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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/23/2018 in Posts

  1. 2 points
    I've flown 100s of times with hppd... Doesn't effect my symptoms at all. Have a good time, Sweden is a great, hope you meet Zlatan! He's a legend
  2. 2 points
    For work I travel to the Czech Republic roughly every three months. The first trip anywhere, for anyone, can be anxious. Most of the people you encounter in Europe speak english. If that's your primary language it shouldn't be a problem. Just relax and take it as it comes. Keep reminding yourself everything will be ok. The world has gotten smaller and foreign lands are familiar. In Prague Starbucks is a common sight. Traveling on a plane can be an anxious experience. I load music that I love on my phone and try to forget where I am. Yes, planes are weird, but they're very safe. Airports a just a pain in the ass, but if you stay calm, they're easy to navigate. Enjoy your travels. Having this disorder doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful journey.
  3. 2 points
    I've sent your post directly to my doc, so very likely he will reply within a week. I can't explain why it would help with HPPD, the only thing i know is that every HPPD case can be very different and different people react very differently to meds and supplements. So i only take meds with care and we (my docs an I) are thinking every step i take through. Thanks a lot for sharing and greetings from the Netherlands!
  4. 2 points
    This is a bad place to get a yes or no answer for this kind of thing. I will try to be as unbiased as possible in my response to allow you to make your own decision. cons: - some people here are because of DMT so this (hppd) is possible through its use - DMT is arguably the strongest hallucinogen you can find - even if you don’t get hppd, DMT can be a very strong experience, one that I’ve gone through myself, and isn’t always pleasant or beautiful. - you might become “Enlightend”. Whatever that means. Don’t forget, it’s hard to change oneself once you’ve had one of these experiences. You might find you aren’t happy with your life anymore and that’s fine if you have the motivation to change it. You might not. You might become miserable. Pros - While DMT is the strongest hallucinogen, it’s also the shortest acting. Time is an enormous factor when it comes to accruing brain issues due to hallucinogen. I believe that doing DMT is probably better than dropping acid if only because while the effect is enormous, it’s duration is over 60 times shorter than traditional lSD. They don’t call it the businessman’s trip for nothing - you might become “Enlightend”. Whatever that means. Don’t forget, it’s hard to change oneself once you’ve had one of these experiences. You might find you aren’t happy with your life anymore and change it! Personally, I’ve done DMT a handful of times and that was after I got hppd (roughly 18 months after). The only thing I noticed, was if I did it a few days in a row, I would get anxiety. I was kind of shocked to experience that considering how bad I had hppd when it first started. But it could have easily gone the other way. I could have had the neurochemical reaction that causes hppd happen (whatever that is). Or just an awful trip. Hell I broke through into a hospital for a few minutes before I was orbiting stars. That was scary. My friend who supplied it said he’d given it to many people and they were all fine... but once he gave it to a kid who immediately started screaming and ran outside into the yard and started eating dirt for ten minutes while wailing. When he came out of that he had no recollection of what he did. Thank God he didn’t become violent because he could have murdered someone. at the end of the day, this is a very extreme drug. It’s not something to be taken lightly. If you do decide to do it, a calm mindset is important and so is setting. Dont expect that its a one one way trip to enlightenment too. I received 0 spiritual benefits from DMT. It’s just too strong to have rational thoughts when it’s working (at high doses at least). I’ve tried low doses too and while it’s very visually interesting there wasn’t this profound emotional realizing at all. Just a “oh cool, colors and shapes. Now they’re gone. Going to go to class.” I would say don’t do it. You aren’t young, but you aren’t on deaths door. You don’t want to become an active member here. Just do do what I plan to do. When I’m an old man and ready to die, I’m going to the top of a mountain with IV DMT and a tank of nitrous. I’ll have a friend slowly crank up both until I pass while listening to Kreeks Notebook 😛
  5. 1 point
    Hello guys,PS: this post could be of serious relevance to anyone who has visual snow, palinopsia, migrane aura, or any other related visual condition. Here is a link to the video that I'll be mentioning throughout: I had been suffering from incredibly intense, full-blown palinopsia for 4 years and it finally reached a stage of severity where I was simply unable to cope. So one night I went about my usual bi-annual researching of Googling "how to cure palinopsia" in a desperate attempt to see if there had been any updates or success stories since my last search. I stumbled across this YouTube video called "Visual Snow relief" and so I clicked into it. I saw that it was a pattern of white noise with a bit of oriental music which lasted for five minutes. Seeing as my own visual snow came on at the same time as my palinopsia I thought that having a look at the video was worth a go as there was obviously some connection between the two. I looked at the comments on the video and all of them went something like this: "Tried this and it was great as it "froze" my VS for a minute but it came back again afterwards (sad face)". I stared at the video for its 5 minute duration and had the same experience: my VS was frozen in place for around a minute and then resumed its original intensity after the minute or so had passed. However, what I decided to do differently from the rest of the people who made the comments was to stare at the video for a prolonged period of time. I download the video directly onto my computer and put it on loop on my VLC player and put the laptop right on my chest so it took up all of my visual field. I then proceeded to stare at the pattern of white noise for a full hour. I then looked around my room----My palinopsia had been reduced by over 95%. It was barely noticeable. Also, my VS was frozen and I could see much clearer and my eyes seemed to almost have a higher frames per second and refresh rate (for anyone who knows what I'm talking about). The world seemed very smooth.Now before I continue I don't want to get anyone too over excited about this as I am not a qualified medical professional so THIS IS NOT TO BE TAKEN AS A PRESCRIPTION. I do not know if the nature of your VS and/or palinopsia is the exact same as mine and for all I know staring at the pattern for an extended period of time could have no affect or even make your symptoms worse. You need to have a look at it for 5 minutes first (make sure the video is taking up as much of your vision as possible) and see if that has ANY positive affect. If it does then I have good news for you: you have discovered the cure for your palinopsia and potentially even your VS. I say potentially regarding VS because my VS was not of a huge magnitude to begin with but it has gone down over the months after staring at this pattern as well.And here's the next part. This will take months. And months. And months of continued, repeated use for MULTIPLE HOURS. But if you're serious about helping your visual condition improve then this is the level of dedication you'll have to have.What I decided to do was to treat myself as if I was both a medical professional and patient. I went about documenting the length of time I spent staring at the pattern and the impact it had on my symptoms. These are my exact records dating from April 2017. "VM" stands for visual meditation as that's what I nicknamed it. The way I measured my symptom severity was by turning the lights off in my room and looking back and forth to see how intense the flash of the laptop's screen was. The first two weeks went as follows:April 28th: 9.30pm. 30min VM. Symptom reduction from 9pts to 5pts....10.00pm. 30min VM. Symtpom reduction from 5pts to 3pts....10.35pm. 5min break. Symptom increase from 3pts to 6pts.10.40. 60min VM. Symtom reduction from 6pts to 2pts----April 29th. 10.45pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 8pts to 3pts.....11.50pm. 30min. Symptoms remain at 3pts----April 30th. 10.30pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 8pts to 3pts.....11.30pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 3pts to 2pts. ----May 1st. 10.20pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 7pts to 2pts.....11.20pm. 150min. Symptom reduction from 2pts to 0.5pts.* ----May 2nd. 12.30am. 60min. Symptom reduction from 7pts to 2pts.....01.20am. 40min. Symptom reduction from 2pts to 0.5pts.----May 3rd. 10.15pm. 15min. Symptom reduction from 7pts to 2pts.....11.00pm. 75min. Symptom reduction from 4pts to 1pt (break after 60min). ----May 4th. 11.20pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 7pts to 2pts. ----May 5th. 11.30pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 6pts to 1pt.....1.00am. 30min. Symtom reduction from 1pt to 0.5pt. ----May 6th. 12.20am. 30min. Symptom reduction from 8pts to 1pt**...12.50am. 30min. Symptom remains at 1pt....1.20am. 30min. Symptom reduction from 1pt to 0.5pt----May 7th. N/A (Alcohol drank earlier)----May 8th. 10.45pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 6pts to 1pt----May 9th. N/A----May 10th. 10.45pm. 60min. Symptom reduction from 4pts to 0.5pt....11.45pm. 20min. Symptom remain at 0.5pt----May 11th. N/A----May 12th. 11.45pm. 15min. Symptom reduction from 4pts to 0.5pt....12.00am. 45min. Symptom remain at 0.5ptWhat this data should tell anyone who wants to use this method for tackling either their VS or their palinopsia or any other visual condition linked to VS is:---> A. You will need to spend a lot of time staring at this fixed noise pattern. Especially at the beginning. I did not see any noticeable improvments unless I spent at least a solid hour staring at it. I recommend using that time to listen to your favorite podcast or audiobook. I initially listened to the music that accompanied the video in case the melody had some sort of positive unconscious benefit but after a few months I ditched the audio and the benefits were still there. It's the visual stimulation that works. Also, please note that on May 1st* I spent nearly three and a half hours staring at this pattern and that was when I saw the most substantial drop in the symptoms. If you're dedicated to improvement you will spend this amount of time.--> B. This is your brain and it is not a linear equation. On May 6th** my symptoms were worse than the night before despite no explanatory cause. Also, throughout the months and still even to this day my symptoms are not entirely logical nor are they completely predictable. I could say that on an average day I walk around with my symptoms at 1 or 2 out of 10 and that after a good 45minutes of visual meditation my palinopsia will be at around 0.1/0.05 for the first 10 minutes and then maybe 0.5 for the rest of the evening. This may of course make you realize that technically the title of this post is incorrect: I still have palinopsia, but it is so reduced in its intensity that it feels like a non issue. There are times when I'm tired or been drinking or staring at a computer screen for a long time that the symptoms will ramp up to slightly higher numbers of maybe a 2 or a 3. Not VMing for a few days may also let the symptoms ramp up. But I never let this stress me out as I always know that simply staring at the pattern will reduce the symptoms almost in their entirety and that it can only get better and is under my control. The more time I dedicate to visual meditation then the better my condition will be and that sense of control and optimism and reduced symptoms is, as far as I'm concerned, worth while sharing. I am absolutely blessed to have found a cure. PS: if anyone's wondering why it took me nearly a year to make this post, I wanted to make sure that there were no adverse longterm affects of using this method. It has also been quite a long emotional process to actually fully register and realize the reality that I'm free from my symptoms after all these years. -->. C. Time. Time. And more time. What the data recordings cannot show is the amount of time that I would benefit after visually meditating as well as the improvements on a day to day basis. The only answer to that question is that you need to put in the hours. The more I did it the longer I would benefit from the reduction and the more reduced it would be only a daily basis. Nearly a year on I still have minor symptoms but I know that if I put aside a few nights for a few 3 hour marathons then I would see a daily benefit even now. You need to measure yourself on a monthly basis rather than a weekly or daily and then after perhaps six months of visually meditating for 2 hours every second night or so (more if possible. I would definitely recommend putting in a few 3 hour runs) then you will get to the point where you actually don't even bother staring at the pattern anymore because you don't think about your symptoms as being a problem. I still like to do it now as a means of habit whenever I'm listening to podcasts to keep on top of it as I don't want to take for granted what an unbelievable transformation this has been and let myself get complacent. TECHNICAL NOTES--> During my initial visual meditation sessions and especially throughout my extended sessions I would feel this absolutely sensational sense of relief right behind my eyes. Right directly in behind them. It felt like a sense of decompression/relaxation and even just typing this right now is giving me that feeling strangely enough... but to give more context, when I first got palinopsia I got it around the same time that I got tears in both of my retinas. After multiple eye examinations they concluded there was nothing wrong with my eyes and yet I was feeling this intense pain and pressure right in behind where my retinas are. Upon doing visual meditation for extended periods of time I would feel this pressure lifting and being released in an intensely pleasurable way. My intuition is telling me this probably has something to do with migrane aura. Could this technique be used to relieve people with migrane aura?--> There is 100% a connection between computer use and my "brand" of palinopsia and maybe even palinopsia and VS in general. But not for reasons that have been previously suggested. It clearly has nothing to do with the nature of laptop/pc monitors as it is by starting at a laptop screen that I was cured. However, the origins of my palinopsia also involve my first real prolonged writing sessions. Hours upon hours I would stare at a blank and static microsoft office application or a piece of paper while imagining the intense scenes of my writing. The reason I emphasize static is that the ultimate elevation of my symptoms to insane levels and what caused me to seek out a cure was after I took up a job working in an office. There I spent 8 hours a day staring at a completley and utterly static and blank excel document. The notion of consuming static visual content makes sense for the nature of my palinopsia as it was a static environment that created the initial symptoms and the final escalation, but it was the consumption of extremely fast moving visual content that cured it. I know that there were obviously some other factors invovled as not everyone who inhabits a static environment gets palinopsia but there is without a shadow of a doubt a connection there for any researchers who want to look into this.--> I know that I am not a doctor but I would highly recommend anyone who has just discovered that they have a medical condition like this: do not take drugs to cure it. Again, I'm speaking from intution and experience here and not a position of medical authority, but I truly feel that methods like this are the way forward. I would only recommend trying the medication route if you are unable to function.PERSONAL NOTEI was just about to type "I honestly never thought I'd find a cure" but then I stopped myself. That's wrong. I always knew that there was potential to find a cure. I had read books on how the brain was like plastic and I always had a ray of hope in me that knew that if something could get worse then it could always get better. I always had fantasies about going off to Tibet for a few months to meditate with the monks or pay an army of neuroscientists to research palinopsia to see if there was some way to improve the condition. And even if there was no cure then I always reminded myself that there are millions of people out there right now that can't even see, and I'm there complaining that I can see too much! Don't get me wrong I had my dark days and whenever life would get me down then the palinopsia always seemed ten thousand times more horrible than ever so I'm not underestimating what its like to have a condition like VS and palinopsia.What I'd like to say to anyone who has palinopsia and this doesn't work for is that the way I got through the hard years with it was to just accept that this was the way that I saw the world and that having the condition forever was not going to get in the way of leading a happy and succesful life. I tried to imagine how I'd feel if everyone else saw the world through a palinoptic lens and how I wouldn't think anything of it as it'd be a normal way of seeing. I'd just accept it as a fact of life and move on. And so that's what I did. I let go of my desire to control what I saw and just accepted that I was grateful for the ability to see. Period. I also reminded myself that some of the most exciting times I had in my life (I got palinopsia when I was 19 and had it all through college) were when I had full blown palinopsia and that my depressing childhood/teen years were without palinopsia yet I was way more miserable back then!! All of the great, great times I had for those four years were when my whole field of my vision was flashing like mad and the lights were flying all over the place and everything was trailling - but what I always remembered was to be thankful for the life that I had been given and to remember all the other people across the world who suffer from absolutely horrific medical conditions. All of us have our crosses to bear and that's what helped me get through the anxiety and depression that having a condition like palinopsia brought. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be rid of it for a million reasons, and I hope that even if this doesn't work for you that you'll always keep that spark of hope at the back of your mind that there could be a way to cure your visual ailments in the future and that the plasticity of the brain knows no bounds. I suggest reading a book by Norman Doidge called "The Brain that Changes Itself". That book gave me hope on the staggering transformations that the mind is capable of. That your mind is capable of.If a problem can be made, then it can be also unmade. Never forget that, and never give up hope.Thank you for reading and I really hope this method helps you guys. Please let me know if it does and be sure to share this with as many people as possible who could potentially benefit from this.Yours sincerely,James McDonagh
  6. 1 point
    First I wanna introduce myself, my name is Lucas I’m from Brazil, my English is not that good so, I got my visual snow from abuse of MDMA and it’s being weird cause my visual I don’t see just static, when I focus on the wall I lightly see spinners spinning, even with my eyes opened or closed, and if I focus on it it becomes worse so I try to don’t focus on it cause I’m afraid to it get worse. I don’t know if it can go away or I’ll stay forever with it, is there anything that I can do? Thank you guys
  7. 1 point
    The best thing to do is stop all drug use (including weed), stop caffeine and nicotine (if possible), try to remove stress from your life. Eat healthy and exercise. Try to do things that distract your mind from it. There is a very good chance this will go away. If it does, please use this as your body's warning not to do any more drugs. If it is still here after 3-4 months, come back and then maybe start looking into the next steps, medication etc.
  8. 1 point
    This is one of those fads that I have a feeling we'll look back on in a few years and wonder what the hell we were thinking. The reason a lot of people get benefits from this sort of a diet is because for once they're eliminating all the toxic crap they put into their body on a daily basis. You could eat just kale or just oranges and probably get the same sort of results simply because you're no longer ingesting all the hormones and chemicals that are put into our food supply. Don't get me wrong, meat is incredibly nutritious and has all sorts of benefits -- especially for the brain -- but eliminating fresh fruits and veggies is absurd given those foods have absolutely zero negative impact on the body and can only provide more nutrition that our bodies crave to function properly.
  9. 1 point
  10. 1 point
    Hi there ! I'm sorry to hear about your symptoms. I have seen several reports of people starting to notice HPPD symptoms months after their last trip, so in that regard, it looks like it is possible to get HPPD even months after the last drug intake. Maybe some fellow members can elaborate on this, maybe it happened to a few of them. When it comes to drug consumption, there is always one and only one answer: Discontinue all drug use. Especially weed (and hallucinogens obviously...... but you know that already.). Everyone has different reactions to different substances, let it be cannabis, caffeine, alcohol or others. Usually the ones to stay furthest away from are usually stimulants and cannabis. For many people including myself, alcohol is pretty tolerable as long as it is not consumed daily or in large amounts. If I consume large amounts of alcohol, I will usually see a slight decrease in visuals when drunk but the days following the binge will have exacerbated symptoms. The best recipe I have for myself to keep visuals to the lowest level is : -No drugs -No legal stimulants (caffeine, lots of sugar like in energy drinks) -Limit milk intake (I think calcium makes visuals worse, maybe @dasitmane can elaborate on that, he knows more than I do on the subject) -Low level of stress (keep calm at work even in uncomfortable situations) -SLEEP (Written in caps because it is very important for me) That's all I could come up with right now, hope it helps. Stay strong !
  11. 1 point
    Just wanted to make a quick post about my experience with naltrexone. I began regular dosing a few days ago at around 1.5mg at night with the intention of increasing my endorphins through rebound the next day. My experience has been rather pleasant, I must say. My initial impression of it was positive in thag it quickly reduced a headache I had been suffering from for days. I have experienced no negative effects so far. ive begin dosing earlier in the day now because I find it has a wonderful mood stabilizing effect (reduced irritability especially) and reduces my anxiety levels. Additionally, it seems to help my cognition as well. I’m more articulate and focused. It also seems to make me feel physically comfortable; something that is rare for me. roght now I generally dose 1.5mg every 4-6 hours. Im hesitant, because I react badly to lots of different things and something that helps me is apt to turn on me rapidly, but so far it seems this is a good medication for me.
  12. 1 point
    The subject of your post caught my eye. Someone in my past used to often say "feed the hungry be". What he meant is that sometimes we need to simply "be". The world has gotten so frantic and taking time for ourselves can be healthy. Hang in there, take care of yourself.
  13. 1 point
    Hey, I just wanted to thank k everyone so much for the support and for your advice and help, I can't believe it took me so long to realize just what happened. As I'm sure most of you know, LSD has been known to be a "literal mirror" of sorts, in a sense that it can show you your main faults and flaws, any underlying fears you may have, and well, that's what this was, and I just failed to realize it. On Friday is when I decided to look at all this as a message, I knew there would be answers in the actual issues, and as it turns out, there were. I'm afraid of letting people down, I'm afraid of humiliation, of people shaming and shunning me, I'm afraid of failure. LSD showed me this, and continued to show me until I was able to get it. After that realization, today, a LOT of my issues have been cleared up, their still there, and I know they still will be for a while, but I think I'm on an even better road to recovery because of this. Still though, I'm no longer taking LSD, as Alan Watts said "If you get the message, hang up the phone." So again, thank you guys so fucking much for your help.
  14. 1 point
    Thanks for the response, I didn't hear about MMS or chlorine dioxide, also never for treatment of HPPD. I will share this with my (HPPD specialised) doc, maybe he can research this for optimising his treatment. I did hear about Kratom from another former HPPD'er, he is also very positive about this supplement. Maybe will give it a shot someday. My HPPD is a lot different than you are discribing, i just have a lot of visuals, brain zaps, anxiety, head pressures, sometimes flashbacks, sometimes DR, etc. I (luckily) do not have the feeling that i'm constantly tripping. That must have been a very bad experience. About your experiences with a psychiatrist: a psychiatrist can definitely help but you have to find one that is familiar with treating HPPD or is willing to do research into HPPD (mine is..). From what i hear, a lot of meds are prescribed to HPPD'ers that just make things worse. Luckily, i live in the Netherlands where there are docs who have experience with HPPD, and can help to find the right treatment (meds are only 10% of the treatment). For now i will stick to my current medical treatment with Klonopin and Clonidine, as i know this works (somewhat) to ease the symptoms and feel "normal". I'm making very slow progress, but progress is there so i'm hoping i will be 100% funtional over time again. Maybe someday i will try the MMS stuff, but for now i'm happy with the meds i'm on now. Thanks a lot for sharing this info! That will definitely help in my personal treatment but also in the research by some docs in the Netherlands.
  15. 1 point
    I don't understand why you refer to yourself as an "idiot". I agree, LSD can provide insight into our own minds. You've had that experience. The mistake I made was I thought psychedelics were a long term answer. I think if I had taken it once or twice, taken what it had to teach, and then stopped then I might not have the hppd symptoms I've lived with all my adult life. It sounds like you've made a rational decision to hang up the phone. An idiot? I don't think so. Take care.
  16. 1 point
    Look up Depersonalization / Derealization, see if it sounds similar to what you are experiencing. However, now that you explain it that way, I can relate to this. During my worst bad trip when I ended up in hospital, I also had these different realities or dimensions, and couldn't figure out which was the right one. I could also not figure out if what was happening, was indeed, happening. This all subsided once the drug wore off though. As everyone already said, give it time and no drugs. Not even alcohol.
  17. 1 point
    This is interesting. I’ve read one other report (it was an article I believe actually) that told of a college student who took lsd and was caught in a state of de ja vi. He described his life just like you did. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-30927102 now, I read a long time ago, so don’t quote me, that de ja vu is actually the smallest of communication lag between the two hemispheres of the brain. Both hemispheres of the brain interpret reality and form a cohesive whole that is you. Psychologists have already proved that the right and left side of the brain have different opinions l, likes, and preferences for things. It makes sense to me that lsd has somehow caused a very tiny lag in communication between your hemispheres. But what to do do about this? It’s hard to say when you don’t know the cause. The only thing hat I KNOW OF that can increase that communication is piracetam and I’m in no way suggesting thst is something you should try. Some people with hppd are okay taking it some are now. Another thing tou coukd do learn to play the piano. This should help both of your hemispheres communicate with each other. Should you decide to take it, be sure to take AN ENORMOUS amount of antioxidants with it. Piracetam and racetam analogies can cause oxidative stress in the hypothalamus which can lead to damage and disregulation. my hypothalamus is fucked because of racetams. I couldn’t feel hunger for two years (thirst for 8 months) and became asexual for 8 months because of a month long trial of oxiracetam and coluracetam
  18. 1 point
    You're so young! Try to don't do LSD anymore. You're still on growing process
  19. 1 point
    I did ride of hppd symptoms more then a year ago buth after that i had major problems with fatique and brainfog, i went to a doctor recently and did some test and give me advice to stop wheat and diary products, and also corn, tomato, and a few more after a week i felt a lot better. I started my journey again on the internet for brainfog and i acrrossed Tony and he have a heart for people noth the one doing it for the money he tell how about reverse brain damage and dna damage with vitamine c and other supplements, i started with vitamine c and magnesium and had great results with it. Tony explains how the vitamines work and must be taking in combination to work and i realy recommend to give a look thnx for reading.
  20. 1 point
    This is a compound I haven’t seen a whole lot about on this forum. Years ago, I read pretty much the entire longecity thread about it and was surprised more of us didn’t try it as it appears to promote healing in the hippocampus at least. I probably would have tried it back then had I been able to find an easy and reputable source. The patent holder was really shutting things down. and then, very much by accident, I stumbled across it on the irc.bio website and immediately ordered both the sulfate and freebase. It was kind of an impulse decision, as I’m not even sure I’m going to take it. I just couldn’t help myself as I’m kind of a collector of strange supplements and medications at this point. Anyway, if anyone is interested in trying it, it’s there for the taking. Pretty sure irc Bio is closing it’s doors soon though due to increased laws about SARMs and that’s 75 percent of their business.
  21. 1 point
    Hi Guys, i just woke up and started thinking about this forum. Since my relapse/worsening in november 2017 i didn’t visit this forum a lot anymore because it isn’t very good for my mental health. I’m trying to focus as less as possible on the HPPD. But this morning i thought that i at least could give an update about how i’m doing now, since some members have helped me a lot. Well, compared to november 2017 (see posts above) i’m doing a lot better. On the other side i still have a long way to go because my symptoms are still quite severe (but have lessened a bit) and are hard to deal with from day to day. My HPPD is a disability right now because i can’t do the same stuff as “healthy” people are doing. Lets start with my symptoms right now: - pretty bad visual snow, in daytime not very noticable but in dark situations it’s pretty heavy. It’s like there is a layer of VS before my normal vision. I can handle it but it’s sometimes hard to deal with. - trails when looking at fast movements (like waving hands, a phone screen waving before my eyes gives a light trail, etc.). Also pretty long afterimages when i look directly into a light source (like more than a minute or so). Sometimes in notice a bit of floaters but it isn’t that bad. These symptoms have improved a bit and i’ve gotten used to it so it isn’t a very big deal anymore. - sometimes my entire vision looks “too bright”. Don’t know if that’s DR but when that happens i feel a bit disconnected. This symptom is very hard to deal with. Luckily this doesn’t happen very often because i would go crazy if this was permanent. - head pressures and brain zaps. Are often not noticeable anymore but when i have a busy day or week these come back. - some brain fog / cognitive issues / fatigue. Especially my memory is not very good. It has improved so i’m hoping it will slowly get better. - quite severe anxiety, but on the other side i’m able to deal with the anxiety a lot better due to my coaching and the meds i’m on right now. I think that’s about it. Due to all these symptomps, it’s a disability and i can’t do a fulltime job now because my symptoms get worse when i have a too busy day or week. When that happens they get better in de next couple of days but it’s really looking for a good balance in work / socialising / rest. I think i also have found the best treatment possible in the Netherlands. - i visit a psychologist once every 2 weeks to help me deal with the HPPD and slowly building up my life again. I now can work 2 mornings a week and deliver good quality work. This feels good and i’m hoping i will be able to work more in the future. - in the same clinic as the psychologist, there is a psychiatrist who prescribes me meds to help deal with the HPPD and anxiety. This psychiatrist is advised by HPPD specialist dr. Alderliefste. Meds i’m on right now: 2x Clonidine a day, 3x Clonazepam (Klonopin) a day. I’m tapering the Klonopin very slowly (over a lot of months), because it’s helping me pretty good but i can’t stay on this med for the rest of my life. - sometimes i have direct contact with HPPD specialist dr. Alderliefste. He’s helping me very good (the best way possible), mostly he advises me what to do. - now the most interesting part: like the most of you guys, i had an MRI scan from my brain to check if there is no other cause for the symptoms. As expected, the result from the MRI scan was good and there were no abnormality’s. With this result i am sent to a hospital connected to a university, where neurologists are researching and studying visual snow / HPPD. Dr. Alderliefste also helps and supports this research. When everything goes to plan, i will see a neurologist there (with knowledge of VS / HPPD). He will medicly examinate me and hopefully can give advise on optimising my treatment. Also there is a possibility for me to help the research / study as a patient. So i’m very curious about how this will work out, and if the doctors understand whats happening in my / our brains. I definitely will keep you guys updated if there is any interresting information to share. Well, that was quite a story to write. Overall i’m doing / dealing a lot better, but there is a long way to go. Hope you guys are also doing OK! Looking forward to the responses.
  22. 1 point
    Success story After 4 years; my hppd is finally gone for real this time. Will post more on this later
  23. 1 point
    Yeah i know. This may sound dramatic but i am always unlucky, and that's why i think it's HPPD in the back of my mind. It could also be a very mild case, or just similar and hopefully temporarily symptoms. Palinopsia/afterimages is really the only symptom i still have, which is weird because palinopsia is always a symptom and not an condition. I asked for help on the bluelight forum and most of them said palinopsia will go away by itself. I just hope this is a short-term thing, and i believe it is because i've seen significant improvement. And probably improvement most people with HPPD would kill for. I also believe that HPPD could be divided in two sections. Section 1: Symptoms: Visual snow, trailing, palinopsia, micropsia and macropsia (Alice in Wonderland syndrome), floaters and possibly photofobia, anxiety, DP/DR. These people are prone to depression and anxiety attacks, highly sensitive minds, strong emotions, fear of never being normal again, worrying it's permanent and blame themselves a lot for what happened. From the research i did i can conclude that this is most of the time not permanent, unless if they keep using psychedelics. The brain has a significant skill of healing/recovering/adjusting itself. Section 2: Symptoms: Morphing objects, breathing walls, crooked lines, flashes, very vivid vision, seeing organisms/demons that aren't there, CEVs, lucid dreaming, very big fear of going insane, everything moves, hard to see depth, weird large spots in vision, feeling of plastic cap in skull, sometimes think it's a cool thing to have these disturbances, feeling of frame rate problems in vision. Could also accompany a lot of the disturbances from Section 1. These people are not always anxious, but that depends on the kind of person. They have very realistic dreams and symptoms seem more like a hallucination. Most of the time not because of a bad trip, but because of large doses of psychedelics. The durance of these symptoms vary, some people notice them diminishing after a few months, some people already suffer from them for ages. I don't believe HPPD can truly be permanent, although there are people who already suffer from it for more than 30 years (I read about a man on this forum that already suffers from this for 43 years). Keep in mind that these trips/drugs alternated your brain in a chemical reaction. That means that another chemical reaction could reverse this. We just need the research and experiments to find a permanent cure. It's a chemical inbalance that just needs to be balanced again. And I consider me having a very similar thing to HPPD (possibly very very very mild HPPD) but i can imagine 100% what you guys are going through. I'm very fascinated by this condition (not really in a very positive way). But i'm motivated to fully recover and find something that may improve life for a lot of people here. I do also believe that a lot of people already have recovered, but don't want to be associated with this disorder anymore, that's why they don't post, they just don't care any more and try to forget what could easily be one of the worst moments in their lifes. Look how many people visit these forums, these aren't all of the sufferers. And the people who suffer the most post, the ones who don't suffer/overcame their suffering/recovered don't post anymore (except for a very small amount of them) because they just don't think about it anymore. For example: you don't find a lot of success stories about Anxiety Disorders/PTSD on the internet, while a lot of people have recovered from this! You should take this in consideration when researching HPPD and reading the horror stories. If you read on official medical websites about HPPD they say these visual disturbances in most cases last from months to years, and in worst case scenario for some people may be permanent. 50% recover in months, 1 in 50.000 psychedelics users get this disorder (don't know if this is measured in years, i think it is). Do the math yourself. How much people are on these forums? These medical websites do need research to back up their arguments, so it's hard to believe that they just post stuff that isn't true. I am in no way a proffesional in this kind of stuff, but when I'm interested in something i'm immediately like really really interested in it. Keep your hopes up! Just keep in mind that recovery is possible. It's just the sacrifices and effort your willing to take, and looooooottttsssss of patience. I know what you're thinking, don't be such a cry-baby because I've only had these symptoms for 1,5 month now and you're already recovering (still don't know if it's HPPD). But it feels like years right now. I wish you all the best, I think I'm going to research this disorder when I'm older. You should see this as a very harsh warning, just stay away from alcohol and drugs, please! That's a big part of recovering. adios!
  24. 1 point
    I tried this for like a week this month. Noticed that (at least for my weird brain chemistry) there was some increase in serotonin. I get sexual side effects from SSRIs that were similar to what this causes. Also when I stopped taking it I had a HORRIBLE time two days later--- feelings of SSRI withdrawal, muscle tension and cramping all throughout my body, extremely decreased motility, extreme depression.... Lasted for a day and then I was much better the next. Except for the motility. I didn't shit without an enema for a week. Now I'm going once every two days which still isn't enough. This could eh unrelated to the compound though unless it triggered one of my HPPD symptoms (gastric issues) Good antidepressant effect though while it's working. Also I was taking VERY low doses. I think I probably ingested between 20 and 40 mg throughout this whole thing (insulfated). I found it to be powerful enough when taken in small increments throughout the day (1-3 mg) First few times I didn't notice much but after a while I would get a sort of rush while taking it. Maybe something I will take in the future sporadically but I'm talking like once a week to prevent whatever happened last time from reaccuring.
  25. 1 point
    What an unempathic girlfriend. Well then you didn't miss something out atleast.. I wouldn't want that anyways. My girlfriend has been really supportive but now she's in another town now and doesn't seem to care too much about my problems anymore. As I've said I'm not depressed anymore so I guess she knows that I'll be alright. I'm glad that you see some effects from the Gabapentin. Does it help with any visuals? I did also got HPPD from these spanish crystals called MDMA so we might have the same thing. Use the lonliness to clear things out. Dig deep into yourself, forgive yourself, bring up old memories, think a lot about your life and what goals you might have. Who are you in 10 years? 20 years? Life is long man. No need to give in hope for such a brief moment. The pain will be relieved in time. As long as you keep your mind clear and try to be a little optimistic even though it can be very tough and almost denial to be sometimes. But please try!
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