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  1. 2 points
    Good to hear. We're all probably going to get sick or deal with an illness at some point in our lives (the whole Buddhist aging, sickness, and dying thing)...better to have faced that stuff now to know our strength. I believe you will continue to heal until you no longer think about this disorder and it becomes a footnote in your life.
  2. 2 points
    First - stop smoking weed. It isn't helping. Second - it would be beneficial for you to stop researching this and focus on overall health, mental and physical. I know you want it to go away. We all do. A bunch of us researching this on the internet trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together isn't going to bring any answers until some serious funding and medical research takes place. 2 guys in a lab doesn't mean shit until other researchers get on board and do multiple randomized double-blind peer-reviewed studies with sufferers and non-sufferers participating. Third - figure out what supplements may help and try them, along with exercise, healthy diet, meditation, yoga, tai chi and distraction. Try to socialize and do fun stuff even if you don't feel like it. Force yourself into the world. The best thing anyone suffering from HPPD can do is try to get their stress and anxiety down. Most symptoms should start to go with time as long as you live healthy and stay away from drugs. I know it's hard being sober but you don't really have a choice anymore unless you want this to get worse over time.
  3. 2 points
    My acceptance that this condition is not the end of the world.
  4. 2 points
    I felt the same way when I found this site. I had no idea the disorder I had lived with for over 40 years had a name. I felt like I was the only being on this planet that had my brain rewired by psychedelics. I'd had this malady all of my adult life ( I'm 58 now). I dosed very heavily from 1973 to 1980 when I quit using. I've had visuals my entire adult life. I managed to raise a family, get an advanced degree, and have a profession. I think us old folks have a message that hppd isn't the end. Life continues and it can be a wonderful life. Welcome!
  5. 1 point
    Thanks for all the help everyone, love this community, were all in this together!
  6. 1 point
    Curious if anybody's heard some of Michael Pollan's interviews for his new book on psychedelics, and if so what your opinion is. Here's a good interview he did for Fresh Air: https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2018/05/15/611301978/fresh-air-for-may-15-2018-michael-pollan-on-the-new-science-of-psychedelics?showDate=2018-05-15 I've long subscribed to the glutamate toxicity theory as has been mentioned above, however I've always remained open to other ideas if they made sense. The only thing I feel pretty comfortable saying is that HPPD is the result of axon damage or death to some degree across multiple areas of the brain, likely in the limbic system and likely in connection with the parasympathetic or sympathetic nervous system. I think which nervous system is damaged depends on how the damage occurred, however. For example, excitotoxicity would likely affect the sympathetic given fight or flight is stimulatory while a stroke of some kind would be parasympathetic. One thing I find interesting in listening to Pollan's interviews is his repeated mentioning of the Default Mode Network (DMN) and how during psychedelic trips it basically goes offline. Depersonalization symptoms are essentially the result of a malfunctioning or nonexistant DMN and given the connection between DP and HPPD it's not too far of a jump to suggest HPPD is the result of a damaged DMN or simply one that never reboots due to lost connections or damaged axons. Many parts of the brain are connected through lengthy axons and I'm wondering if during the downregulation of the DMN when bloodflow decreases some of these axons are damaged via stroke of some kind. Also, with regards to glutamate, one of the biggest triggers for excess glutamate inside the brain is inflammation. If you eat a diet high in bread (wheat being the most inflammatory food known to man), oils and other inflammatory foods (essentially the standard American and Westernized diets) then your chances of having some sort of autoimmunity sky rocket. I also don't think we should entirely rule out the hypothesis that HPPD could be the result of our brains attacking our own brains after the ingestion of drugs which could very well mimic invaders our brains are already used to attacking.
  7. 1 point
    “Danjoking, you're right. I apologize for my behavior” - TheMythos Yah post it if you want, it’s beneficial to compile all information we can. To be honest though I think everything is pretty much summed up and come to an end as far as the cause of HPPD. If you haven’t read the last couple pages, it’s gone over pretty thoroughly. Not that you’ll agree. Also please do not be rude to productive members like dayum_son.
  8. 1 point
    Hey all, Does anyone else have nothing they can objectively point to as "wrong," no visual static or distortion, but simply a general feeling that something is wrong with one of their senses, and an obsession with this idea? I have one of the oddest cases of "HPPD" I've ever heard of, including on these forums. About 5 years ago, I took a tab of LSD. I'd been experiencing increasing levels of anxiety on drugs over the previous 6 months, but that didn't deter me. The trip was unremarkable, except that I could not sleep, and that no one around me was on LSD - they were probably doing other drugs since they were all club kids. After about 18 hours on this trip, including 2 after parties, taking 10 melatonin pills by accident with no effect, and watching the sunrise by myself, I carried on into the next day, sleep deprived, tired and anxious on the come down. I was terrified of seeing my parents, but needed to go home to get some gear for a DJ gig I had that night. I stole into my house, and decided, for some reason, to change my contact lenses (probably because i'd been wearing the same pair for over 24 hours). I didn't have the correct prescription, so as I remember it I put in a slightly higher prescription in my left eye. The next day, and ever since then, I became aware of some anomaly in my left eye. No visual static, noise, or other perceptible hallucinations...just a feeling that something is wrong. However, this feeling and large amount of accompanying anxiety ONLY exists when I am wearing contact lenses. In glasses or without lenses on, I don't feel it. But I hate, hate, hate wearing glasses, especially because I have a high prescription. I also feel broken. With contact lenses on, I feel incapable of conducting myself normally in any situation. However, I feel that I look best without glasses on. I even gave up trying to look good and wore glasses exclusively for months to see if the visual problem would stop, but it didn't. It's super weird. Somehow it's like PTSD and I've associated wearing contact lenses with the LSD trip and the HPPD is only activated when I'm wearing them. I'm considering LASIK but don't want to feel like I'm on a permatrip! I'm also obsessed with "figuring it out" - what exactly is going on, how did it start? It's worth noting, I get a lot of other kinds of physical anxiety even when I have glasses on, like neck stiffening or social anxiety. And I tend to get obsessed with the physical manifestations of my anxiety. It's been 5 long years of up and down hell with this. I often feel like if just this one thing would go away, I could feel OK about myself and get on with life. But it haunts me, and like so many other forms of anxiety, the more I think about it, the worse it is. Your thoughts and feelings are welcomed!
  9. 1 point
    I see images in my head every day and feel like my consciousness and nervous system are being raped. 2 1/2 years off all illicit substances. Quit smoking 6 months ago. Just quit caffeine.
  10. 1 point
    People that have never had to deal with mental problems or brain issues in their life will usually be dismissive because they've never experienced it. "You don't have anything to be sad about" is classic mental health ignorance. You should try to go out and hangout with your friends whenever you get the opportunity though.
  11. 1 point
    Hey guys! Have some exciting news for all of you who suffer from depersonalization or derealization. I've been in in an inpatient care centre for a little while now to try out some various treatment options for my HPPD. Currently I am titrating up on lamotrigine to try and help with visual snow, as well as buspar to treat some of the anxiety that has come with my HPPD as an alternative to benzodiazepines. But the most exciting thing is that my doc has started me on an anticonvulsant called topomax. About an hour after taking it I feel a slight stimulant effect, however my depersonalization and derealization is completely gone while I am on it. My thinking and mental state becomes tactful and present, with no brain fog. I'm on 25mg before supper time, and we'll be increasing dosage gradually, as well as adding a morning dosage. The effect I get off 25mg at supper time lasts for about 6-8 hours. Just thought I would share this information with you guys, and hopefully it excites and helps you guys as much as it does me! If any of you guys give it a go, please post here and let me know how your experience goes.
  12. 1 point
    Nobody knows and it doesn't help you in any way to speculate until concrete studies give specific answers and treatment recommendations. Almost every antipsychotic is a 5ht2a antagonist (such as risperidone) and they tend to make a lot of people worse. The best line from that Wiki article is "but the visual system is probably too complex to know for certain." Magnesium is an NMDA (glutamate) antagonist but if magnesium was "the answer" this forum probably wouldn't exist because people would just be like "Oh HPPD? Take some magnesium." I don't know who Dr. Nichols is but he's speculating. I'll leave you with a quote by William James, the father of American psychology: "My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those items which I notice shape my mind." in The Principles of Psychology, Vol.1
  13. 1 point
    Yea I got mine from getting nbombed too. I also experienced the muscle spasm as one of my symptoms. However, I can say that I was able to regain a significant amount of cognitive function (I could barely speak when I got hppd... it was bad.) time, sobriety, and healthy life experiences will do a lot of good for you. I promise you, if you hang on, it will get better. I’ve been in that dark hole and know it can be difficult to believe that it will, but we are molded in the fires of adversity are we not? In many ways, while I still suffer quite a bit (mostly through damaging my hypothalamus with drugs post acid) this was probably something that needed to happen to me. I’m doing stuff with my life I probably wouldn’t have if I had continued down the path I was on.
  14. 1 point
    You haven't moved on , it's been a month ago and you're still talking about it.
  15. 1 point
    If anything we should be focusing on cortisol.
  16. 1 point
    Day 4, and so far I love this stuff. I've been much calmer, and I'm waking up feeling refreshed. It hasn't worsened my hppd. I'll update again after two weeks, but I'm definitely planning to continue using it.
  17. 1 point
  18. 1 point
    You've been posting this for weeks now. Why not just post it when you post it.....
  19. 1 point
    Many people with hppd say SSRIs make them worse. This was the case with me. I was on SSRIs most of my life and went off of them right before I got hppd. When I gave them a shot again I tried a low dose of escitalopram for 7 months. I came off of it due to sexual side effects and noticed that I immediately started feeling better. I was able to fully withdraw in a weeks time which, in my past experience, would normally be too fast and would send me into a depressive episode. I don’t think I was permanently hurt by trying them though. On the the flip side, there are people with hppd that SSRIs have helped. My understanding of the mechanism is it is the eventual downregulation of certain serotonin receptors such as 5ht2a that cause a big part of the antidepressant effect. That and increased bdnf after sustained use. This does take time, however. One to two months on the drug. Before that, many “normal” people can even experience feeling worse. If you think it is worth it to try, give it a shot. Otherwise discontinue and try something else. There are plenty of things that can help reduce 5ht2a and raise bdnf that aren’t SSRIs. I believe selfhacked has an entire page about the receptor and how to influence it—I like the page but it should be cautioned that some things they talk about are not safe for those with hppd such as using psychedelics to downregulate. Also feverfew. Don’t take that. Hope le you find some relief soon. oms
  20. 1 point
    @Onemorestep if you have a psychiatrist that's open to prescribing topomax to you, i'd definitely recommend it. My experience has been nothing but positive. When I say that topomax clears up DP/DR, I should clear up the fact that it goes a little bit deeper then that - it goes to the core of the hppd and clears up the fizziness and brain fuzziness that the hppd brings and replaces it with a clear head. My psychiatrist has been filling me in on the details of the drug as we go through treatment, he said it also aids in your brains ability to translate short term memories into long term memories, which I believe might also be one of its mechanisms of action as to why it aids in the depersonalization effect that HPPD brings.
  21. 1 point
    @Jay1 Just thought I would tag you in this thread, as I remember having a conversation with you about the efficacy of using benzodiazepines to treat symptoms of HPPD. So far with my experience with this medication, it is as effective as benzodiazepines in mediating the symptoms of HPPD. As stated in a post above, topomax's mechanism of action on HPPD (as far as I believe) is by increasing secretions of the GABA-A neurotransmittor. This is what my psych doctor told me. As far as I know, this medication is relatively unknown in terms of this forum. I've been on this medication for 5 days now, and I feel amazing. As far as my progression in terms of how this medication is continuing to affect me, the stimulant effect is dying off to a more stable effect, whats fantastic is that I get this effect that comes in waves; where it feels like my HPPD is going into regression. This effect comes and goes, but then again i've only been on this med for 5 days. I'm on 50mg daily now, my doc says it's safe to take up to 250mg daily, and that it's non addictive and safe to take on a long term basis. I'l keep posting as I go through treatment.
  22. 1 point
    You can choose also to see a mystical side in HPPD. Somehow, like you have one foot still stuck out of the "Matrix" out in the spiritual (death) world. I remember once a show where a saw a shaman talking about it and curing it.
  23. 1 point
    That's great to hear. I am in a similar situation to you, I have been feeling better and better as the months roll by. To everyone else who wants to know what works for me, the thing I have been focusing all my energy on is controlling my anxiety. In my experience, I would feel fine and then notice hppd, then anxiety would kick in and the cycle would spiral from there. By learning to control my anxiety I was able to not only lessen my symptoms, but also disarm my hppd from the power it had over me. I might make a post explaining things in detail I don't think I have posted here since my initial post last august (?) peace and love guys ❤️
  24. 1 point
    This also sounds like depression. Sometimes depression can make you hyper aware of your emotions as the brains bombards you with negative messages. Another symptom of depression can be a feeling of being emotionally numb. I guess depression and DP/DR are like circles that intersect. Depression is pretty common in people who have recently given up drugs and/or alcohol. It takes a while for the brain to feel good in an unaltered state. I'm no expert on any of these disorders but, like most humans, I've gone a few rounds with depression. It's a tough opponent.
  25. 1 point
    Seeking life...the description of not feeling right outside is exactly how I felt at early onset of HPPD. It was a sense of not being fully present and As I have mentioned elsewhere this sense was the very worst symptom of HPPD. Perhaps it is helpful just to realize that this is a true symptom that others of us also have experienced. Give yourself time. Let your brain find another pathway. Zoom in on what interests you outdoors, a tree, the ferns the water, the moon and stars. Then the sense of having your feet on the ground will come closer. That is my experience anyway.
  26. 1 point
    I also have a vitamin D deficiency. Hmm...
  27. 1 point
    I still have every single symptom you have, they're just to a lesser extent now, except for starbursts, they're still bad. I've been in school, ap classes have been keeping me busy, so I don't have time to be doing drugs or fucking around. I just found a self-intrinsic motivation to want to get better as a person and psychologically better. I used to do DXM, LSD, Smoke weed all the time, And Xans. So when I went off them, it was hard to not want to smoke or want to do shit. The thing that really made me want to stop was a trip I had when I tried dabs for the first time, I started tripping super hard, strong ass visuals and was auditorily hallucinating. I was also having like a panic attack and I never wanted to feel that again, so I stopped. Invest time, keep busy. I'm kinda regurgitating everything that has been said to me on this forum, but it helps. Keep Busy is the best way to stay sober Much Love, Andrew G
  28. 1 point
    Really Really good happy birthday HPPD 36 years . Take hart guys it fades into insignificance with time . Good meds that actually work . Lycra -dihydrocodiene and prozac or a benzo when needed or a combination of any of these Good for the pain and brain fog of the condition which are the physical symptoms of the condition which is 95% of the condition . Be carefull to take breaks from them though, dropping one for a few weeks then swapping about to avoid tolerance. But really believe that you will recover because you will . no amount of believing you are going mad will actually make you go mad HPPD fades after time . I'm a million miles away from the onset and have learned so much from it that I honestly think it has had a beneficial effect on me as a person in almost every way Would I change It ? nope It would be like losing a guiding light as weird as that may sound . Good Luck Guys get the head down and start living , Whats Stopping you ? Thanks Robbie