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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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  1. 3 points
    I drank for a number of years after I quit dosing. I wasn't out of control, but I was definitely drinking too much. I went in for a physical, and had a blood test. A few days later my doctor asked me to come in. She wanted to how much I was drinking. I was honest with her, after that conversation I quit for good. To be honest I was self medicating to deal with the anxiety caused by this disorder. Some people can manage their alcohol intake. Others, like me, can't. I had to find another way to manage my anxiety. With a young family, and a new career, I had too much to live for. I don't think having a few drinks is a terrible thing for those of us with hppd. Just my opinion. For me though, I think it would have made me a sick and unhappy soul.
  2. 3 points
    I think these MDMA/LSD therapy treatments need to be held to the same strict levels as medications, with a very clear set of potential side effects. Needs to be fully regulated
  3. 3 points
    Hey All! It's almost been two years now with HPPD, coming up on June 2nd. Man, it's been a hell of a fucking ride. I don't know where to start, I've grown so much since getting it when I was 16, I'm 18 now. I'm graduating from high school in 15 days. This site has been in my life less-so in the past year, but you guys really gave me the guidance I so needed as a confused 16-year-old. I just wanted to come on and say thank you for all the guidance and love. Just wanted to say my symptoms really have almost gone away, like 90% gone! It's just the fucking depersonalization and sadness I feel that stay with me regardless of the change I've gone through. Even though I feel this way, life is only going to get better from here! To another year! Andrew A.K.A Originally Lizard_1.mp4
  4. 3 points
    I've been doing this every year for the last four years since I got HPPD on May 8, 2015. I can't put into words how much I've been through and how much my life has changed since that day. I know a lot of people here understand what it's like, but trying to explain this to your everyday normal person feels impossible. I just never imagined in a million years my life would turn out the way it has. I actually had a major setback a few months ago from a mold exposure where I basically had HPPD all over again except on a much smaller scale than the first time. Three months later I still feel disconnected from my body a bit (worsened streamers mostly), but it's to the point where I don't notice it hardly at all as long as I eat right and avoid inflammatory foods which always make it worse. Speaking of, I'm pretty convinced HPPD is some sort of autoimmune reaction in the brain. I know nobody has the answer but this so me makes the most sense after trying to piece the puzzle together for the last four years. All the more reason to eat healthy and exercise! I don't know that I'll ever totally overcome HPPD and return to completely normal vision. I've always had eye floaters and a bit of snow so my normal is probably always gonna have some HPPD symptoms. But overall I feel I'm getting close to that normal feeling again, whatever that is. I think in another two years or so I'll be pretty much done with HPPD as a chapter of my life. It's strange, I remember years ago when I first got HPPD I thought there'd be some kind of cure. I often fantasized about it and what I'd do if I was able to suddenly return to my old brain, personality and way of life. I thought I'd be the happiest person alive. But as it turns out HPPD fades extremely slow, almost to the point where you don't even notice it improving at all. The years just pass by, you keep checking in only to feel about the same as you did before, until a few years pass, then a few more and finally you realize you've made a ton of progress and you can maybe even see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's sorta how I feel now. I've improved enough to where I'm closer to being me again than I ever have in the last four years. I've had lots of other health struggles since getting HPPD that have also transformed my life, but HPPD is honestly the least of my worries at this point, which feels incredible to say. I'm hoping to do some work in the future with regards to bringing some attention to this disorder -- I just don't know what quite yet. I also need to get fully healthy before I do. In the meantime I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing the last four years: eating healthy, exercise, work, spend time in nature, learn, love my friends and family and just try to take it one day at a time. That's the only thing you can do with this disease: just put one foot in front of the other.
  5. 3 points
    Congrats! I wish more people posted about when they get better. I think the vast majority of people with HPPD recover, if not fully then at least to a degree they can live with it and sustain a normal life. You're lucky to have been so young and have had such a malleable brain. You've got your whole life ahead of you now! Stay away from drugs and make the most of it!
  6. 3 points
    Hey everyone! I’ve had HPPD for a little under a year now (OD’d in early August), I’m pretty lucky considering that the drug I took was nBOME and HPPD is all that I have as a long term sideeffect. This was the second time I took this drug, and I didn’t take it knowing it was nBOME though I suspected it was. I’m an 18 year old and I’ve had HPPD since I was 17. After my first trip on this drug (1 tab) I experienced very minor HPPD, I had no noticeable personality changes and the only thing that really happened was an isolated feeling of tripping in my left thigh (very weird). It didn’t bug me at all and it was actually kind of pleasant to feel. It occurred fairly rarely, about only once or twice a week. My second trip was hell. I popped 3 tabs into my mouth, pulled up some anime, and waited in my bed at 8 pm for it to hit. It was extremely overwhelming for around 2 hours at the peak. I remember that I forgot how society worked, I forgot that real life was a thing and I just basically went crazy for a bit. Eventually, I hit a point where I made the sudden realization that after death, I would cease to exist. Coming to terms with that at the peak of my trip really fucked me up, and it took quite a bit of time to get over it. After my trip, I entered a state of psychosis. I couldn’t sleep and just felt like absolute shit. The trip not ending when it should have initiated the psychotic state and I ended up having to tell my parents that I just took drugs. I finally fell asleep after around 30 hours from when I initially took the drug. Recovery was greatly aided by an electrolyte drink my dad got from CVS. After that time I felt pretty weird, I didn’t enjoy anything for some reason and brain felt really numb. Food tasted off, I didn’t enjoy listening to music that I loved before and watching tv was boring. I also felt like my personality went kind of blank. To fix that, I watched a YouTube channel called JK news, the hosts on there are pretty vibrant and it helped stimulate human contact so I could get the hang of it again before talking to friends. slowly but surely my brain has reached a level where I have minor visual issues that are unnoticeable when I get enough sleep. I find that drinking caffeine makes my symptoms more pronounced as well, so I’ve cut off drinking energy drinks to handle school and instead push myself to stay up if I need to. I remember trying to smoke weed to see if it would mess with my brain back in December (4 months after OD) and sure enough it gave me heavy brain fog and I noticed changes in my personality. as of right now, I feel pretty alright. HPPD hasn’t been as much of a nuisance in my life except for the very rare moments when I’ll stay up til 2 am studying for a test and start tripping heavily. I’m still able to do high level work, my class load of organic chemistry, calculus 4, differential equations, etc in my senior year of high school isn’t impaired by my HPPD and I’ve found that it’s been a huge incentive for me to live my life in a healthier manner. I’ve been sober ever since I smoked weed in December. To anyone that’s suffering and thinks that things won’t get better, they will. Time helps heal the brain. I went from feeling like my brain was fried to succeeding in all my hard courses while maintaining a good social life. Of course, I’m still looking for a way to eliminate my restrictions (caffeine, sleep, etc.), but life is still fulfilling. HPPD has made me more aware of how my brain functions in that I analyze things with much more awareness, which has its pros and cons but it’s still an overall bonus. Don’t let this condition keep you from achieveing your goals and dreams. I’d like to become a member of this forum since you guys are the only other people I know of that suffer from this. I plan on going into medschool and would like to become a neurosurgeon, maybe neurologist down the road if I can’t do surgery while sleep deprived. I’m hoping to start research into HPPD and will do everything I can to find out what happened and how to fix it.
  7. 3 points
    Some if not most of you may know I started a non profit for HPPD and VS with the help of several people with HPPD. After many years of hard work we have a neuropsychiatrist, Dr. Harry McConnell, on board who has taken up the mantle from Dr. Abraham and has designed the only fully comprehensive research study on HPPD. It will cover genetics, autoimmunity and utilize several means of neuroimaging. I’m encouraging all of you to get your family, friends even yourselves to donate toward this study because if something remarkable is found, it will change everything for us as a patient community. http://www.neurogroup.org/donate/
  8. 3 points
    MadDoc has covered it well there. the majority of people who sign up on here tend to stop posting after a couple of months, which suggests that most cases of hppd heal after a while (this is backed up with anecdotal evidence from speaking to people via PM here). Try not to stress about it for now. I wouldn't even read up too much about it. Just eat well, excercise, take your mind off it any way you can. This does add to my fear about the sudden gold rush towards mdma/lsd as a legitimate therapeutic treatment though.
  9. 3 points
    If you think this sounds like a dream come true, you are wildly misinformed. It is not like tripping all the time.. You have no feelings of joy, or insight. Just all the very ugly aspects. Anyone saying otherwise has some very mild form is this. Imagine your strongest trip ever, now remember that feeling when you've come down but you are still fucked up (and remove any feelings of relief that you made it through to the other side)... You're disphoric, depressed, anxious, nervous, paranoid, your mind is starting to make normal thoughts, but something is still very off, your vision is all messed up, but without the joy and insight, it's just an ugly mess. Don't underestimate this illness. I'd literally rather have cancer, or have my arms cut off.
  10. 3 points
    I too used to take ridiculous doses but my drug was acid. Why did I do it? I just wanted to see what would happen I guess. Go deeper. We were also under the false impression that it was harmless. The handful of times I've smoked weed since I stopped dosing produced panic attacks and a scary psychedelic effect. My brain felt like it was being run by some alien software. Horrid! I think it's great that you reached out on this forum. You're not alone, there's a whole tribe of us who are dealing with this. Understand, there are people in this forum who life happy and productive lives. I've had this disorder my entire adult life but existence has been sweet. Welcome!
  11. 3 points
    This is quite funny really: "Can i still smoke weed?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet" "What about spice?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet, no more drugs of any kind" "Just some coke then?"
  12. 3 points
    Keep on fighting mate, I know how hard it is, but you never know what is around the corner. What is your current situation, are you on any meds? PM me if you need anything, even just to rant.
  13. 2 points
    I was going to write an introduction, etc. I don't have the energy now, but I do think it is VERY important that people with HPPD learn the truth about the amount of information that has existed out in the academic literature and why it frankly pisses me off that some researchers see that since 1969 there has been a stable disorder of symptoms that account for our condition, but they ignore it or don't have the time or desire to invest in researching what came before. I have read over 100 articles for my undergraduate thesis, and luckily had access to all of the databases I needed. So, I was privileged . Ii want to share that with you. I want to do these in videos, but I haven't set that up yet. So, here is the first major paper on HPPD that literally covers every major point and gets it right: Copy of horowitz_flashbacks (1).pdfCopy of horowitz_flashbacks (1).pdf
  14. 2 points
    Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe
  15. 2 points
    This is a good list. I am setting up the space where people with HPPD, their allies or medical professionals can use to look up information about the big questions: What pharmacological treatments have evidenced based positive results? What medications are specifically CONTRAINDICATED for individuals with HPPD? The page would have 30 or so medications I would imagine. It could be broken down into a Professional and a Consumer Page. I think it would be nice if a more advanced write up with citations were included as a Continuing Medication Education "type" certification, which a licensed medical professional can take in order to be listed on the World Map with their information as a doctor that at minimum has familiarity with the most important concepts.| The goal of the web site is to create the most value and impact with the little money that we have. If individuals with HPPD go to one of these doctors, and the doctor does not prescribe risperidone as a first line of defense because the web site details a very outspoken research and patient community about why this class of anti-psychotics will produce an increase in symptoms. Imagine saving 5 people from having to experience this awful period, which I have known some people to have been hospitalized and placed on anti-psychotics, and as the symptoms got worse they prescribed more antipsychotics. It was about 6 months or maybe a year later, the medication was stopped and the symptoms were dramatically improved. This is where everyone can have an impact.
  16. 2 points
    muh "MMS CuReS EvErYThiNg" Stop shilling for KNOWN TOXIC compound, I suggest anyone interested in MMS watch this. (inb4 dosage matters) To anyone reading this, If you want placebo effect, there are much better options out there. I know (from personal experience) that one gets desperate to find cures, but MMS definitely isn't what you are looking for.
  17. 2 points
    June 11, 2019 SUBJ: Faces of HPPD Survey/Research Published – RESULTS! Dear HPPD Online Community: As a mom with a grown son with HPPD, I was so fortunate to come across this forum several years ago for information and support. David Kozin, who runs this board, is an amazing man to have created and maintained this website and kept up his work/studies over the years – all the while suffering with HPPD. I would like to thank him for this platform, and well as thank those of you who participated in the survey that I launched four years ago to collect data about individuals who had received an official diagnosis of the disorder. Fast forward…. Here it is June 2019. Long overdue for the published report, however, I lingered – always hoping to gain a larger sample of subjects. I am fortunate to have a PhD in psychology, experience in research, and a heart to try to make a difference. Instead of publishing a book, it only made sense to get the results in the hands of the scientists and medical professionals through scientific writing. I am so happy to tell you… the peer-reviewed medical journal, Addictive Disorders & Their Treatment, published by Wolters Kluwer publishers, has reviewed and accepted my manuscript for publication in an upcoming issue. Last week the article completed rounds of publication editing and formatting. The article is posted at their website for advance release. Lewis, DM, Faces of HPPD: Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder Patient Survey Results and a Descriptive Analysis of Patient Demographics, Medical Background, Drug Use History, Symptoms, and Treatments. Addictive Disorders and their Treatments. Forthcoming 2019. The link is here: https://journals.lww.com/addictiondisorders/Abstract/publishahead/FACES_OF_HPPD__Hallucinogen_Persisting_Perception.99733.aspx (NOTE: This direct link will change probably in a month or two when the article is given a print-issue date – right now, it is advance copy, undated. In the future, you can search the article at https://journals.lww.com/addictiondisorders/ . While the article is available for immediate download, many of you know that publishers charge money for copy downloads (this one is $49), and authors cannot give away their copy. This, I know, is not a good thing for some within the community who do not have the funds. However (here’s the good news 😉), I contacted the publisher and obtained permission to publish a summary of the results (the important data!) and I created an infographic that provides you all the results. I am including it here as a .pdf file, attached. It’s reader-friendly, and I hope it provides insight. I want to mention some findings that particularly concern me: the high rate of suicide ideation (among other co-morbid psychological/psychiatric symptoms reported), and the significant number of individuals who reported being unable to work due to HPPD. I feel strongly that HPPD needs recognition as potentially disabling – and I believe there are some individuals who may need government assistance (eg, Social Security Disability benefits). My future work leads me in the direction of carving a path for HPPD as a qualifying mental disorder for eligibility for assistance. I will keep you posted on that. Again, thank you so very much for those who partook in the survey. My best wishes to each of you for good health and peace of mind, Doreen M. Lewis, PhD https://www.facesofhppd.com https://www.vellichorresearch.com Faces of HPPD Infographic - LEWIS.pdf
  18. 2 points
    RE: Depression and Ketamine Infusion Therapy - WARNING! I wanted to share IMPORTANT information about a trendy treatment for severe depression/suicidality. That is, the use of ketamine IV therapy. It's expensive and there are news reports that it is a miracle for serious depression ( there's alot of stuff on youtube.com). My son had two rounds of Ketamine Infusion Therapy, and it seemed to work - we were (initially) quite impressed with the effects. Then I found a case report written by Dr. Abraham last year that shows the ketamine IV therapy CAUSED HPPD in an individual! If it causes HPPD, then it might exacerbate the HPPD, too. Please see the article... I am providing the online link, below, and attaching a PDF copy here. Salzman, Carl & David Abraham, Henry. (2017). Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder Following Therapeutic Ketamine: A Case Report. Journal of Alcoholism & Drug Dependence. 05. 10.4172/2329-6488.1000281. Link: https://www.omicsonline.org/open-access/hallucinogen-persisting-perception-disorder-following-therapeutic-ketamine-a-case-report-2329-6488-1000281-93968.html PDF copy attached. Hope this information helps! Doreen Lewis, PhD hallucinogen-persisting-perception-disorder-following-therapeuticketamine-a-case-report-2329-6488-1000281 (3).pdf
  19. 2 points
    I don't have visual snow, never have. I have visuals to beat the band, but no snow. Categories, taxonomies, labels, etc. never quite fit in the real world. I think hppd a spectrum disorder as varied as the people who have it.
  20. 2 points
    I tried homeopathy and definitely felt something, although it could have just been placebo. If you think it could help and won't make your HPPD worse and are willing to take the chance then you should give it a shot. The homeopathic medicine I took was cannibis infused and I didn't experience any averse side effects. I don't think there's much risk but I also don't think you're gonna "cure" yourself. HPPD isn't really something that can be instantly reversed.
  21. 2 points
    Hello, I’m sorry to hear about all you have gone through; life can be very difficult and each of us have our own battles. From my experience if we focus on our problems they only get bigger. In the age of the internet this can have terrible results because there is an endless stream of information available that can make us feel worse about ourselves. My advice to you is to try and not focus on your condition or the troubles from your past. Therapy can be very good with the right person to address what’s troubling you. Meditation is also an incredible tool that is free and can be very effective for treating depression, anxiety and other issues. The important thing with meditating is consistency; it’s like working out. You will not reap the benefits unless you put in the time and energy. It also is a subtle business that comes only after a few weeks of practice but then eventually one day you realize everything is okay and as it should be. For mediation it’s always worth investing in some course to help learn the basic techniques and ask all of your questions. These are typically pretty cheap and you only really need to attend a few classes. Anyway it sounds like you’re on the right path. Remember the ‘here and now’ is all we can influence and all that matters. It’s so easy to forget that. Keep pushing forward and believe things will get better and they will. Keep seeking peace and you will find it. I’ve messed up so many times but those low points provide lessons. Also hope is essential to keeping a good additude. Take care and keep posting on this forum. Nick
  22. 2 points
    You said you don't have an outlet, maybe you can create one. Find a healthy distraction from what's going on. I am filled with anxiety as well and I know it can be absolutely debilitating; I also have OCD. What works for me is keeping busy. I go to the gym a lot, I play chess, I read, meditate and I go for long walks. Find something that brings you joy and can take your mind off of the current situation. Keep coming back to these forums, when you share your problems with others I have found that it has the effect of making them seem smaller. A lot of anxiety I think is rooted in our perception of the situation, and often times that perception isn't even logical and therefore not sound. Anyway hang in there, believe that it will get better and it will. Take Care, Nick
  23. 2 points
    Thanks for sharing.
  24. 2 points
    Thank you for posting. The fact that your symptoms are improving is great news! Keep posting to let people know what's working for you. It might help someone else in the future.
  25. 2 points
    okay since February my HPPD symptoms have slowly went down i avoided all types of drugs especially when sick i would only take ibuprofen and pray that it isn’t anything worse than a cold. I’ve tried to eat healthy but it not really good at that. Since overdosing on THC i’ve ended up going through a spiritual awakening so i’ve been very occupied and forgot all about my HPPD until night time when i dim my lights. I just now started exercising and i see my symptoms getting a bit worse but since I read some of the past topics on here I guess it will get better and not worst i’ll see what happens but other that i only see a lot of static , ghost images , shadows and splashes of color. Anyways i just decided to post my update on my HPPD symptoms.
  26. 2 points
    The University of Sussex, UK, is recruiting participants aged 18 or over to complete an online questionnaire relating to the visual symptoms associated with visual snow syndrome and hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD). To participate you should experience the visual symptoms associated with visual snow syndrome and/or HPPD. The questionnaire will take approximately one to two hours to complete, depending on the number of questions you answer and the detail of your responses. It will include answering some questions about what visual symptoms you experience alongside on-screen illustrations of those visual symptoms. You will also be asked about how your visual symptoms impact your life. Other questions include those which ask about some aspects of your medical history. The questionnaire must be completed either on a laptop computer, a desktop computer or an iPad. To complete the questionnaire, please visit: https://universityofsussex.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_blrsONUZAQ19BGZ Some extras: - You can complete the questionnaire in more than one sitting so long as you have cookies enabled and return to the same browser on the same computer. Your progress is automatically saved when you continue to a new page within the questionnaire. Your partial responses are saved for one week. - We are carrying out ongoing research on visual snow syndrome and hallucinogen persisting perception disorder at the University of Sussex. This is the first of a series of questionnaires which will be released over the coming months. It’s really important for our research that we receive a high number of responses, and so I would encourage you to complete this questionnaire if you are able to!
  27. 2 points
    Thanks MadDoc, yeah Im still in a rough state generally but I find that my symptoms will peak for days or a couple weeks and then tend to stabilize (tho as of writing they have yet to return to my baseline) Unfortunately I can never tell (and I don’t think any of us can) if when I feel a bit better that’s because my symptoms did actually lower in intensity or if I just got used to it. What stuff sets you off and how long do these reactions tend to last? thanks!
  28. 2 points
    Thanks Jay I really didn’t think I was going to cope well at my cousins’ and I did much better than I thought even with the increase—I think my subconscious has influenced my symptoms a lot as of late and possibly the little cold I am just about through with. Otherwise I don’t have much of an explanation for why my symptoms would be worse all of the sudden as I did not take anything. Subconscious stress, anxiety and being out of my daily routine (and I’m way more isolated so I am not forced to be “normal” out in the world etc.) I would imagine is the culprit here. Right now distraction is all I can do until I make my next move and unfortunately the dp at its worst cuts me off significantly from former interests/nostalgia to where it’s hard to get into anything but “faking it” and doing it anyway has always helped even just a little so I’m back to it. hope your collarbone’s healing up thanks as always
  29. 2 points
    The 1080HD version is available at resolution of my monitor. CLICK to SUBSCRIBE! I just recorded my screen and started showing some behind the scenes. I have a real camera, I can make audio but right now I wanted to just make something that shows how much research exists and was published on this topic and how can a researcher miss these papesr if I found them for my undergraduate thesis. Well, there is a self-biasing, and I have heard from very prominent researchers in the hallucinogenic research community that were surprised by the overwhelming amount of content and the quality of the content. What is interesting to me, is when new research about HPPD is published and none of this history is included. It is almost as if the only research on the topic was selected by the researcher to validate their point. Well, I read the papers. I paid $35 for a lot, and admittedly thank you to my two sponsors and the MANY sponsors over the years that kept and still keep the web site up. I have finished what I needed to do before I could dedicate my life to HPPD, and so I invite you to a 40 minute video of me just clicking around at some of my links, showing the actual papers, using my mouse as my voice and pointing out passages that are tremendously interesting and it blows my already altered mind on how researchers are unable to use research services. PLEASE GO TO MY CHANNEL AND SUBSCRIBE. I have a place donated for me to live in my area to allow me to dedicate a day's work to HPPD research, web development and my personal withdrawal to lower my dose of klonopin. I will record this. I am sure it will horrify/entertain you or perhaps you can put a face to the web site and past comments and I will be honest about what is happening to me. This video is a FULL image of my desktop while I navigate through files. So, as I said you will see some personal things (nothing obscene, but I have no problem with anything you will see. I am not adding music, so you can feel the freedom to choose to look at different sections at your leisure. Just skip around. If you find something that you want to point out, then highlight and comment it on the actual channel. I NEED 1,000 SUBSCRIBERS. I have 32. If you want videos that will break down this information and include updates and opportunities to work together, then subscribe. Subscribers are hidden (unless you opt to let it be show. It also is not a channel that says anything about HPPD. It is my channel, and will have topics of perception. This video will contain simulators that you have never seen. I will show different types of visual snow. I will show you a sample of many of the papers that I have in my library. You will see articles from 1969 on HPPD that describe the symptoms in almost the exact way we do today. I will show a military research study. I will include related studies, hints at multiple biophysics studies I designed. You will see some links and bookmarks that I am not bothered by, so you have no "gotcha moments" in the comments. Papers covering all aspects of this disorder. Enjoy, fast forward, comment on a section time and ask a question. I will have more videos. I am so uplifted to see the positive videos about HPPD from individuals with this disorder, and also I am excited to see the positive momentum of the Visual Snow Community. Similarly, I am glad the work we did with Depersonalization and Derealization had an impact. What I did not want to do is tell you, "HPPD is this or that... We only have this much evidence..." or other surface level washing of the topic. This is my personal desktop. (Yes, I like writing music and flight simulators) 😜 This is what I have in my online drives. This is what exists. This does not include the many gigabytes of data from the hppdonline.com web site, but that is protected. Please subscribe. I have this checkmark, and it enables me at 1,000 subscribers to do much more with my channel. Typically, 100,000 subscribers require a verified account or celebrity. I guess having 1000's of pages with you name on it because of HPPDonline.com pages and publishing research or paying off my Google rep (jk) earned me this badge. It is time to get REAL serious about HPPD research. I have taken my vacation. I have read much of the new theories on HPPDOnline.com and I am so excited we are on the same page without talking to each other. We are looking farther than the GABA inhibitory system with the 5ht inputs and GABA outputs and looking at activation cells and the role of Dopamine. Functional structures and pharmacological observations. The first paper I was a primary researcher and author (and programmer and CEO of the non-profit that paid to host the research for Mount Sinai School of Medicine) has nearly 100 citations. It is a landmark characterization of the disorder and contributed to validation DPD/DR for the DSM-5. I have this designed for HPPD. You saw bits of it and the many revisions on my drive. I have updated more and I have completely re-hauled it. I will need help from the community. I am awful at raising money. I feel guilty for asking for money, even if that money is what will make this work. Unlike what many may believe, I would be homeless if it were not for my family's home. I have been a caretaker for a few years, and dealing with my ADHD symptoms that have been disabling for so many years. I am ready now. We are all definitely ready. I have never thought I would see the day there is TOO much information about HPPD on the Internet, but that much of it is garbage. I promised I would dedicate my life to this, and this is where I feel most energized. CLICK SUBSCRIBE! - David S. Kozin
  30. 2 points
    Just as Jay mentioned, no one can answer those questions. We don't understand the underlying mechanism of HPPD or psychedelics for that matter. If you do your research you'll come across some explanation of LSD or Psilocybin 'mimicking' the role of serotonin in your brain but that's still speculation and probably not the whole picture. Maybe we will fully understand them someday but probably not before we have a better grasp on the brain. The brain is certainly still a mystery. The moral here being when dealing with these substances you never know what you're going to get. And this varies wildly from person to person. It all comes down to what you want out of life; what are your goals, what makes you happy. I can almost guarantee you that drugs will not bring happiness, they do not bring stability and they typically do not promote personal or spiritual growth. I used to be convinced that LSD and Psilocybin were the answer to 'finding myself', uncovering my spirituality and transitioning to a higher level of thinking. This lead me to binging on them (15 hits of acid in one night ) and HPPD and substantial regression which almost cost me my marriage and opportunities that were in front of me. Not to mention my personality. I think the most debilitating aspect of HPPD is the loss of self, the visuals are just distracting and of course bring guilt because they are a constant reminder that we fucked up. But knowing you used to be someone else and not knowing how to go get that back is very strange and depressing. I'm not trying to preach to you. We all have to make our own decisions but there are some things that cannot be undone or will take years to undo. The mystery of the mind is also in how resilient it can be if you give it the proper conditions to recover. So there is always hope! But if you have HPPD now and continue to explore the trippy life it will likely get worse. This is just from experience and the reports of others. The longer you let it get worse the longer it takes to recover and the more difficult it will be. Also on the subject of people dosing more than you: do you really know that they are okay? People are great at putting on a front (including myself) to escape the possibility that things really are not going well. I did just that. Not to say that there aren't people who can responsibly use these substances without problem but what's important is if you can. You know in your heart whether it's time to stop or not. The fact that you're here and seeking help is a great indication that you're mature and care about your life. Think long and hard about whether drugs are worth your happiness. Again not trying to preach but this is something I had to deal with and it's not an easy question. It can become an identity issue, especially when most of your friends are still exploring. You have friends here, please continue to reach out. Life is beautiful, sometimes we just have to step back and realize that. Take care and please keep coming back!
  31. 2 points
    No one can answer those questions.. You might be ok, you might completely ruin your life. It sounds like you got incredibly lucky to come through the other end and have a form of hppd that can be managed. I'd quit while you are ahead. I was in your situation and carried on pushing my luck and got totally fucked over and have had life altering, severe hppd for 24 years now. You say that quitting drugs would suck.... What sucks FAR more is not being able to have 1 moment of the rest of your life with any kind of peace or true happiness. What sucks is not being able to maintain eye contact with your wife as her face swirls and distorts... Or not being able to chat to your parents without crippling anxiety. Or going to a job interview feeling like you are on acid. You'll only realise how amazing peaceful sobriety is when it is no long an option.
  32. 2 points
    Twelve days isn't much time. You may just be experiencing the remnants of your recent experience. I'm not a doctor or a medical professional. That being said, in my opinion, you're going to be fine because your symptoms sound mild. I realize it may not feel that way because it's happening to you, and I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through. Hppd can be debilitating and it sounds like you're doing pretty well. Stay clear of psychedelics and cannabis. Try not to put too much focus on the symptoms you're experiencing. Instead, focus on your daily tasks, challenges, and fun. Take care of yourself, and hang in there.
  33. 2 points
    As we all know psychedelics work through the 5HT-2A receptor, and one of the features of this is that they disrupt signal coupling in the thalamocortical feedback pathways which basically means it desyncs multisensory data input and stops the ability to discriminate and gate incoming signal flow to the cortex. This destabilization leads to "subtle flickering or pulsing of light intensity; geometric grids and matrices; the perception of halos or auras around light sources; increased luminosity of reflective objects; the softening of line and texture resolution; and the inability to hold sharp focal contrast between foreground and background in depth perception." So it's possible that psychedelics lead to persisting destabilization of this feedback loop giving us some of the symptoms listed here additionally this feedback pathway fills in our peripheral vision and even if it's "the rate of multisensory frame saturation or neutralization was slowed or interrupted by even a few milliseconds, incoming sensation would begin to layer over itself with increasing levels of smoothing, liquidity, and phantom frame echo decaying in the wake of sensation." This may explain why people with HPPD see things move in their peripheral, additionally the fact that psychedelics "stop the ability to discriminate and gate incoming signal flow" might explain visual snow since it's basically the inability to filter out what we'd normally see in our imperfect vision. I have no degree in neuroscience or in pharmacology I am merely making assumptions based on the article I'm reading, If there are any faults in my theories please let me know I would like to improve my knowledge and understanding of pharmacology. Article I'm referencing http://psychedelic-information-theory.com/5HT2A-Agonism-and-Multisensory-Binding
  34. 2 points
    One more important fact is MORE PSYCHEDELICS WILL MAKE IT WORSE! This makes sense and most people here will tell you this. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but you have to be careful. I love tripping but I have lost my right to because I overdid it and that's okay. Trust me on this one; you want to stay away from mushrooms, DMT and LSD. I made the mistake of recovering pretty much completely then years later I started taking mushrooms again and it brought back my old symptoms. Anyway good luck and take care!
  35. 2 points
    As you read through this site you will likely hear similar suggestions from people who have been dealing with this disorder. First off, from what I have experienced and read visuals are not a reflection of 'brain damage' they are likely some optical disorder that we have yet to pinpoint; a sensitivity to light or whatever you want to call it. However the cognitive impairment that I have experienced I am almost certain that it is due to anxiety. Anxiety brought on by the visuals and the regret and guilt they bring. Anxiety is a powerful driver that can be debilitating. So my advice to you is to cut back on the weed (trust me it's only going to exacerbate the symptoms) and make yourself busy. Find a hobby that you can throw yourself into, could be school, instrument, anything healthy. Get plenty of sleep, eat well and exercise regularly. All of these things will reduce anxiety. If the visuals don't go away immediately it's okay, you have to give it time. The important thing is to not dwell on it because there's nothing you can do but try and get better, you can't undo the past. Plus you can take solace in the fact that you're very young and from what I can tell mature since you've identified the problem early. I myself took significant doses of LSD around your age for extended periods and didn't realize I had HPPD for a few years. But once identified I followed the above recipe and eventually they diminished greatly. Please reach out if you have any questions, concerns or just want to chat. Take care and be well.
  36. 2 points
    When I was dosing, I used to dose frequently. Sometimes for weeks at a time. I also never really had a bad trip. You say that dosing so often over a short period of time was irresponsible. Learn from what you've experienced and don't beat yourself up. The important thing is you've learned that, for you, perhaps lsd isn't doing you any favors. As for your experience with cannabis, it's very common. I used to smoke all day every day. Quite suddenly it made me feel dosed, after that I started getting panic attacks. I had to quit all together. I took a pharmaceutical free approach to dealing with this disorder. Then again, I discovered I had a problem back in the 70s and you just couldn't talk to a doctor about using psychedelics. The one time I did the doctor basically told me I got what I deserved. As others have mentioned, take some time off from using cannabis. Let your mind level out and assess how you're doing. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
  37. 2 points
    I used drugs during the 1970s. There were two messages. The message from the older generation was drugs would kill you or you would end up in jail. The message from the younger generation was that they were basically harmless. Both viewpoints were ill informed. Regarding productive lives, I'm nobody special. Just a regular Bozo making his way through "this" (whatever this is). I contracted hppd after taking psychedelics for six years. I managed to get through college, got married, raised two amazing kids (adults now), and have a profession that I enjoy. As I said, I'm nobody special but I never gave up. I picked goals and went after them one step at a time. Sometimes tiny little steps. All I'm saying is that it's possible to have a productive and happy life. Never give up, take small steps toward what you want to do do and who you want to be.
  38. 2 points
    Hi Harry,.. very sorry to her about your you mum dying, must be heart breaking. Stress is a huge factor in HPPD and grief is the worst stress you can get. As the grief slowly passes, the stress will too, which will help your dp/dr. I would chat to your business partner about having some time off, or at least lessen your hours. Dealing with your grief and mental health is the most important thing now. I'm sure something can be arranged, but you need to begin to talk about things with people near and dear to you (even if you don't mention hppd specifically). Are you trying any medication?
  39. 2 points
    I thought i'd start a topic where we can all contribute ways we have made our lives a little better (non medicinal). Get healthy and sober This is the obvious one... quitting drugs, stimulants like coffee, smoking etc.... Then eating healthily and working out really do help alot. Forget the past It is easy to get caught up in a spiral of guilt, anger and jealousy about your current situation. Why did I do drugs? Why did I get hppd? Why are my friends ok? Like all the mistakes and regrets in life... learn from it and move on (not easy, I know). These emotions will just feed the anxiety and hppd. Change your life hppd is at it's worst when we are stressed. It is impossible to avoid all stress, but do what you can to change your lifestyle for the better. If you hate your job, try and change it.... If you hate the city, move out. If your friends don't seem to support you, move on (the real friends will let you back in, when you're ready). These are big, life changing decisions... but hppd doesn't have to stop you making them. Grab your life back hppd can strip you of your ability to do the simplest tasks in life. Retrain yourself to do these tasks. If making eye contact is tripping you out, just slowly do it a little more each day... The more you do it, the more normal it will become. Same goes for all sorts of things... making small talk, going out and about, chatting to someone you are hot for. Your life isn't over This is a key thing to remember. The 1st months and years can be very, very tough... But life goes on. There are numerous people on here that have gone on to have successful educations, careers, relationships and families. hppd is not the end of your life, your dreams or your happiness.
  40. 2 points
    Just try to relax and see how you heal over the next few months... Don't do any more drugs, try to eat well and exercise and just do things that take you mind off hppd (films, tv, books, sports... whatever works)
  41. 2 points
    Hey, If anyone is interested, please get in touch. Many thanks, Alex
  42. 2 points
    Hey guys, Just wanted to report on what my experience with dosing with both Abilify and Levetiracetam (Keppra) has been like for me. I know most people have had bad experiences with Abilify. What I began noticing back when I was in the hospital, was that after they started me on keppra, the antipsychotics I would take (primarily Seroquel or Olanzapine at the time) would no longer cause adverse reactions to my hppd. They began having what I felt like was their intended effect - sedation. This was strange to me because for example, every time I took Seroquel prior to being on keppra, it would cause an exacerbation in my visual symptoms. With all of that being said; im one of the unlucky ones with HPPD, who upon getting HPPD developed a psychotic concurrent disorder somewhat on par with schizzoaffective disorder. Because I had HPPD I wasnt able to effectively use any antipsychotics to quell these symptoms. So then I remembered that after being on keppra, I was able to dabble with antipsychotics. So I figured I'd talk to my doctor about trying out Abilify. (Aripiprazole) The first 3 days, it made me feel really good and calm, then for the next two weeks it kind of made my HPPD a little but worse. I figured I'd try it out for at least a month before making a final decision. Anyways, that whole hypothesis about keppra enabling the use of antipsychotics proved true for me with Abilify as well. It's been about a month, and basically what happened was that the visual symptoms of HPPD basically got worse for a little while, but then returned to baseline after about two weeks. This is great for me, because IMO Abilify is one of the best antipsychotics out there. What's great is after my hppd returned to baseline, I've been able to keep the antipsychotic properties that Abilify has to offer - which so far is working really well for my psychotic/schizzoaffective symptoms. Just thought I'd post this little blurb, as maybe this could prove useful to those out there who suffer from *just a little bit more than hppd* TL;DR - keppra has allowed me to use Abilify effectively without causing my hppd to become worse, and has been helping my schizzoaffective symptoms while the keppra helps my hppd along side it. ?
  43. 2 points
    People link floaters with hppd because, at onset, they are constantly monitoring their visual field and start to notice the natural things too. I had floaters since about the age of five. If they are problematic, you can get surgery that blasts them (they come back after a few years) Glad the flashing has stopped for you
  44. 2 points
    My symptoms were very very mild before the full blown hppd. Slight trails, halos. However, whenever I would smoke weed I would basically start to full on trip -- I had visuals similar to a low dose of mushrooms. I even had mild auditory distortions. Yes, I was smoking weed before the 'full blown hppd'. I only have moderate hppd I believe -- and for that i'm grateful. I didn't know I had hppd before I had my acid flashback smoking weed. I read your introduction post & in my opinion if you do have hppd, it's very mild. Stay away from all drugs, even nicotine if possible, and I'm guessing it'll go away. Not an expert by any means but it does seem extremely mild & that's my best advice. STAY CLEAN. Don't make the mistake many ppl did on this forum and push your limits ( including me ). You have the warning signs, now listen to them! Best of luck to you ((:
  45. 2 points
    Meth will make your life worse
  46. 2 points
    Delucid is a complete moron. I wouldn’t listen to him and it seems like he is trolling. Thanks for opening up. I thin you should let your family know if they will be understanding, that way you will have help if you need someone there for you. The only reason really to see a doctor is if you feel like you need benzos which is typical if you experience terrible anxiety as a symptom. Other than that there is nothing they can do for you. Lemon balm in my experience was a decent supplement to help with the anxiety.
  47. 2 points
    Interesting post, I remember a similar post a while ago, but never as well researched. It certainly works for me in the very short term, but i'd never thought of trying long periods over months. Something I will now be trying. Onemorestep raises a good point about trying this in VR. Having complete immersion could be really helpful. I will research if this is available, if not... I will try to make a 360 video to try.
  48. 2 points
    Hello, I hope you are well. I contracted HPPD about 8 years ago from acid had a period of abstinence in which it almost entirely went away with the exception of the occasional 'flare up' usually when I was feeling anxious. I then had a period of 7 strong mushroom trips in about 7 weeks that seem to have brought it back to some extent so i am stopping psychedelics for now. I too am very interested in their mechanisms, applications and pretty much everything about them. However they CAN induce a detachment from reality which scares the shit out of me. Life is amazing and for a time psychedelics made me feel this in a deeper fashion however there were breaking points where I felt like I wasn't myself, detached from everything and everybody. This is not where I want to be. Be careful. My advice would be to take a long beak and see if things get better. Exercise, sleep and meditation are excellent tools to use to get out of the funk. It sounds like you just have visual distortions and not DP/DR; I think that's a much more manageable situation than what a lot of other people are facing. Quit while you're ahead before you lose your sense of self and place in this world. Also I think that it can lay 'dormant' within your brain, in which it is susceptible to reactivation. The moral being if you think you're 'healed' and go back to tripping the previous effects can come roaring back. I have gained a lot from psychedelics however I paid some prices, I think that for a while I was deceived into thinking that they were the answer. I really don't think they are the answer to anything. They do allow you to see beyond yourself and feel/know there's something greater than you out there, that we are all one and love is paramount to everything. However, these conclusions and facts exist independent of drugs and can be realized through meditation and mindfulness. There's a great quote from Allan Watts about the use of psychedelics "...when you get the message you should hang up the phone" Anyway I wish you the best of luck, take care.
  49. 2 points
    I started dosing young, just prior to my 14th birthday. I went through some rough and stressful years after I stopped when I was 20. You said "May we all find happiness again". After heavy dosing for six years, I didn't think I could be happy again. The chemicals that kept me fueled through my teens were no longer working and I realized that I had done some damage to my mind. It took some years of hard work, but I found happiness again. There's nothing special about me. I'm just an average human, but now I'm happy. It took focused effort, setting goals and not giving up. I think the hardest part was realizing that because I'm human, I'm flawed, but now I'm OK with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that happiness is attainable even when you're in a dark place. One step at a time, stumble, get back up and try again. Take care.
  50. 2 points
    I've seen some threads on this forum decompose into insults and shouting matches. We all have opinions, perspectives, experiences, and information we've obtained from various sources. If someone posts something you don't agree with, pisses you off, or seems like misinformation, please reply in a constructive and courteous manner. Before you post, think about what you might say if you were talking to the person face to face, and don't forget to be kind. We're all struggling with a difficult disorder. Remember, we all have the goal of being well. Let's help each other get there. Thank you.
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