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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/18/2019 in Posts

  1. 3 points
    If you think this sounds like a dream come true, you are wildly misinformed. It is not like tripping all the time.. You have no feelings of joy, or insight. Just all the very ugly aspects. Anyone saying otherwise has some very mild form is this. Imagine your strongest trip ever, now remember that feeling when you've come down but you are still fucked up (and remove any feelings of relief that you made it through to the other side)... You're disphoric, depressed, anxious, nervous, paranoid, your mind is starting to make normal thoughts, but something is still very off, your vision is all messed up, but without the joy and insight, it's just an ugly mess. Don't underestimate this illness. I'd literally rather have cancer, or have my arms cut off.
  2. 2 points
    I too used to take ridiculous doses but my drug was acid. Why did I do it? I just wanted to see what would happen I guess. Go deeper. We were also under the false impression that it was harmless. The handful of times I've smoked weed since I stopped dosing produced panic attacks and a scary psychedelic effect. My brain felt like it was being run by some alien software. Horrid! I think it's great that you reached out on this forum. You're not alone, there's a whole tribe of us who are dealing with this. Understand, there are people in this forum who life happy and productive lives. I've had this disorder my entire adult life but existence has been sweet. Welcome!
  3. 1 point
    I used drugs during the 1970s. There were two messages. The message from the older generation was drugs would kill you or you would end up in jail. The message from the younger generation was that they were basically harmless. Both viewpoints were ill informed. Regarding productive lives, I'm nobody special. Just a regular Bozo making his way through "this" (whatever this is). I contracted hppd after taking psychedelics for six years. I managed to get through college, got married, raised two amazing kids (adults now), and have a profession that I enjoy. As I said, I'm nobody special but I never gave up. I picked goals and went after them one step at a time. Sometimes tiny little steps. All I'm saying is that it's possible to have a productive and happy life. Never give up, take small steps toward what you want to do do and who you want to be.
  4. 1 point
    I was doing ok until I developed low back and pelvic pain. Shit changes as you get older and with it coping mechanisms.
  5. 1 point
    This disorder is by no means fun or enjoyable. For me, it's like having a life long learning disability. For years my nervous system was constantly pumping adrenaline. The visual don't go away, however they aren't interesting, or enlightening. Getting focused on anything took a huge amount of effort. Enjoyable? No. With work i wad able to compensate for some of the symptoms, and over the decades I've learned to accept that I'm stuck with hppd. But fun? Yikes! NO! I too used to love taking psychedelics as often as I could. Sometimes for a week at a time. If I had known I would get this disorder, I would have never touched the stuff.
  6. 1 point
    I'd be very skeptical of taking that approach. I'd also be skeptical of someone making that claim.
  7. 1 point
    Wondering if anyone has experiences relating to neurosteroids ? Neurosteroids are just hormones and hormone metabolites that influence brain function. To illustrate: estradiol levels affect memory, testosterone enhances goal orientation and focus, the DHT metabolite 3α-Androstanediol is know to have "rewarding, anxiolytic, pro-sexual, and anticonvulsant effects" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3α-Androstanediol The topic CAN be an IS complicated. Here is an excellent text regarding neurosteroids and seizures: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3728472/ . Of course its relevance here is that HPPD is a constant pre-seizure state and HPPD at times responds to GABA alterations and neurosteroids actually modulate and can activate GABA receptors but don't loose effectiveness such as taking a benzodiazapine does. I PROPOSE THAT THIS IS A KEY AREA OF RESEARCH THAT HAS NOT BE EXPLORED FOR HPPD. Certainly hormone manipulations, particularly DHT and DHT derivatives substantially help my visual issues and other issues. DHT is not only a "positive allostatic GABA modulator", it also has strong influence with D2 receptor function (a personal nemesis). This subfunction relates to reading social cues and I suspect may related to DP/DR. Now rather than make this complicated or get hung up regarding the technicalities of the subject, it comes down to does anyone notice effects from medication or changes in: Estrogen Testosterone DHT Progesterone DHEA Cortisol Oxitocin Finisteride Anastrozole The list is not exhaustive but these are major players. Here is a bigger list https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_neurosteroids Thank you for your paticipation
  8. 1 point
    Xanax is a drug. If you've been taking Xanax for years then you haven't really been drug free. I'd remove anything and everything from your routine that even remotely has drug-like effects, including coffee, cigarettes and even excess sugar. In my experience you have to totally reset to figure out what's causing your symptoms to worsen. A few summers ago my symptoms were steadily worsening over the course of two weeks and I finally figured out it was due to nutmeg in a spice jar I was using everyday to flavor my food. I recently had a similar occurrence with mold. You should take stock of what times of day your symptoms worsen and ask what you were eating or doing prior that could have exacerbated your condition. I've had to do this constantly over the last four years and as tiresome as it is it's been really helpful in just making it through the day.
  9. 1 point
    @MadDoc yea i’ve noticed that i’ve been forgetting that i even have HPPD when i’m doing stuff i feel like i’m normal again and don’t really see the static. i’m currently taking melatonin 3-2 times a week. i wonder would it make me relax more and get use to it. I’ve recently have been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder so this is even harder than i thought it would be
  10. 1 point
    @oneofmymistakes. Making it better? First of all avoid drugs. Cannabis doesn't appear to be treating you well. You're already doing this which is great! I found that setting goals and focusing on those goals helped a lot. Nurture those things you're good at. Keep at it and I'll bet you can accomplish a lot. If your symptoms are making life difficult, start small, do what you can, but keep at it. Understand, you're not a bad person because you have had adverse effects from using drugs. Learn from the experience and move forward.
  11. 1 point
    Look through his other posts... He is trolling, or if he isn't, he is strongly encouraging drug use without offering any thought or insight, I don't see any benefit to keeping him/her on the forum. There are loads of posts here about post-hppd drug use and i have no problem with that, it is all part of our learning curve... But those posts have insight. Not just "drugs are great" posts.
  12. 1 point
    Judging by your post history, it seems you are trolling. One more post like this and you are banned.
  13. 1 point
    Did some LSD in the Navy during 1972 and then several days later, had a flashback of the trip. Never actually came down all the way...I seem to have gotten stuck. I spent the first 5 years frightened and anxious. Lots of alcohol. Lots of snow and tiny dots in front of my eyes. Things move in front of me, much like floaters. I think the roaring in my ears is the worst. Lots of noise. Never quiet...hard to sleep. Parts of my body seemed disconnected. Don't actually register. I could see my arms and legs but, never felt them in space much...if that makes sense. I think the hardest part is knowing there is something wrong with me. This seems to undermine my shaky sense of self. Loss of self esteem and worth...depression...worthlessness. Removes confidence. Never really found any medical staff that had a clue. I've continued to spend much of my time deconstructing my entire childhood in the hopes I could find some emotional relief. Extremely helpful as my anxiety levels have been reduced, but never enough to eliminate symptoms...although after 45 years there has been some lessening. I've tried most of the anti anxiety medications. Most simply knock me out or rot my stomach. To be honest the only thing that has ever given any relief was alcohol. I eventually stopped drinking so much because it never stopped the symptoms. The best part seemed to happen the next day. I usually felt better. Still happens. There is some relief, noise lessens, things 'look' clearer, skin feels a bit more like skin instead of many layers. Symptoms return, but I often feel slightly better...not sure why, but in an effort to keep my liver functioning, I can imagine it's the answer. I try ever 5 years or so talking to someone in the medical profession, but never really gets me anywhere. HPPD isn't really on anyone's radar and most physicians seem to that have difficulty admitting they don't know the answer, or that I might have anything useful to say, etc. Anyway, I'm writing simply to introduce myself and share another experience with HPPD. It's good to know there is finally a site where people can go and share/read other experiences. Thanks
  14. 1 point
    Normal? I think so. I went to college, got married, raised two wonderful children, and have a profession. I'm very happy and I'm grateful for each day. I guess that's normal. I stopped using psychedelics around 1980. Back then, this condition didn't have a name that I know of. People who used a lot of psychedelics were just considered "burned out". I doubt there were many doctors who had a clue. My approach was to stay sober and stay focused. I did drink alcohol for some time in the 80s but gave that up as well. I also follow a daily meditation practice which has been extremely helpful. I try to exercise often as well. I don't take any prescription medication. In short, stay clean, stay focused, and keep moving. Works for me.
  15. 1 point
    Visuals mostly. If I look at any textured surface I immediately start seeing patterns and designs on that surface. I've dealt with this for over 40 years. I dosed a LOT over a six year period.
  16. 1 point
    I'm not a doctor or a medical professional. I'm just an old guy who has had hppd for a long time. You mentioned that you had visual snow, anxiety, and panic attacks before consuming cannabis. Having a panic attack after consuming marijuana isn't that unusual. Edibles can be very powerful and can produce a very uncomfortable experience in some people. Noticing that your visual snow is worse may simply due to the added anxiety of have a bad experience. I suspect you're not experiencing hppd symptoms. Instead, the marijuana made your anxiety worse. I'd stay clear of marijuana. For some it's fine, for others (like me) it can produce a bad reaction. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
  17. 1 point
    Sorry man but almost everyone here will tell you that weed is not good at all for hppd sufferers...there are a lot of topics about this on the forum. Take care man
  18. 1 point
    Welcome Aaanna. Glad you found the forum!
  19. 1 point
    Someone on the visual snow fb group posted this . U guys might wanna read it , The person who wrote this believes that we need a combination of gene and stem cell therapy: '' I spend a lot of time researching how our nervous system works and what may contribute to the development of Visual Snow and other symptoms. Remember that there is a lot of vital information that I do not know, and may greatly benefit our understanding of this condition. Visual snow is described as an "epileptic" firing in the visual system in the brain. NMDA glutamate receptors, which are overexpressed after excitotoxic injury may well be the trigger of an increased spontaneous firing in the nerves. In turn, the brain would decode this increased firing as "visual snow" The idea is that remaining nerve endings have been damaged enough to overexpress NMDA Glutamate receptors, thus increasing their spontaneous firing. There are various factors that contribute to the development of this condition. Everybody first had an initial trigger, and this varies from person to person. Common causes include stress, trauma, recreational and prescription drugs, Lyme, mold, heavy metals, and other toxic exposures. But what they all result in is brain injury and neuronal damage. The consequences of such injury doesn't just cause break in communication between healthy neurons, but a cascade of events that can lead to further neuronal degeneration and cell death. That is where visual snow comes in. Think of a broken radio or a TV where it isn't able to receive and process incoming signals so the outcome is a lot of visual/auditory noise. Our brains behave in a similar manner when there is an interference with proper neuron function and communication. I strongly believe there are some genetic components that play a huge role in the development of Visual Snow and makes some individuals more susceptible to developing it. They are unknown as more research will be needed in this aspect. Medical researchers searching for new medications for visual snow often look to the connection between the nerve cells in the brain and the various agents that act as neurotransmitters, such as the central nervous system's primary excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate. Visual snow can be caused when damaged brain cells emit an excess of glutamate. Many treatments use ingredients that work as glutamate antagonists, or inhibitors. Communication between nerve cells in the brain is accomplished through the use of neurotransmitters. There are many compounds that act as neurotransmitters including acetylcholine, serotonin, GABA, glutamate, aspartate, epinephrine, norpinephrine and dopamine. These chemicals attach to nerve cells at specific receptors that allow for only one type of neurotransmitter to attach. Some of the neurotransmitters are excitatory; leading to increased electrical transmission between nerve cells. Others are inhibitory and reduce electrical activity. The most common excitatory neurotransmitters are glutamate and aspartate while the primary inhibitory neurotransmitter is GABA. It is necessary for excitatory and inhibitory neurotransmitters to be in balance for proper brain function to occur. Communication over synapses between neurons are controlled by glutamate. When brain cells are damaged, excessive glutamate is released. Glutamate is well known to have neurotoxic properties when excessively released or incompletely recycled. This is known as excitotoxicity and leads to neuronal death. Excess glutamate opens the sodium channel in the neuron and causes it to fire. Sodium continues to flow into the neuron causing it to continue firing. This continuous firing of the neuron results in a rapid buildup of free radicals and inflammatory compounds. These compounds attack the mitochondria, the energy producing elements in the core of the neuron cell. The mitochondria become depleted and the neuron withers and dies. Excitotoxicity has been involved in a number of acute and/or degenerative forms of neuropathology such as epilepsy, autism, ALS, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia, migraines, restless leg syndrome, tourettes, pandas, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, Huntington's, seizures, insomnia, hyperactivity, OCD, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders. (Doctors use two basic ways to correct this imbalance. The first is to activate GABA receptors that will inhibit the continuous firing caused by glutamate. The second way to correct the imbalance is use antogonists to glutamate and its receptor N-methyl-d-aspartate (NMDA). These are termed glutamate or NMDA antagonists. By binding with these receptors, the antagonist medication reduces glutamate-induced continuous firing of the neuron. This explains why some drugs like clonazepam and lamictal are able to help relieve symptoms in some patients. They help reduce excitatory action in the brain temporarily) Anxiety, depression, brain fog, depersonalizations, visual disturbances (including visual snow, palinopsia, blue field entoptic phenomenon, photophobia, photopsia) headaches, tinnitus, are all common symptoms associated with increased excitatory activity in the brain. Excessive glutamate is the primary villain in visual snow. Included below is a list of things that can lead to excitotoxicity. The list includes trauma, drugs, environmental, chemicals and miscellaneous causes of brain cell damage. (Keep in mind everybody's bodies behave and react differently to various substances) -Severe Stress (Most people that are stressed out don’t realize that once the fight-or-flight response gets activated it can release things like cortisol and epinephrine into the body. Although these boost alertness, in major concentrations, the elevated levels of cortisol over an extended period of time can damage brain functioning and kill brain cells) -Free Radicals – Free radicals are highly-reactive forms of oxygen that can kill brain cells and cause brain damage. If the free radicals in your brain run rampant, your neurons will be damaged at a quicker rate than they can be repaired. This leads to brain cell death as well as cognitive decline if not corrected. (Common causes are unhealthy diet, lifestyle and toxic exposure) -Head Trauma (like concussion or contusion) MRI can detect damaged brain tissue BUT not damaged neurons. -Dehydration (severe) -Cerebal Hypoxia -Lyme disease -Narcolepsy -Sleep Apnea -Stroke -Drugs (recreational or prescription) -Amphetamine abuse -Methamphetamines -Antipsychotics -Benzodiazepine abuse -Cocaine -Esctasy -Tobacco -Inhalants -Nitrous Oxide -PCP -Steroids -Air Pollution -Carbon Monoxide -Heavy Metal Exposure (such as lead, copper and mercury) -Mold Exposure -Welding fumes -Formaldehyde -Solvents -Pesticides -Anesthesia -Aspartame -MSG (Monosodium Glutamate is found in most processed foods and is hidden under many various names) -Solvents -Chemotherapy -Radiation -Other toxic exposures Inside the Glutamate Storm By Vivian Teichberg, Ph.D, professor of neurobiology "The amino acid glutamate is the major signaling chemical in nature. All invertebrates (worms, insects, and the like) use glutamate for conveying messages from nerve to muscle. In mammals, glutamate is mainly present in the central nervous system, brain, and spinal cord, where it plays the role of a neuronal messenger, or neurotransmitter. In fact, almost all brain cells use glutamate to exchange messages. Moreover, glutamate can serve as a source of energy for the brain cells when their regular energy supplier, glucose, is lacking. However, when its levels rise too high in the spaces between cells—known as extracellular spaces—glutamate turns its coat to become a toxin that kills neurons.* As befits a potentially hazardous substance, glutamate is kept safely sealed within the brain cells. A healthy neuron releases glutamate only when it needs to convey a message, then immediately sucks the messenger back inside. Glutamate concentration inside the cells is 10,000 times greater than outside them. If we follow the dam analogy, that would be equivalent to holding 10,000 cubic feet of glutamate behind the dam and letting only a trickle of one cubic foot flow freely outside. A clever pumping mechanism makes sure this trickle never gets out of hand: When a neuron senses the presence of too much glutamate in the vicinity—the extracellular space—it switches on special pumps on its membrane and siphons the maverick glutamate back in. This protective pumping process works beautifully as long as glutamate levels stay within the normal range. But the levels can rise sharply if a damaged cell spills out its glutamate. In such a case, the pumps on the cellular membranes can no longer cope with the situation, and glutamate reveals its destructive powers. It doesn’t kill the neuron directly. Rather, it overly excites the cell, causing it to open its pores excessively and let in large quantities of substances that are normally allowed to enter only in limited amounts. One of these substances is sodium, which leads to cell swelling because its entry is accompanied by an inrush of water, needed to dilute the surplus sodium. The swelling squeezes the neighboring blood vessels, preventing normal blood flow and interrupting the supply of oxygen and glucose, which ultimately leads to cell death. Cell swelling, however, is reversible; the cells will shrink back once glutamate is removed from brain fluids. More dangerous than sodium is calcium, which is harmless under normal conditions but not when it rushes inside through excessively opened pores. An overload of calcium destroys the neuron’s vital structures and eventually kills it. Regardless of what killed it, the dead cell spills out its glutamate, all the vast quantities of it that were supposed to be held back by the dam. The spill overly excites more cells, and these die in turn, spilling yet more glutamate. The destructive process repeats itself over and over, engulfing brain areas until the protective pumping mechanism finally manages to stop the spread of glutamate." Recent research has confirmed that hypermetabolism has been primarily found in the right lingual gyrus and left cerebellar anterior lobe of the brain in individuals suffering from visual snow. The definition of hypermetabolism is described as "the physiological state of increased rate of metabolic activity and is characterized by an abnormal increase in metabolic rate." Hypermetabolism typically occurs after significant injury to the body. This means that the brain is trying to compensate for the injured areas in the brain by increasing metabolism to meet it's high energy demands. It is trying to function to the best of it's ability under the circumstances. Normally the body can heal itself and regenerate under the right circumstances. But it is extremely difficult for the central nervous system - which includes the spinal cord and brain to be able to do so, due to it's inhibitory environment which prevents new neurons from forming. That is where stem cells come in. Stem cells are an exciting new discovery, because they can become literally any cell in the body including neurons. This is an amazing scientific breakthrough and has the potential to treat a whole host of conditions. Scientists are currently doing research and conducting trials. Excitotoxicity can trigger your "fight or flight" response. If the brain and the body remain in the sympathetic fight or flight state for too long and too often, it is degenerative; it breaks us down. If this cycle continues, then eventually the system burns out. It is this cycle that results in autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The results are disastrous, digestion is shut down, metabolism, immune function and the detoxification system is impaired, blood pressure and heart rate are increased, circulation is impaired, sleep is disrupted, memory and cognitive function may be impaired, neurotransmitters are drained, our sense of smell, taste and sound are amplified, high levels of norepinephrine are released in the brain and the adrenal glands release a variety of hormones like adrenalin and cortisol. I believe in order to find a treatment or cure for VS and it's accompanying symptoms, we need to address the underlying cause, reduce the excess excitatory activity in the brain, repair the damaged neurons, regain proper communication between neurons, rebalance the autonomic nervous system and prevent further cellular damage. We also need to figure out what genes, if any come into play. There is still a lot we don't know about the brain because it is such an remarkably complex organ. ''
  20. 1 point
    A list of stuff I have done since getting hppd 20+ years ago: Put myself through college. Started 2 businesses. Both successful. Travelled to many countries. Lived in a foreign country for 10 years, learning the language and emersing myself in the culture. Met a great girl and married her. Bought my own house. Been in various bands and made all alot of interesting music. Self taught various creative things like photography, video, web design etc. Learnt to surf, canoe, windsurf. No doubt loads of other shit too.... It's no picnic, with hppd, but life IS NOT OVER. Anyone who thinks it is needs to take back control of their life... Fight for it like you would fight against cancer. The easiest thing in the world to do is let this shit take control... I let it for 2-3 years, then just swicthed my thought process and thought "fuck it... I'll go and do everything I would have done before... If it is hard, so be it, but I'll try anyway.". Once you get that mindset, everything becomes possible again. Difficult, but possible.
  21. 1 point
    When I first experienced HPPD symptoms (DP, DR) I was reading and listening to Alan Watts, who was really good at describing the Tao and Buddhism and Advaita. These developed into obsessive philosophical thoughts, and for a while I thought that I was stuck in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. I thought that consciousness was like some sort of curse, and that consciousness is actually immortality. I figured that since only death can precede life, life must precede death, and so we are reincarnated. Well, if I hate consciousness so much, and I kill myself, this consciousness will just be transferred into another form, and I'm not fixing anything, and there's nothing to fix anyway. I was not suicidal, I was just extremely into these sort of thoughts. These metaphysical ultimate sort of questions haunted me for a while, and still sort of do. Sometimes they would manifest into actual feelings. My panic attacks feel like I'm forever trapped inside of a goddamned endless and unfeeling universe. I know that all I have to do is breathe, and enjoy the flowers and the birds and music, where none of those thoughts even exist, only the joy of whatever I am putting my attention to. My "cosmic consciousness" mushroom experience taught me that no amount of thinking of thoughts can lead to enlightenment, or satori, or nirvana. Thought leading to this thought leading to this thought will never lead to cosmic consciousness. It is the divine within you all the time except unnoticed. Or something like that. HPPD absolutely is a learning experience. I do not think it is just that you ate some mushrooms and now you have all this shit to take care of. I think it is in itself a sort of spiritual crisis, a reprogramming of your sense of self in order to lead a more productive life. I could be wrong, but this is what my intuition is telling me, and I certainly am working to be better than ever before.
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