ferret Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 I am 18. I got HPPD about 3 and 1/2 monhs ago from one use of shrooms about three weeks prior to that. It started with crazy dreams and hypnagogic hallucinations that had we believing that I was schitzophrenic. Then I had anxiety so bad that I was shaking 24/7. Then I had derealization bad enough so that I would actually leave school durring my free periods to rub snow on my face just so I could feel something. For about a week I had constant visual snow but luckily my visuals were always pretty mild outside of this week and one other time when I awoke to see my field of vision divided into small octagons with rainbow colored outlines. Now I am almost back to normal. I posted on here about a month ago that I was 95% back to normal but I now realize that I probably wasn't even at 75% at that point. I really am atleast at 95% now, probably even more. I very rarely get visuals except for when I am in a dark enviroment. I still get very thin visual snow in the dark but only if my whole field of vision is dark, If I am watching T.V in a dark room I wont see static next to the T.V. or in my periphial vision but I will if I turn my head to the point that I can no longer see the T.V. at all. I sleep fine now but still have some sleep anxiety that causes me to go to sleep later which ends up making me more tired than usual. If I do have weird dreams or Hypnagogic hallucinations I can now completely ignore them and get back to sleep within minutes but I haven't had any in the past week. I still sleep with a light on just so the snow doesn't keep me awake but I don't think I need to anymore. I still am slightly more axious than I used to be but its not that bad and I can tell that its improving. When I am playing a sport or doing anything that distracts me I feel completely 100% back to normal. My DR is gone!!!! I never had DR for longer than a few hours at a time but I know how horrible it is and am very grateful that it is gone. I was completly sober for the first 3+ months, I think that this is very important to recovering. I am never going to use any recreational drugs, other than alcohoI, again. I drank a little about a week ago and had 0 notieable adverse effects, but others have reported long term damage from alcohol. Drinking was probably a bad decision but it was worth it for me because drinking without haveing anything go wrong has given me confidence that I will be able to live my life like I could have before, therefore reducing my anxiety. I'm still not going to drink again for a while, and don't think that I should ever drink heavily again, Im just going to drink enough to get drunk no more than 2 or 3 times a month. My symptoms started to reverse when I realized that I wasn't schitzophrenic (and it wasn't going to get worse if I took care of myself) and decided to do all I could to lessen my anxiety. Once I stopped looking for my visuals I could go a few hours without noticing them, eventually I could look for them and still couldn't find them as long as I was in a a well lit place. The more that I distracted myself with social or athletic activities the more all of my symptoms started to disapear. I really believe that HPPD can be controlled if people try to treat the anxiety part of it. I don't generally believe in all of that positive thinking shit, but when it comes to disorders like HPPD If you believe that you will get better you will. Before and after HPPD I worked out (at least a little) every day and ate extremely healthy, I also took daily vitamins. I'm not sure if this helped my recovery but it couldn't have hurt and is a good idea to do even if you don't have HPPD. This forum has been very helpful to me. Thank you to anyone who answered any of my questons. I think I am going to try to come on here less because keeping my mind off of HPPD is good but I promise that I will still check in regularly to fill you in on my recovery. I haven't been able to find postings of any medication free full recoveries, hopefully I will be the first. I would be happy to answer any questions that anyone has. Good luck all! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 This is excellent news so happy for u! I think ur right. Positive attitude and healthy living is the key. This post has teally given me a boost aswell. It shows hppd can be conquered Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gill Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 Good to hear. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zukov Posted May 13, 2012 Report Share Posted May 13, 2012 Really good news! thanks for sharing your story. About distraction, the last two days i played a lot of music with my friends and i feel really fine, i didnt notice dr-dp or visuals. The human conection behind music is really powerful in me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 14, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2012 Slept with the light off last night for the first time in a while, i'm really feeling like HPPD is behind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Anxiety is gone except for when I think about HPPD now. I am living life just as I used to, except I still sleep with a light on a lot. Some visual snow in the dark still but If I had the chance to guarantee that drinking would have no negative effect on my HPPD but that my visuals would never get better either I would take the deal for sure. I'm probably gonna drink for the second time post HPPD this weekend, hopefully I will be fine. Why do people say liquor is worse than beer is it just how fast that you take in the alcohol or something else? Good Luck to all of you. I hope to see your recovery posts soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Fantastic news my friend. Just take it easy. Remember that beer is 4 incredients all natural. Spirits are often chemical filled and high in sugar hence worsening visuals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Ok I will go for beer but I'm not sure that I will have the option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Sure spirits would be fine in small amounts. Jay hammers into the brandy and he isnt dead so ul be fine. Ferret member u said u were scared u were becomming schizophrenic? I was the one saying ud be ok....now im having wierd thoughts like that too an increased anxiety maybe this is typical before a person is healed as u seem to be? My visuals are at a minimum and seem to be improving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 My anxiety would go up and down a lot, now it has finally seemed to have gone away except for when I'm thinking about HPPD. I bet that you will feel like that as well in a week or two. One of the things that helped me a little was staying off this site for 5 straight days, I'm not sure if it would help you at all but it made me think about HPPD less. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Alright man il try it. I find comfourt in this site its really helped me alot. I knoe I tend to post alot but I hope its been benificial to other people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Yeah this site has helped me a lot too. Your posts have helped me and now that we are feeling better I think that us posting helps others a lot, but just try to stay off it for a few days to a week and see if it helps. My anxiety went down a bit when I did it but I'm not sure if it was related because my anxiety was diminishing before I did it too. I think that it helps stop obsessing about HPPD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Glad to hear it man. Yeah I agree. I think that cured or not its important to give people hope hppd can ease, can improve and people can live with it happily. All the internet has is horror stories, we need to show people that hppd can go away 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2012 Drank again last night. Did some stupid/hilarious things. I had heightened Anxiety today but that was partly (possibly completely) because of some misuse of my phone last night that made some super awkward situations. It was definately more anxiety than I would feel before HPPD so i guess it isn't gone completly but it is close. I didn't dink that much but my tolerance is pretty low anyways. I thought that I was seeing more snow today but i don't know. I was watching an old episode of seinfeld on a pretty shitty T.V but I definatly noticed more static than usual. I stilll saw fine outside. I feel like I shouldn't drink again for a while but I probably will. I still wont drink more than twice a month for the rest of the summer at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 21, 2012 Report Share Posted May 21, 2012 Just gotta take it easy man. I gotta ask, when u felt like u were schizophrenic or insane, what was going thtough ur head? I have great worries about the future and like. The long term effects 2cb may have on me. Will shit come back in the future. Loads of mad ideas like that. Will I become schizophrenic. So many thoughts racing. I just keep telling myself im 200% better than I was a couple months ago and am improving so I shouldnt worry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 24, 2012 What really had me thinking i was going crazy were my sleep problems. I would see random shit when i closed my eyes at night and would have nonsensical thoughts as I drifted to sleep. I also had a lot of dreams that played off of my fear of insanity. I had a dream where I actually went insane and one where I realized that i wasn't in the real world but was then convinced by someone in the dream that I was. Both these dreams really messed with me but didn't bother me as much as the stuff that I was half awake for. I'm sure I would be stressed too if I had taken a drug that less was known about but the odds are you will be fine. You are recovering better than most people seem too. I have had a minor setback. Since drinking the other day i have been more anxious and have noticed more visual snow. I think it is probably more from the anxiety of fearing that drinking would make me worse than the alcohol itself but I am going to play it safe and not drink for a while, I don't want to risk living the rest of my life in hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 I had a weird visual today. A vertical bar of light appeared in front of my face and moved toward my nose for a few seconds before fading. Other than that It was a great day at the beach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 27, 2012 Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 Sure it wasnt just a queer ass afterimage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 It might have been, but it seemed different. It probably is nothing important though, the way I see it is that if that had happened to me pre-HPPD then I would have forgotten it within a day so maybe shit like that is normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2012 Yesterday was good it seemed like I had returned to where I was prior to drinking a week ago, basicaly 97% back to normal. Today my vision seemed weird, things were blurry and my eyes had trouble focusing. I was starting to get concerned but then I noticed a contact lying in my sink, I guess it fell out when I was trying to put it in this morning. I was all worried that my vision was getting worse because I had been wearing one contact all day. Its just funny how dumb things like that can effect us so much more than they did pre-HPPD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 Glad ur back down to a low baseline man. Thats the exact reason im gunna lay off the booze. Not worth it. Man I hope wer normal soon. I class myself as really fairly normal now already. I think my hppd is an insult to other suffererscos its so mild. Still utterly terrifying at times 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conquer Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 What really had me thinking i was going crazy were my sleep problems. I would see random shit when i closed my eyes at night and would have nonsensical thoughts as I drifted to sleep. I also had a lot of dreams that played off of my fear of insanity. I had a dream where I actually went insane and one where I realized that i wasn't in the real world but was then convinced by someone in the dream that I was. Both these dreams really messed with me but didn't bother me as much as the stuff that I was half awake for. Ha, at one point I was seriously afraid of going completely insane - these thoughts manifested themselves in the form of two crazy dreams, just like you. In both I ended up completely losing itand a lot of my fears played themselves out in these dreams. I also experienced really weird and non-sensical thoughts as I as trying to fall asleep, kind of like the ones you might have during a really bad fever. However, that fear of insanity has faded away and so have the negative dreams and thoughts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morbide Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 It's weird that you have crazy dreams, sure i dream alot post-hppd but my dreams are awesome every night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2muchmandy Posted May 29, 2012 Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 lol harry ur signiture made me laugh my dreams have calmed down and generally become pleasant again. for a while they were heavily sexual. extremely deviant and downright violent, i dreamt i got in a knife fight and stabbed like 15 times. recently itv been driving, bmxing, doing fun shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferret Posted May 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2012 It's weird that you have crazy dreams, sure i dream alot post-hppd but my dreams are awesome every night After i stopped having crazy dreams i had a lot of really vivid cool dreams, now I am back to where I was Pre-hppd: rarely remembering my dreams and not having any particularly unusual ones. Today was great, I almost forgot that I had HPPD. I just felt really relaxed and had no visuals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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