a top dude and the real winners in life are the ones who take the time to show compassion add value to others, and thats exactly what your doing for me, by giving me the opportunity to learn and process my experience etc etc.

Hey Visual, I am finding this really helpful and so pleased to have made this connection with you I have not taken any more Valium yet, i may just cut down to half a 5mg tab in the evening. I totally agree with what you are saying about "increasing dopamine can be slightly stimulating" i can feel the affects of this taking place in my body. So im sure a small dose of valium may be benefecial as i am making this transition. That is great insight regarding the half life of Sinemet, so timeing the doage between meals sounds like an exellent way to deal with this. I will speak with my Docter about it, as well as shoot a PM to Merkan, chat and find out what has worked best for him I understand what your saying about diets being very individual / diffrent strokes for diffrent folks... I do eat in a very ballanced health way, tho just more protein than usual to back up my efforts in the gym. As for Klonopin.. yes i have used it numerous times over the years .. Most recent period of use i spent nearly 11 months on it last year.. It took me at leats two months to withdraw. The last few weeks of withdrawral symptoms were quite freaky, likley i stopped too quickly... anyhow i had to use another medicine, i have forgotten the name, it is used for withdrawrals from alchol. Some of the withdrawral symptoms included auditory hellucinations (freaked me out) "Note" This was only a withdrawral symptom, i have never sufferd any other ailments or condition appart from HPPD. Klonopin.. takes the edge off it for me, relaxed me, tho it is still there... For me i find it quite easy for it to become habbit forming.. and in my experience, once i hit a certain point, that the same dose does nothing or even has the opposite affect, like keeping me awake.. this effect has some medical name that i cant recall unfortunatley.. I think its "perplexia" or something like that. Still i find there are many benefits with Klonopin also, tho i feel for me, i need to have it monoterd strictly with my history.. so it does not become habbit forming and so i dont buld up tollerance. This may be an option too. To be honest.. i dont fully understand what DP / DR is. I need to look into that more fully to understand it. Im also not sure what low pleasure response means? Athough often .. many times i do have low motivation.. it is like very often at times i find it difficult to get myself to take action on things that really need to be done. LOL anyway... Im not exactly sure what you mean by contrast in poor lighting.. I think i understand what you are saying. Basicly even in dimed light or when it is dark, all the visuals just overlap everything, like being underwater in the ocean for example.. When it is dark.. it is like cosmic combustion, it is intense when it is dark, that is all there is, thats all i can see... for example " A TOTAL THICK HPPD WHITEOUT" over everything. When lights are on it is not a total "THICK HPPD WHITEOUT" over everything because there is more defenition with and between objects.. more light more in my visual awarness. Although with the lights on all the visuals are still there.. only it is not a "TOTAL HPPD BLACK OUT" because i can still see other objects, not like it is when it is total darkness if that makes sense? This is kind of tricky to describe, tho we are getting there Ok intresting you mention this, since i have recently started the Sinemet i have some small coordination issues...feeling tired and i have definatley noticed reasonably strong tingling sensation through my whole body. I would have thaught that this may be "the stimulating effect of increasing dopamine" ? You are really helping me understand this at a much greater level.. I truly appreciate all support and guidnce.. Thanks so much Visual.. awesome!!! )) Doing my best to upload a photo of a painting i did at 17 years old of me and everything i see.. Just wish i could get it to upload - im sure to get it up soon Thanks again, im truly fortunate to have made this connection with you

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I was taking valium before i started Sinement.. Yesterday was my first day on Sinement... basicly i have only taken one and a half tabs in total. So just sarted. No changes as yet... appart from a very traumatic / freaky dream last night lol If u suggest i stop taking Valium.. maybe that is a good idea, i would be happy to do so. Likeley it would be more benefical for me in my day to day activitys and long term. Ok so i will stop taking Valium now, and possibly only use spareingly on rare occasions. One thing i am concerned about in regards to Sinemet is... it recomends "not to eat a diet high in protein" i.e. the amount of Levodopa absorbed by the body may be impared if you eat a diet high in protein... I am an athlete and engage frequent weight training so i do have a high protein diet. This is something i will discuss with my docter tomorrow and work out some solution. He may put me on a higher dose to make certain the body is absorbing enough.

Would it be beneficial for me to stop taking the Valium at this point in time as i am just starting on sinemet?

I have been using valium just recentley with fare ups i.e. exaserbated symptoms just over the past two weeks.

Thanks Ghormeh, The Dosage / Streangth is 100MG - 25MG (half a tab 3 times daily) As i read in earlyer posts, to start on a low dose, then gradually increase. Possibly up to three whole tabs per day. I am also on a low dose of valium.. Aprox 2 5 mg tabs per day. VISUAL thanks so much i really hope it works well too!!! I will list my symptoms here : I am not current with all the new HPPD symptom termonoligy so i will do my best to describe first hand as i see it. I am sure all the symptoms listed below can be put into HPPD catigorys to make it sound more simple / simplify the process so it does not sound so intense. I would like to do this. Ok here goes... Billions of constantly moveing patterning, like a shimering universe, millions of shimmering pin pricks with an array of all colours overlapping everything. multiplicity of coulors ( purple, red, yellow, white, black, pink etc etc.. ALL COLOURS tho very bright psychadelic colours, not normal colours) Implodeing, Explodeing, Constant movement.. Like a fuzzy television only with trillions microscopic psychadelic patterning, much finer and multiplied many more times than a fuzzy black and white TV set. i.e. all colours. Ghosting, halos around objects, moveing in and out of the object, distorting the object. Movement of objects.. starbursts. With lights out it is total engulfment.. shutting my eyes i can see a million stars like looking into a kaleidascope or looking into the universe from out of space. With lights out it is pretty much the same thing. Majour visual snow with multiple "worm holes" eating into things. All the patterns eat into everything.. firey reds etc etc "Seeing the air" mainly just intense patterning over everything... Intensified / engulfed by in the dark i.e. lights out. It is distressing at times relating to family, co workers and not being able to see them properley.. It is difficult trying to look at one object however basic and focus on it without some movement. i.e. difficulty in concentration. All this (visuals) is from first thing in the morning ... until last thing at night.... At times some activitys are helpful... i.e. some good days / times ... other days can be intolerable. At times i get a weird feeling behind my eyes.. it is hard to describe this feeling.. the way i describe it is.. it just feels "weak" im not sure how to put it into words?? I know this description is quite full on... i have had HPPD since i was 17 and im now 34 Thanks very much again everyone for all the support- I totally welcome any questions / insight / imput / or shared experience..

Hey Everyone.. Just been to the docter and was perscribed Sinemet. Starting on half a tab three times a day... Fingers crossed this will help... Any possative insight from others experienced with this Drug would be apprecated Thanks

hey thanks Muchmandy... wishing you all the best too man.. good to meet you

Hello everyone, Have just redjisterd with this new site I am a long time sufferer with the full blowen real deal.. I first discoverd that what i was enduring was HPPD back when the old stormloader site was up. I am still making a big effort to fully recover so i can persue my dreams , passions and make the very most of my life.. Was recentley considering going to Boston for medication trials... I think it is good that people are benefiting from "senimet" and various meds that i was not aware of... i am now willing to test them out too.. and i think it s awesome that 100,000 is being donated to reacerch each year.. It would be great to brain storm possible ways to rase more funds towards this cause... Thanks everyone especially David for all your hard work, support and dedication... Looking forward to connecting soon

thinking of possibly going.. im going to give David a call