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  1. 71 points
    About time for a thread like this. I took about 4 grams of shrooms (twice as much as you should on your first time) in early january. Before that all I had done was drink and smoke weed a few times. I tripped really hard, I was in a completely diferent dimension talking to people who don't exist, and time had no meaning. At one point I became really scared that I wasn't going to come back and began freaking out trying to physicaly claw my way back into this world while my eyes were closed. Still the next morning I was fine and I looked at the trip in a positive way. Three weeks later I smoked a little and the night after that I drank a little. The night after the night I drank I woke up from a really messed up dream shaking with really bad anxiety. For the next week I had horrible anxiety and sleep issues (hynagogic hallucinations and such) but no other symptoms. After a week it went away but then a few days later it came back with all that stuff plus 24/7 visual snow and some after-images and some derelization. The next two months were hell but then things started to improve. After 4 months I was feeling a lot better and could ignore HPPD pretty easily, after 6 months I was basically back to normal. It's been almost 7 months now and I still have some very minor symptoms. I am more anxious/moody/prone to depression than I was prior to HPPD but its still improving and I'm confident that these symptoms will completely dissapear soon. In certain lightings I stilll get visual snow but its so minor that if it had never been worse I would think it was just a normal thing that everyone had. Ocasionally I'll get a random visual (like an afterimage or something weirder), but its getting increasingly more rare and honestly might also be normal. I dream vivid dreams all night long it seeems now but thats not really a bad thing. I still have some Hypnagogia issues, I kinda start dreaming while I'm still awake and had a little sleep paralysys a week ago (I thought i was dead), its really hard to explain but its not a problem as long as it doesn't get worse. I also get CEV when I'm trying to sleep sometimes but those are fun now that they aren't there all the time. I didn't use any prescriptions to get to this point, just eating healthy, taking vitamins, exercising, and most importatly ignoring my symptoms and believing that they will go away. Good Luck!
  2. 52 points
  3. 30 points
    Everything in our universe is quite simple, Push/pull concept, up down black white red blue north pole south pole day night sun black hole etc etc etc... well with our receptors its the same concept, agonist inverse agonist, I was thinking that maybe these very potent agonist of the 5ht2a receptors cause such an extreme push that things become out of balance, just like if you decreased suns gravity the earth would fall away, maybe we can utilize inverse 5ht2a agonists to accomplish the rebalancing of our receptors. unfortunately these dont exist that are on the market today, only in clinical trials, for the treatment of insomnia. Anyone have any ideas? Update: Full documentation of this disease can be found on page 24 post #478
  4. 11 points
    Several months ago I mentioned in the introduction forum that I had dealt with HPPD since about 1974 and have for the most part come through it all successfully, though not unscathed by any means. I said I'd share the list of thing that I feel helped me, with the hope that others can find some help too. ---- * Intro: My HPPD started after I'd taken many acid and other hallucinogen trips, smoked a ton of weed, and done lots of other regrettable things over the course of a few years starting at age 14 or 15. This was way before hppd was on anyone's radar. We heard stories of people who tripped and never came down, but didn't believe them. A couple weeks after a particularly unpleasant, anxious acid trip, I started to feel like I was tripping, had visual snow, trails, a feeling of impending disaster, depersonlization, all the classic symptoms. My HPPD had started. * First stop, psychiatrist: I was prescribed antipsychotics, possibly Thorazine at first, then finally settled on Stelzine, with Artane to prevent tardive dyskenisia. For the next several weeks to couple of months, I suffered terribly with the symptoms, which the drugs did nothing to alleviate, as well as the effects of the drugs themselves. Then, on a followup visit to the Dr., he cruelly and dismissively said words to the effect that I was way more fucked up than I thought I was. * Second, fighting back: That catalyzed me - I was going to beat this! THIS WAS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING. I vowed that I was going to clean up, get off the antipsychotics, and get my act together. I started with all the usual "good lifestyle" choices: eat right! rest! exercise! And I think this cannot be overemphasized. * Third, refusing to give in: So now I started a long process of simply forcing myself back to normalcy as best I could. I tried various supplements and so forth: even put eggshells in my omelettes because I thought the calcium would help. I don't think anything really did, outside the fundamentals - again: eat right, rest, exercise. I found that walking, hiking, biking was excellent therapy. These basic motor skills are unharmed by the drug effects, unlike things like reading and driving, so were a good basic fallback. Plus the release of endorphins is helpful. Do it. Do it as much as you can. When I would have bad acid trips, walking was about all that I could do, and it was helpful dealing with the HPPD. * Fourth, getting involved: As difficult as it was, I forced myself to be in the world. I went to junior college. I got a girlfriend. The intellectual activity, and the emotional attachment were really helpful. I eventually felt that I was recovering, even though I still felt depersonalization, and still had visual artifacts, and I was able to function quite highly. I had simply given myself no other choice. There weren't any other treatment options, so I determined that if I was going to be on my own with this, I was going to just plug and plug away. * Fifth, staying clean: All this time, I assiduously stayed away from any sort of substances. I have to emphasize this to fellow HPPD sufferers: you cannot afford to put any more psychoactive material in your system. When I got too overconfident in my recovery, I started doing cocaine ... and relapsed. After a night of partying, I looked down at my hand and it had the far-away look of depersonalization, the dawn sky was fully speckled with snow, and I cried my eyes out when I crashed into bed. It was back. DON'T DO ANY SUBSTANCES. I had to regroup, get back with my program, go clean again, and work really damned hard to regain my lost ground. * Sixth, valium when it got bad: Eventjually developed a type of vertigo somewhere along the line, which may or may not have been related to the HPPD. It was like my peripheral vision was out of synch with my body, and it was a chronic feeling of being off balance and of the world moving. It was particularly horrible. So, I saw a vision perception specialist, and took valium - the only drug that ever helped any of my HPPD symptoms. I mention it here because even if the vertigo was not related, I assumed it meant that together with the HPPD it meant I was brain damaged. The valium definitely helped calm the panic about that. Still and all, through this I was able to complete college and live a quite reasonable existence in New York City. * Seventh, vision therapy: because the vertigo seemed vision related I went to a vision therapy specialist, but I think it was helpful with taking my focus away from HPPD visual symptoms. Search on the web for vision therapy modalities; I just briefly looked at http://www.visiontherapyrocks.com, and it looked like it had some good links. * BREAKDOWN * Then I had a psychotic depression. I have no doubt that the HPPD had made me susceptible. But the short version is that I ended up hospitalized, then underwent ECT and was put on an antidepressant. * Eighth, recovering all over again, antidepressant therapy: I believe the ECT helped, as well as the medications. I have been taking carbamzepine and SSRI's (Prozac and Zoloft), and for the most part have been completely unbothered by my HPPD for many years now. Coming out of the depression was a slow road, and I'm sure it was related, but once recovered, my symptoms of HPPD no longer bother me, even when I am aware of trails, afterimages, or snow. The vertigo disappeared too! * Ninth, PTSD treatment: after several trying years, and some unrelated traumas, I decided to look into PTSD treatment. The treatment modality was hypnosis plus EMDR (look it up). In treatment, I realized how traumatic the experience of the drug use and the resulting HPPD had been. The trauma treament I underwent made a huge difference for me in reducing the intensity of my memories of the horror of those times, and helping me integrate more fully. * Tenth, ongoing work on my Self: I continue to work all the time on understanding my mind and feelings. My current work is around Focusing (http://www.focusing.org/newcomers.htm) and it is a useful tool for opening up to exploration of feeling impressions, and guiding one's travel through one's experience. We have worked on my history of HPPD symptoms and it has really helped me feel relief from some of the superstitious and irrational thoughts that were an unconscious burden I carried after all those years of trauma. ----- So that's my success story - I never got totally over the HPPD, and I continue to have personality difficulties that I think are related to all the drug use at such a young age. I still can see more prominent after-images than I like, I see visual snow, I can see faint trails. But I am free of the feelings of dread, free from the depersonalization, have had several long-lasting relationships, have several kids, a BA degree, six-figure income, and am here if I can help any of you! Recap: 1. Antipsychotics, probably not useful. 2. Fight Back! Make a committment that you are going to beat this. 3. Refuse to give up, stay on a program of eat right, rest, exercise, exercise, exercise. I found that sugary crap made symptoms worse. Do veggies! Lots. 4. Get involved. Even though you are in a bad state, try to force yourself to engage in any way you can. Chat up the grocery clerk if nothing else. Try to read, study, do things you (used to) enjoy. 5. Stay clean. Don't even think about doing a little of this or that. Even though coke is not a hallucinagen, doing it set me back years. 6. Try diazepam and related. I found no shame in relief through valium. Do it through your doctor. 7. Try various vision therapies. You can learn to change the focus of your attention, and a sympathetic vision therapist could be really helpful. 8. I underwent hard-core depression therapy, it's not something you can ask for at your Dr.'s office. But I wonder if ECT helped my HPPD! It's possible that the SSRI's and the Tegretol have helped. I just don't have clean data here, for obvious reasons. 9. Try PTSD/EMDR treatment. You are undergoing a traumatic experience, and the trauma just reinforces the HPPD as well. I believe that the PTSD nad EMDR treatments could be excellent help. If you contact me, I will provide a link to a specific practitioner who has MP3 recordings you can buy which may be helpful to you as they have been to me. If there is enough interest, I would contact this person and request a series of custom-made recordings for alleviating the stress, anxiety, and traumatic feelings that go with HPPD. 10. Try Focusing. "Clear a Space. Feel the feelings. See how you would characterise, describe the feeling. Find resonance with how you describe it. Ask yourself what makes it feel the way it does? What does the answer say about it? What does it need, and what is in the way of it feeling better?" This is somewhat like the line of thought that goes into a focusing session, but check the website at focusing.org I hope this helps, even a little. Please let me know if you have any other questions, if you want to find out about the MP3's, or Focusing. Hang in there. Don't Give Up!
  5. 11 points
    Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering. I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same. As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real. I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose. I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better. During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga. I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals. This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake. So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great." Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive. Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me. Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up. Believe you can get better.
  6. 7 points
    I have been putting the time and effort in the development of the website, changing the layout a bit, adding content. Could really use some feedback and advice. I'm not scientifically inclined about this condition but reading up as much as I can and trying to articulate it in a manner that would educate the layperson as well as generate interest from the scientific community. The goal right now is to optimize the website and then send a pitch letter of invitation to put that board together. I really could use a hand. www.neurogroup.org
  7. 7 points
    I am here for several reasons. Foremost, my 23 year old son has HPPD and I am personally touched by this. His struggles parallel what others feel and experience as written here. Living with HPPD is a private hell – seems. It is met with misunderstanding and judgment from an insensitive society and an uninformed professional medical community, generally speaking, with exception of very few doctors who are HPPD champions. It seems most members here are unofficially diagnosed… seeking information what to expect, where to go, how to feel better, lead life unencumbered. What a Godsend this forum is. I am here because I believe HPPD sufferers need advocacy… This means caregivers and the community leaders are needed to speak for them when they cannot, to represent their needs, to make a difference, to carry a torch and make inroads in research and awareness. To YOU, I extend my hands to help, my heart, my time. I am a psychologist, researcher, and writer…. and I care very, very much. So many faces, different places, the stories so similar…. Too little resources, no place to turn, just each other to help. I am only one person, but bring it on… and let’s get started to do something good. Please visit my website, Faces of HPPD www.facesofhppd.com which is established as a project to compile information about HPPD from those who have received official diagnosis and treatment, so that all can learn about living with HPPD. Faces of HPPD is not intended to compete with this forum… but to expand the sharing of resources and knowledge. I hope in some way I can be a force to make a small difference. God speed to each and everyone of you! Doreen Lewis, PhD (in Florida)
  8. 7 points
    I've changed my life from vegetarian to vegan. Not only because of hppd but for many other reasons as well. But somehow the drug experiences gave me the kick in the ass, so to speak. I am also more happy to be alive now. The world is beautiful, if you take a close look. In my opinion we just get a chance to have a closer look at this planet. People who never experienced this hppd-stuff don't know how lucky they are. Is it luck? I don't know, but their life seems easier. I don't think compelety negatively about hppd, but it is annyoing over time. Great idea to have a thread like this, btw. Your suggestions are good but hard to follow. But I will give it a try to change even more :-)
  9. 6 points
    The Visual Snow Syndrome study carried out by Dr Goadsby is close to starting a treatment phase of research . Yesterday Jen Ambrose posted an update ongofundme : https://www.gofundme.com/visual-snow '' Hello Eye on Vision Supporters!I'm sorry that there was such a long delay in hearing from me, but I sustained an eye injury in Feb and am only recently returning to limited computer use. I do have an update from London to share with you. Patients have begun to be qualified and scheduled for testing. Scans are scheduled for May and June at King's College. This is an important phase of research, because what is learned from these scans will determine how we enter into a treatment phase of research. Without this phase of research, we will not be able to proceed to medication testing. With that being said, I've been approached about funding for Dr. Puledda's salary for another year. Dr. Puledda works under Prof. Goadsby and is the primary doctor assigned to the Visual Snow research at King's college. As stated in previous updates we need approximately $70,000 USD per year to employ her. Currently we have only raised $20,000 USD which is a far off sum from what is actually needed to secure her. Almost all of you reading this who have VS have likely undergone an MRI. You have likely seen the very high bill to your insurance, or you have paid out of pocket. It's not uncommon to see bills over $1000. We are very fortunate that King's College covers all of these costs towards VS research. We need to assist them though by being able to pay Dr. Puledda for her time and efforts on our behalf. We would love for you to become a monthly donor and help us achieve our research funding goals. You can sign-up as a monthly donor here:http://eyeonvision.org/donate-to-the-eye-on-vision-foundation.htmlThank you, Jen Ambrose Please everyone make donations!! I know you guys got visual snow syndrome from drugs ( just as the forum info section itself says : drug induced visual snow syndrome ) but the symptoms are the same . A cure could be on the horizon if we start making donations!!! I've posted links about few other rare diseases that have found cures( or are close to finding one) purely by making large donations and not giving up . This is what patient determination and donations can do : https://www.hippocraticpost.com/innovation/gene-therapy-nervous-system-disorders/ https://www.technologyreview.com/s/603832/determined-parents-are-moving-the-needle-on-gene-therapy/ there are some other articles I came across a while back but I don't have the time to search for all of them again . However I hope that the above articles will inspire you to make donations for the visual snow syndrome research. It's the only option we all have left now !!!
  10. 6 points
    recovery is subjective.. i mean physically we can never be the person we were before becoming the way we are. just by virtue of the constant changing off the cells/particles/memories/stomach contents/brain chemistry/synaptic connections/environmental factors.... the me of this second is never going to be the same as the me of even 5 minutes ago. I'd count a full recovery for myself is being able to perceive the color black again. to not know what it means to see the colors redblue and greenorange and cosmic purple all the time. (if you know what i mean then you know... you know...) everything else i take as consequence for my actions and are part of who i am today whether i like it or not. at least if i could see black again and not have a 100% always on electric current running through my visual field... maybe i could sleep.. maybe i wouldnt suffer as many headaches.. maybe my stress levels would decrease and my stomach would calm down.... so if i can recover black at least.. i could call myself a success story
  11. 5 points
    Please stop smoking weed.
  12. 4 points
    @Saff I remember the point in my life when I realized "this isn't going away". It's really hard to come to terms with having this disability (In my case, I consider it a disability). I also remember the.point at which I decided that it wasn't going to get the best of me. I think that determination is in all of us if we can find it within ourselves. Understand that you can live a good life even with hppd. Sorry to sound so preachy. Part of being old I guess.
  13. 4 points
    I feel like the symptoms of anxiety,depression,derealization and depersonalization are a matter of us dealing with our condition and how we respond to it and the emotions we attach to it. Honestly, I feel like the best way to get better from HPPD is to accept the fact that yes you may have visuals but this is NOT the end of the world. You have to do things like meditation, wim hof breathing, weight lift, exercise. If you continue to believe that you're going to have anxiety and depression for the rest of your life due to a past decision, you have to ABSOLUTELY get over this destructive thought pattern. Guys, the mind is an extremely powerful thing. We can either use it as a tool for our own advantage or as a means of self destruction. STOP the negative thought patterns, eliminate the cortisol rush's from anxiety and take control of your life! Never feel sorry for yourself and never ever go into the bitter regretful mindset. This will just absolutely lead you down a dark path. Cheers, hope everyone gets better.
  14. 4 points
    Your story follows a very common theme here, as has been pointed out by above members of this site. I too had symptoms of HPPD from the time I was about 15 until 20. I did a lot of drugs in high school and at some point ended up with visual snow, depersonalization and slight afterimages, all of which are standard HPPD symptoms. After I graduated high school I actually took it easy on drugs my freshman year of college and within a few years I was symptom free. I took a few hallucinogens here and there but was always careful in never taking too much. Well, six years later all it took was a single tab of acid and I was thrown into a world and experience I wouldn't wish on anybody ever in the history of man. It's really clear that you're in a position we all were at one time and ignored. Don't be like us and ignore what your brain is telling you. Drugs don't work for you and your body type. If you keep doing them you'll regret it -- guaranteed. And not only that, you'll regret ever being born. Life on this planet is the greatest gift imaginable. Don't take it for granted. Doing drugs isn't worth it.
  15. 4 points
    I was in a similar place as you for a long time. I remember when I first got HPPD it was like being transported into another world because my DP-DR symptoms were so severe. I literally thought I was dreaming this all at one point. Everything looked like a cartoon, people looked like they were sculpted from clay and my visual-spacial recognition system was so completely destroyed I couldn't move my eyes anywhere or track anything across my field of vision without a gigantic and long-lasting smear that persisted for sometimes minutes after I took my eyes away from it. I've made tremendous progress since that time and I attribute most all of it to abstaining from drugs and living a healthy lifestyle, especially with regards to eating habits. I don't know what to tell you other than you're not alone, many people here have suffered from intense HPPD and DP-DR and that 1.5 years is nothing in terms of recovering from HPPD. Also, I've been to so many dark places and thought I'd never make it out alive. I don't know how many times I've contemplated suicide, but I've always pulled through, always somehow found a way out and kept on pushing. After two years I'm so happy I did. Though I still have HPPD it's gotten so much better, especially after transforming my diet, and I'm finally in a place where I'm OK from day to day, which I never could say until now. HPPD is a very long road and a very strenuous fight, but as others have already pointed out life is worth living even if difficult. You just need to give yourself time.
  16. 4 points
    Hey guys, Some of you might remember me from a while ago but I was a very active member a while back, I haven't posted in a while because well, I consider myself cured. It all began after a single dose of 25B-NBOMe, and threw me into an extremely dark place. I suffered a pretty much constant panic attack for a month after I aquired the disorder. I was depressed and simply waiting for the day to end, now when it gets to that point you start to not want to get up in the morning in the first place. I didn't want to live in that state. The dissociation was the worst, I didn't think it was possible to experience such a detached view of reality to the point where it might as well have all been a bad dream. Well, over the course of 2 years the symptoms waxed and waned but eventually started subsiding. I am still left with all my visuals but the dissociation is gone 80% and I'm sure I can make up the other 20. I tried over 10 medications, none really helping. I contacted specialists but couldn't afford them, my doctors were also very poor and refused to refer me anywhere worthwhile. In the end I just had to do it all myself. I forced myself out the house when I really would've preferred to curl up in a ball. I started socialising again, really socialising. I got back into my hobbies that I'd completely lost interested in, I worked on my anxiety through reading, meditation and praying everything will get better. You have to maintain that positive mindset no matter what, if you don't have that then you have nothing. I still have most of my visual symptoms as I said but I consider myself cured. Thank god the dissociation did go away for whatever reason, I feel alive again, I wake up and I don't feel like I'm in a foggy dream, I have emotions, I can be happy, sad, laugh and cry and really feel it like I'm supposed to. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, life is so much better once you've experienced how dark it can get and come out the other side. Some tips that helped me: ABSTAIN: Stay sober, a few beers now and again never hurt my recover but stay sober! Vitamins and diet: Eat well and eat good foods. Lifestyle: This was the big one for me, change your lifestyle completely in any possible way, change it for the better. Part of my recovery involved a lot of therapy where I let go of things from my past. Socialise, read, be passionate about your hobbies, learn a language, travel, find a relationship, get a job, change your job. You can do it on your own, or at least improve it as much as you can. I went from being so dissociated and suicidal I was sure I'd gone insane, to going back to my old self. Sure, I still have anxiety and visuals but I deal with it and to be honest, I never even think about it any more. Hope all of you are doing well, I can't imagine anything that puts as much strain and stress on the lives of people. Particularly young people that just don't deserve it. Listen to the long term members, I used to read the success stories every day and convinced myself I was going to get better, and I did. Good luck everyone, I pray for you all all the time. If you need someone to talk to or advice, anything at all, just PM me. Whatever thoughts are going through your head and no matter how you feel, I've been there. To the longer term members: hey, and thanks for all your help when I was at my worst. Sam
  17. 4 points
    Even thinking about smoking weed makes me anxious, nothing worse for me than to be high
  18. 4 points
    Hello, I'm recovered for 90-95% of this illness, I've suffered with HPPD for a period of 5-6 years . The only thing I suffer from now is chaotic thinking. A good night sleep makes this symptom relative obsolete though. So what did I do, right? HPPD really started to fade when I stopped all the drugs. This includes even smoking and probally drinking coffee. And to eat healthy, and to sport frequently. I think sporting as much as possible is even better. Also thinking postive is important too, try to go on with your life. Try to hit the hard but "good-for-u" roads frequently. What I also personally came across, that the cause of increased anxiety is not related to HPPD. HPPD only makes anxiety worse. Before HPPD kicked in I already had semi social anxiety. Focusing on such pre-existing anxieties is much better then on:"anxiety is from HPPD". A extra tip: I know it's really hard to step out your friend group. I think most friend groups who uses drugs frequently posses this strong loyal or tight band thingies. Specially when you're young, this youth culture kinda is your entire world. I think I'm lucky I converted to christianity in that period of time. I want to say some things about stepping out of such groups. I'm now in my 20's, and now with a more mature mind. I'm really thankfull I'm not in that place anymore. To be frank, I'm attending a good education and hang arround with the good people(I also used to hang arround plain thugs/hoodlums). I know almost certain, If I've stayed in this group I still have HPPD; and I'd be still in that dark corner of society. Some health boosts: I was quite desperate in the times of suffering of HPPD. So I played a bit with anti-oxidants. I discovered that some anti-oxidants helped with HPPD. Which are: L-carnosine, r-fraction alpa lipoic acid and astaxanthine. This above anti-oxidants has the rare behaviour that it acces the brain. Anti-oxidants, simply said, cleans the body of "waste/dump". If you're non-functional withouth coffee, you could try as substitute: Acetyl L-carnitine. It's a natural energizer. If you're having a hard time to stop smoking, ask your doctor if he/she can prescribe champix. Ps: sorry for my spelling & grammar, I'm dutch.
  19. 4 points
    I took LSD, Extacy and Mushrooms in relative moderation for about four years and I have spent the last 10 years of my life dealing with HPPD. The one good thing that came out of it, of course, is the fact that I was too scared to ever touch drugs again. I can honestly say that after all this time I hardly notice it any more but that is not to say that I did not at one point think that I was going to end up in some kind of institution. I have accepted the fact that it will never leave me completely but at the same time I have managed to let it go!!!
  20. 3 points
    Guys, let's calm it down a bit... @TheMythos let's see less swearing and personal attacks. I haven't had a chance to keep up with this article, but it is clearly marked as "a bit of an idea"... It's not claiming to be a science paper. Let's all try and pull in the right direction. If something doesn't ring true, politely put across your counter point or just leave it alone, unless you think it is damaging to the people who might try it.
  21. 3 points
    The non profit is up and running. Starting a seperate post with clinical tirals and donate information. Took me long enough but I'm a persistent bastard. www.neurogroup.org
  22. 3 points
    Good (your last post). We don't need people advocating others taking hallucinogens here.
  23. 3 points
    Some people here can have a beer on the weekends and be fine. Some people can't. There's a certain sensitivity with hppd and the spectrum is vast. Psychedelics may have helped you at one time but I'm in agreement with Fante that hppd is some kind of cerebral injury. You have been mildly injured by psychedelics, and you're at a higher propensity for becoming more injured the more you do. I did drugs for the better part of a decade. I continued to use years after I got hppd. I'm slowly recovering from my last major flare up but why would I put myself through that again just to gain a little insight? Not worth it to me. You couldn't PAY me to do drugs again.
  24. 3 points
    You may as well ask "if i play russian roulette, will I die?"... None of us know for sure... Yet we can all tell you that it's a stupid idea. I might offend some people saying this, but mild hppd is a walk in the park... Something you can easily live with for the rest of your life. Severe hppd is one of the worst things you can ever experience. Is an 6 hour high worth that risk?
  25. 3 points
    I've had mild hppd because of SSRI and used to smoke weed for 15 years before, I recovered in 10 months at 90-95 %. But I relapsed on caffeine and afterimages, trails and general vision are worse than the first time now. But I will recover again.
  26. 3 points
    Great advice. I know months can feel like decades in that early stage. I vividly remember it myself... But it is essential to give yourself the best possible chance to recover... Try and remove as much stress from your life as possible. If you need to take time off, do it... If you need to lock yourself in your room, do it... Whatever helps with stress... You can quickly get your life back on track once you recover or learn to deal with this. I would also add that self blame/self loathing is great fuel for stress and anxiety. If at all possible, forgive yourself for taking risks with drugs and realise that no amount of wishing you hadn't done something will ever make it so... It's wasted energy and added stress, so just forgive yourself for doing something that millions of others do, learn and move on. (easy said than done, i know!).
  27. 3 points
    You might have a form of mild hppd or pre-hppd (if you only really see issues when you force yourself to find them, i would call that pre-hppd)... I personally believe that you probably can get hppd from strong weed but that it is far, far more likely you will recover. Stay calm, try to get out and fill your life with fun and interesting things to do,,, you will stop focusing on these issuess more and more
  28. 3 points
    The question is not random at all. It is a great one. (I am going to speak to those without significant DP/DR, but the individuals that have lasting altered perceptual disturbances that at least in the early part of the disorder result in significant distress.) I started talking on the original forum in 1998. I was less than a year into the disorder, and happy that somehow found a name for it (Thanks to the old HPPD board by Andrew). So, I know there are many who have had HPPD for 40+ years like MadDoc above. I can say that the vast majority of them have adapted to the symptoms, and some of us *cough* may be better off with HPPD having affected out lives vs. death or the other few awful outcomes that accompany substance abuse. How are the Visual symptoms? Do I still have the same visual symptoms? Generally, the symptoms do reduce with time. I do take clonazepam, but admittedly I am unable to honestly say if it has caused me more trouble than if I had not started taking it. I think there is a place for benzodiazepines, and a meta-analytical look at posts on this message board could yield an interesting paper or an easily designed research project could shed light on some empirical data on this question. For me, it was the thick static (a severity that I saw figures and cartoons in the spinning pinwheels of the static when I closed my eyes) that prevented me from driving at night and my night vision made looking at the sky impossible and all but the brightest stars and planets would be distinguishable. The purple afterimages at night would take over my vision if I stared off into space. It would be followed by a neon green "veins" in the shape similar or = to Kluver shapes. I can tell you that during times when I did not have access to Klonopin, the anxiety and body feelings are far worse than the visuals, but the visuals are worse as I would expect because in a withdrawal the brain has not had a chance to adapt to the normal receptors. However, my vision would only be an issue at times it would be for any person with or without HPPD when they would be more aware of their vision (e.g. driving at night on a two-lane road with oncoming lights, staying up too long or looking through a telescope. Excessive glare.) my symptoms have not changed. Truthfully, they are worse, but (NO PANIC) I am certain they are the result of my vision actually getting worse and I need glasses. But, I have been putting off going to get my eyes checked. Iff in one month I haven't made the appointment and can report to anyone about it, please call me out on it. Right now, I have trouble with street signs, reading text close up and my vision was impossible to determine a "number" when I was last tested in 2004 because of the visual issues, and I make sure to take my medication before getting my eyes tested for when driving (and at least I pass these for now). (I have a lot to say, so I will try and stay on topic the best I can, but you wil get more than you asked as a result.) Perception of our environment is one of the strangest and most interesting parts of PSYCHOLOGY that I know. I can go a few days without my symptoms becoming a thought that reaches my conscious awareness. So, did I see haloes, walls move, and other visuals during those few days? I would say I saw them just as much as I was consciously aware of the birds chirping around me (they do all the time, but how often do you notice them?) that I had absolutely no real recollection of. We can attend to only so many things, so if I am having sex then I can tell you with 100% certainty that at this point I don't think about HPPD during or after! When I am writing on this message board, I can write for a few hours and talk about the symptoms but not be occupied by my own. However, just as I can now -- I look away at the wall and I see the monitor after image, the wall is moving upwards, everything is still in ghosted vision, Haloes and afterimages follow everything I see -- have these visuals they do not cause me distress. I am more concerned for those who are going to get HPPD and for the individuals who received it only after a few uses and for the people where other disorders interact with the mechanisms of HPPD to make it more difficult to accept that I am my own. In general, I know people in almost every class of profession and life but notably, none are jet pilots or dentists and also not aware of any of us being a military sniper, and these others where perfect eye-sight is required are doing very well in their lives. When they are not, the cause is usually linked to anxiety and depression that exist with HPPD and experiences of depersonalization or the visuals staying distressful can be an issue without addressing the other disorders. I have ADHD (which is finally getting research to support it as a biological brain disease, so I don't need to validate it but I am 38, have 4 papers in medical journals but live in my family's basement) which is the reason I have been gone so long. I designed the PHP front-end and MySQL backend for the Depersonalization research with Dr. Simeon in a hyperfocused binge and I designed and published research because either I was illicitly taking or finally prescribed Adderall to provide me the ability to complete a task). I also have a "lasting disorder" but it is "cured" which is my right leg's tibia (shin) had a complete spiral fracture and fibula broken like twigs and I almost required amputation, but instead, they used a scalpel to start a 25cm or so cut along my calf and then used surgical scissors and cut through my fascia to prevent compartment syndrome, put a rod through my knee cap down to my ankle and screwed my leg together and I had to wear a wound vacuum 24/7 for 4 or so months until the wound reduced dramatically in size (three times a week I would have the sponge changed by specialists) and then I could get a skin graft to be the fine leg they saved. I was very lucky. However, It causes awful restless leg symptoms (all of the little nerves slowly coming back, and a lot of feeling still doesn't exist on that area of the skin that is a giant scar) and standing for a day will cause me to feel like my knee is locking up, I can't go up and down stairs without using my arms in that case and I have to rest for a day (I can manage the pain if I am not moving, but if it gets too bad I do take tramadol and I will take it to sleep). Before this, I was taking 10-20mg Oxycodone every4-6 hours including when I would suddenly awake as it wore off. Eventually, I asked to step down and I am only telling this story because I am an Addict, and telling your doctor to reduce your narcotics is something I am proud of. However, I am still taking a combination of meds that we were reducing in small steps (until my father was diagnosed with brain cancer and so far we haven't decided it is good to rock the boat) that a substance abuser would consider a dream to have each month: d-Amphetamine, Clonazepam, Tramadol but I can promise my opinion of these are completely different. Do I still forget my keys and it has been over 2 months and I have yet to get a replacement to my driverse license I lost somewhere? Yes. However, I did keep excellent records and cared for my sick father in a way that I managed his medications, condition where nobody would have said I was inattentive. It is just how my brain attends to things, so like HPPD it is part of my biological situation (but we can learn to adapt and even take advantage of some of the things. If hearing 1000+ stories from people with HPPD makes me an expert on the topic, then I can tell just from your last sentence tells you already understand our best defense. Humans are generally very resilient and adapt to a lot of weird conditions. I will may not have daily leg pain, but I still have a titanium rod and I wouldn't try competition cycling, and I can't finish a book until I started taking meds so I can function in our world and did I overcome ADHD? I am getting closer, but as my psychiatrist said, "Your brain is special. That is all you will get for my diagnosis on you. I fill out numbers for your insurance." So, in my opinion, you are going to do fine. Very early on, about 1 year into it I was going to stop looking for my own cure and worrying if it will go away, and it enabled me the freedom to study it and observe it without excessive bias towards seeking a magic bullet cure and be realistic about what the challenge will be. Your only real limit is not landing jets on aircraft carriers at night. - dk
  29. 3 points
    Just thought I'd post this video since its apt to the discussion at hand and mentions the site Sara has linked to above:
  30. 3 points
    This was only posted a week ago: What always amazes me is the comments section, reading people who say HPPD is fun and they enjoy it. I'm happy to swap them their mild HPPD for my severe HPPD and DP-DR and see how much fun they have!
  31. 3 points
    Good one. Although my response would have been slightly different to Jay's edited post. That's also a strange comment from someone who just wants supportive comments on this thread. It doesn't add to the debate, either. You're just try to goad me.
  32. 3 points
    Couldn't agree more. It's ruining several otherwise helpful threads. All I'm advocating - and have been advocating all along - is that everyone: refrains from belittling the symptoms of others refrains from derailing threads by posting utter nonsense. Maybe I could have been more diplomatic, but I do admit that it gets on my nerves. This forum is a veritable goldmine - interesting thoughts and ideas are posted here every day. To see thread after thread derailed by the same person(s) is quite frustrating!
  33. 3 points
    I forgot one really helpful strategy too: my vision therapist suggested that I use tinted glass to reduce light sensitivity, and since I seemed more sensitive to blue spectrum for afterimages and trails, I got yellow-tinted glasses. It definitely helped!
  34. 2 points
    First - stop smoking weed. It isn't helping. Second - it would be beneficial for you to stop researching this and focus on overall health, mental and physical. I know you want it to go away. We all do. A bunch of us researching this on the internet trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together isn't going to bring any answers until some serious funding and medical research takes place. 2 guys in a lab doesn't mean shit until other researchers get on board and do multiple randomized double-blind peer-reviewed studies with sufferers and non-sufferers participating. Third - figure out what supplements may help and try them, along with exercise, healthy diet, meditation, yoga, tai chi and distraction. Try to socialize and do fun stuff even if you don't feel like it. Force yourself into the world. The best thing anyone suffering from HPPD can do is try to get their stress and anxiety down. Most symptoms should start to go with time as long as you live healthy and stay away from drugs. I know it's hard being sober but you don't really have a choice anymore unless you want this to get worse over time.
  35. 2 points
    When I was a mere thirteen years old and 1 year into full blown HPPD, two ex drug users came and gave a lecture at school and showed a film of what can go wrong with hitting up intrevenously. It was rather graphic, showing users whose veins came stringing out of their arm and infected ulcers. It scared me terribly, though I was never a drug needle user. I had already scared myself away from drugs because of HPPD that basically ruined my life as far as I was concerned then. But the fear element was a powerful teacher too late for me. At the age of 12 in 1969, drugs, especially psychedelics were glorified in the Rock music world. Teachers, parents, law enforcement all warned us of the dangers of using LSD especially. This was when little was yet known about long term harmful effects. We were warned but encouraged through a youthful rebellious culture. Had there been the long term experiences we now know of, perhaps some of us would have heeded the warning. The warning label should read, if you take this drug there is a real chance you will stay high for the rest of your life! And so...I would like to see such a warning for the younger generation now. When I go back in time and think of my responses back then when I was warned, I thought that there is always a remedy, always a fix. But this is not always true. This is the reality warning that folks need to hear before they consider using psychedelics. It seems that these mind altering drugs open pathways that may never close again. It is like a lost innocence. I think the most important thing I can do is to warn others not to take drugs, especially psychedelics. Can you recover with strict diet and lifestyle? Perhaps so, after time and much effort. But perhaps not. All this being said, I think it would be very worthy to find ways to warn others. Perhaps to go into schools or even make ads online via social media. Were we tricked by the offer of cheap thrills so drug pushers could make money? Were we encouraged by musicians who made us feel we belonged to something new happening? There are many very serious questions. Why we follow harmful trends. Why we gample our one and only life for a few hours of pleasure. I don't think I can answer without taking serious responsibility. Back in the day I introduced others to drugs too. I'm sorry. It was foolish. Many in my high school have suffered terrible fates due to drug use, including suicide. If you are using psychedelics...., I would like to scare you with reality. There is a huge risk and some of us were so very young to take such stupid risks! I'm wanting to speak out and speak plainly. Maybe some young soul will be forewarned enough to never experiment. Experiment? Our youth became the world's guinea pigs? Love and peace to all. Any ideas in how to warn our youth?
  36. 2 points
    Danjoking, you're right. I apologize for my behavior. The above response by mane isn't worthy of a response. He's clearly on a tear. I pray for his, mine, and all of our healing. Good night. Hope you guys get over this illness in due time.
  37. 2 points
    Hi! Welcome here edguy. Sorry for hear that. In my experience, since I've been sober for one year now. (I tried to smoke ago one year, and I relapsed so bad), all my symptoms are really better, to the point I can't notice them. I hate the fact I've forgotten how I used to ''see'', but I love to get fun and be happy again, since I've accepted my new ''reality". Give it time, and stay away from drugs! I'm 99 % better, I promise I'm not liying. Only tracers. No dp/dr or anxiety anymore! Cheers & bless. Give it time to see how things can going withouth any meds and withoung put more chemicals on your brain First, try to let the body recover on its own. Then, you could see for any meds help, if you need it. Try yet to don't put any more chemicals in your brain first and try to stay away from drugs, please! it's the best advice I can give you, from my own experience. You'll be better. Take care, and cheers it up.
  38. 2 points
    Did you shoot your load into your eye?
  39. 2 points
    Bit like going on a recovering alcoholics forum and posting vids of you necking whiskey. Hard to not feel like we are being trolled. I hope you are not doing severe damage and that you can get passed this. Good luck, Jay
  40. 2 points
    I feel like psychologists don't understand hppd because it varies, not one person's hppd is the exact same. My personal belief is that hppd is mental illness or brain damage done by rcs. The brain is obviously wired differently for people who are susceptible to hppd as opposed to the people that aren't. There's a reason for that. People are born with these hallucinations not knowing what the hell they are so they say oh i have hppd. My brother has severe autism, sees static, and weird hallucinations, whose to say I am not on the spectrum just because I haven't been diagnosed, at this point it might make sense.
  41. 2 points
  42. 2 points
    I can understand asking this question with mild hppd. Some of us have it pretty severe and the idea of even touching a drug makes us cringe. If you want it to become severe...sure, go ahead and use drugs. If you want a full recovery, abstain.
  43. 2 points
    http://time.com/4841790/exercise-brain/?utm_campaign=time&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&xid=time_socialflow_twitter
  44. 2 points
    I'm unfortunately only new to this entire experience, having been experiencing after-images for about three months now. Prior to this, I'd been depressed over other vision problems cause by laser eye surgery (don't ever get it done by the way - the risks are not worth it). For me, as I had been trying to sort out my life after the laser, I had already developed some support mechanisms for my problematic vision. It was just a stroke of misfortune that brought me more visual problems - the snakes in life are always around, no matter how many you kill. Luckily, the support mechanisms I had been developing for my problematic eyesight already existed. Some of these have been helpful in dealing with my new HPPD-related vision problems: Psychotherapy. My psychologist is great - she has a great understanding of the theory in her field and applies it magnificently. She is also very smart and understanding, often putting pieces together that I would never have been able to arrange. Psychiatry. I'm not sure if this has helped or not, but I've been on Lexapro for six months. I'm wondering whether this could have contributed to the development of my HPPD, but for now my medications are at least available to help lighten the load of negative emotion. Mindfulness Meditation. I was told by another psychiatrist to start looking into this, and it's been one of the most important changes I've made in my life. It has helped reduce my anxiety - even more than CBT did. I would recommend that you give this a try using the Headspace app to encourage daily practice and for an accessible introduction to the practice. Journaling. I've recently begun doing this and have enjoyed it immensely. Journaling has been around for centuries, and it's no wonder - it helps you articulate and better understand your thoughts and feelings. Give it a try - buy yourself a nice book to write in, and set aside 10-15 mins each night to just write about your day. Don't hold back, and don't write for anybody other than yourself. There is no right and wrong, just write without editing. It's a very liberating feeling. These are some of my strategies so far. I hope they can be of some use to anyone else here. Facing the struggles of life doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of them, it means getting stronger so that you can tolerate them. Remember that each day you make it through is another victory for you to be proud of.
  45. 2 points
    Just wanted to update that this symptom has basically disappeared by now.
  46. 2 points
    Hi Alex. I have what you describe when you look at carpets. With me it happens when I look at anything with a fine grain (sand, cement, textured ceilings, etc.). I used to have intense CEVs which have cleared up but it took a long time. Note, I dosed hundreds of times so it's not a surprise. I'm not familiar with the chemical you've ingested but I'm assuming it's a psychedelic. Your symptoms sure sound like hppd to me. However, I'm not a doctor or an expert on the topic. I've just had it for a long time. You're doing the right thing by refraining from psychoactive substances. Because you've only dosed a few times I think you have a better chance at recovering. You're also taking care of your body which, for me, helped a lot. Also, the fact that the symptoms fade at times sounds like an excellent sign. My visuals are constant unless I'm focused on something like driving, work, or a hobby where I use my hands. Above all, don't despair! Even if your symptoms don't entirely go away you can live a wonderful and productive life. Hang in there.
  47. 2 points
    I saw a quote recently about regret that basically said we all make the best decisions with the information we're given almost all the time, so in this sense regret is sorta meaningless. I totally agree. If any of us knew this was a possibility we wouldn't have taken the drugs that got us here. No sense in looking at the past with regret knowing what we do now. HPPD is an injury of some sort, no doubt about it. The question is what causes it and why. Given the relation to tinnitus as well as a general sensitivity to sound and light waves I'm starting to wonder whether there's some connection to the nervous system in particular. My only wish is that I just knew what happened...
  48. 2 points
    Fantastic to hear. People do have symptoms go away. Lowered anxiety can reduce symptom severity by reducing activity in the theorized GABAergic disinhibition system. Thanks for sharing.
  49. 2 points
    I Shared your Post LethargicAcid with With the Grof Foundation: This was there Reply :-) Thanks for sharing this with me. Interesting stuff being discussed in the forums. About Stan's comments, LSD Psychotherapy was published in 1980, quite some time ago, and based on Dr. Grof's carefully controlled treatment approach that emphasized set (preparation, intention) and setting (safe space, qualified support) as critical for the work. Not the kind of use that is that you had, or that most others have. It will be interesting to see how he responds to this subject now. 35 years is a long time, and there has been a lot of experience since then. He does not like to generalize, since each person is different, so I will make sure that he is okay to publish something on the list that may in fact apply just to you, and ask you not to publish it without permission. Okay? Fond Regards,
  50. 2 points
    ive been distracting myself from the fact that im perma static/floaters for like 5-6 months since i got hppd. i smoked a hit of OG kush and all the repressed thoughts/feelings/anxiety is waiting for me at full force. i am doing deep breathing right now. yesterday, i avoided a hot panick attack. ive also only got 2 hours of sleep in the past 20 or so hours. this feeling of submerging panick is waiting to be released, but I dont know how. I Feel like this is the time to accept it. i should be dealing with it on my own, but i depend on this site in a way. so im gonna take deep breaths and take a shower. since i had panic attack syptoms yesterday, this morning my brain felt worn out and fatigued. so i ate kale and other vegetables and bacon lol. well shit im high(havent smoked in 4 days, little tolerance), so im just going to at least try to accept it. deep breaths and logic. i just dont think my brain can take much more fatigue since im tired as fuck. i need sleep. yay i love being alive:) i love myself and i love every person in the world. i love all of the green plants, the furry animals and the scaly ones. i love the blue skye and the clouds. i love the feeling of the wind against my skin. i love love. i love critisism. i love hppd. it forces me to get my shit togther. its just like the static on a t.v. screen. my hppd isnt bad compared to most people. i just make excuses and feel bad for myself, because I am not a man yet. in this entropic world, it is survival of the fittest. I am so strong and grateful now. I am forced to live life to its full extent, and I am grateful for it. Panic is for when lions and tigers are glaring at me. I am perfectly safe and enjoy my freedom. life has much to offer, but such a small amount of time is a human lifespan. death is a part of life. I will one day, in maybe 50 years, greet death with a bearhug. For I've adapted to its unfairness. But for now, I am going to love myself and love what I have become. thoughts are just thoughts. they are an evolutionary mechanism to survive. All I need is self control(deep breathing) , positive self talk, Life is hard, and I enjoy it. I would not have it any other way. Easy is boring. I am going to be such a strong person. Quit all of my addictions/vices/dependancies. treat myself with respect and every thing with respect. I am not in a war zone. I am not firing guns in a war. But I am gifted with having to face a challenge. Logic is so easy. it is a yes or a no. that and breathing . mental battles are tough, but only as tough as I allow it to be. Mental battles increase my mental strength. I have faith in myself that I can overcome this obsticle. I just have to pick and pick at it, one step at a time. I have the ability to construct my reality. I appreciate my past use of psychadelics as they made me wise and self-realized. I learned insights. Nothing lasts forever. And thats beautiful. I can not take a psychadelic ever again, including dxm or ketamine or cigarettes or caffiene or whatever. Thats awesome. I love myself. I am grateful for this computer. I am scared, and that is okay. I need sleep. So I am going to take a shower, then go to sleep. And I am grateful for the gift of HPPDONLINE. I learned so much about HPPD to the extent that I know what to do to be happy and content. I want any other fellows of my kind to have hope. do things that you know are right. Engage in relaxation breathing, meditation, yoga, and excersize like running or skateboarding or swimming or hanging out in nature or dancing or singing or poetry or love or help somone. those all increase love. and love creates passion. passion creates motivation. motivation increases purpose. purpose increases self love. and the cycle keeps on going. I am sorry that we all have to deal with this neuralogical anomaly, but I have to let go of the sorrow. Because I actually do love what hppd has made me become. I have so many revelations because of it. like the ones stated here. this is all coming from the heart. human bodies can withstand sooo much. think about it, how broken bones can heal. how people survive heart attacks. how people get FUCKING HEART TRANSPLANTS. i am accepting it, its just taking time. anyways shout out to all the long term HPPD members. shout out to all of the new members. I am here if anyone would like to talk or I could try to give them advice by digging deep. besides i actually love my hppd. i get to experience in a unique way. it helped me realize that not everything is what it seems. All I need to do is practice relaxation breathing/ excersize/ positive thinking/gratefulness, facing other issues in life,