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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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  1. 2 points
    Yes I definitely have a habit of staring at stuff on days when the visual snow / lights & color changes / static lines / strobe light effect are worse (usually the day after drinking, or if I've had too much caffeine). The best way I get around this is by doing tasks that are simple, habitual, and that require some thought and action (so not just watching tv, at least for me), but not TOO much thought since the days when the visual snow are worse are often accompanied by brain fog. A common task I go to is cleaning. I put on a background podcast too that I may or may not listen to, but just that minimum mental effort of slightly paying attention to the podcast, mixed with the physical actions and decisions of cleaning, help clear my mind, prevent me focusing on my symptoms, and help somewhat relieve any symptom-related anxiety. Plus this gives the added satisfaction boost of getting something productive done. I also work from home most of the time, so another solution with the same theme is to find simple work tasks - distractions that aren't too overwhelming when symptoms hit. A lot of it is about a mental reset - if you can get yourself distracted on tasks and if you can get calmer and less anxious then you'll tend to stop staring at stuff as much. Soothing music helps. Playing simpler online games can help to.
  2. 2 points
    Hi all, I was a part of this community many years ago as a wee lad when my symptoms first began to settle. I thought I'd login to post an update as to the current mental state I'm in, what recovery (as good as can be) is like, and what you can expect if you're relatively new to HPPD. I first had HPPD symptoms after taking a one-time dose of mushrooms, I believe around 2 grams; the initial trip went fine, in-fact it was quite a lot of fun. After coming down, I didn't feel normal.. I felt strange, odd, different, but couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was like something had clicked, snapped, broken, or unhinged and my feeling and grasp of reality was stirred too far up the side of the pan and began to spill over the edges. I believe this was depersonalization, or derealization, to this day I can't pinpoint which one exactly because it waxed and waned. Nevertheless, in the span of a few days, visual symptoms began. These ranged from mild visual snow, trails behind lights, ghosting, flashing purple lights which would dance and radiate over streets in the night, a melting or waving effect to some surfaces, slow rotations etc. All very abnormal for my young self. These symptoms stayed gradual and stayed persistent for quite some time. I only realized what was wrong after my brother had similar effects after he dabbled in mushrooms, but his went away, and so did his friends. That's when they told me what they think it could be: HPPD! I was gobsmacked, I was scareeeeeeeeeeeeeed. I was worried that I was brain damaged forever, and it all felt very doom and gloom. I came to HPPDonline, and read. I read a LOT. I obsessed over getting this terrible shit to go away, to leave, to evaporate from me, to disperse at once before I hung up the phone. Reading positive stories was the only thing that helped, the only thing other than family and friends. I took a lot of downers such as valium, clonzepam, klonopin to ease the anxiety, but in hindsight, all these did was make my DP/DR worse afterwards. Now, my HPPD symptoms were nowhere near as bad as some stories that have been through this forums - so this is all very subjective to me and my experience. I tip my hat to David S for continuing this service, for he has helped many many people, and most likely saved lives by projecting this issue into the world. These symptoms stayed and bothered me for 6 years give or take, when gradually I became tired of worrying, tired of stressing, tired of guillotining myself over what has happened. Now here we are, in 2020, my symptoms are present, but ONLY if I concentrate on them, only if I allow them to bother me. Sure, I do notice them, no they don't scare me any longer, but I have accepted them for what they are. I've used a lot of tactics, such as "omg I'm a wizard that can see forces that aren't there!!" or, "it could be worse" or, "you can atleast still see", what I'm getting at is, it could be a lot worse than what it is now, to any degree. But it will subside (or at-least appear to, whether or not you stop noticing it, or there is a remission of symptoms) things will get better, mentally and physically, for you, for people helping you, and for the whole thing. It will take time, some symptoms will vanish, some may not. But you will be ok. You WILL feel relatively normal again, there will be moments where you absolutely forget everything about HPPD. And these moments will happen sporadically, some may last longer than others, but for me, time is the only thing that has helped. Don't do anymore drugs, take it easy on alcohol, try not to express your concerns to people that don't understand, you may worry them, scare them, or just annoy them. Take a break from HPPDonline, take a break from reading and fake it until you make it. Which you will Lots of love, J.
  3. 2 points
    Maybe it's a good thing to let /hppd have all the "hey, i've had hppd for 26.5 hours now and was thinking about combining LSD and crack while shoving salvia up my ass, will this make me better or worse" posters 😅
  4. 1 point
    Appreciate the reply Jay. I kinda figured I was overthinking it. I'm still pretty new to this all and can get a little paranoid at times wondering if I've reached some kind of baseline or not. Thanks,
  5. 1 point
    I think the reason your computer monitor makes your hppd worse is because of blue lights. Every LCD works with 3 color pigments to create an image. Within every pixle theres a blue light, yellow light, and red light. Blue lights in particular are known to cause adverse side effects for some people because they stimulate outside light/ daylight. Your brain is programmed to wake up when it sees the color blue basically and causes a sort of adrenaline response. Also if you're dealing with hypersensitivity issues like light enhancements or color enhancements the backlight from your monitor can aggravate your eyes and cause headaches or migraines. I would recommend theraspecs because they block out 80% of blue lights and protect against backlight monitor light and fluorescent light. There are other types of blue light blocking glasses that work also, one's that have clear lenses if you're a gamer (Theraspects are are orange tinted).
  6. 1 point
    Hey guys, it's nice to meet you all. Thanks for the messages of support. Looking forward to getting to know you lot.
  7. 1 point
    I've had HPPD for over 4 years now and I wish I would have known this sooner. I found out that artificial food colorings (the most common are Red 40, Yellow 5 and Yellow 6) were aggravating both my visual and mental symptoms. The most noticeable being vivid color enhancements. Mental symptoms included feeling out of body, dizzyness, intense feelings of anxiety, intensified my overall sense of dread and I think it was causing borderline panic attacks. The thing that sucks is that I didn’t even know it was flaring up my symptoms because artificial coloring are in a lot of different types of food; not just candy and stuff. They put it in BBQ sauce, honey mustard, lemon pepper spice, chicken soup mix, lemonade mix, wraps, sushi wasabi and ginger, Cheetos, and that spicy red popcorn stuff. It’s smart to start checking ingredients. In fact, artificial food coloring is so bad and has so many negative side effects that it’s BANNED in Europe. Food dyes like red 40 yellow 5 and yellow 6 are proven human carcinogens (which means they are proven to cause cancer). Red 40 has been proven to cause hyperactivity and fits of anger in both children and adults. A british study was done on children that didn't have any prior conditions but started exhibiting ADHD-like behavior when given artificial food coloring. Natural food colorings, which are not harmful are never be labeled with a number. Usually natural companies will use fruit juice concentrates or things like paprika and turmeric to color their foods. List of FDA approved artificial food colorings: Red #40, Red #3, Green #3, Yellow #5, Yellow #6, Blue #1, Blue #2. They might also be labeled FD&C Red 40 or FD&C Yellow 5.
  8. 1 point
    I've been personally viewing this forum for over 4 years but never made an account until now. My symptoms have decreased significantly at this point so I thought I'd finally join the discussion and try to share what helped me through the toughest stages of HPPD.
  9. 1 point
    Hello, I just made an account here. It's very bad. I wish I would be exaggerating but the amount of pain I am going through is unbelievable and I simply can't take it anymore. I have had mild HPPD for 2-3 years. It wasn't even that mild but I saw spiritual meaning in it and I actually enjoyed it. Well for the most part. Things got bad 8 months ago when I experienced a huge panic attack on LSD. I had Xanax and that drug literally saved my life that day. But next day I woke up feeling so anxious, hyperaware, it felt like the trip didn't even end. I ended up in the ER a couple days after that since it was either that or suicide. I got diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis and was put on antipsychotics, took them for a month or so and didn't see any improvements, only nasty side effects, so I stopped. Since then it got slightly better. Or at least I think. Well better in that I experience intense episodes less often, but when I do experience them they are as intense as they were on the first day and I simply can't take it anymore. I suffer from visual distortions but at this point it just annoys me and I learned to not pay attention to them. Problems I can't handle are DPDR, paranoia, anxiety, hyperawareness and such. I have irrational fears. I can't handle any amount of stress. I can't work. Luckily my parents are ok with me not working until I get better. Living feels like a punishment. I'm in actual hell. It can't be worse than this. I sleep with the lights on. I have nightmares. I wake up feeling paranoid. I'm so afraid, scared. I'm currently experiencing intense symptoms. I have days where I feel really good but no matter what eventually something triggers my symptoms and I'm left feeling like shit for days. Sometimes I take Xanax, 0.5mg, and it helps. Although when anxiety is really bad it's as if I don't even feel that dose. Sometimes I can go a month without taking it, somethings its 2 times a week. I'm being careful with it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. When I started writing this my anxiety was over the roof, now I feel better. More relaxed. But It's impossible for me to relax "on will", nothing works. Meditation, breathing, rationally explaining myself that it's okay, nothing. I feel like I have no control at all sometimes. And I'm Antonio, M24. I'm pretty sure that I won't make it. It could take years till I get to a point where I'm able to simply take care of myself. But it's no wonder that I feel the way I do, I abused LSD soo much.
  10. 1 point
    @r3dk00la1d This is a general list of things that genuinely help me deal with hppd on a daily basis. Omega 3 fatty acid supplements. They help reduce my visual Symptoms. The best way to get omega 3 fatty acids is through fish oil supplements, flax seed oil, chia seeds, and canola oil. I personally go with flax seed oil. Magnesium supplements can reduce visual symptoms. Some people have success with taking valerian root tinctures to reduce visual symptoms; but be careful because if you take too much valerian root it can cause some weird side effects. CBD supplements really help with my mood and help with some of the mental symptoms of hppd. The proper dose for CBD is between 20-100mg per serving. (20-30mg is the threshold level to get the medical benefits and the 50-100mg range is what people do to get the anti anxiety effects. Whenever I start to feel panicky I drink chamomile tea (2 bags) and it really calms me down. Meditation helps with mental symptoms. Here’s a list of things that aggravate my hppd. 1. Artificial Food coloring IE: Red #40, Red #3, Green #3, Yellow #5, Yellow #6, Blue #1, Blue #2. They might also be labeled FD&C Red 40 or FD&C Yellow 5. Artificial food colorings really made my hppd worse for a long time. Like it caused heavy color enhancements, increased visual snow, dizziness, and it made all my mental symptoms a lot worse. The thing that sucks is that I didn’t even know it was flaring up my symptoms because artificial coloring are in a lot of different types of food; not just candy and stuff. They put it in bbq sauce, sushi wasabi and ginger, Cheetos, that spicy red popcorn stuff. It’s smart to start checking ingredients. Natural food colorings, which are not harmful will never be labeled with a number. Usually natural companies will use fruit juice concentrated instead or things like paprika and turmeric to color their foods. In fact, artificial food coloring is so bad and has so many negative side effects that it’s banned in Europe. 2. Caffeine=color enhancements. 3. Alcohol=wavy/ melty vision. 4. Lack of sleep=heavier visual snow 5. Drugs (duh)
  11. 1 point
    Thanks man. I think the reason CBD stops working for people is because they acquire a tolerance over time. When they start off using tinctures they have zero tolerance so it works but then after time your body needs more and more of it to achieve the same effects. Moreover, most cbd tinctures are overpriced and under-dosed. Most places charge $50-$70 for a 500mg tincture. The proper dose for CBD is Between 20-100mg per dose which lasts for about 3 hours. In terms of getting a cbd tincture that has 0% thc I would go with cbd isolate tinctures because the cbd has been scientifically isolated into its crystal form meaning it is separated from the small amount of thc found in hemp. Tinctures that are made from hemp oil extract are more likely to contain that .01-.1% thc you’re worried about. Here’s a link for an isolate tincture that’s fairly priced: https://www.lazarusnaturals.com/shop/tinctures/cbd-flavorless-high-potency
  12. 1 point
    My thoughts as a newcomer. I'm grateful sites like this exist. It's incredibly valuable considering the rare nature of this disorder and the fact that there is no one place you can go to get information regarding this disorder. Even though it's included in the DSM most doctors still have no clue and therefore don't know what may or may not make it worse. Of course you've got to use your best judgment when listening to opinions here (cue the bleach dude). Even if the forum isn't as active though it's still has been really helpful for me being able to search back and find what helped or hindered those in the past. This shit blows, but at least there's a place I can go that makes me feel less alone in this. It also acts as an archive of self reported data from people from around the world who have already been there tried that when considering my options as I move forward with this new burden.
  13. 1 point
    Melatonin is definitely a great suggestion, but make sure you stick to the smallest dose possible and take periodic breaks from taking it at all. If you take it every day without any breaks eventually your brain will be unable to produce melatonin properly on it's own which is obviously very bad which is why you need to take breaks. Some other suggestions I would make are Valerian Root and Chamomile tea. Both will relax you and calm you into sleep, more-so with Valerian though, especially since it works on GABA receptors. My nurse practitioner told me this so take this with a grain of salt, since he doesn't always know what he's talking about, but since I take Clonazepam twice a day he's told me to avoid taking it close to bed-time as apparently it can disrupt sleep. Don't know if that's accurate/true though. I also tend to trust Pharmacists far more than anyone else when it comes to medications, so if you have questions they always seem to be the best bet. Pharmacology is a Doctorate degree, and they tend to really know their shit.
  14. 1 point
    (23 yo M) I’ve been suffering from HPPD for over 4 years now and trust me we have all felt that way like everything is hopeless and it’s never gonna get better and that nothing and no one is even real; but that’s not true. My symptoms have decreased almost 80% and it didn’t really start to clear up until like the 3rd year. And dude when it first started I was having the worst time. DPDR, brain fog, tracers, visual snow the works man i was straight up tripping. plus I kept having heavy flashbacks but they stopped after the first 6 months. All I can say it don’t give up keep trying to get better and you will get better. It took me years before I started being able to relax again and feel like a person but you’ll get there you just need to push through the hard part (which is the earlier stages) and you’ll start see changes. Here’s some tips that have helped me: Try taking omega 3 fatty acid supplements. They help reduce my visual Symptoms. The best way to get omega 3 fatty acids is through fish oil supplements, flax seed oil, chia seeds, and canola oil. I personally go with flax seed oil. Magnesium supplements can reduce visual symptoms. Some people have success with taking valerian root tinctures; but there are some strange side effects with some people who take it. CBD supplements really help with mood and help with the mental symptoms of hppd. L The proper dose for CBD is between 20-100mg per serving. (20-30mg is the threshold level to get the medical benefits and the 50-100mg range is where you get more of a sedation-like effect. Drinking chamomile tea can help with mental symptoms if things start to seem panicky. B-12 supplements can help to reduce stress and anxiety. Meditation helps.
  15. 1 point
    I think i've censored one post in my 10+ years as admin (the one about drinking fucking bleach). As for you first sentence... the forum helped me immensely and I get PMs a lot saying that the forum has been a great help. Maybe take your negativity to reddit? edit - haha, I just realised you are the plum trying to pimp said bleach.
  16. 1 point
    I think it's quiet here because of /hppd and other social ways of grouping (there are loads of HPPD discord groups, for example). There is a downward trend among many dedicated forums, not just here.
  17. 1 point
    Cool so on the benzos your hppd faded over time. That’s good to know. Sorry to hear about an ssri. That’s how this nightmare started for me. Docs put me straight on amongst other things and boom hppd went 20x overnight
  18. 1 point
    Ah right, ill keep that in mind. Thank you for the information
  19. 1 point
    Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering. I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same. As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real. I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose. I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better. During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga. I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals. This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake. So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great." Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive. Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me. Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up. Believe you can get better.
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