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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

OliverW

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OliverW last won the day on March 7 2012

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About OliverW

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  1. OliverW

    am i the only one not medicating?

    Yeah I feel the same way sometimes. If you are the kind of person who can just take something once or twice every great while then I don't see the harm in it. But I'm not the kind of person who can "just have one" so I'm not about to condone taking any kind of addictive med... But if you feel like it would be a good thing for you, maybe start out with phenibut, or one of the fairly non-addictive benzo-like meds... There is one other prominent one other than phenibut... If you look it up I'm sure you will find a link. I've never tried it but have heard some good things, mostly from this sight if I remember correctly.
  2. OliverW

    am i the only one not medicating?

    No you are not alone 7+months clean... Medications are not necessary. They are an option if you don't want to face the music, like a boozed-up driver in a high speed chase, bound to crash at some point...
  3. Ohhh man I don't really like to even remember coming off the benzos. At the time I was also going through methadone withdrawal, and I was pretty much suicidal for at least two months. Visuals didn't start getting any better until my 3rd month of sobriety... And up until that point they would get worse and worse each day! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel for sure. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it is easier to deal with the visuals without benzos/barbs, in fact it was easier to deal while on them... But everything was easier to deal with because they were a partial escape from the stresses of life. So I hate to sound pessimistic but that was the reality... For me anyways. If any of you guys reading this are trying to get off of benzos, for gods sake try get some medical supervision (at least if you can afford it)... Seizure risk is very real... But things have to get worse before they get better... Another 24 under my belt!
  4. OliverW

    EMDR possible cure?

    When I was in rehab I did 12 sessions of EMDR. In the YuhEss, a therapist needs to be certified in order to conduct sessions, however, my awesome therapist was discussing it with me and it is actually something you can almost do with just a friend to listen and take notes. The way it works is they hold a dry-erase marker and move it back and forth (or if you have bad tracers like me, you tap your left leg, then right leg, then left, etc. tapping each leg about 2 seconds apart from each other). As you are doing this, your accomplice is telling you to focus on a one specific event that you are trying to work through (this event obviously being a traumatic incident i.e. abuse, bad trip, etc) As you focus on this, the person waves the marker left, right, left right, for about 2-3 minutes. At the end of this, you name all the emotions you are feeling and rate them on a 1-10 scale. After this, you repeat and do another "set". At the end of this set, you state the emotions.. If they are the same emotions as before, then you rate them once again (they will most likely be the same list of emotions). Continue this up to a maximum of 20-30 sets, you should notice an improvement in the ratings by about set 4-6. I probably shouldn't be writing this because I am not a registered therapist (yet!), let alone I am not EMDR certified. I have never tried this with my HPPD, however, mine was not induced by a specific "bad trip", I don't really consider any of my experiences with psychedelics to be bad... Other than PCP and that experience did not lead to my HPPD. As far as trauma goes, it has done WONDERS for me! I am going to be a year sober in a few months and I don't think I could have done it wifout therapy, including EMDR. The theory behind it is that, during traumatic experiences, some of our emotional/psychological energy is locked and barricaded within the emotional hemisphere (left vs. right brain argument). In doing so, our psyche is rigid in the fact that emotional memory can not be brought into the left hemisphere of logical thought or reason... Therefor impeding our ability to process events and work through them in a logical manner. EMDR allows for emotional processing by increasing communication *hence the bilateral stimulation- left,right,left,right. between the laterally divided sections of the brain. In doing so, EMDR is a conduit to plasticity and openness in our judgment and understanding of emotion. Hope this helps, and if anyone has some more specific questions about EMDR, PM me. I am a firm believer in its affinity for trauma reprocessing, and I am an advocate for sure. Never tried it for HPPD, but maybe I will think of some core beliefs that revolve around my condition and try to work through those with some other psychology majors... Thanks for the idea! Great post!
  5. What do you mean by removing 70% of GAD? I have been diagnosed with GAD among a plethora of other conditions since I was a toddler. If you are indeed an anxious person, I would recommend therapy, specifically CBT. I went through a substance abuse treatment program that was mainly based in CBT. I can only speak for myself, but it has done wonders for my own life. It has also helped my interpersonal relationships considerably by decreasing my social anxiety. This is huge for me because a major portion of my addiction was self-medicating anxiety and depression. Which are both limbic, axis I disorders. Anyways... My visuals are still bad on a day to day basis, but I don't get intensity spikes due to panic attacks, paranoia, etc. Over 6 months clean and free of anxiety medication!
  6. OliverW

    Any medical scans etc that show abnormalities?

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11566431 A study done by Dr. Abraham shows that brain wave coherence is actually reduced for individuals with HPPD... So EEGs will show irregularities in synchronization of brain waves. Not sure what frequency (alpha, beta, mu, etc.) but if you are a patient of Abraham you could probably ask him yourself.
  7. OliverW

    Does HPPD often resolve itself on its own?

    About five years of HPPD for me without much improvement, pretty much none. Granted I was using everything other than psychedelics for pretty much 4 of those years. My symptoms did get much better up until about 2 years ago at which point I accidentally took an exceptionally large dose of 2C-E... Since that point it has been worse by orders of magnitude. Been clean for the last 6 months... Visuals are the same, however, my little kernel of mental clarity is growing. Neuroplasticity working it's magic! At the same time, if HPPD is indeed not related to physiological brain damage, then the brain could have problems identifying which areas and systems to change. It seems to me that the disorder is a complex manifestation of many neurotransmitter systems being altered in some way. As well as regional irregular chemistry in different lobes. In situations of typical damage, I would think that the brain knows what to fix... But maybe in the case of HPPD, abnormalities are concurrent with irregular brain function. I haven't gotten better in a while so I guess I'm cynical, trying to justify why my mind won't get better while others are having better luck.
  8. OliverW

    New and relieved... And scared

    What kind of anesthetic, nitrous oxide? You said it has been six years, but I also got that you might have had it for six months? Like ferret asked, what symptoms are you experiencing? Mostly visual? Mostly mental? A little of both? Sorry for the flood of questions... I am so sorry you were dosed unknowingly... That is terrible, and I know how you feel... The one and only time I used PCP was a similar situation... Smoking cannabis that was laced unbeknownst to me. That sort of thing makes for a terrible experience. I'm glad you are trying to get clean! That is the best advice that most of us will give you.
  9. That doesn't sound anything like 2C-E... Sounds absolutely horrible. But you are totally right... We called sniffing 2C's (I & E) "a kick in the face by the 2C-donkey"
  10. I used to have special powers but my therapist took them away from me

  11. OliverW

    Sadly im the latest recruit

    Bipolar I or II? Are you on any meds right now? A multi-vitamin will help, but not very much at all... It really depends on what med they want to put you on. If you can stay away from benzos and barbiturates. I am not really sure if they still prescribe barbs up in the UK. They are really rare to get stateside for sure. Unfortunately, for me, barbiturates and benzos but barbs especially did wonders for my visuals. They worked better than anything else, and if you have GAD they are great anxiolytics... But I can't take them anymore. If you are having trouble staying away from the liquor, benzos probably aren't the best idea. They can be quite addictive. If you do go on them, maybe just get a few doses per month in order to manage the symptoms when they are at their worst... Plus, not taking them every day you won't develop chemical dependence or tolerance. Sorry to hear you are allergic to psychedelics now it's really no fun at first, but things will get better.
  12. Yeah never wanted to extend something that has no temporal dimensions anyways... Haha. By far the most insane hallucinogen and drug for that matter is a full blown salvia experience... Never again
  13. OliverW

    Hi please help me!

    I'm glad I was able to help. You made a good point. If you are looking for an escape in the first place, eventually there will be a point where cannabis doesn't provide the same relief it did at first. I personally started doing coke unaware that my supply was laced... So if I had never tried cannabis I would have at least delayed the rest of my drug use... But I would still be miserable. It is an everyday challenge, but I try to look at my trials and addiction as an avenue towards personal maturity... The inability to be okay with myself has pretty much always been there, and without the drugs I might not have survived... I'm just trying to express how our trials can be tools for growth... At least for me they were instrumental in obtaining the little kernel of wisdom I have now. So try not to look at things in a negative light... Everything has happened. Don't should on your self and no must-erbating!
  14. OliverW

    Hi please help me!

    Yeah it is a very small community... Very few people develop HPPD kind of stuff... At least not a lot of people will admit it. As far as cannabis being hard to quit, I feel you man. That is addiction right there... Doesn't matter what drug, doesn't even matter if it is a drug... People can become addicted to almost anything. Do you have any option of seeing a therapist? My rehab therapists have done me wonders! I hardly ever crave these days, and I wasn't just smoking weed, that's for sure! But yeah, I know I can't even smoke bud because it will likely lead me back to my DOC... Heroin. It is so true, being physically addicted isn't necessary and doesn't necessarily constitute drug addiction at all. It is all addictive behavior. In a way, it is pure escape. Escape from your self when you don't feel comfortable in your own skin... Escape from the stresses of daily life as well as anxiety concerning the future and shame plus depression from the things in your past. I advise you to ask yourself what exactly you are feeling the urge to hide from... Or escape from. That is the first step, but almost everyone with addiction needs some sort of outside help from a therapist in order to move forward. Just know that although it is hard, things will get better. Easier. Just hang in there and if you slip up, don't beat yourself over it... Recovery is a process, not an event. Try take things one day at a time. Every morning I wake up and tell myself that I am not going to use today. Also, if you are having trouble quitting cannabis, for gods sake don't use any "hard" drug. At least being addicted to bud doesn't ruin your life and put you inches from death. Things could be worse, but remember that things can get better! I hope they do!
  15. Classic psychosomatic induced symptoms... How long have you had HPPD? 2 months? It seems like, if you had an especially intense trip, one could be somewhat traumatized... Keeping a portion of their psychological energy in that certain state. It happens a lot in different contexts, but serious stress (good or bad), can lock people into a certain frame of mind. A good example of this is the 40 year old man who dresses and acts like a teenage thug. Maybe a portion of your consciousness and awareness is somewhat "stuck" in the frame of mind you had during your trip? I'm just thinking this is a possibility from what I've gathered hearing stories from people who have had the disorder for at least a year, and people who have had it for just a few months. For anyone who has not had HPPD for a long period of time, I would suggest seeing a therapist. Especially if your symptoms followed a particularly "bad trip". It seems like you guys are able to somewhat control the intensity of the visuals through beliefs and thoughts about the way you perceive the symptoms... This leads me to believe that your HPPD-like symptoms may not be caused by physiological damage or changes... But rather a conscious or subconscious choice of how you chose to observe the world around you. In doing this, you lose some of the control used in the first place. I.e. cs1234 would rather chose to see the tracers over the other symptoms, but in doing so, the tracers became more evident and therefore became a more relevant symptom to resent. It might sound negative, however, there is a significant amount of good news in this process. Because your symptoms may be driven by a choice to perceive what seems more enjoyable, you may have a good opportunity and a good chance to process through some of these beliefs that are driving your symptoms. This goes along with the psychosomatic aspect that I am hearing from your experiences... If your visuals indeed are a physiological manifestation of mental processes, then they are not rudimentary at all. In fact, if you have control over one symptom, why not have control over HPPD as a whole? To cs1234, I know exactly what you mean... Mindfulness is a great tool, and if you are noticing that your symptoms are compounded by obsessing over them, then that is the first step in figuring out why they are there and where they come from. As for me, I've had minor HPPD for about 4-5 years and pretty intense symptoms for almost 2 years. I've tried every possible coping mechanism to deal with it... And have only made mental progress over the last little while. The visuals are about the same intensity no matter what I think or do about them. Did your HPPD start on the "bad trip" or the happy one after? Mine didn't come from any sort of bad experience. Most if not all my experiences were pretty great... But I've done psychedelics of all shapes and colors in excess... My experience that aggravated the initial symptoms was not bad, but it was very intense... An accidental overdose for lack of a better word.
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