I can provide some first hand experience. My grandma's sister just literally died. In the three years I've lost a brother and a sister. It is trouble-some. Enough to know that I want to keep living. Because after death- there really is nothing. But on the flip side, I love the feeling of death. Yes it sounds insane. I was suicidal for a long time, and my preferred way to cope was to cut off the oxygen and blood through my neck. I would fade away, and I would feel okay. I'm guessing it is something similar to what someone shooting up heroin feels like. Now that I've gotten help, that whole idea sounds insane, but at the time it was relief. I was stepping over the ledge.
All I can say is, that because of death - we have life. You have many more lessons to learn. Let death take you when it's your time. Are you the type of guy to get up and walk out in the middle of movie, or do you stay till the end no matter what?