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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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ziggy last won the day on August 25 2018

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  2. Hi peeps, some of you may remember I was posting on here about a year ago.. Last post was probably 6 months ago now.. In my last post I said that "it" had started to decline and I was feeling ALOT better, not really noticing anything on a day to day basis.. So for those who dont know, I had serious HPPD for about 2 years following a lifetime of recreational drug use not to go into to much detail.. Had many symptoms, flares in my vision, movement, colidascope mesh type shit.. paranoia, etc etc... Very dark time... Nothing I would of acted upon but almost suicidal moments... "Oh my god I have fucked the rest of my life" was generally my first waking thought... So, basically I know the drill... Reading through these posts on here and the support people gave me really helped and I wanted to post some news on how things have changed... Basically im am FULLY recovered... Im sorry to say I cant give any definitive conclusion on how this came to be... But as I mentioned in my last post meditation was VERY helpful to me and I still practice it daily. On the whole I am glad I lived through the experience.. It was terrible at the time, I remember that, but the strange thing is I cant really remember how I felt when I had it really badly... I can but its like a bad dentist experience.. You remember it was unpleasant but you dont actually remember the pain.. What I would say is it made me wiser, and calmer, and made me appreciate the the fragile nature of the mind... BUT most importantly it reminded me YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT LIES AHEAD.... If someone could have told me, 2 years from now you will be chilling blazing a big spliff and all that will be a distant memory I would of been fine but alot of the suffering i endured was worry.... "I am going to go completely insane" " will it ever stop".... I know many have not been as lucky as me and I feel for them greatly, but dont ever think you can not recover.. Because you can!!!!!!!!!! Many reports I read said if it last more than a few months you will have it for life etc etc... Well thats not true either... At least not in my case... So to conclude... All those suffering I hope this brings you some hope and inspiration... As I said I dont know what aided my recovery.. But, the things I did do which I feel helped, were MEDITATION!!! Very helpful....Also.... Adrenaline!!!! I do track days and motor sports and I remember even when it was at it worst I never had any symptoms while racing... So... Maybe... The natural endorphins and concentration and adrenaline are beneficial... I know not every one can go racing but some kind of extreme sport or anything that gets you adrenaline going and makes you happy.. Other thing is lay off the weed... I do smoke again now but I stopped for the best part of 2 years and I wish I had not started again, not because it brings on symptoms but just because stopping made me realize how much time i spent on the x box smoking weed eating crisps.. But hey.... Oh and this also helped...Ignore the silly video, just the song.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vW867TrVHA
  3. Hi guys, OK, i stopped almost all drugs... Still drank coffee, occasional beers, smoked tobacco and maybe a line of coke on a friday.. At the worst point, i was getting serious VS, flashes, flares in left eye, serious paranoia with depression, anxiety, closed eye distortions when i woke up and everything would look weird at times, like a very mild trip.. It was pretty full on..... Still get some very minor flashes and flares but they are very faint and infrequent now... I cant really describe what the worst symptom was... I kinda think the worst thing was worrying about it.... I think its important to try and stay happy and positive... Trust me i had some very dark moments when i definitely didnt feel very positive... Funny enough my cousin has it quite mildly as well, he was one of the first people i confided in and i was expecting him to be like "damn thats fucked up" But he was like daaaamn i get that to i thought i was the only one!!! Had a bit of a laugh about it... With the meditation, i found i had to be very clean in mind and body... I found it useless the day after drinking beer or what ever... Generally i would go for a jog, or a bike ride and do it when i came home but not when i was tired... Just when i feeling relaxed... This is the link to the tutorial i used to get me started but i have kind of adapted my own version now but its a good starter.. Used to get VS with my eyes closed when meditating but you just have to go with it and concentrate on the breathing... Wish i could give some more definitive advice but what would say is it seemed to be controlled and made worse by my fear of it.. The more i accepted it the less prominent it became.. Really hope all you guys are doing well and can beat this shit... And for those not doing well, it can get better, stay strong, stay positive! Peace and Love ......
  4. Hey guys.. Have not posted for a month or so but i just though i would give a update.. Its been a month with almost no symptoms!!! Had it pretty bad for a while, well over a year and was kinda getting to grips with the fact that it might be a permanent thing. I feel some what apprehensive posting this and i hope it continues but it seems i might of got lucky... Cant really give any definitive advice... What i would say though is i was (and still do) meditating for half and hour a day, i found this really helped me come to terms with it and stop freaking out about it. Once i stopped worrying and questioning it, it seems that it started to diminish.. Still occasionally get flares and a little closed eye distortion if i have a really long sleep as i wake up... But its become very infrequent.. Smoked a little joint the other day which i could never of done before and all was well just like the old times... Dont know if i really want to start blazing again now im off it but its nice to know i can... Acid MDMA and all that shit is finished.... Fuuuuuuck that.... I did plenty LOL Any way really hope all you guys are doing well and just felt i should give an update and thank every one who gave kind words of advice... Daylight is good at arriving at the right time..... George Harrison..... Peace and Love
  5. Basically as much as im sure you would like to return to your previous life style is it really worth it, as said very few of us "know" what we are dealing with other than its not very positive and its probably drug related. Personally i would say if your on this site asking that sought of question it probably means its not a good idea..
  6. The second (last) DMT trip i hit was not good had been up for days on mdma then smoked some DMT, had a kinda overwhelming trip, plus started throwing up half way through.. However it was about 3-4 months after that i started to get VS and other symptoms so im kinda guessing here... But it rocked me... Very serious drug... I would say at a guess thats what did it.. and yeah what i get is static and floaters...
  7. I just thought i would add, a few years back i got alopecia which for those who dont know is a disease where you hair falls out.. Started on my beard, then my hair (which is long and i love)... Started to get really bad, looked pretty fucked up and i remember going on a forum to ask some questions about it.. The outlook which was painted on there by the people i spoke to was less than sunny with people saying "it will all fall out could lose your EYEBROWS AND EYE LASHES AND PUBES!!!!!!!" As you can imagine i was not a happy bunny... Stopped going out, thought my wife would definitely leave me first thing i thought about every morning etc etc... Many of the people i spoke to said... "Not many people on this site who have got better".... Any way my point being, it all grew back i have a full head of hair (touch wood) absolutely fine, still married and all that worrying was for nothing... and i have never been on the website again to say "Hey im fine dont worry mine all grew back" I know HPPD is different but you get my point....
  8. I got 1 kilo of purple mdma and basically did the whole thing over about 4 years with my cousin, by the end it started to lose its potency though... However had no negative effects that i could put my finger on... I think.... It was 2 DMT trips that set off the HPPD.... oh well
  9. I know someone who had HPPD who has made full recovery. Never knew she had it until we met up and she commented on me no longer smoking weed and i said in not to much detail that i had fucked up visuals probably from taking to much mandy, and she was telling me she had the same thing for about 6 months after taking acid. She says she is now absolutely fine.. No visuals, no paranoia etc...
  10. EAT SLEEP JDM 373bhp Kinda going off topic with this but then again maybe we have hit the nail on the head... Adrenalin is a good substitute for drugs/booze...
  11. Do it mate!!!!! Thats a lovely beemer by the way love the old school body,s Never would of got this if i was still binging every weekend.... Its not all bad!!!
  12. Hello guys.... Street racing is my new drug taking... Its helped me in many way to cope with things.. Firstly its a drug and drink free scene.. instead of buying drugs i buy parts... when im driving i NEVER get any symptoms... The concentration levels are to high... While im doing it im really happy... Like MDMA happy... Well not quite... its different LOL However went to a race last night that was held in a tunnel... I did notice that the fumes were thick in the air.. whole tunnel was stinking of petrol fumes.... Any way was feeling a little light headed when i left and this morning woke up with some really bad visuals.. They have got better through day but it was pretty bad... Much worse than smoking a joint... Definitely the last time i will be doing that.... Made me consider the effect of breathing in all the toxins of living in a city on a day to day basis... hmmmm By the way whats the opinion on smoking cigarettes and HPPD ?... Been wanting to give up for a while as its just a hangover from weed smoking days and i dont really enjoy it...
  13. I used to love a beer or 10 on a friday... along with everything else... I go street racing now... Obviously has its own set of dangers but it does tend to be a drug/drink free scene and i have NEVER (touch wood) had any HPPD symptoms while at the wheel.. Its the only time im really and truly happy these days..
  14. Hi guys... Hope everyone is cool... .. Been suffering from HPPD like symptoms for about 6 months now, they are quite mild, i think it all started from to much MD and a over potent DMT trip... Before i really new about all this and was still smoking lots of weed used to get serious paranoia anxiety etc closed eye distortions and quite bad VS like a half visible cobweb mesh in my vision in low light especially and when i blazed up.. Generally if i dont smoke weed which i dont, i dont get that any more but i do get flashes/flares kind of like spots of water on a computer screen which will just flash up... However these are only in my right eye..... Have been for a serious eye examination at moorfields eye hospital where they told me that everything was fine with my eyes, pressure, visual field, etc etc... but i did have conjunctivitis in the left eye and it was caused by that... Didnt mention my HPPD or anything like that just described symptoms... I was pleased about this, so much that i went home and smoked a joint thinking that i was just suffering from conjunctivitis and everything would be fine.. This made the flashes flares worse and got a little of the mesh/web type stuff return for a day or so... Have not smoked since.. But my question is... Is it possible to experience HPPD symptoms in one eye?? Im not a doctor but i would it dose not work like that... Dont really know what to think.. I get quite alot of the flash/flare things and im not sure what to make of it... Im in good health and have undergone quite a few examinations in my early paranoia days but it confuses me... Maybe its a combo of both... Any ideas???
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