1 pointHi there! It definitely sounds like you have HPPD. Welcome aboard. I've also had HPPD for around 5/6 months now, and I know how tough the first few months are. You can feel really scared and alone, and before I got used to it I didn't know what to do. Thats where the forum comes into play. People on here can really help you feel better but also just... less alone. And that's important. My first bit of advice is to just stop smoking weed (if you are still doing that). It's a drug that does not mix well with HPPD, and can not only trigger it (it triggered mine) but make your symptoms much worse. Quitting weed is for the better! The first two weeks or so after during withdrawal feel so horrible, but after that, it's a lot better. Quitting all other drugs is also beneficial, both the hard stuff and even stuff like caffeine or nicotine. I also have the sleep disorder stuff. I had very vivid lucid dreams for a few months, but the medication I'm on helps a lot! It's called clonidine. I have a much easier time falling asleep, and my dreams are less vivid and less terrifying as well. It's a blessing. I also take lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer that most other HPPD-ers find doesn't irritate their symptoms. However, medication is up to you and some people prefer to go without. I've also heard klonopin helps. Although they can't solve your visuals, they can help a lot with the emotional symptoms. I'd recommend seeing a doctor if you can find one that'll listen to you. I know it sounds crazy, especially now, but it'll become normal after a while. Please look more at the forum for coping mechanisms and possible supplements that might help you live day to day. But keep in mind, everyone with HPPD is different. Thing that work for others might not work for you, or the other way around! Keep experimenting and keep your head up. We're all in it together. I hope you start feeling better soon ❤️
1 pointFor decades I've always kept suicide as a viable option in my mind. Don't know if that qualifies as 'idealization' ... don't exactly care. Obviously since its been over 40 years and I haven't done it, this 'idealization' hasn't hurt. But neither has it been a boy-who-cried-wolf (especially since I don't tell people). It is just that the 'option' helps me to not feel trapped. Get irritated when a psychologist spouts the old chestnut, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". They are just doing their job and they ARE RIGHT. I just don't want my suffering to be trivialized. And what is REALLY wanted by nearly every one is relief from suffering. HPPD and its like can cause a lot of suffering. But like the poster above, ALS would really be horrible - slow self disintegration, suicide not necessary as its already happening slowly without choice. A better way (and forgive my snobbery) is to take what little energy to find things that help. Everyone is different as to what helps but there is always something to alter. And each thing that helps provides a clue as to what next might help. How many have tried options that have helped others? Usually it a problem of getting docs to prescribe things. mgrade: I don't remember you by that name but I've been away a couple years and forget things. Know you've been fighting with this a long time. But don't throw in the towel. If you are serious about the goal, what can it hurt to check into a MHU? They can pump you with enough stuff so you don't care about anything - a temporary solution but it might lead to a better one. Just saying ... You say your country has crappy MHU? May I ask which country that is? Here in the USA, things aren't so wonderful as people think they are. Those who say it is great are those who haven't really needed it - so they speak in ignorance. If you are able to go to a foreign country for suicide assistance, why not try health assistance? As for "The direction of the world is going straight fascist", don't waste your thoughts on woes you can't change. Some governments are easier to deal with but none have every taken care of every citizen - someone always suffers. Whatever government system there is, you have to find a way to survive and find something for yourself.