Username218

I feel walled off from the world, my social life is falling apart and i do not know why because i can't backtrack my life. Every situation seems unreal, and every friend seems fake. I get one step cloes to happiness, which means i get two steps back. I seem to be impervious to happiness.

yo ok so i am considering taking this to a doctor, but after struggling with hppd\dpdr i cant stand talking to them. My mother is bipolar type 2, and me and her is similar in both looks and mentality. i am depressed almost all the time, but i can't tell if it's just my life or disorder. should i go to a doctor about this or should i just leave it be?

thanks for replying. i wish i could describe who i was, but i feel its gone, i will never be close to who i was nobody created my identidy, i did so myself, so i have nowhere to go, not even home my friendships are falling apart, only thing i have left is family but that is also a struggle. everybody says their life is over, my live didn't even begin, i'm 25 and its killing me more by day.

i wonder if anyone here struggle with identity. Will i ever get it back? i only get partal fragments here and there, but i never feel like a complete person. everything is just a rollecoaster of bullshit. in the beginning i still felt like myself, but not anymore, i am only a distant memory. Anyone get their identity back during this?

I've been putting off posting this, because i sometimes feel denial is a big part of my reality. Everytime something gets real, it gets unreal, and then it becomes confusing, and then comes the denial. I do not know if that makes sense to anyone. I got hit with what i think is dp\dr 6 years ago, i remember where i was, i remember where i was going, i almost fell to the floor as it happened. Other than that my memory is very inconsistent, but everytime i try to explain it to someone, i get blown off as if it was normal, it seems i even forget the key details to the errors of my memory. I made a fuzz about it back then, but now i never talk about it anymore, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, thats why it took 3 beers to get this post started. I don't know if dp\dr is the only problem here, i feel other stuff is going on aswell, i do have minor hppd symptoms, but nothing that i could really bitch about. What i do fear is that i have some sort of bipolar disorder, since my mother got it. But mixed up with my dp\dr, hppd and emotional trauma i have no fucking way of pinpointing any issue, i feel i cannot relate to a single fucking person on this planet. I am not in control of my mind, my reality, my mood, my life in general. I feel i've been put in this life, almost like i have two sets of emotions, and two conciousnesses, and they are conflicting with eachother more and more as time passes. As i have read dp\dr is supposed to disconnect you from your emotins, but i feel a hell lot more complex than that, because i have ALOT of emotions, and as a guy thats kinda gay. But none of my emotions are appropriate to the situation, and its always a struggle to keep them at bay, Sometimes i get chills down my spine just talking to someone, and i do not know why. I think i'm gonna cut this short here, even though i haven't said it all, but if someone can relate, or even give me some advice, i would love it. I am scared that since i am not in control of my life, i might one day ruin it completely.