Transform

I do not think it is that horrible at all when i look at it from a different perspective. Shaman Vision 8) I am happy to have HPPD today, today, Saw lots of after-images and many colors. My inner self tells me these are just spirits & demons looking to see if we are worthy depending on their activity in whole. I became scared of the demons but understood after awhile they are of our own making and i faced them with all my will one glorious night. I came to accept them and now i am not afraid of these spirits anymore and now they have become my friends and i walk with them everyday.. There are many ways of handling the disease, i try to make the best of it. But back to the OP i would say no, Psychedelic Mushrooms are not the cure. For me they are a literal spiritual guide.

Im going to go ahead and dismiss this as a bad idea for a cure because Mushrooms were among the first psychedelic substance i ever used and had lasting shaman vision for 10 years. The cure for Shaman vision doesnt include ingesting more mind-altering substances, it might seem perfectly fine at first yes, because you are on some goodies and an experience can make you have a normal positive outlook on whats going on for a great period. But afterwards then what? some people like me go back to that place we don't want to be. Best bet is to not do any drugs for many years because how can our minds heal if we continue to put mind-altering substances into ourselves that have been scientificly proven to do powerful things to the psyche. Blargh!

In my personal experience Seroquel exaserbates my symptoms (i was given it in an Asylom) Any Anti-psychotic would put me in a bad place. If you are seeking your HPPD or what i like to call "Shaman Vision" to go away, i highly suggest not taking any drugs at all man. As steryotypical & realistic as it sounds the more substances your putting into your body the harder it is going to be for your brain to re-adjust to what i call The Real World; if this is what you are seeking, if not i apologize. I also use benzo's too, and have felt the terrible withdrawl symptoms; now that exaserbated all my symptoms tremendously. But that is the only reason i suggest not taking anything at all, just a friendly suggestion. Just my personal experience, it takes many years but our brains can really do amazing things.

Yeah i went to the doc and they gave me some kind of crazy brain scan and said everything was fine, wrote me a script of benzos and sent me on my way... Awful. I havent had a moment like this in months though i wish i could shed more light on the subject but i cant. Thanks for the additions.

I don't think its going to necessarily going to "Beat Me" I can find peace in it, i just wish i had a better understanding of it all for the trip.

Do re-uptake inhibitors make you feel at all wired or anything. Because i don't wanna get ahold of these things and spazz out like when i was sent to the insane asylom when i was on STP and a chineese man began stuffing large amounts of Zeprexa down my throat "Because i needed it" Yeah right that shit made my syptoms way worse, like pouring salt on an open wound. I agree with the low dose- Benzo treatment but honestly man it only works so long.. and i don't like gulping down pills everytime my engine starts thumping and i start to hear my brain sizzle but do i have a choice? Id rather feel normal for an hour in my day than feel dissociated for 24....

To OP Very interesting theory indeed.. Unfortunately

Jesus Just Left Chicago ZZ Top

This is to the OPer: I know this is a HUGE post, but please, bear with me because my story IS a long and drawn out one. But the trip that actually fucked me was so earthshattering, so bad, and evil that i managed to conjure Satan himself. Do not read this post if you are feint of heart It was a very evil LSD trip i took and weeks before this journey and i planned to trip out at this concert in Houston with little to no planning involved i just decided to eat it. So i scored up some blotter, imprinted and perforated. The blotters were tiny and the sheet itself was purple with Ganesha on the front, on the back of the blotters was the classic "elephants on parade" from the Disney movie "DUMBO" but this side had no color. We stopped by my house as a meeting spot so we could begin following the others to the show, I was in the car with friends Jordan & Andrew. In the other car would be some characters known to me as Aaron, Robert, & Shane. Nobody else dropped Acid at the show. I had taken two tablets thinking my tolerance to psychedelia was low for some reason. It would take effect WAY WAY WAY faster than it did before. I felt like i had taken something almost as soon as the blotter landed on my tongue, But it really only took hold within 25-30 mins placebo or not i could tell i knew i had a chemical in my body and it was about to do its work. (we had a 1 hr drive from X to Y so i knew id be kickin by the time of arrival.) It would be at this time all words would become meaningless and not worth saying because words couldn't put together anything i was feeling or doing but i knew exactly what i was doing. I was sitting in the back of the car and everything was coming to life before my very eyes. I began to see 3d flowers pulsating from the back seat and they were getting very playful with eachother, And the more happy i felt about them the more sensitive and "swooshy" they would get. I felt put on the spot, I had to look at myself in the mirror just to reassure myself that i am still there. I was just becoming an amorphous blob, a good ol' puddle of fuckness it was, in my mind. I could tell i was coming up harder than i ever had in my life and i was unprepared. I was also sweating bullets, it brought a VERY weird sensation i have never felt again, Skin Melting. I literally felt my skin just melting downwards with the sweat. I almost fooled myself into thinking, Yes i am actually fucking melting right now. But good thing i still had about an ounce of willpower left to control my senses. Fear starts kicking in hard, and regret of taking the drug, but why? I repented in my mind praying for us to get to this damned show faster so i can just get it over with. I remember this being a very important thing to me even though the thought of being there scared me to death. I already knew i was going to have a really bad trip but i didn't want to spoil anybody's fun and have them turn around and drive me fucking home. It was actually taking every ounce of my physical and mental strength to even sit in the backseat of the car; But I was so lost within myself i thought that i was painstakingly dragging this car to the show all by myself. Funny this is nobody else gave a shit, Nobody knew the importance of this show or how this would be the one thing that turns me into a nicotine stain on the fabric of society. Once we got to the venue my door swung wide open and a bunch of really hairy people with furry looking faces grabbed me and pulled me out of the car. I looked up and saw this group of strange people and they were saying things like "Damn how much did he take", "Bad Trip" and "How is the weather over there". I couldn't tell one person from the next (For instance i look at Shane but he is wearing my friend Kingsley's face and he isnt even at the show.), I thought i knew who i was looking at but the faces all looked the same, Dark and really fuzzy, Some very reptillian and sculpted. I would go with the "flow" of this feeling and leave my body for periods of time where perception would go TOTALLY haywire. Everything around me was washing into an ancient and evil machine that was riddled with blood and flesh, this great constructs gears crushed the bones of the living to dust, serrated steel teeth that had clenched thousands of people within. The strongest of men would be at the front row of teeth to represent the power of the machine and to let it be known None would be able to conquer nor even understand it. It was a rusy piece of work with no ryhme or reason other than bending people to its will and killing them if we would resist. I Found myself inside the venue, i could feel a lake of sweat pouring down my entire body. Im walking around holding my ticket out infront of me like a moron. Walking felt like i was walking on water(if you can imagine what that feels like.)SAFETY FIRST: I see a large pole in the middle of the place and decide to wrap my entire body around it like a snake to keep my balance. The music was knocking me off of my feet and i needed support. Ravenous black & blue outlined cats ran across the floor, they were very agitated and wet pussies, i had to really watch my step at this point. The mosh pit turned into a whirling vortex of fists, knives, and assault weapons. People ran by me and would throw themselves violently into the vortex, some grabbing me trying to take me with them. The crowd was not human anymore, i didn't even know why i was here. I was now in Hell, the people were Mutated and Vampiric. They stormed in a great circle laughing and chanting my name while im in the middle wrapped around this pole. They began pulling out AK-47's, Machetes and RPG's. They fired all their guns into the ceiling for a while before the Devil himself stepped unto the stage and began to speak in my friend Farwells voice. He screamed in a very high pitched voice "HOW DA FUCK YOU GUISE DOINNN? WE ARE HOLY FUCKING GRAAAIL!" BOOM. A very loud note was hit after this and i saw two sexy women legs spread wide open to a Firey fucking explosion (of course) that rose from the stage; thus revealing the most epic show ever. The Frontman (Satan) was growing to a gargantuan size and for the moment it seemed like it was just me and him, he pointed at my face like something out of a 3D movie and nodded at me, his hair flickered all around and curled into snakes at the ends, he was most definitely welcoming me to my new home. All the gutter punks began to have a giant orgy at this point, alot of them were touching me and trying to assassinate my sense of character. All words and sounds were inaudible other than it sounding alot like Dragonforce. I let go of the pole and hit my fucking face on the floor. I was helped up by my someone(Jordan) who had enough time to dodge all the explosions, homosexual demons and ravenous cats. I wandered all around until i found a staircase. I sat on the bottom step and stared at the ground. I kept seeing like i was looking off the balcony of the building, but i saw myself falling from it fast to my death over and over and over and over again until it spiraled out of control. I would look over to the door that led to the balcony and i started crying, i felt i was going to be thrown off at any moment. And right when my fear hits its breaking point i just see the whole building just fucking collapse like a perfect demolition. And again, and again, and again this visualization would repeat itself and its burned into my mind to this day. I saw Jordan infront of me now, and all around him all i can see is an infinite pattern of stairs cascading violently in and out of eachother so i mumble under my breath to him. Jordan is here right now to tell us what i actually did and said: Well first you went cross-eyed, Put your hand in a L shape around your moustache, pointed over towards some people at the bar, took a really deep breath and began shouting "WATCH OUT THE FUCKING STAIRS" he also said the entire show i would take this huge breathe and i would smile at the ground for a second, but then id go back into a very serious and petrified stare. He reports he was worried about my mental state at this time. Now the worst feeling came in, feeling abandoned. I knew that my friends were going to leave without me at this point and be laughing their asses off about it on the way home, yucking it up and shit. I just sat back and accepted it like nothing though, i figured i had already accepted i was dead by this point and my very soul fabric would be stained for the rest of my life. No matter what i did, no matter where i sat or stood, or what thought i could think; everything was a life or death decision at this point. This was Do or Die, Everything was absolutely hazardous to my health and well being. I couldn't shake the feeling of being left here to die.. i had put all my trust into my friends and for them to just drive me to Hell and leave me there just wasn't them. Now i would finally see the light, Through all this madness and chaos i could actually recognize somebody! But this was not who i expected to see in Hell. I saw Jesus Christ in a window, he was smiling and waving for my attention. I ran to him as fast as i can and i stood infront of this dude for 5 minites staring straight into his face gasping for breathe. I was stunned, i couldn't believe what i was seeing and i was so happy that if anyone could help me in this situation it would be Jesus. He kept speaking but it sounded like he just inhaled a shitload of helium so i couldn't understand. I grabbed him by the sholders and im all like "thank god your here!", his lips moved again but i couldn't understand. I sat and smiled crazily at him still holding his sholders. Then i kept yelling "WHAT?!" at him getting closer and closer to his face each time because i couldn't fucking hear what Jesus had to say and i was getting pissed. SO at this point one of my friends directs me outside and is leading me away, while another friend told Jesus "sorry man he is..not all there right now." Apparently he was trying to sell me something. I found myself being led outside to the car until were driving home. Just me and Jordan, i asked him 1000 times if he knew where we were and if "they" were going to leave me. He reminded me i was perfectly fine and they weren't going anywhere without me. But i had to reassure myself every 2 minutes. After being in the car for about 15, i began to feel WAY better and the ego death begain to cease and i was feeling what i normally felt when i took acid the last 2 times and everytime after that, I realised also this whole scene took place within a 3 hour period and i still had many to go. I got home and my dad was waiting for me at the door because he had some new fishing poles for me and my bro, he was flying in the next morning and i forgot all about it. Trying to avoid my Dad i tell him the fishing poles are fucking beautiful then run to my room and thats when i got into conversations with myself that never stopped as long as i lived. I was very very dissociated the rest of the night going over what the fuck seriously just happened to me. I listened to Jimi Hendrix blues album and had an orgasm. I also watched some old Black Sabbath videos on VHS and i kept going into that lopsided world of wackiness. Dimensions on objects really took amazing and bendy forms. I could see patterns on everything i looked at, I saw myself in the mirror and i actually became the amorphous blob i described in the beginning, electricity was shooting out of me in all directions, my room was made of sand and pyramids were forming in my tile. My forehead kept darting up and outwards, creating a crazy bird mowhawk. I could see the molecules floating through the air and see every slight detail and more. The color was really bright and high contrast; But it would act nasty & serious on me. The room was alive and clever, it wanted to wash me away and i naturally fought it off. I kept having momentary flashbacks, fragments of the show i was just at that blew my balls off. I kept hearing the guitar screaming solos while my body convulsed & i would see myself from birds eye view sitting on the stairs. Then id go even higher and id be looking down at the venue from the sky, but i couldn't stop it i soared even higher then next thing i knew i was seeing the entire world from space. Everybody i ever tripped with to that point was standing around the earth in a circle and we were oscillating. They even showed the characteristics they usually showed whilst tripping. Somehow i just knew that we were all here in some fucked up way. I could feel a wobbling feeling and the visuals went from side to side like i was on a boat for a moment before it was just looking down at myself from birds eye view again, i was still at the show in my minds eye.

Further proves my point!!!! Maybe i should have mentioned in the OP i cannot percieve sarcasm... im not trying to justify anything either Whoa my mind Lol im sorry you feel the same way honestly i was about to say how the hell does this person enjoy mind-boggling torture o.O

Benzodiazapine wise i am on 1mg xanax everyday, when it first comes on i begin to feel blissfully normal and it works wonders sometimes until it wears off completely and then you feel worse. I preffered the long-lasting anxiety relief Klonopin gives but i have to take much more to feel balanced out. K-pin also didn't make me as unmotivated as Alprazolam as when i take my Xanax it doesn't help me with socializing or being human, i can simply just partially exist as a transparent shade that has no reason than to feel his hour of existance for the day. Its like im taking a little baby step out the rabbit hole while the rest of my body and ego still is lost within never to be mine again. I know Ambien isn't a Benzo but it still effects GABA receptors and i take 5mgs for sleep because i have a habbit of staying up for 5-6 days at a time with no reason for sleep because i have nothing to exist for except to be right where i am. The worst feeling ever.

I got me some St. Johns Wort "Positive Thoughts" and feel a little better after taking it off and on but i never noticed much of a difference, of course it doesnt instanty start making you feel balanced out again. But hey if it works for you and makes all those nasty things seem invisible then my friend i hope it works for a thousand more people. As per my anxiety medication *sigh* (Alprazolam) just makes me want to unwind & catch up on eating and maybe enjoy not feeling crazy for an hour exactly before my damn engine starts up again.... Reading your OP makes me wanna test if those things really did work on me after all..

I personally do not enjoy it at all. I feel like a robot, cold and realistic.