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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/20/2018 in Posts

  1. 2 points
    This is quite funny really: "Can i still smoke weed?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet" "What about spice?" "well, staying totally sober is the best bet, no more drugs of any kind" "Just some coke then?"
  2. 1 point
    Some if not most of you may know I started a non profit for HPPD and VS with the help of several people with HPPD. After many years of hard work we have a neuropsychiatrist, Dr. Harry McConnell, on board who has taken up the mantle from Dr. Abraham and has designed the only fully comprehensive research study on HPPD. It will cover genetics, autoimmunity and utilize several means of neuroimaging. I’m encouraging all of you to get your family, friends even yourselves to donate toward this study because if something remarkable is found, it will change everything for us as a patient community. http://www.neurogroup.org/donate/
  3. 1 point
    Hi there! It definitely sounds like you have HPPD. Welcome aboard. I've also had HPPD for around 5/6 months now, and I know how tough the first few months are. You can feel really scared and alone, and before I got used to it I didn't know what to do. Thats where the forum comes into play. People on here can really help you feel better but also just... less alone. And that's important. My first bit of advice is to just stop smoking weed (if you are still doing that). It's a drug that does not mix well with HPPD, and can not only trigger it (it triggered mine) but make your symptoms much worse. Quitting weed is for the better! The first two weeks or so after during withdrawal feel so horrible, but after that, it's a lot better. Quitting all other drugs is also beneficial, both the hard stuff and even stuff like caffeine or nicotine. I also have the sleep disorder stuff. I had very vivid lucid dreams for a few months, but the medication I'm on helps a lot! It's called clonidine. I have a much easier time falling asleep, and my dreams are less vivid and less terrifying as well. It's a blessing. I also take lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer that most other HPPD-ers find doesn't irritate their symptoms. However, medication is up to you and some people prefer to go without. I've also heard klonopin helps. Although they can't solve your visuals, they can help a lot with the emotional symptoms. I'd recommend seeing a doctor if you can find one that'll listen to you. I know it sounds crazy, especially now, but it'll become normal after a while. Please look more at the forum for coping mechanisms and possible supplements that might help you live day to day. But keep in mind, everyone with HPPD is different. Thing that work for others might not work for you, or the other way around! Keep experimenting and keep your head up. We're all in it together. I hope you start feeling better soon ❤️
  4. 1 point
    For decades I've always kept suicide as a viable option in my mind. Don't know if that qualifies as 'idealization' ... don't exactly care. Obviously since its been over 40 years and I haven't done it, this 'idealization' hasn't hurt. But neither has it been a boy-who-cried-wolf (especially since I don't tell people). It is just that the 'option' helps me to not feel trapped. Get irritated when a psychologist spouts the old chestnut, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". They are just doing their job and they ARE RIGHT. I just don't want my suffering to be trivialized. And what is REALLY wanted by nearly every one is relief from suffering. HPPD and its like can cause a lot of suffering. But like the poster above, ALS would really be horrible - slow self disintegration, suicide not necessary as its already happening slowly without choice. A better way (and forgive my snobbery) is to take what little energy to find things that help. Everyone is different as to what helps but there is always something to alter. And each thing that helps provides a clue as to what next might help. How many have tried options that have helped others? Usually it a problem of getting docs to prescribe things. mgrade: I don't remember you by that name but I've been away a couple years and forget things. Know you've been fighting with this a long time. But don't throw in the towel. If you are serious about the goal, what can it hurt to check into a MHU? They can pump you with enough stuff so you don't care about anything - a temporary solution but it might lead to a better one. Just saying ... You say your country has crappy MHU? May I ask which country that is? Here in the USA, things aren't so wonderful as people think they are. Those who say it is great are those who haven't really needed it - so they speak in ignorance. If you are able to go to a foreign country for suicide assistance, why not try health assistance? As for "The direction of the world is going straight fascist", don't waste your thoughts on woes you can't change. Some governments are easier to deal with but none have every taken care of every citizen - someone always suffers. Whatever government system there is, you have to find a way to survive and find something for yourself.
  5. 1 point
    I didn't take anything except the supplements I listed. I tried to get a prescription at one point for anti anxiety medication, but the doctor I saw was not open to it. Now that my symptoms have gone away without medication, I'm happy i didn't take anything.
  6. 1 point
    Hey all! It's been a while since I've been on HPPDOnline, how's everyone doing? Going on a year and a half now with having HPPD, everything has gotten better visual symptoms wise. I see less of all my symptoms! Only thing now that has been of a recent development is a constant depersonalization and general sadness. I attribute most of it to the fact of me going to college soon and there's been an abundance of stress on my shoulders. I get small pains here and there in my neck and my lower back, it's been pretty rough since Junior year last year. I haven't touched any drugs or drank since I got HPPD, so there's at least one thing I am not fucking up. I got accepted into a college recently, saying they would give me 16k a year to attend, so I am happy about that. My general support group among friends is good, I can rely on people and they can rely on me. Sorry for typing this out like a diary, but it was nice to type this all out. I've been producing my own beats lately, and that's been a lot of fun. An outlet to let out creativity is always a good time. Sorry for the rambling and if you're reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! Till next time, Andrew G
  7. 1 point
    Hi Vladchik, I've read that some people completely lose symptoms even after stopping keppra, and I've read of an individual who says if he stops taking the keppra that the visuals come back. If it were me taking keppra, and my visuals completely went away, what I would do is continue to take keppra for another year or two years after my visuals went away, and then slowly reduce my keppra dose to see if my visuals have gone away completley.
  8. 1 point
    I bet if you bought up the fact that you are considering suicide, you would quickly discover that you are far from a burden. I've seen too many people kill themselves thinking they are worthless, when in fact everyone around them loves and cares for them
  9. 1 point
    Awesome first post! Thanks for your experience, I never heard of anyone having HPPD from DMT so this is really helpful, I am glad I didn't go over my head and make things worse. I most likely won't do it now that you have said that. I am still curious about trying it on a smaller scale lets say drink a tad bit everyday for a month or two, not enough to make you trip or anything, just enough to give you a little bit of the chemical in you. But still messing with your mind is dangerous and scary regardless and I think most of us now know this but my curiosity always gets the best of me lol. I won't do a full blown trip now since you have said that and I ty a ton for you sharing. I wonder still though how it would effect someone who did small amounts for months daily. I don't know much about DMT but I am sure if you take it daily on day 2-4 you basically wouldn't feel anything, like LSD, and I wonder what kind of psychological effects this would have. Lol, probably not good! But still curious, though I don't think I would ever do this, I might try like a week of a real small dose daily. Still debating because my symptoms have gone down but I have hit a plateau. Thank you, Andrew
  10. 1 point
    Andrew, This is my first time posting. I felt compelled to finally "open my mouth" here when I saw your post. I want to say from my own experience. . DON'T DO IT! Here's why: I went to Peru last Spring in a desperate attempt to overcome the most severe and unrelenting bout of depression and anxiety. I tried everything before I went there (sans ECT). I have suffered from it all my adolescent and adult life, but achieved remission for a few years (for the most part) after quitting all pharmaceuticals and "taking control of my life". Getting back to nature and changing my lifestyle helped a lot. Buddhist philosophy helped too. Anyway shit happened (a whole lotta loss at once) and I fell deeper than ever. I tried to get help, and to help myself, but it just kept getting worse until I became suicidal. Everything that helped me achieve my one true "remission" only a few years before was only making things worse. I never imagined it could get as bad as this one. Unfortunately, I am still in it deeper than ever. I was scared as shit, but in a very supportive environment in Peru. Unfortunately it was one where they (obviously) believed whole-heartedly in "plant medicine" (they refused to identify ayahuasca or Iboga or anything that grows naturally as a hallucinogen: it was strictly "medicine"). Really they were not so different than the psychiatrists who whole-heartedly believe in their "methods" or spiritualists who "know" that only god or meditation can cure you. It fucked my mind up beyond belief and brought back my HPPD tenfold. After having mostly overcome HPPD that came on a month after a bad trip on acid when I was 16 (I am 35 now), in my desperate state I was convinced that this was the answer to all my problems. I really never completely understood that HPPD was something other people suffered from until it was too late. I expected it to be the most difficult thing I ever did, but thought that this was what I needed to "face" in order to transcend my hell. What a sick joke life can play on some unfortunate souls when they are being "courageous". Anyway, I can't say for sure that you will be negatively affected as I was, but I felt I needed to warn you before you went to that extreme. Please, reconsider this. Those videos of all the people that were "cured" (I'm not necessarily saying they were not) by ayahuasca or peyote or San Pedro (Wachuma) or whatever can really tempt a desperate person to do something damaging when he/she really knew better from experience. BTW, this time the HPPD isn't diminishing with time as it did when I went through it as an adolescent and young adult. I think maybe because a younger brain is more "plastic" I was able to (mostly) recover from my first battle with HPPD. Oh and also this time I got crippling and unrelenting (24/7) tinnitus after one of my "therapeutic trips" (I did 4) last Spring, just to add more insult to injury. I really hope this discourages you from going that route. I truly wish you all the best. -Effed
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